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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 5:44:03 AM

Posts: 30
Joined: 10/31/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirSix72

This is something else im trying to gather and understanding on........the your not my Dom syndrome.......I often wonder where this came from and why........I can understand that this is something that has becomed earned to be called in time with anyone...but what I dont see is the harm in calling someone Sir or Master......can you not be polite and get your point across without being rude by saying your not my Dom therefore I owe you no respect..I can see where there are many men and women are trtying to convey something they arent by the on your knees bitch thing.........I can see being polite to anyone would get you much further than immedialty responding with the phrase that you arent my Dom..............I would beat bella black and blue if she wasnt cordial to those that arent free and address them properly......I already see those saying there is another high protocol droid bantering about that everyone should refer to him as some authority figure.........I have also seen lots of other threads get smashed into the ground with this approach to a sub/slave having manners.......just wanted everyone else's take on this situation I see alot in the chatrooms and out of them........

Master Six

Good manners and respect are always a must. If I know that a person prefers to be called something, I comply. Simply bad manners not to. Having said that, I have had a Dom/Domme or two act very boorish toward me becuase I wear a collar. One time, when I was back in AZ, I had my Domme come up and ask "So, what did you do to piss of Mistress Jade?". I replied "MJ just walked up when I was in the middle of a coversation, tossed me the keys to her car, and told me to go fetch her coat.". My Domme just looked t me and I continued "Long before I offered you my lead, I had respect for you as a woman, respect for your intellect. Just becuase it has a vagina, leather, and an attitude does not make it MY Domme!". She just sighed, swatted me playfuly of the ass and said "I'll handle it".

respectfully,

-bear

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 5:49:17 AM

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

If it had been me i would probably have gotten the coat becouse that is the nature of the relationship between me and my Master and getting a coat is such a little thing, but things like that should be discussed whit ones Dominant, how to act around other lifestylers so confusions and bad situations do not occur.

(in reply to BeachBear)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 6:00:32 AM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

A girl I know probably would have grabbed a handfull of the Mistress's (jade's) hair and told her "On your knees bitch untill MY Mistress comes along!" her Mistress would have backed her too.. probably just as well that they live in the bush and several hundred miles from the nearest town..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 11/13/2005 7:31:15 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to nephandi)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 6:23:54 AM

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

If someone ever gave Fox an ordere like that, he be well within his rights in my house to look at the person, let the keys fall on the floor, and walk away. Then he'd come and tell me about it. That person would then go on my mental "we don't associate with those types" list.

When he is in collar, he is in MY collar. It is not a role signal, it is not a fashion statement, it is MY collar.

Fox is a very polite, pretty, and helpful young man. He is more than willing and able to help folks he knows when asked nicely and without expectation, he is even quite helpful and friendly to strangers who are polite and kind to him in their tone and manner.

I actually had to train him to not just follow any "dominant's" lead because by nature he was inclined to do so -- the results were quite negative for him in the past as he was used rudely and harmfully. Furthermore, I feel that any "dominant" who attempts to use or utilize my property without my consent is disrespecting me and devaluing the ownership I worked to earn.

I have zero tolerance for anyone who thinks their "role" gives them special rights and privileges with anyone they are not in a direct relationship with.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BeachBear)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 9:05:07 AM

MasterEsqMDsgirl

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline

i stand corrected as i did not consider visual issues as a reason for fonts being so large. my profound apology to those of which i was not sensitive to

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterEsqMDsgirl

hey can all you folks with the extra large SEE ME FONT perhaps reduce it as it really takes up space and extra reader time. :-)

I know that there are some who have vision problems and so do need either to write in something like word in large print to edit and then cut/paste to the standard format in collarme (Which is what I do), or they write in a larger font. Don't you agree that we can cut them some slack?

_____________________________

To endure for Owner's pleasures is the trait of a submissive, but to derive pleasure from that endurance because it is pleasing to ones OWNER is the trait of a slave.

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 9:16:01 AM

redheadedfire4u

Posts: 104
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

lmao I can relate to this ... my instict would be to go get the coat lol ... but if I did I would be in for one of those chats from my Sir about thinking before acting ... I can hear Him pointing out that
A: I did not have permission to go out to the car ...
B: How inappropriate it is for me to be out there alone and unprotected at night
C: I did not have ppermission to serve annother in such a way
D: Why did I not check with Him first
omg the more I think on it the longer that chat would get lol

< Message edited by redheadedfire4u -- 11/13/2005 9:18:28 AM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 9:25:18 AM

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterEsqMDsgirl

This is a venue to learn and grow from and that doesn't happen when new generation folks begin to arbitrarily dismissing old school comments as potential g*rbage, this potentially is a sad commentary of what the community have evolve to and probably why this thread was opened in the first place?

I did not call any "old school" items garbage. I stated that what you witnessed/yearn to return to was hardly universal.

quote:

Was the poster in this community 25+ years ago as i was...? i think not

Does it matter? Anyone yearning for "the good old days", the "golden years", etc., are remembering the good and forgetting the bad.

Anyone talking about "how it used to be" is remembering how it was *for them*, in *their* social circle - and can hardly be called an expert on how it was *everywhere*.

I'm certainly not discounting that what you recall fondly may have been what it was like *for you*, and *in your social circle*. But it wasn't "how things were" *universally*.

quote:

nor does she have the right to comment on what may or may not have been the protocol of the time.

I most certainly have a "right" to comment, just like everyone else. That's what message boards are for.

quote:

To this poster: in the future please flame me in a private message.

My post was definitely not a flame. It was a disagreement.

(in reply to MasterEsqMDsgirl)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 9:27:27 AM

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: redheadedfire4u

B: How inappropriate it is for me to be out there alone and unprotected at night

What would you need protecting from?

(in reply to redheadedfire4u)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 9:34:32 AM

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

With that scenario in mind, I'd have politely said something to the effect of... I'm sorry, but you'll have to ask my Master. I don't leave anywhere without his knowledge. Smiled... and maybe even offered to go get Master for her.... lol... it'd be much more entertaining to see him put her in her place... than looking like I was raised in gutter somehwere.
I've said this before.... I absolutely feel that my actions are reflected upon my Master ... I know that I shouldn't go outside without his knowing, so I just wouldn't do it. I know who I belong too.... and making a huge deal out of it, just to be obnoxious.... just make me look stupid. I don't like looking stupid, or petty, or obnoxious, or disobient, or anything else.
I'm expected to behave according to my surrounding, whatever they may be. And I've yet to be somewhere that it was ok to act like a raving, spoiled rotten lil b*tch. I've also seen the looks of others, and their reactions when people of in the midst of being, be it top or bottom.... and I've never seen it be favorable.

I know I come off harsh, but I've said something close to this before, and been blasted for it.... by the people who think it's ok to behave this way...obviously. So I come in a hair defensive maybe... but the message is still the same, and it's a good one.

Take care,
Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to redheadedfire4u)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 9:35:17 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

I suggest changing a name of this thread to something like "CM cafe on 19 pages, come and join the fun and make it even longer".

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 9:41:15 AM

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline

Safe, sane, and consensual, emphasis on consensual. I have to agree to submit. That's all there is to that, but there's nothing wrong with Ma'am and Sir depending on circumstance: such as elders, respected leaders, charismatic individuals, respected bosses, the operative word here being respect and because someone labels themselves Dom or Domme, does not translate into automatic respect.

My 2 cents: Smile. Roman salute!

(in reply to shaohua)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 9:51:03 AM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterEsqMDsgirl

i stand corrected as i did not consider visual issues as a reason for fonts being so large. my profound apology to those of which i was not sensitive to

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterEsqMDsgirl

hey can all you folks with the extra large SEE ME FONT perhaps reduce it as it really takes up space and extra reader time. :-)

I know that there are some who have vision problems and so do need either to write in something like word in large print to edit and then cut/paste to the standard format in collarme (Which is what I do), or they write in a larger font. Don't you agree that we can cut them some slack?

No problems lass, untill some one asked me why I was using large pring years ago (or so it seems) on a Gorean Board in the old MSN, I never realised that it may be disconcerting for others. like my propensity to post (in MSN) using multiple graphics was chopping band width and even more time consuming to load pages for those on dial up. I guess we all live and learn.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MasterEsqMDsgirl)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 10:29:40 AM

Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

Lmao Kasia,

I have to say that there has been more interesting conversation on tis than many of the others threads I have participated in. I think we all bring something wonderful and refreshing to the lifestyle combined even when some of dont agree with the other posters. I think we have all expressed and are still expressing that being nice is a great thing in any given lifestyle. I enjoy reading your posts as well dear they are quite refreshing after a long day here at the office I get stuck in during the week.

Master Six

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to Kasia)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 10:59:06 AM

redheadedfire4u

Posts: 104
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tempestspet

With that scenario in mind, I'd have politely said something to the effect of... I'm sorry, but you'll have to ask my Master. I don't leave anywhere without his knowledge. Smiled... and maybe even offered to go get Master for her.... lol... it'd be much more entertaining to see him put her in her place... than looking like I was raised in gutter somehwere.

I agree whole heartedly with the above but was only saying what my first instinct would be and the consequences of it should I have given in to it ... I like to think that if it happened I would not but would do the right thing and check with Sir, but I am also new to L/s and have much to learn. Sir has a fondness for these little chats that inform me on what is expected of me and I listen attentively.

" I absolutely feel that my actions are reflected upon my Master"

this is something that I strongly believe and try hard to remember in all that I do and am assurred by Sir that He is pleased with my progress. However like all things new it is a giant learning curb lol
back to the topic at hand I think this has a lot to do with why I choose to always deal respectfully with others in the L/s, my respectfull attitude and manners ... or lack of ... reflect on Sir and I would not like to do anything that would displease Him or reflected badly on Him ... or as you so eloquently put it ... I would not like it to look like Sir's girl was raised in gutter somehwere.
warm smiles to all

(in reply to Tempestspet)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 12:26:25 PM

HeavenlyCeleste

Posts: 82
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline

This is a difficult topic...it is a formality and a sign of respect to call someone Sir or Ma'am. As a Domina I politely tell slaves/subs/etc that call me Mistress or Domina that it isn't neccesary, and Celeste or Ma'am will do fine. Do I ever demand it? Only of my property.

(in reply to shaohua)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 2:02:21 PM

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

redheadedfire4u,
I am sure you are doing wonderfully!!!..I never meant otherwise....smiles..
There's always a huge learning curve...no shame in that. We've all been there. I have just been with Master 15 yrs now, although...that said... I still make mistakes. We are all human.
But the will to learn, instead of plow... that's the difference. I knew you weren't meaning that you would go ahead, and just take the lecture later. I was just referring to those that would do just that.

Take care,
Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to HeavenlyCeleste)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 7:10:37 PM

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Well, we all have our ideas on whether to utilise Lifestyle protocols in response to others online or notonline and I do really appreciate the diversity of opinions here.

Esssentially though,,,, don't we all expect to be treated the way we like to treat others? Is it always necessary to 'lash out' (grins) at those who appear to not possess, or do not possess elements of proper cordialities? Like really, I can't be bothered wasting my precious energies on 'ignorant people' by responding to them in a manner they may clearly understand. If I vocally abuse another for their ignorance, I only abuse my own virtues and disrespect myself. I helpfully and sincerely direct ignorant people on where to obtain further learning and then ignore them unless they indicate otherwise through apology etc.

My life is one of realizing 'tolerance for all' (yes I do have clear boundaries on this tho!) I ask another to EDUCATE ME If I can't understand their point of view. It is then up to me to accept, reject or modify my thoughts as a result.

Consequently my sub's earlier entry (redheadedfire4u) typifies my thoughts and my expectations of her, her sister and those that I call friends. I expect my girls to behave with the decorum of civility and personal self-respect throughout their dealings in life, not just in the Lifestyle. Their behaviour (as mine) is a reflection on themselves.

I don't understand why some have to justify their response to online Ds' inappropriateness with rudeness and disrespect.

The anonminity granted online should not affect our response to these wannabe idiots. The graciousness and personal self-respect with O/our response does not conflict with O/our integrity and values by resorting to the 'gutter' so they may better understand.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to Tempestspet)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 7:40:30 PM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

Well, we all have our ideas on whether to utilise Lifestyle protocols in response to others online or notonline and I do really appreciate the diversity of opinions here.

Esssentially though,,,, don't we all expect to be treated the way we like to treat others? Is it always necessary to 'lash out' (grins) at those who appear to not possess, or do not possess elements of proper cordialities? Like really, I can't be bothered wasting my precious energies on 'ignorant people' by responding to them in a manner they may clearly understand. If I vocally abuse another for their ignorance, I only abuse my own virtues and disrespect myself. I helpfully and sincerely direct ignorant people on where to obtain further learning and then ignore them unless they indicate otherwise through apology etc.

My life is one of realizing 'tolerance for all' (yes I do have clear boundaries on this tho!) I ask another to EDUCATE ME If I can't understand their point of view. It is then up to me to accept, reject or modify my thoughts as a result.

Consequently my sub's earlier entry (redheadedfire4u) typifies my thoughts and my expectations of her, her sister and those that I call friends. I expect my girls to behave with the decorum of civility and personal self-respect throughout their dealings in life, not just in the Lifestyle. Their behaviour (as mine) is a reflection on themselves.

I don't understand why some have to justify their response to online Ds' inappropriateness with rudeness and disrespect.

The anonminity granted online should not affect our response to these wannabe idiots. The graciousness and personal self-respect with O/our response does not conflict with O/our integrity and values by resorting to the 'gutter' so they may better understand.

Greetings Driver,

You Sir are talking a great deal of sence in that post. I particularly like your comment "EDUCATE ME". I am known for wanting to know what some one is really trying to say at times and have been kn own to, metaphorically, pin them to the wall whilst I ask numerous questions untill I do understand what they are trying to impart to me and how it, in their opinion, affects me. However there are also time when I'll either cut them a new arsehole or ignore them (depending on how I am feeling towards them), yet I would do exactly the same were we face to face.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Driver1961)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/13/2005 8:00:44 PM

Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

Now, wait a second, *Sir* over and over, on many places, including your yahoo group, you state that YOUR Gorean belifes have nothing to do with John Norman? Yet now, to get someone to grasp the concept you suggest they read the first two books? And the point needs to be made that Tarl was rasied on earth, he knew nothing of Gor til sometime in his 30's, therefore his lack os using the whip came from his EARTH teachings, NOT the Gorean ones. Not the topic of this thread, but a valid question none the less

(in reply to brightspot)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 11/14/2005 2:04:05 AM

redheadedfire4u

Posts: 104
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

Thank you for your kind words Tempestspet,
I love the written word and so enjoy these boards but know sometimes I can be a little over enthusiastic and carried away, especially if it is a topic of passionate interest lol. I would be mortified if I was to word something the wrong way and come accross as some one who was bratty, brainless and attention seeking.
warm smiles to all

_____________________________

Driver1961's girl "wild child" and loving sister to His angel

(in reply to Tempestspet)

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