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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 12:51:20 AM   
SirBitterSweet


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		OOps sorry Maya, the above post was addressed to Ang's post. My bad.  ::bows::

(in reply to SirBitterSweet)
Profile   Post #: 221
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 1:00:13 AM   
SirBitterSweet


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		Thadiys

I am really glad you brought this up.

I use a very similar system that you do.

And ---- your post assumes a time period that implies my philopshy includes impatience.

GO BACK and read the post. I never said for the reader to rush the goal posts with a Hail mary.

The fact is that my post talks about AFTER the common sense period has expired. Well, that is actually up to both parties. In fact, I never said that one party could NOT refuse such an identity request. If one party asks for verfication and the other refuses, then the communication should end. Hence, no time wasted.

Thadays, thanks for the important statement you contributed, but it does NOT address itself as a conflict to what I stated, though it is a great guidleline for what might occur BEFORE one draws the line that time is being abused.



(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 222
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 1:19:38 AM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		SisBitterSweat,

At what point does one draw the line that time is being wasted? 2 weeks? 2 months? Isn't each case unique, for various common sense reasons?

There would have to be a time period at which one makes such a decision, or are you not just wasting time after a certain point?  The thread topic itself is designed to save time, is it not?  Suggesting ways in which people can save themselves that precious commodity.  In that light the assumption that there is some impatience included in the philosophy only makes sense.

SisterSweet, I actually think the guidelines I laid out are pretty inline with the thinking of saving oneself the time that would otherwise be wasted by the so called time bandits.  If one cannot assertain whether they wish to speak or meet within a month or 2, why would you go beyond that "BEFORE one draws the line that time is being abused."

Just my uneducated opinion,
Thadius

_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to SirBitterSweet)
Profile   Post #: 223
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 1:32:02 AM   
SirBitterSweet


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		Thadius

I guess I am on track 3 and you are on track 1.

Let's define a scenario to illuminate a clear example.

I post a profile that explains what I seek. Someone responds to that profile and say they are what I seek. We chat a while via email or yahoo.

At some point I feel I want more verification of whom with I speak. The other person is not ready.

If I end the chats at that time and they do not dispute that, then I say that my time has not been wasted.

However, if that person continues to make excuses and promises, and I were naive enough to fall for these excuses and perpetually be led around in circles, I am in essense a victim.

Well, the perpetrators these days are getting more and more clever. Some of the excuses they use are manipulative and push sympathy buttons. My article is written in the area designated ASK A DOM. I posed the situation for anyone who took the time to read the post to determine if they had this issue or if they had overcome the issue.

You overcame this issue ages ago. Since that time you have a style for communication. Yet, I met people who knew your advice well in advance, but were conned into wasting more time.

My question is considering there are people who trick other people into surrendering their ID information by telephone, do I say too bad you fell for it and were foolish or do I say, look -- here are some of the signs of phishing con artist and what you can say to bust them in their tracks.

I went beyond the style one selects to go through consideration and merely talked about how one might put one's foot down when things didn't seem right.

Does that help clarify my intentions any better?

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 224
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 1:45:14 AM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		This is a much better clarification of your post.  I even applaud the intentions behind it.

I guess the real sad part of this is that even armed with a laundry list of things to watch for, some people are always going to get suckered into those types of situations, they might as well get MARK tattooed on their foreheads.  For many it falls back on the reason they are here, they are alone and seeking somebody or something to fill a void they feel in their personal life.  A con-artist or social engineer will home in on those things and cloud the other senses, using ego stroking or pretending to be just as needy and helpless to get the defenses lowered.

Anyways that is enough of my rambling,
Thadius



_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 1:53:19 AM   
SirBitterSweet


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		Thadius

Thanks for clarifying we are not that far off each other's mark. LOL

I leave you with this... 

Even smart people get fooled once in a while, because our desires and needs are so great they sometimes defy our common sense. Even race car drivers back out of the driveway once in a while and run over their kid's toys. Even professional public speakers stutter once in a whil.e.

I felt the desire to contribute the advice out of compassion and reserve judgement.

To someone like yourself, this topic is common sense 101. To others, it was an excuse to cause a train wreck in the thread. LOL

Have a great night :)

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 226
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 8:32:04 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirBitterSweet

The easiest way is bust the phyiscal identify of a Time Bandit is to ask the person to "pose" next to your CM photo on their pc screen and take a photo of themselves side by side of the pc screen. This verifies their current appearance and when YOUR photo is in the snapshot, you KNOW it was taken quite recently.  

 
A clever manipulator can use photo shop and get the same result quite easily, actually. The only way to truly 'know' if someone is being truthful about their appearance is to actually meet them face to face. Anyone who wants to meet me is invited to one of the munches or events that I'm going to attend anyway. In this way, I get to have the fun of the event whether they show up or not. For the people out there who are falling for scams, you'd be much better off keeping yourself in check unless and until you actually meet someone. So, that's my advice and will probably serve you better (and take less time) than trying to play detective after you've fallen for someone online who may not be what they have represented to you in virtual space.
 
 
YMMV
 

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 8:49:06 AM   
anguisette22


Posts: 36
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline 		SBS: Seriously...put up or shut up. How long do you think you can avoid my suggestion that you prove your identity? By your own statements, this makes you a time bandit for not agreeing to prove to all of us that you are what you're pretending to be.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 228
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 11:49:11 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I am pretty much in agreement with Celeste... 

If someone of interest contacts me  I look at their profile to see  whether they fall in my  preference range by what is listed  ..I start off with a short bio exchange ask questions based on if necessary , then a exchange of what we are searching for as far as relationship...then a exhange of bdsm interests, D/s views and limits..if all that is good and appears to match well  a meet is arranged in a public location ..I don't worry about photos  ..often they are out of date  or in shadow, an angle distorts  etc   and can set up false expectations, my own photos span a 6 month period and I can look very different from one photo to the next and the only editing I do is cropping  and playing with  brightness,color saturation  and greyscale, they have not been touched up to change my appearance but like most people I select photos I feel that I look best in which most do ...I use make up to enhance or detract  eg  eye liner to make my eyes look larger ...corrective makeup for dark eye circles ...the only way a photo   is really helpful is for general body build if the photo is recent with phone number  exchange  just before the meet time.

..between meet date  I stick to conservations on a respectful friendship basis only ...if the other keeps trying to steer it to a more personal level such as wanting to keep to focus on sex or trying to do online D/s ..the meet will get cancelled.  It is only when you get to the meet when you will know if there truly is some sort of  connection ..physically, mentally and personality wise.  I find for me it cuts through the chase fairly quickly and lets me know who is serious and who isn't....it may not always turn into a relation but the majority do, some incompatibities may come up later that will end the relationship but a friuendship has been formed in the process...It took me a bit of trial and error to find what works for me(I am looking for a LTR...I have found most that demand to go into online chats right away in the first one or 2 email exchanges  are usually a waste of time for me especially those that demand webcam ..I find those that will have respect for you and not going to be demanding right off the bat...  next screening is those that are making a lot of sexual overtures..again they have no respect for you and are more interested in sex than a relationship  ...too much over eagerness and flattery tends to be a big warning flag for me..do they respond to your questions or just flirt over or  ignore and focus on their own ..which become another warning flag for me if they are not taking your questions seriously now thay are not likely going to take them seriously in a relationship.  I have found there is a lot that can be picked up through online conversation by how it is said and the means one  uses also time frames are they contacting you only during work hours  but little to no conversation on weekends or off work hours .... if on IM   how long is responses taking? ...some will fish for who ever responds to them ..so can be chatting with 3 or 4 at the same time if happening on a regular basis , are they in invisible mode on IM normally when communicating ? Meaning they are often not selective making you one of many they are just waiting to see who bites first. 

If you ignore warning signs and clues the only person you can blame is yourself  for wasting time ....the other person is not responsible for your failings at being able to  screen for what you are looking for in a partner. once you accept that and learn to hone your screening techniques to whatever method works best for you ...then your search experience becomes a lot  richer ...  my method may not  work for others because what they seek is not the same what I seek...when I have met with someone who had to fly in from outside the country  there was more checks and balances used then with meeting someone local  local with making sure plans are made incase   the meet does not go well or as intended.   Of all the people on CM or other  sites  only a tiny  % or fraction of  is going to match  what I want, much like looking for a needle in a haystack  and be compatible with me ..so means you will connect with a lot of pople that not fit what you are looking for so being patient and having  realistic expectations is necessary...the more requirements you have in the person you are seeking  for them to be a good match then the bigger a haystack you will need to sort thru..if you have poor screening skills  the longer it will take you to get thru all that hay to find your needle, but even if you do have failure it can  become a lesson on how to better hone your screening ability skills so does not have to necessarily necessarily a waste of time if you can find a way to avoid the same mistake in the future.


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to anguisette22)
Profile   Post #: 229
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 1:41:49 PM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife
Ok, but I've seen you do this on quite a few threads.  You add nothing to the topic

But rule, don't you see?  It is 100% on topic.  The topic of the thread is: how can a male Dom not waste time with people who are not interested in him, and get phone numbers and further contact from female submissives who are potentially interested.  I get emails, phone calls, offers of advanced training, and offers to play, because of things I post.  Do you?

The OP will undoubtedly believe that I am bragging to shore up my Godlike ego, but I am explaining this because I wish other male Doms would pull their heads out of their asses and support women more often.  Look at it this way.  You want to tie some lady up and beat the shit out of her.  She's only going to give you the time of day if she thinks you are S-A-F-E.  Demonstrate from jump that she is safe around you, and she's a lot more likely to be interested.



I would rather she tie me up and beat the shit out of me, but that's another topic! 

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 230
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 6:37:45 PM   
SirBitterSweet


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		Yay!!!!BitaTruble!

I think asking someone to meet you at a Munch is a marvelous way to start things off! Safe and at a function of peers, if only MORE people would just get real and agree to it!

As far as Potoshop -- have you ever tried using the program?????

Rendering two seperte photos into a single background is not as easy as one might imagine. (I am a very experienced user with photoshop) To fake such a photo is very difficult even for the most talented graphic artist and look surreal (fake) and even the best job would take about six hours to render.

I was thinking that about the best way to fake a pose request would be to ask someone to step into the photo for you... and well then, they would have a lot of explaining to do to convince someone else to do that, wouldn't they!

Thanks for the supportive post, nice to see that someone agrees that if both parties say there is chemistry, proof of life is sane and normal to request!!! LOL

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 231
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 6:40:28 PM   
SirBitterSweet


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		Ang

I already told you twice... if you followed proper debate ettiquette, I would oblige your requests. *sigh*

(in reply to anguisette22)
Profile   Post #: 232
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/15/2008 6:48:02 PM   
SirBitterSweet


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		Maya

That was an insightful and thoughtful post. I'm sure many people would benefit by using your methods.

And...

I wish to remind  you again -- be careful with  your literal interpretations of what I posted. If you read carefully what you wrote, it would suggest you AGREE with my post.

You also might want to reread my posts above yours with Thadius. He did the same thing you did.

Boil it down... I simply state to the novice... that when after the point of reaching that mutual understanding from another member online, that ANYONE is justified in getting affirmation. There is NO argument from me that there are perhaps a dozen sane and safe ways to go about this and I never pretend to say that it's my way or the highway.




(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 233
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/16/2008 12:14:35 AM   
THEQRYSTALQUEEN


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline 		I see more than just the wisdom of the silent ones I see the Genius they have a chance to observe everyone's views on every post before committing to even one of them.  But to be on topic...I would say who cares who reads or responds to these postings its not like WE (collective we) are imparting sacred words of wisdom to the masses and need the validation of their responses...or do we!?!...anyway,. I for one read many before posting on these threads but can't always discover what the "original topic" was.   So sometimes will guess at what is being discussed and add a comment based on that assumption not always being forthcoming with my comments; but being extremely (i do everything in extremes) thoughtful of others sensibilities.
Silence is Golden

Benevolently,
King Master Gryphon   also Queen Mistress Lady K..

The Qrystal King and Queen of  ************
 
[mod edit email removed]



< Message edited by ModeratorSixteen -- 7/16/2008 1:59:31 PM >

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 234
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/16/2008 1:04:19 AM   
anguisette22


Posts: 36
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirBitterSweet

Ang

I already told you twice... if you followed proper debate ettiquette, I would oblige your requests. *sigh*


Yeah...you're a liar. End of.

(in reply to SirBitterSweet)
Profile   Post #: 235
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/16/2008 1:32:06 AM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirBitterSweet

Ang

I already told you twice... if you followed proper debate ettiquette, I would oblige your requests. *sigh*


If you are going to make such a request of somebody, should you not be willing to follow that same ettiquette?

Such as not using the following...

Argumentum ad nauseam, argumentum ad numerum, argumentum ad populum, argumentum ad ignorantiam, argumentum ad logicam, and the ever so popular argumentum ad hominem.

Then again, I am a simple man have no desire to use the rules of "proper debate ettiquette", therefore such a request should not be made of me.

Have a good evening,
Thadius

_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to SirBitterSweet)
Profile   Post #: 236
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/16/2008 2:04:43 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		<----- 4 second bandit. 

I just want to drop in every 5 or 10 pages and help the time bandits by adding my 4 seconds worth. 

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 237
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/16/2008 7:55:22 AM   
Duskwolf


Posts: 192
Joined: 2/18/2007
From: Perth, Australia
Status: offline 		I also would like to drop by again, ROFL for a bit, and then leave, as RS does.

Thanks for letting me steal another 4 seconds of your life away from you! :D

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 238
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/16/2008 1:23:18 PM   
SirBitterSweet


Posts: 81
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		What you said Crystal caused some pause for thought.

If you must know, I asked a moderator to delete this entire thread. I felt it did more harm than good. They refused to delete it. LOL

::shrugs::

(in reply to THEQRYSTALQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 239
RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM - 7/16/2008 1:32:26 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I am glad they are not deleting threads.
You can actually learn a lot about human nature,
when people can hide behind their keyboards.
I find it fascinating.

(in reply to SirBitterSweet)
Profile   Post #: 240
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