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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 7:29:07 PM

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...........i remember the same thing lockit...finding a condum in his bag..ummmm need to say that i had my tubes tied soooooooo that was a no brainer..oh and the reciete i found for two adults and two childern..and we only had one child..ummmmmmmmm there was another hint...oh yeah the late nite phone calls and him slipping down stairs to talk......so yep it hurts and yep he left me for another women. what pisses me off he hasnt married her yet...like what the F!!!..laughs

(in reply to pompeii)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 7:34:10 PM

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I think there are choices you can make - but you also need to be aware that your husband has made some choices also - the question you may want to ask yourself is are you willing to address these issues with him head on. Cutting through all the bs - he is looking around - so what for you would be the best for you. Those are the questions only you can answer. There will be a thousand opinions coming out on here - but only your heart will let you know the course you want to take.
Sorry to be a little oblique - but the only answer that truly counts is - what is best for you.

Good luck

N

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 7:40:37 PM

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I really hate to say it because I can imagine how devastated you must feel, but the story sounds like complete BS to me. I can't imagine anyone playing a joke on a friend that could potentially damage their marriage and hurt their friends spouse. There is nothing funny about that. I really can't give you any advice on what to do, only you can know if you want to try to work past it, or if too much damage has been done. Either way it sounds like the two of you have a lot to talk about. Good Luck.

(in reply to MrSpectacular)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 7:45:51 PM

MistressSybella

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This isn't really a BDSM question but a marriage issue. Most men cheat at one point or another. Shoot, women do it too at times. But, he comes home to you, he's married you, he sleeps next to you. Are you happy with him otherwise? Weigh your pros and cons. I'm not saying it's ok; it's not. I'm saying, why be bent out of shape over a romp in the hay. It's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

Marriages don't seem to last anymore. It's sad but true. But I can tell you this; my parents have been together since high school, 40 years now, and had Mom not looked the other way once or twice, it would have been over when I was five. However, his affair was only short term and he's been faithful ever since.

Either you believe him or not...it's up to you. But if trust is a real problem, this isn't the first "incident" that broke that trust. What do you want to do? We can't tell you what to do, or really advise you in this. You have to decide what you'll tolerate and what you wont.

Miss 'Bella
ServeMeWell

(in reply to MrSpectacular)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 8:11:58 PM

cjan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Silly excuses they expect the 'silly' to accept. You know the answer deep down. Go with your gut. When they lay blame elsewhere... in a situation like this... beware.

First he denied any knowledge of what you were talking about and then readily knew the answer... his co worker did it. Think about that.

I agree with Lockit and with what TNstepsout had to say and I couldn't say it better than they did. I think they nailed it and covered evrything.

Good advice, ladies.

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(in reply to Lockit)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 8:34:53 PM

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From: Phx AZ
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As long as your investigating , check the computers history , check his car , check his cell phone records .Has he changed his habits ? late nights at work ? coming home at odd hours ?change of personal grooming habits ? You could do all your private eye type stuff , Or try and communicate with him .Yet if the Trust is breached and or broken that maybe tough , all comes down to who do you trust .Would he throw away a relationship for a trist fling ?or was it all a goof ? could you be making a mountain outta a mole hill ? Or is that mole hill just an entrance to a secret lair of deception . Are you insecure or did he give you cause for broken trust , only you and he can discover that .To me looking at one site should not be the end of a strong relationship , there has had to be more than just that . Unless a partner stated i am looking for another after being cought .then again its your dynamic i hope you find the answers you seek .

(in reply to cjan)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 8:36:01 PM

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From: Duluth, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie
I was devastated and I called him and told him it was over ...............................................we have been married for almost seven years..What would you think if this happend to you?

7 years is a long time invested in a marriage to throw it all away on the chance that he may be looking to cheat on you.

First I would think about why it would be so easy to throw seven years away instead of trying to get to the root of the problem and working and talking things out.

IF he has cheated already, do you love him enough to forgive him? Im not saying forget, Im saying forgive?

People make dumb ass mistakes and dumb ass decisions all the time, Is a possible one time dumb decision enough to make you just up and leave him?

Just some food for thought.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 9:07:46 PM

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I wouldn't believe a word of it, and I wouldn't stay with him. If he was so stupid to try to cheat rather than deal with the issues in the relationship, IMO the relationship isn't worth saving.

I hate it when people tell a partner who has been cheated on that THEY need to work on the problems in the relationship that lead to the cheating or the attempt at such...

(in reply to laura2161)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 10:30:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

He said that his friend Irene at work did it as a joke, and he said he told her that was a pretty shitty thing to do and I am confused and I don't know if i believe him or not.

It's possible, I suppose. The question is ... is it plausible?

(in reply to Daddyslilpookie)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 10:34:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

I am in dire need of advice well yesterday way Friday the 13th and I checked Daddy's email and found a message from www.ashleymadison.com a site for married people looking for a discreet affair with his new profile imformation. I was devastated and I called him and told him it was over and he had no idea what I was talking about so he went on and saw it and this is the story he told me.. He said that his friend Irene at work did it as a joke, and he said he told her that was a pretty shitty thing to do and I am confused and I don't know if i believe him or not. His profile name was RizMaster, he told me everyone at work knows I am his slave so that is where that came from. I am so confused... we have been married for almost seven years..What would you think if this happend to you?

Something similar happened to my girlfriend. It's a long story, but a very wretched one.

i'm not sure i buy your Master's explanation. Most workplaces have strict 'net policies that would have meant the coworker risked her job -- and His -- to play this joke.

Does His profile contain any info it seems unlikely His coworker would know?

i wish you the best, but i urge great caution here.

pinksugarsub

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 10:37:56 PM

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quote:

Most workplaces have strict 'net policies that would have meant the coworker risked her job -- and His -- to play this joke.

Most companies have policies on paper, but very little means to enforce them. I deal with that dichotomy all the time in my consulting practice.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 10:56:15 PM

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I'm with Laura. I would not ever stay with someone who cheated on me BUT this is only something that you suspect at this time. You don't KNOW and you can't end a marriage on a maybe. I don't subscribe to the "all guys do it and is it that big a deal?" thing. Yes, it IS that big a deal for some of us.

I'm afraid I would do something sneaky in this case, maybe get a friend to join and see if he responds to her and in what way he responds.

Either way, hugs and I truly hope this is not what it looks like..

Edited to add: If this does turn out to be a prank, I'd go to Irene and rip her a new arsehole in her throat.

< Message edited by MissMagnolia -- 6/14/2008 10:59:07 PM >

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 11:00:18 PM

darkpassenger434

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Joined: 1/1/2008
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All trust issues aside, I would say the story is pretty flemsy. So, the joke is that this person puts up this profile and eventually you are going to find it and it destroys your trust and marriage? That doesn't sound particularly jokeish. I guess you can tell if he's telling the truth by asking how his boss is handling his outburst at work, because any normal person I know is going to cause quite a scene if someone really did this to them. If his story doesn't involve "I really came close to kicking the shit out of irene" or "They had to move us to different buildings because I can't stand to look at irene" I would say he's full of crap.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 11:23:57 PM

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From: Indianapolis, Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: d1ll1gaf

I had a quick look at the site FAQ and there are two types of memberships:

1. Guest Membership (Free) - Allows browsing, sending 'winks' but no custom messaging or online chat.
2. Full Membership (Paid)

If his membership is a guest one, and Irene can collaborate and YOU trust him, then the story may in fact be true. However, if its a paid membership I don't think I could buy the story that it was a practical joke by somebody at work. Most people I know would see the need to spend the extra money on a joke.

I know all about this site. As d1ll1gaf said, you can only send custom messages if you pay for a membership. Email addresses are not openly posted. That means that SOMEONE went to the trouble of not only setting up a profile, but put out some $$ as well. If I were playing a joke, I wouldn't go so far as to pay for a membership. There's also the question of how she got his email address. Again, the only way to pass on this kind of info is with a paid membership. Sorry hon, but it looks really bad from my perspective.
Mistress Scarlet

Edited to add that the profile can be turned off and on very quickly. I doubt if he still has one open if he knows you're looking for it.

< Message edited by MstrssScarlet -- 6/14/2008 11:26:07 PM >

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 11:31:31 PM

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From: Indianapolis, Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

My ex came home from a business trip. That trip I got a pretty gold necklace! Nice... I am cleaning out his suitcase for him and find condoms. "Oh so and so put that there as a joke! I would never cheat! It's just a joke silly." I know so and so and he would never joke in a way that would be harmful to me. I did not get a pretty gold trinket because of love and thinking of me... but out of guilt. The lady that helped me get a guilt necklace... she loved his laugh and he stayed at her house.

Silly excuses they expect the 'silly' to accept. You know the answer deep down. Go with your gut. When they lay blame elsewhere... in a situation like this... beware.

First he denied any knowledge of what you were talking about and then readily knew the answer... his co worker did it. Think about that.

I totally agree. Why in the world do men try to "buy" their way out of a situation like this? I've never understood that. If anything, it just gets the gears turning.
Mistress Scarlet

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"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
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(in reply to Lockit)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 11:43:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

I totally agree. Why in the world do men try to "buy" their way out of a situation like this? I've never understood that. If anything, it just gets the gears turning.
Mistress Scarlet

I have seen women do it too... just not with me. lol I love finger pointing in a situation like this... it really does show that they have no real imagination! lol It is heart breaking though. You don't want to lose everything and break up a home, but when someone lies like this and I am sure it is a lie... and they expect you to believe the stupid excuse or feel you are trapped into having to believe it... what home is there? It would be funny if it wasn't so heart breaking! But... at least down the road a bit... you can laugh! But first you cry a lot...

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/14/2008 11:52:16 PM

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Trust is essential in all relationships as is open communication. Talk to him. If you still do not trust him, your marriage is over.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 1:49:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Has it occured to you to set up a profile there and engage him in conversation. See if he bites, you'll have your answer for sure then. Yeah, it's not cool to do, but you've already snooped in his email, so this seems like the next logical step. Kidding, sort of.

I hate to say it, but at times low ball tactics such as this are what it takes to get to the truth. Basically, you might have to be sneaky to catch somebody sneaky. Actually this is why I ended up with this username "Owner4sexslave". Mind you I'm not in the habit of playing low ball like this, however desperate times do call for desperate measures. It's a Great way to catch somebody in the act of deception and lies.

I basically stay clear of such tactics unless somebody gives me good reason to doubt them.

I can't see how it's humanly unreasonable for the OP to have the doubts she has.

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 2:28:19 AM

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If I were you I'd play smart here and take the middle path - a trial or temporary separation.

I wouldn't end the marriage on suspicion, but then again I wouldn't fall for the story. I do believe there's a lot of middle ground here and there's a lot of truth which needs to come out. The trial or temporary separation will give you both space to work things out. It also sends a very clear message to him that maybe he hasn't got it all figured out and things won't go necessarily as he wants. It also puts the marriage to one side - where it can be either saved or if nothing gets worked out it's a first step towards a permanent separation.

You see if the story is true - which it might be - it emphasizes the consequences of fooling about with someone's marriage and will hopefully teach whoever is involved a good lesson. You want to be the person with such a shitty practical joke on your conscience? If it is true and for reasons of office politics taking this step would be a very effective way of hitting back, more so if it gets out.

If it isn't then it gives Daddy a choice - who does he want or need more? You, or whoever he's fooling about with? He wrote the profile, let him decide, only you're removing the option of having both.

Either way you both need to talk.

"Whatever is the cause of your greatest suffering can also be the source of your greatest joy."
Antione de Saint-Exupery

"Take comfort in the fact that no pain in this world is eternal. As the pain dies great joy is born and both even themselves out."
Albert Camus

"A woman becomes a man's friend only in the following order - first as a companion, then as a lover, and then as just good friends."
Anton Chekov

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(in reply to Daddyslilpookie)

RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 2:36:30 AM

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First off my instincts are telling me you lass, have been conned and bull shyted to by this bloke. Me being me, would if I were faced with this, would organize several trusted people to engage with this person on line and if one or more datres were organized, I'd have it covered with both sounf and video and bust him... Again me being the evil, unforgiving and ruthless bastard I am, would post the videos of him being so dishonest and disrespectful on YouTube for all to see......

Iron Bear
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(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to stella41b)

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