Procuring

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Procuring

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Procuring

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Procuring - 6/17/2008 10:29:27 AM

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

Procuring - finding suitable and willing sexual partners for a third party.

One of the services I give is procuring. I wasn't happy about the idea at first, when I was initially told I was expected to do this I became huffy, indignant and hurt. It took a lot of maturity, acceptance, and most importantly just deciding I was going to submit pleasingly to it and get on with life. I want Sir to be as happy as I can make Him, being a good girl for Him will do that and a good girl for Him - gets Him enough pussy to drown in.

If I am the one going out there and finding Him other girls, nothing is hidden from me, its open, healthy, respectful and therefore unlikely top explode into a world of hurt and damage. I have no say whatsoever in Sir's sex life - none - zip - nada. Its not up for negotiation and never has been. I could though have a big say in who shares His bed if I am the one putting them there. I have no control on IF there is another girl in Sir's bed ... but I can have control over WHO the other girl is in Sir's bed. I can make sure they are all suitable, well behaved, pleasing to Him, and tolerable to me.

A big issue for girls asked to procure is their own insecurity about their position. Sir has told me again and again that I am secure in my position as long as I am pleasing. I am learning also, that I cannot easily be replaced. So .. being that I cannot be easily replaced, and that He will not seek to replace me as long as I am pleasing - what possible risk can another girl be to me? .. *especially* if I am the one who put her in His bed.

How does procurement sit with you?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 10:40:29 AM

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

We have a totally different dynamic, so it wouldn't happen.

But if He woke up one day possessed by an alien or something, and out of the blue decided that I would be required to do this, I couldn't do it because it would be damaging to me emotionally and mentally.

Thank goodness He is not the type who would want to damage the one He loves....... so it's not a concern for me.

(in reply to softness)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 10:56:13 AM

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

I find it amusing and a little sad. Libby and I are both enthusiasticly poly, but rather than to procure women for me, her job is to reject those who will eventually cause me unhappiness. Being a male and therefore having the tendency to think with my "lower brain" in such circumstances, I have made some very bad decisions in the past. However, Libby has an excellent track record in identifying those who will be fun, loyal and stay within the boundaries and those who will result in chaos down the road.

In our relationship, she's rejected a number of women. In two cases, I disagreed but went along with her feelings. Within a year of being rejected, each of the two women had wormed themselves into previously balanced relationships and destroyed them.

Sometimes, she'll put limits as "play with her all you want but she can't move into our home" or "let's stay with public play with this one" and all indications have proven her right.

This, of course, is all offline. Online, when I see "I'm looking for a replacement/third party" from a "slave" I do wonder if it's not from some guy in a tee shirt typing in his mother's basement.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:01:27 AM

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I find it amusing and a little sad. Libby and I are both enthusiasticly poly, but rather than to procure women for me, her job is to reject those who will eventually cause me unhappiness. Being a male and therefore having the tendency to think with my "lower brain" in such circumstances, I have made some very bad decisions in the past. However, Libby has an excellent track record in identifying those who will be fun, loyal and stay within the boundaries and those who will result in chaos down the road.

In our relationship, she's rejected a number of women. In two cases, I disagreed but went along with her feelings. Within a year of being rejected, each of the two women had wormed themselves into previously balanced relationships and destroyed them.

Sometimes, she'll put limits as "play with her all you want but she can't move into our home" or "let's stay with public play with this one" and all indications have proven her right.

This, of course, is all offline. Online, when I see "I'm looking for a replacement/third party" from a "slave" I do wonder if it's not from some guy in a tee shirt typing in his mother's basement.

What specifically is it that you find "sad" and "amusing" ?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:01:31 AM

Posts: 98
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others.
They should do it themselves.

< Message edited by Midnght -- 6/17/2008 11:02:30 AM >

(in reply to softness)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:02:42 AM

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I can't typically enjoy the procurement dynamic. In large part, my interest in enjoying other women comes from 'the chase.' I receive an enormous thrill of finding women on my own, 'wooing' them to some degree (drawing them in by whatever means I care to employ) and enjoying them based on my own efforts. If charlotte were to bring home a girl for me, I'm sure I'd probably enjoy it, but giving it to her as a task would be a bit like asking her to do a picture-puzzle for me; the end result being pretty and all, but the fun of a puzzle is in the solving.

Seems that it'd be much easier and less expensive in terms of the value of my slaves man-hours to simply call an escort service. The dozens or hundreds of hours she'd invest in finding other girls for me would amount to tens of thousands of dollars if she were working otherwise. I can buy a hell of a lot of girls for that kind of money.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:03:07 AM

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Midnght

Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others.
They should do it themselves.

do you give the same response when directed to do the ironing?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Midnght)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:04:32 AM

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Midnght
Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others. They should do it themselves.

Do you feel that way only about procuring, or about any service a sub could provide for their dom? If the former, why do you see it as different?

(in reply to Midnght)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:05:18 AM

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Midnght

Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others.
They should do it themselves.

Ditto; I'm not saying D types shouldn't do it, in fantasy it's pretty hot. The reality is what I don't care for.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Midnght)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:11:02 AM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I don't know how I would feel about a sub finding me other men....in a way, it would be cool, since I have had a DP fantasy like, FOREVER, and have never been able to find two compatible men (ie two guys that *I* like) who don't develop last minute homophobia. And think of the cuckolding possibiliites! (yeah, not my trip, just sayin')

I am with Stephann, though~~I would rather find my own entertainments and get them on my own terms, instead of having them brought to me like meat. Fun idea, not one that I would want in real time.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:15:14 AM

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

I suppose it would be a highjack to ask those commenting on subs procuring for their doms to also give their opinion on doms procuring for their subs?

(in reply to Stephann)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:17:17 AM

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

I would enjoy procuring a girl for Master if I happened to see one that I thought he would enjoy (did that for him on his Bday actually.) However, as something I am actively seeking to do it would make me feel that he's too lazy to do it himself. Not that that's necessarily the case but just that that is how it would make me feel.

charlotte

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:17:25 AM

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

having them brought to me like meat

see that is probably the thing Sir likes most about it ... I am a piece of meat to Him .. delightful, helpful, pleasing ... MEAT ... He even describes me as "meat for His table"

a house is a piece of property made from bricks
a car is a piece of property made from metal
a slave is a piece of property made from meat

I am bringing more meat to His table ...

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:17:36 AM

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

i couldn't do it for my dominant, but then again he would never ask me to since we're monogamous. i don't see a problem with procurement as long as both parties agreed to it as far as the relationship goes. obviously it works for some and not others.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:18:22 AM

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I find it amusing and a little sad. Libby and I are both enthusiasticly poly, but rather than to procure women for me, her job is to reject those who will eventually cause me unhappiness. Being a male and therefore having the tendency to think with my "lower brain" in such circumstances, I have made some very bad decisions in the past. However, Libby has an excellent track record in identifying those who will be fun, loyal and stay within the boundaries and those who will result in chaos down the road.

In our relationship, she's rejected a number of women. In two cases, I disagreed but went along with her feelings. Within a year of being rejected, each of the two women had wormed themselves into previously balanced relationships and destroyed them.

Sometimes, she'll put limits as "play with her all you want but she can't move into our home" or "let's stay with public play with this one" and all indications have proven her right.

This, of course, is all offline. Online, when I see "I'm looking for a replacement/third party" from a "slave" I do wonder if it's not from some guy in a tee shirt typing in his mother's basement.

What specifically is it that you find "sad" and "amusing" ?

That someone is so lacking in personality, confidence or wherewithall that he has to set another to seek out those who by all rights should be seeking him.

You asked.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to softness)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:21:38 AM

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

FR

This was something that was talked about at the beginning of our relationship and I expressed my desire to not fill that role. Over the course of my relationships I've had several men who've liked the idea of a 3 some but have always wanted me to find the 3rd. I know that from those expereinces, I don't put alot of effort into the venture nor do I think that women are particularly better at finding a 3rd (which was always their reason for asking me to do it).

My role is more like Libby's, I feel. I meet the people that he's made aquaintances with and if I have any reservations, I communicate those with him. It's ultimately his choice to proceed or to look elsewhere.

I still think that it's easier for a man to find his own playthings then to be provided with them through an agent, an agent can only get what he asks for specifically and often times there are unspoken factors that make a person attractive or not.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:22:05 AM

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I find it amusing and a little sad. Libby and I are both enthusiasticly poly, but rather than to procure women for me, her job is to reject those who will eventually cause me unhappiness. Being a male and therefore having the tendency to think with my "lower brain" in such circumstances, I have made some very bad decisions in the past. However, Libby has an excellent track record in identifying those who will be fun, loyal and stay within the boundaries and those who will result in chaos down the road.

In our relationship, she's rejected a number of women. In two cases, I disagreed but went along with her feelings. Within a year of being rejected, each of the two women had wormed themselves into previously balanced relationships and destroyed them.

Sometimes, she'll put limits as "play with her all you want but she can't move into our home" or "let's stay with public play with this one" and all indications have proven her right.

This, of course, is all offline. Online, when I see "I'm looking for a replacement/third party" from a "slave" I do wonder if it's not from some guy in a tee shirt typing in his mother's basement.

What specifically is it that you find "sad" and "amusing" ?

That someone is so lacking in personality, confidence or wherewithall that he has to set another to seek out those who by all rights should be seeking him.

You asked.

That certainly would be sad. However I would venture to say that just because a Dominanat partner asks the submissive to procure someone for him doesn't have to mean it's because he is lacking. Perhaps it's because the submissive enjoys feeling used for a bit. In fact I'm pretty sure that if Master asked me to do it a large part of his motivation would be to teach me a lesson or remind of how much I want to be treated with out the same rights as a girl friend. He certainly can all the pussy he wants so making me do it would be to add something to our dynamic. Hmmm...maybe I will even amend my above post to say that it might not be so bad for me if done in a deliberate way. food for thought..

charlotte

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:22:23 AM

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
That someone is so lacking in personality, confidence or wherewithall that he has to set another to seek out those who by all rights should be seeking him.

But why would you assume that the fact that a dom sent his sub out to procure for him meant that he couldn't do it himself? Do you make that assumption about everything else doms have their subs do? To use softness's example, do you think that someone who has a sub do the ironing must be lacking the confidence or wherewithall to successfully iron?

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:24:48 AM

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

I suppose it would be a highjack to ask those commenting on subs procuring for their doms to also give their opinion on doms procuring for their subs?

well for me personally ... I will never have sex with anyone other than my Owner while I continue to be owned by Him .. unless He says so ... which is unlikely. Am sure I am in the minority there however

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)

RE: Procuring - 6/17/2008 11:28:50 AM

Posts: 98
Joined: 4/24/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: Midnght

Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others.
They should do it themselves.

do you give the same response when directed to do the ironing?

Ironing is not the same as obtaining another slave, submissive what have you. But you make a good point even though it's comparing apples and oranges in my opinion.
But I've always been of the mind set if you want something done right do it yourself.

(in reply to softness)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Procuring

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.344