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RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 1:37:29 PM

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
The OP made a number of statements that were clearly red flags for a clueless dominant who is hellbent on doing something he doesn't seem to have the skills for.

Out of curiosity, what statements do you see as red flags?

Take your pick. What I hear in all this is the guy has a very willing woman and so he is letting his dick outrun his experience. She doesn't know enough to see that he hasn't thought this through. If he had, she wouldn't be wondering about some of these things.

I don't see how her doubts necessarily indicate that he hasn't thought this through. I would expect many subs to have some doubts before a particularly (physically or psychologically) intensive scene.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Lastly, if your partner was about to do something that she thought might make her feel negatively about herself, how much of a rush would you be in to do it? I MIGHT push her past it ONLY if I knew her long enough to truly be able to predict her behavior AND knew that if I blew it our relationship was strong enough to work past it.

I seem to have missed the part about him being in a rush. I've pushed subs to to things they expected to feel negatively about afterward. As you say, it's something best done carefully and thoughtfully; but I haven't read anything that indicated that the OP's dom doesn't have the knowledge you describe as necessary.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Also, would you do a first as part of a group scene or would you make it a bit more special? Now that is the fluffy side of me but again, it is just one in a series of little things that scream "bad idea" to me.

I think you and I simply disagree on this aspect. I don't see how a group scene is intrinsically un-special (but then, I'm poly). In addition, I'm not sure how to have a gangbang that isn't a group scene.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 2:11:21 PM

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

When was the last time you were in a gang bang? Also, she is a new comer. She is not ready for this in my opinion.
Thank you for caring about women. I sure would not want you on my jury when it went to trial as rape.
Tell it to the judge.

Regards, MissSCD

quote:

ORIGINAL: SltlyBrokenAngel

Wow.... MissSCD.... wouldn't it be legitimate to say that some women enjoy this type of play? And who decided that it is degrading to women? Was there a women of the world meeting when this was decided on that I missed?
Its all in perception - and to judge this on one scene that went wrong isn't really fair.
Furthermore, I don't recall talking about rape IF she decides that this is something that she wants to participate in then she is consenting to the event and consenting to have sex with these men.... that's not rape.

Who are you, or me or anyone to judge if she is ready for this? Only her and her only can truly know that. I have been in a gang bang and I did not find it degrading as I said I found it empowering. As I said before this may not be YOUR kink but it is the kink of quite a few men and women.

You are comparing apples and rocks, yes rocks when you compare a consensual gang bang and a rape. There is NOTHING consensual about rape and she appears to be conscenting to this gang bang.

Nika

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 6/24/2008 2:13:09 PM >

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RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 4:37:08 PM

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Joined: 9/28/2006
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OP...
Relax. If there is trust in your Dom, then you should know that he will only want to make it pleasant for you. Don't bite off more then you can chew. I probably would request that this be a private party so that he can select those who you will GB. This way you have the insurance that some complete creep isn't there. That and make sure those invited are the type of guys who understand that if things don't work out it is cool. When at a swingers party, I only had to deal with one man who took my rejection wrongly. But make sure your Dom understand the rule of not taking one for the team. This rule save you from alot of pain and anguish.

I am only full of encouragement, because part of BDSM is to explore those fantacies we wouldn't explore anywhere else. You have a long enough relationship for me to explain that your rock is in that. Sex with everyone one else is for FUN FUN FUN and to enjoy yourself physically. Let yourself go and enjoy. ANd remember if anything gets out of hand you have the right to stop it. Make sure to set that up.

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(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 7:25:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Scoollink

Keep in mind that after you follow through w/ this your relationship with Master will NEVER be the same.

And also keep in mind that if you refuse, it changes things too.

(in reply to Scoollink)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 7:35:20 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

quote:

ORIGINAL: Scoollink

Keep in mind that after you follow through w/ this your relationship with Master will NEVER be the same.

And also keep in mind that if you refuse, it changes things too.

You can always do this at a later date, you can never undo this.

Him keeping you safe isn't a good idea. He's doing this to get himself off which means he'll be too busy enjoying to be sure everybody is condomed and not attempting things prohibited. Plus he needs a strong friend or two in case just saying no isn't enough. A bouncer type, like the ones who keep control in rough bars. Because he may be strong enough to stop one guy, but not two together.

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(in reply to DarkVictory)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 7:40:14 PM

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I guess the question I would ask is "Master, in this scene, where do you think your thrill will come from?"

He can answer something like "sharing my precious sub with my special close friends makes me feel proud," or it could be something more like "you dirty little slut, I am turning your pussy out for every scummy guy I can find."

These are both exaggerated ends of the spectrum of course, BUT - the reason to ask your master this is to get a sense of what he imagines to be his pleasure in the scene. Knowing that will probably help you know if you are aligned with his way of looking at it or not. To me, that is kind of the key.

(in reply to DarkVictory)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 7:53:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

quote:

ORIGINAL: Scoollink

Keep in mind that after you follow through w/ this your relationship with Master will NEVER be the same.

And also keep in mind that if you refuse, it changes things too.

You can always do this at a later date, you can never undo this.

You can never undo the 'absolutely not' either.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 8:49:28 PM

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/12/2007
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Perhaps, a compromise could be reached...involving other people in your sexual escapades should atleast warrant a yellow light. Dont get me wrong I have fantasized with my Master a time or two...so perhaps being with another man instead of 7 might help put feelers out so to speak and see if there are any negative hidden feelings that may be lurking...and if that goes well...you will have a bit more confidence in your ability to handle it...and gauge how your Master will handle it...just because he is a Dom doesnt mean he isnt human... I recently was instructed to do so for my Sir and I was nervous..but really greatful it was only one guy..and the green eyed monster never reared its head ...it was a very freeing feeling to know that i could be his slut and enjoy but i felt very vunerable for a few days after. I was worried that he would lose his respect for me....but he assured me and we have only grown closer. I would be curious to hear how it turns out for you.

best of luck to you
Kat

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RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 9:08:46 PM

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Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

quote:

ORIGINAL: Scoollink

Keep in mind that after you follow through w/ this your relationship with Master will NEVER be the same.

And also keep in mind that if you refuse, it changes things too.

You can always do this at a later date, you can never undo this.

You can never undo the 'absolutely not' either.

Even though I think this argument is turning a bit silly, I have to disagree with this.

_____________________________

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to DarkVictory)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 9:21:27 PM

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Joined: 8/9/2006
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I always enjoy threads like this, because you get to watch people with zero experience in this kind of activity push their own mycopic moral agenda under the guise of being "objective, realistic advice".

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RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 9:32:53 PM

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Joined: 8/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Even though I think this argument is turning a bit silly, I have to disagree with this.

Well... how do you 'undo' the Dom's knowledge that when push came to shove, you (the sub, not you) refused him/her point blank? How do you undo the damage done to his understanding and expectations of you?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 9:52:13 PM

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Joined: 6/24/2008
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My previous Master would often lend me out to his friends (who were admittedly unnatractive, and sexually inexperienced), for either a night or a weekend and greet me with a big stupid grin whenever I would return from such an expedition. Personally, this caused little to no damage to me as I had complete trust in my Master beforehand, and knew that he would only select the best of men to use me.

I also thoroughly enjoyed being used by them, and would often solicit (in a respectable manner) to be sent back to them. Thankfully, my Master often obliged and sent me to their abode. Needless to say, I made a few overgrown nerdlings very happy, and pleased my Master by pleasing others, accordingly.

(in reply to DarkVictory)

RE: gangbangs - 6/24/2008 10:39:16 PM

Posts: 79
Joined: 1/10/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Even though I think this argument is turning a bit silly, I have to disagree with this.

Well... how do you 'undo' the Dom's knowledge that when push came to shove, you (the sub, not you) refused him/her point blank? How do you undo the damage done to his understanding and expectations of you?

because if there is a strong connection of understanding, communication and trust, then the Master should understand when his slave can't do something. i have told my Master no before, and with a conversation he understands. once he understands we can move onto something new, or figuring out how to go about slowly changing how i feel about that subject. the word "no" has such a negative connotation, but there are so many ways to work through it, it just takes work

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(in reply to DarkVictory)

RE: gangbangs - 6/25/2008 8:39:10 AM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Even though I think this argument is turning a bit silly, I have to disagree with this.

Well... how do you 'undo' the Dom's knowledge that when push came to shove, you (the sub, not you) refused him/her point blank? How do you undo the damage done to his understanding and expectations of you?

It's not damage...it's growth. It's learning what works for each other, and sometimes (not always) turning the absolutely not into a maybe or a yes.
It doesn't damage His understanding of me, it raises it.
His expectations are for me to try...not to be perfect.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to DarkVictory)

RE: gangbangs - 6/25/2008 1:53:25 PM

hisdarlinsweetie

Posts: 55
Joined: 12/29/2006
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Thanks to everyone who has responded.
DV, I agree with your sentiment. To me, there is a difference in telling my Sir that I don't want to do something and explaing the reasons why and saying I WON'T do it. I trust him. I know he wouldn't "make" me do anything that was harmful to me or to our relationship. We have an open line of communication, so I may tell him my opinions, wishes, fears, etc. and he takes them into consideration. But, ultimately, if I really do trust him and I really do belong to him, then I will do ask he as he says.
MadRabbit, I love your comment. While I am interested in what others think, I did ask for people who had been in the same situation as me to respond. I understand that some people think gangbangs are horrible and others think gbs are great and some are somewhere in the middle. But, for my question, experience matters.
For those of you who wrote of your experiences or gave me practical advice, I give you a huge thank you. I need to hear first hand knowledge of good and bad experiences. I am actually feeling less apprehensive about it now that it is approaching soon because I have had time to be anxious and then address my anxiousness. I trust my Sir. I'm in the stage of nervous excitement now. lol

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: gangbangs - 6/25/2008 3:10:36 PM

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Him keeping you safe isn't a good idea. He's doing this to get himself off which means he'll be too busy enjoying to be sure everybody is condomed and not attempting things prohibited.

Just because someone is enjoying something does not mean they cannot ensure safety. I suspect most tops enjoy most of their scenes, and yet remain responsible for safety during them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Plus he needs a strong friend or two in case just saying no isn't enough. A bouncer type, like the ones who keep control in rough bars. Because he may be strong enough to stop one guy, but not two together.

While this isn't a bad idea, I wouldn't call it a necessity either. I'm a tiny little girl, and I've never had any trouble enforcing my rules, even in situations like the one discussed.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: gangbangs - 6/29/2008 1:14:50 PM

hisdarlinsweetie

Posts: 55
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

*Update*
Last night, the afore mentioned gangbang took place. I was a little nervous at first, but my Sir picked good men. They were all very respectful and followed all the rules that my Sir had in place. I felt lovely to be the object of desire to a roomful of men. The biggest compliment was when one of the men told my Sir - she is very obedient. You can train my girls any time. :)

My Sir had everything ready...he had thought of everything. He made me feel cared for and intimate with him by holding my hand and whispering in my ear at times throughout. He was checking to see if I was ok, but also he was telling me how proud he was of me and how beautiful and sexy I was and that he loved me. For us, this was an exercise in trust. It was a way of bringing us closer together.

Afterwards, he held me and kissed me and showered me. Then he took me out to a very nice restaurant for dinner. He continues to let me know how proud he is to have me... To him, there is no conflict between having me be the center of a gangbang and enjoying a gourmet meal and conversation with me. He wants a girl who he can do anything and everything with. And lucky for both of us, he found me a couple of years ago, so he's got that girl. :)

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)

RE: gangbangs - 6/29/2008 1:22:33 PM

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Glad it worked out well and all the Cassandras were wrong about this.

But somehow the idea of being "respectful" at a gang bang makes we wonder. Did they bow and say "please" and "thank you"? I kinda thought gang bangs were about fucking the girl's brains out.

(in reply to hisdarlinsweetie)

RE: gangbangs - 6/29/2008 1:30:17 PM

Posts: 115
Joined: 10/10/2007
From: Melbourne, Australia
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i've had friends ask me how i would react if my Mistress ever instructed me that i was to take part in a gangbang or similar happening. My standard answer is "i'm a slave and would do what i was told to do" but it really made me stop and think; just how WOULD i react. Although W/we are not sexual together because of different orientations i know i am loved and respected by my Mistress and am cared for as any valuable property should be so, if She were to ever instruct me to take part in such a thing i would comply in the knowledge that, even if i was not aware of the reasoning or rationale behind the order, it was intended in such a way that i would not be harmed and would find some measure of personal growth from my compliance. i don't think that would help me enjoy it any better (unless, of course, it was an all-woman affair) but it would ensure i complied and did my best to make Her proud of me.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: gangbangs - 6/29/2008 1:55:40 PM

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edited out

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 6/29/2008 1:57:46 PM >

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