RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 6:43:53 AM

candystripper

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edited

< Message edited by candystripper -- 7/2/2008 6:49:03 AM >

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 6:48:26 AM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

Candystripper,

In the most humble way to say the next sentence... I have been around some of the most wealthy people I could realistically fathom. I've also spent a great deal of time around the seven figure crowd. (Sadly, money is the one thing that refuses to rub off)

The exchange you offered did not strike me as someone who has money. It strikes me as someone who has cash, at best.

I've forced My Pet to repeat to me that she's always free to leave, if she so chooses. I do my best to ensure she always has an out. (I don't do it often, lest it appear I'm trying to be rid of her). I do this for the same reason you pointed out. If she decides she wants out, she has to be able to do it.

I give her the freedom, but without facilitating the freedom, it doesn't exist. You're right to be wary, and right to stand your ground.

Thank you, HeavansKeeper. I didn't write the Op for validation, but instead to raise the point for discussion. But it's nice to be heard.

candystripper

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 6:50:02 AM

sirsholly

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if he uses wealth as a selling feature he is not worth my time

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 6:55:02 AM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

The Op is not about me. I don't feel I need advice at this point and if I do, I'll get it from people I actually know. I gave an example to illustrate a point I wished to bring up for general discussion.

if not about you. why is the conversation given as being between "him" and "you", and why do you state that this has come up in several contexts? and they have refused to discuss things with "you"?

and that "you" have no desires to end up a statistic?

its actually been a good thread. i just do not understand how you can say folks go to great lengths to miss a point, when it seems they are all reading exactly what you communicated....and responding appropriately.

I gave an example from my own experience to illustrate the issue for general discussion.

I have no need of advice on emigration as there are no circumstances under which I would consider it (my love for IronBear notwithstanding).

There wre two points, actually:

Money issues need to be fully aired in forming a D/s relationship or someone may be hurt.

Wealty men who offer nothing but money (actually, the chance to be their sidekick while they have money) are not appealing unless they are appealing as men and Doms in any event.

Okay?

candystripper

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 8:17:03 AM

julietsierra

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lol... generally, those folks I've met online who profess to have money - generally don't. They just think that that's what will win them someone.

I enjoy those folks. They make me laugh.

juliet

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 8:26:46 AM

kinkypuppy2

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And quit talking to people who are not local

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 8:44:10 AM

mzbehavin

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I once met a guy from here who claimed great wealth. He wanted to marry me, relocate, rescue me and love me... ahhh the dream.
He sent me travel itinerary, sent me his financial statements ( i thought that was odd), but disappeared when i finally asked for his phone number. (After months of speaking) He always called from private.
I never really bought the story anyway. Still hurt at the time though.
Men add numbers online. To their dicks, to their income, whatever they think will work.
Some finances should be discussed, Obviously.
But financial control, before even meeting r/t, should simply NOT be an issue. I would be suspicious of any Man who felt otherwise.

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 8:46:42 AM

MistressGitana

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Things are sooo much better when people are honest and up-front with each other!

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 8:53:26 AM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
Regardless of my assets or income, a truely wealth Dom could easily place me at risk financially and it is this risk which I hoped to see addressed, both by submissives as well as Doms.

Any person (not just Dom) could place anyone at risk... it is not a trait reserved for the wealthy. I know someone in real life that in less than one year has become destitute due to promises made by a man, someone she trusted, someone she moved in with, and now she has no job, her car was repossessed, and anything of value she had is at the pawn shop. Is he wealthy? No. He told her she could be a stay-at-home mom for her children and his income would be enough for all of them.

Was he trying to scam her? No. His fantasies of his capabilities though, are astronomical.

Cali

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:19:37 AM

KatyLied

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I feel sorry for you friend, sort of. Did she not do the math when she gave up everything to move in with this guy? It amazes me that people will give up so much for a relationship. Any relationship can be fleeting, regardless of the promises made and the good intentions. Why don't more people safeguard themselves from this sort of thing?

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:27:11 AM

TwoNYCDommes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
Regardless of my assets or income, a truely wealth Dom could easily place me at risk financially and it is this risk which I hoped to see addressed, both by submissives as well as Doms.

I don't quite understand how a wealthy partner would put you at financial risk more than an impoverished one. For example, I was once involved with an extremely wealthy man, a foreign national, who took me out of the country on multiple occasions and once asked me to move thousands of miles away. I maintained my independence, my job, etc. (as I would have done regardless of his income), which meant, among other things, that while trips of a reasonable length were feasible for me, moving was not. Making different decisions might have been risky, sure, but that would have been equally (if not more) risky had his means been more modest.

< Message edited by TwoNYCDommes -- 7/2/2008 9:28:09 AM >

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:33:47 AM

Hippiekinkster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Had things been different, they would not be the same.

oh this one's a keeper

Yes. <nods sagely> That is deep at the most profound level.

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:35:03 AM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I feel sorry for you friend, sort of. Did she not do the math when she gave up everything to move in with this guy? It amazes me that people will give up so much for a relationship. Any relationship can be fleeting, regardless of the promises made and the good intentions. Why don't more people safeguard themselves from this sort of thing?

Katy, the whole thing is a mystery to me. It's my ex-husband's current girlfriend. She poured all this out to me when I allowed her to come over to my house to take a shower because the water has been turned off at their place for non-payment.

The way I understand it, her job was being phased out, there was no reason for her to stay where she was (about 2-3 hours away), so she moved here to be with him. Now she will probably move to another state where her best friend is, and start over.

I actually choked and coughed when she said that he told her he would take care of her (financially)... he can't even take care of himself and the child he has (wayyyyy behind in child support)... how could he take care of someone else??

She does feel foolish and stupid for believing his promises, and I just feel sorry for her.

Cali

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:36:45 AM

KatyLied

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Yeah, that is a rough story. It was nice of you to offer help and support though, that's more than a lot of women would do for an ex's gf.

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:42:07 AM

rulemylife

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

I guess an example might best illustrate this.

Him: I make a 7 figure income and have significant assets, so you can feel safe emigrating out the country with me.

Me: Will you be signing over assets and income to me? No? (Shocked look.) Well then how will I be any different off than I am now -- a woman on a limited income?

Him: When you accept a collar, the Dom takes total control over your life. This includes financial support. You'd never have to worry about money with me.

Me: On the contrary, you are asking me to place myself in a position where my income is not sufficient to meet even my most basic needs. What if I chose to return to America and you disagree?

Him: You are a fake and know nothing about the lifestyle.

Me: Good bye.

This has come up in differet contexts. I've had Doms refuse to discuss their characters or personal lives 'because I'm rich, that's all you need to know'.

I'm not opposed to finding a wealthy Dom. I just think when incomes are disparate there are issues presented which for me need a full airing.

I'm not willing to rely on a promise made in the honeymoon stage to 'always take care of you' as a substitute for being able to take care of myself. Certainly he can sign over assets and income and change my situation, but I've never known a self-proclained wealthy Dom who showed any interest in doing so. Nor one that wanted to lower his standard of living. For that matter, I have yet to meet one who was even willing to fund a 'safety net' for me, in case I needed to become financially self-sufficient again.

I don't care to be yet another woman with a horror story of being lured from her home and moved across the country -- or out of the country -- only to be 'released' suddenly, alone and broke in a strange place.

Any comments?

candystripper

Yeah, find a poor Dom.

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:42:12 AM

CalifChick

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I think in other circumstances we would probably be friends, and my kids like her. And when he has been a jerk, she has always been on my side. I even took her and her kids to the zoo on my family membership, because I knew money was tight for them and I figured they needed something fun to do (the ex was busy that day).

Now I just worry in a vague sort of way about the next woman he will do this to... because there will always be a "next" woman.

Cali

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:57:53 AM

rulemylife

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

You have it nailed, Quivver.

Money is fungable; my love is not.

candystripper

Let's see, you have an "advanced" degree in tax law yet you are not familiar with the proper spelling of fungible? Okey-doke!

< Message edited by rulemylife -- 7/2/2008 10:00:08 AM >

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 9:57:54 AM

phoenixrising43

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I agree with chickpea. Though usually the worst that would become of the situation is that you are dumped, find out that he is not what he seemed to be, and then find yourself alone and wondering what the heck did I do? What an idiot I am. You have to be responsible for yourself in the end. People that come along offering a dream life, usually don't have that kind of life to offer anyway.

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 10:12:00 AM

akisha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

.

I don't care to be yet another woman with a horror story of being lured from her home and moved across the country -- or out of the country -- only to be 'released' suddenly, alone and broke in a strange place.

Any comments?

candystripper

First off why would you move out of country with someone you don't know well? that is just ridiculous.

Plus how the hell are you lured away somewhere? If you are trying to find a meal ticket then I guess you can be lured by promises of money etc. Not my thing, I go for the man not hte money. Hell my last 2 partners were in the same financial boat as myself. Just making it and not a whole lot extra.

I dated a man for 2 years. I married him, I followed him from place to place for his career. He demanded i be at home with the child and not work. We were marreid for 2 yrs 8 months, he decided he no longer wanted to have a wife and child, drained all our accounts and left us homeless.

I thought I knew him well. Hell we dated and lived together for years before the marriage. At any moment someone can yank the rug out from under you. Life is a crap shoot. Take the risk or live alone forever.

There are no guarrentees in life except death.

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RE: The 'Problem' of the Wealthy Dom - 7/2/2008 10:51:01 AM

TermsConditions

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Reaction? You are smart.

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