julietsierra
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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SweetNika
A little background before I respond to the op, otherwise my response won’t make much sense and it still may not. I was married when I was 17 to a very vanilla man; to him I giving him a blow job was not something a wife did. We divorced after 7 years for various reasons. After my divorce I realized I had not been happy, truly happy with our sexual relationship once. So I was determined to find out what I did enjoy but I have NEVER been promiscuous even though I am a highly sexual person. So I turned to a trusted friend, a man who I trusted my life to and I asked him to help me explore some of my fantasies. At fist he was a bit taken back, perhaps even a little afraid. He knew if he hurt me or allowed me to be hurt it would be bad for him in a lot of ways. However, over the next year we did just that explored my sexual fantasies and his together.
There came a point were I wanted an mmf group, so he arranged it with a man he trusted. It went wonderfully. I then asked for an mmmmf, he thought I was biting off more than I could chew but reluctantly set it up with men he knew and respected and who would NEVER do anything against him. When the time came I was all excited up until the guys showed up at his apartment and got undressed then I was terrified. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. He told them to get dressed we were not doing it then came knocking on the bathroom door. When I heard him tell them to get dressed I came out and begged him to give me a moment that I wanted to do this. He was so hesitant, he told me he had to protect me or it was HIS ass. I pushed and he relented. It lasted for several hours, it was intense, and it was amazing.
Afterwards, I was sore. I had so many emotions good and bad going through my head. In the end I felt empowered, I felt like I had discovered my sexual limit in this aspect. MINE not someone else’s MINE. Today I look back on that experience and it made me stronger, it made me crave certain things, but it also made me know that it was okay to want certain things.
To this day this man and I are wonderful friends, I can call on him in a heart beat even from 3000 miles away and he will either show up on the next flight out or he will blow off dates to talk to me if I just need a shoulder. Our relationship didn’t change but our dynamics were different and honestly the fact that I wanted this was a big part of why I think it was a positive thing for me.
My advice is search your heart, search within yourself because this isn’t something easy to do physically, mentally, or emotionally. You have to be prepared for how it will zap you in every aspect. You have to be prepared that you may wake up sorer than hell for days after. You have to be prepared that if this is something you are doing for someone else you may pay the ultimate price - your dignity, your self image, your self esteem. Those are things even a slave should NEVER give away.
Good luck and I wish you the best!
Blessed be,
Nika
Nika, thanks for sharing your experiences. If you don't mind, I'd like to piggyback off of what you said.
When we participated in something like this I was nervous, didn't think I could do it, wasn't sure I wanted to and all that. But I did. What helped me get through the nervousness was that I thought of myself as desert and kept thinking (until the night's activities had me thinking about a LOT of other things) about the time we went to dinner and the food was HORRIBLE!! The manager (a woman) came over and said "I'm so sorry about this evening's dinner. I'd like to make it up to you. Desert's on me." And everyone started laughing and clearing a place on the table for the manager because... desert was on her!!" And the laughter of that kept me from running to the bathroom in fear.
Once things began I realized I really WAS desert. My Master was there the entire evening and always within arm's reach. When someone wanted to go ahead without a condom, he was able to stop them and things moved on.
From my postion it was a night of one orgasm after the other after the other after the other....did you know you can reach sub-space through this? (or something akin to it.). All I know is that at the end of the night, when it was time to get dressed, I sat there unable to think of what to put on and it was all laid out right beside me there on the bed. He chuckled and eventually helped me dress. I was out in lala land on his arm as we walked down the hall and out to the car.
Now, the difference with what we were doing and possibly what your Master is planning is that for my Master, the entire night was for my pleasure and he made sure he set things up that way.
I've never regretted our adventure into gang bang land. It's never changed our relationship except to bring us closer (he's always looked for someone with as big an appetite for sexual exploration as he has and evidently, we fit well). Like I said, he was in arm's reach the entire evening and at one time stopped all the action because I was so overwhelmed that I curled up into fetal position and cuddled up against him crying - not out of anything negative but simply because I was so overwhelmed with the feelings those men were building up in me. During that time, he wouldn't allow anyone near me and I clung to him. When I'd calmed down a bit, he asked if I wanted to stop. I shook my head and the night continued.
My impression of a gang bang is that it can go horribly wrong. However, as I learned, it can also go wonderfully right. What worked for me was to keep humor in the forefront to help deal with the nervousness, trust in your Master but more than anything, trust in yourself and approach the night with the idea that it's FUN.
You've heard the bad stuff. It exists. Hopefully, all you'll be able to relate the next time someone asks a question like this is all the good stuff.
Have fun.
juliet
< Message edited by julietsierra -- 6/24/2008 3:03:18 AM >
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RE: gangbangs - 
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