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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 10:58:23 AM

FullCircle

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February the 29th

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 11:10:25 AM

pinksugarsub

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LMAO.

FullCircle want to be on the '18 month plan'.

Wouldn't it be more 'Domly', Sir, to face up to 'Dom Spanking Day' soon and get it over with?

ROFL.

pinksugarsub

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 11:12:28 AM

lally3

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the very big trouble with this is the trust thing... suddenly the trust you had in him is in big trouble. but one thing is for sure, you need to find out. but before you do, you need to work out how youre going to handle it if its the worse case scenario.

right now theres this big empty place where all your trust and happyness used to be - if you want that back you have to talk to him, but what you have to say is that if he is lying and he keeps lying and you find out that he carried on lying what little trust is left will just get all blown away. you need to talk.

did you say youd been married 7 years - the 7 year itch is a real thing, believe me, whatever it is about 7 i dont know, maybe theres some biological reason from way back when we were prehistoric, i dont know, but what you cant do is sweep this under the carpet because it will carry on eating away at you.

poor hun, ive been there and i really know what youre going through, big hugs xxxxxx

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 11:14:02 AM

FullCircle

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Don't know I'm not a Dom.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 11:17:01 AM

MusicalBoredom

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After having read the OP and all of the responses thus far I have to say I agree with some and have different opinions from others. I think trust is key but it's a two way street. I hate when someone snoops on me even when there is nothing to hide. I probably hate it worse when I do have something to hide. I also hate when I'm lied to or is hiding something from me. Nobody on here has any idea why you needed to look or are suspicious. Nobody on here has any idea at all what is up with your "daddy."

We all all have our own baggage and tend to let it spill over into our own posts. If someone has accused me unfairly before I would be all about talking you snooping. If someone has cheated on me before I'm going to probably talk about how your man is untrustworthy and is obviously cheating on you. If someone hurt me by lying I'm likely to talk about how much of a lying scumbag your guy is. None of those postings would have a shred of proof in them at all however.

There are a million (well maybe not quite that many) reasons for what you found. For example, lets say I was on some internet porn/BDSM/story/sex site or even myspace and there was one of those ads talking about some cute girl dying to meet me. I would know it was BS but maybe the pic interested me. I follow the link just because I have one of those moods in my pants. Maybe the site looked interesting and because I was horny was just trolling looking for wank material (yes I have jerked off maybe once or twice in my life before

). Maybe you catch me and I'm embarrassed about looking for wank material. Maybe being cornered I lie instead of admit I'm just a horn-dog. It would be stupid to lie but some things are embarrassing and if outed I might lie first and own up to it later. Does all of this sound far fetched? Well I have done every bit of it before. Was I cheating? No, well unless you count cheating with myself in the restroom. Was it a stupid lie? absolutely.

The point is I don't know, you don't know and nobody else on here knows.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 11:34:35 AM

bipolarber

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Um.. okay... let's suppose "crazy Irene at work" decided to play a joke on your husband. She just happens to decide to post on a site that would cause an incredible amount of friction between the two of you... and, she just happens to know enough about your husband to be 100% accurate in the fake profile she creates for this little "joke."

Who did she expect would see this "joke" anyway? Your husband only? His co-workers? You?

Ha Ha Ha, I've destroyed a marriage! Isn't this just a riot? (Thinks Irene to herself.)

If this was a joke, and you were pissed at your husband for seemingly looking around for an affair... wouldn't he have gotten incredibly angry at Irene? Wouldn't Irene have called you, and apologized, and tried to set things right?

Nothing adds up.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 11:46:24 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

Why were you snooping in his email in the first place? You don't need advice from the CM forums, you need advice from a professional marriage counselor. Clearly, there are larger issues you have not dealt with in this situation.

Amen.

PL

A/anyone who discovers evidence of the type described in the Op and fails to take any self-protective measures is IMO a naieve fool.

i couldn't disagree more with Y/yr opinions, Lily and SylvereApLeanan.

pinksugarsub

Why? Because I pointed out there's a problem with her relationship that is MUCH bigger than is reasonable to bring to the Collarchat forums and expect help? Did you actually read what I said, or are you incapable of putting two and two together?

Let me break it down for you:

1. She is snooping in his email.

2. She found something that implies he is cheating.

3. She confronted him in a hysterical fit and threatened to end the marriage.

4. When confronted, he first played dumb and then gave her a lame cock and bull story about a friend playing a practical joke.

I don't think checking his mail was a regular assignment from her Daddy, otherwise he wouldn't have used that email address to set up a profile on a site designed to help people cheat. He would have created another email account someplace like Yahoo or Hotmail. At what point do you not see there are underlying problems in the relationship that caused her to feel like she needed to snoop in his mail? Now that her suspicions have, more than likely, been confirmed, how in the name of all that's holy do you not get that they need professional help -- not a message board -- if they are going to save their marriage?

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 11:49:11 AM

Lockit

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LOL yeah right...

Creating a profile on a married but wish to descretly cheat site, lying about it and blaming someone else is a bit more than a husband wanker, which also isn't all that appealing in my opinion. This guy didn't cover his ass and Irene sure didn't cover his ass and he is really not the brightest bulb.

Set aside the web site for a moment. Let's look at this. He didn't cheat most likely. He might have wanted to. He did lie and break trust, which may have been an issue before the email was found. Then he was rather disloyal to Irene. And then he had the balls to expect his intelligent wife of seven years to fall for that shit. How about pointing a finger and saying... I disrespect you and our relationship so much that I feel you should accept my feble lie and call it good... and yes I do think you are that stupid. Unless he has been down on his knees and begging forgiveness for the LIE and STUIDITY and for DEGRADING her in the process of it all, he has a serious disprespect going on here. Wanker or not.

If he doesn't humble himself and show interest in saving the marriage... guess what... Any man that treats me as if I am that stupid... well... I see that as how he really feels. THAT is hard to get over!

Having said that... I raised a whole lot of children on my own... good times... bad times. I am fifty years old and alone. Do I know the reasons to work something out? I sure as hell do... but unless he is very sorry, ashamed, honest, humble and will give her time to build the trust again, I would be preparing to go and covering my butt all the way through. If there are um's... someone needs to be the smart one.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 6/15/2008 12:05:52 PM >

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 12:18:32 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

Two possibilities:
1 - You believe him.

2 - You do not believe him.

Pick one.

Has anything anyone said about this drama changed the range of choices the OP has to make?

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 12:37:02 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Two possibilities:
1 - You believe him.

2 - You do not believe him.

Pick one.

Has anything anyone said about this drama changed the range of choices the OP has to make?

Nope. Like I also said, she either wants the relationship or she doesn't. What she does from here will reflect that.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 12:50:19 PM

Deliena

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I'm going to wade in here with a couple of points that whilst they don't change the OP's choices could be salient.

My friends and I are *evil* to each other, we've put each other's addresses on mailing lists for inappropriate items (for example incontience supplies for a 20 year old) etc. and I have many of my friends and co-workers private email addresses because we are linked on things like MSN or other networking sites. So a joke in *extremely* poor taste is possible.

The OP could ask "Irene" from work directly and explain to this woman exactly how distressing this situation is to her. The resultant shock on Irene's face tells the OP it was a lie, or the guilty apology says it was the worst practical joke that woman has played this year.

I hope for the OPs sake it is a horrible misunderstanding, but if it isn't - you've had some great advice on counselling, leaving and looking after yourself. Each of those choices is available to you depending on what move you want to make next.

Best of luck.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 12:51:24 PM

TysGalilah

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.............ok, this has been bothering me since I began reading this thread yesterday....> How come your journal says you were partying hard the night of ( according to the OP thread ) finding this "devastating news"???

I guess we all handle "devastation" differently but but but...the journal doesn't sound all that tore up the day after when you posted about the party you had had the night before. Something in my brain says this isn't matching up...

Poooookie...come back and fill in some of the blanks for us plzzzz...
just curious..

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 1:52:27 PM

blackbeard519

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If he knows you check his email why wouldn't he set up another one and do it that way.

If he's a complete tard then dump him, if not, then give this Irene chick a good swift kick.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 2:21:24 PM

Quivver

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Look at the reality of all this. Your gut is killing you. You are the one in turmoil right now and Your the one seeking answers. This is no longer an US item, it's a Me item and I say that cause you first have to be a comfortable `Me` to make a comfortable `Us`.
Do I buy the Irene stuff? Stranger things have happened, but the odds are it's BS.
Then there's your reaction, IMHO you over reacted by saying `done`. Although fidelity may have been promised at one time and now you question it you need to think before you react or the problem is only magnified.
My suggestion is to make You more complete. This doesnt mean being selfish or combative. Work on You. Follow YOUR heart. Find calm, peace and that inner glow will keep you from freaking out and may actually help you find the conversation that you need to have.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 2:37:52 PM

bbwmichigan

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Only a fool would believe..

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 2:39:27 PM

lalbobbilynn

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Lord, i think Your Sir knows my ex husband!
We used to live on a unknown dirt road off a not so traveled regular road. My ex and UM's were in Charleston visiting family, as i had just had surgery on my sternoclavicular joint. i was seriously luxuriating in my percocet high, and trying to rid my mind of the movie i had just watched: Passion of the Christ. i decide to go get the mail ...... and as i get parallel with my ex's truck i see a condom wrapper! i sat on the ground and laughed for thirty minutes! My ex's response when i respectfully asked about said wrapper: "not mine, not mine, not mine; errrrrrrr, maybe it blew down our road!!" YEAH..... it blew down a dirt path, and THEN hooked a left in our driveway, only to stop near HIS truck!!" i am guessing percocet make me look inane too!

Your head knows the answer, Your heart won't let you believe it tho.
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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 3:39:00 PM

LATEXBABY64

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the Fixx song somes to mind when i read this
one thing leads to another

why don't they do what they say
say what they mean you know one thing leads to another

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 6/15/2008 3:40:17 PM >

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 4:04:27 PM

windchymes

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"Comes home to you, sleeps with you, has children with you" means nothing. Just because he does those things today doesn't mean he's planning on doing them for the next 50 years, or even that he'll be doing them tomorrow.

Another possibility is that he used his own email account, at least the one she has access to, because he subconsciously WANTS her to find out.

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 4:12:55 PM

KatyLied

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No, right group, wrong song:

Should have taken warning
It's just, people mourning, running, hiding, lost
You can't find, find a place to go
So it's red skies at night, red skies at night
Wo oh, wo oh oh oh oh

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RE: It's Eating Away At Me - 6/15/2008 4:19:55 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

I am in dire need of advice well yesterday way Friday the 13th and I checked Daddy's email and found a message from www.ashleymadison.com a site for married people looking for a discreet affair with his new profile imformation. I was devastated and I called him and told him it was over and he had no idea what I was talking about so he went on and saw it and this is the story he told me.. He said that his friend Irene at work did it as a joke, and he said he told her that was a pretty shitty thing to do and I am confused and I don't know if i believe him or not. His profile name was RizMaster, he told me everyone at work knows I am his slave so that is where that came from. I am so confused... we have been married for almost seven years..What would you think if this happend to you?

I am somewhat Old Testament on these things. A tooth for a tooth, a nail for a nail.....
set up an account on this ashley madison site (site for marrieds wanting discrete what wtf?) and show interest in him. That way you will fing out who really is behind the profile. Mind you if it was him that profile will be taken down already.
If you are not self-contained and strong enough to play them at their own game then the only other solution to to go to the source....the so-called friend at work.
Whatever you chose to do you need to do it with your head held high.
Look: you have nothing to lose and only your peace of mind to gain. At the moment you have your suspicions and are pretty superstitious too. Friday 13th shouldn't really havr any meaning for you if you are thinking rationally.

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