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RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 6/16/2006 11:36:15 PM   
johnnywacks


Posts: 21
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		Wow. This thread has been chugging along for months now.   Lot's of positive energy here.

What sort of woman am I most attracted to?  I like sexy women.  And a woman is most sexy when she feels sexy and is willing to show it off, no matter what her size or shape.  I respond WAY MORE to a woman's eyes and face and energy than to her size.  The way a woman carries herself says everything.

I've spent the last few years working part-time in Los Angeles - home of the paper thin women.  There can't be a worse city in America to live in if your not a size 2 or less.  The entire CULTURE ithere is size and youth obsessed.  In general, MOST of the woman I meet there that look like models (and they are plenty of them) are some of the most insecure and uninteresting people you will meet.  In general, the more paper thin and "attractive" they are, the less fun they are to hang out with.  

My wife has a burn that covers her shoulder.  She was badly scalded when she was only 5 and grew up her whole life covering herself up.  Even her mother always made sure that she didn't show her scar to anybody.  She was always ashamed of the way it made her look.  It didn't matter what I told her.  She believed it made her ugly.  I mean her family and society told her it was.  And to be honest, it's not even that noticeable anyways, since it's been fading for decades. 

Well finally last year we had to go to a wedding, I finally convinced her to wear a shoulder-less dress.  I told her, "people will treat this scar exactly the way you treat it. If you are embarrassed by it, they will be embarrassed by it. If you wear it with pride, then people will treat you with respect."  So she bought the dress and we went the wedding and she was by god the most beautiful woman there and got a large number of compliments.   And she really was gorgeous.  She had never really shown off her figure, since she had spent most of her life covering herself up.

Now she regularly walks out of the house all the time, in all sorts of short-sleeves or no-sleeve outfits.  And for the most part people either don't notice it or don't seem to care.  And she is getting a LOT of attention from other men, which I know she likes.  And that attention has far more to do with her confidence than anything else.  And she IS more beautiful now then even when I met her 14 years ago, because she KNOWS she is.

I agree with earlier poster - enjoy your body.  It's an amazing thing no matter what size or shape or color.  If YOU enjoy your body and share it with others with pride and pleasure, you will have NO PROBLEM finding people who want to be with you.  



(in reply to babyboyk)
Profile   Post #: 201
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 6/17/2006 4:00:34 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Now this is a great post.  Thanks for sharing.

There are some who should take a page from your book.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to johnnywacks)
Profile   Post #: 202
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 6/17/2006 4:11:11 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Personaly I'm not a big fan of the BBW lable..... wearing it is like saying "The most important thing about me is that I am fat". For one thing, a lot of women who use it are not fat (in my eyes at least) and for another isn't the main thing 'who you are' not what size you are!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 203
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 6/17/2006 11:30:03 AM   
xsolitairex


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		It's alright for someone to have physical preferences.  I do.  But more important to me than that is the personality of that person. A handsome drop dead guy can turn into the worst creation of God once he opens his mouth and with the way he treats others.  He's then very unattractive to me.

If I'm corresponding with  someone...and he drops off the planet....it's too bad but, there are too many men on this earth to worry over a coward that  can't grab his balls long enough to say "not interested".

Sexy can come in all shapes and sizes.  Know you're special and treat yourself well.  Love your body...every inch of it. Find your best features and use them to your level of comfort.  Wear clothes that compliment your body type and personality.  Just because  you can wear it, doesn't mean you should.  Feeling and knowing you're sexy and beautiful on the inside, has a great impact on the outside.


Just my two cents,


Solitaire

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 204
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 6/17/2006 12:57:30 PM   
DominaBBW


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		 
The wild, wonderful world that is BDSM is a melting pot of very "unique" individuals.  There are those who who seek to morph their sex, modify their bodies, or become their canine/feline alter-ego.  There are blacks, whites, asians, gays, straights, lesbians and every variance on the spectrum in between. Some are entralled by older gay males in full leather, while others like young boy toys with hard bodies in g-strings.  There are those who dream of a waif-like Asian Domme strung into a tight latex corset and those who are overcome with joy as seeing a full-figured black Domme in a Goddess robe. 

People just are what they are....it's just a matter of finding someone who appreciates it.  So if someone doesn't enjoy your size, shape, color, fashion sense etc, perhaps you won't enjoy their preference for coating their genitals in tapioca pudding while wearing a beret.  It all works out in the end.

In this lifestyle we should celebrate differences.  After all, our differences are what seperates us from the vanilla world.

(in reply to johnnywacks)
Profile   Post #: 205
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 6/18/2006 9:54:35 PM   
talltxsub


Posts: 173
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		As the saying goes, "there is no accounting for taste".  That said, there are many definitions for the first two letters.  Big for one is voluptious or curvy for another.  And how do you define beautiful?  I love round, soft eyes and lips that laugh a lot.  And curves are wonderful.  But there is a point where size overwhelms me, and that point is different for me than it is for anyone else.

The point is, I like big beautiful women, but big is a definition that is up to me in terms of what is attractive, and how does one define beautiful?

(in reply to DominaBBW)
Profile   Post #: 206
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 7/14/2006 10:23:22 AM   
janiceleeinsc


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		I am a BBW, and I have a tall-thin slave.  I am finding that most people within the life especially in a real-time dungeon have welcomed me just as someone there own age. 
Someone adviced to get a coach.   I did this.  She is 28 and taught me how to dress, etc, flog, and generally be a Domme.   I even bought one of those braless teddies, and they said it was hot.  I have a lot of confidence walking around in fetish clothing.  Don't go back to vanilla.   A lot of sissy boys love bigger women. 

Respectfully,
Mistress_Jan

(in reply to Miriah)
Profile   Post #: 207
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 7/14/2006 10:50:31 AM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Be proud of who you are.  We are all individuals with differences, as are those seeking, they are not all seeking the same.  I will say however there are those online looking to "get their rocks off" and those i suggest are not looking for real.  That type of individual wants the stereotype of what they think a Dom/me should be, do and say.  Those of us who are real know that is not reality.
i also agree those who do not respond just dissapear are just rude.  We are all far better off to be able to eliminate those who are only looking at the package not what is inside.  Those who are just into the package are usually empty headed themselves.  Personally i have always been more concerned with personal cleanliness and how one takes care of oneself.  We are all aging, we are all wrinkling, sagging, etc.  Those looking only for the package will be lonely and old sooner than they realize.

i also thought the idea someone suggested was to put a pic up so you dont waste your time with the package seekers.


Cheers

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to Miriah)
Profile   Post #: 208
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/14/2006 9:44:41 AM   
Littlesavage


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have only had one person disappear after I said I was a big bomper of a lass.  It would have been politer of him to say sorry but not interested but if he felt unable to so be it.
 
I do use the term bbw and but also use the term fat, heavy, obese, I am all of those things but so much more than what I weigh and look like and if that is all someone sees then them not talking to me is not something to grieve over.
 
My phiolosopy is 'this is me, this is who I am, if you don't like it keep on walking, if you do come sit awhile beside me and we'll see what happens 
 
 

_____________________________

Now I'm going to spread the new.
That if it feels this good gettin' used
Keep on using me 'til you've used me up.


(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 209
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/14/2006 10:13:41 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Miriah

I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.



I can't agree with the lack of manners in failing to respond and decline a potential offer. That is never acceptable in my eyes. In regards to personal preferences, we all have them, and in my opinion no one should feel compelled to justify what they like. This topic seems to come up very frequently here and I do find it a little strange at times that there is such a large focus on weight and appearance. If someone isn't attracted to a woman of size it is well worth your time to be made aware of this sooner than later. Rather than lament the situations that you were unable to develop, consider those that wait in the wings to be discovered. As a wise author said, "Don't waste the pretty". Be secure in who and what you are and accept that your flavor is uniquely beautiful in it's own right.

porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 8/14/2006 10:16:23 AM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Miriah)
Profile   Post #: 210
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/14/2006 11:18:11 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peterK50

The same reason Dommes don't respond to male subs over 45, it doesn't fit the fantasy.

Not to hijack a thread or anything, but just like size, some of us have realistic age parameters for what we seek in our lives.  I'm 35, and I'm not likely to start a family with someone who's 50+.  Parameters like that might not seem to make sense to an individual who is out there seeking fetish fulfillment or casual play, but I assure you, they're done for good reason.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to peterK50)
Profile   Post #: 211
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/14/2006 2:10:19 PM   
Nuke718


Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		MisPandora has a point.  Everybod has preferences and parameters for their desired relationship. 

However, how we express these makes all the difference in the world.  Please compare the following

"Seeking somebody around my own age (28)" vs "NOBODY over 35 need waste my time or theirs"
"I try to stay fit and look for a partner who stays fit" vs "No fattys!"

When somebody is not specifically looking for "me" I don't get offended.  When somebody immediately puts me on the defensive about myself tho, I do not appreciate it.  But I don't hold a grudge.  I don't look for a relationship with either type, but I will be friendly with the first.  In fact, on more than one occasion I have written somebody to say that I am not what they are looking for in a relationship (and NOT trying to change their mind) but wanted to compliment them on something in their profile.  Heck there are more folks, men and women, who I don't match up with that I like and respect then there are good matches. 

Nuke

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 212
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/14/2006 3:45:37 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nuke718
However, how we express these makes all the difference in the world.  Please compare the following

"Seeking somebody around my own age (28)" vs "NOBODY over 35 need waste my time or theirs"
"I try to stay fit and look for a partner who stays fit" vs "No fattys!"

I disagree.  Let them flag their opinions strongly. It gives me that much more clue to steer plenty clear of them.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Nuke718)
Profile   Post #: 213
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/14/2006 3:50:43 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

Not to hijack a thread or anything, but just like size, some of us have realistic age parameters for what we seek in our lives.  I'm 35, and I'm not likely to start a family with someone who's 50+.  Parameters like that might not seem to make sense to an individual who is out there seeking fetish fulfillment or casual play, but I assure you, they're done for good reason.


Very well stated Ma'am. This is precisely what I was referencing in my original response. I don't see threads dedicated to this topic or other qualifiers people utilize selectively. While some choose to be brute and curt in their expression, others are far more tactful and use language that isn't overtly cruel. Nonetheless, we each have our own specific reasons for what is best suited for our situation.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 214
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/15/2006 6:26:35 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Miriah

I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah


We all have our ideal, every one of us.

Many women complain that "society has trained men to believe in..." (pick the approved societal paranoia).

Men have a similar argument (we simply don't express it as often).

Women can hide changes in body type far better than men can.  (You have all those fabulous curves). 

(We don't).

Don't concern yourself with those that want you to be something you aren't, or may never be.


< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/15/2006 7:01:24 PM >

(in reply to Miriah)
Profile   Post #: 215
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/15/2006 6:44:56 PM   
Windygal


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/17/2004
Status: offline 		hello, I am also a BBW, and I run ads in the personals section of BBW websites. the one I use has a section for "alternative" relationships and that is where I run my ads. Get lots of ppl interested.

Windygal aka Diane

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 216
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/15/2006 7:07:54 PM   
BuxomGoddess714


Posts: 91
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: So.California
Status: offline 		They don't???  News to Me!

Oh Lordy....  well, come to think of it, the ones I Domme are more accurately obsessed with, in Love with, Worshipping, and bowing down to Me.

I never stopped to ask if they "liked" Me.  hmmmmm come to think of it, I dont care.  As long as they Worship Me.

I am not concerned with what everyone else thinks.  I probably wouldn't "like" them either.
Even at 280 pounds I never had trouble finding subs, dates or boyfriends.  And I live in a beach city in Orange County, California where thin is in.  I don't get it?  Post a full length picture and say what You are.  There are plenty of men out there.

BuxomGoddess - All 190 beautiful pounds of Me

(in reply to Windygal)
Profile   Post #: 217
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/15/2006 8:07:06 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I have a picture up on the site so that people know up front what I look like. If you don't like it, then don't message me.


Yea, then boi's like me look at it and say "damn, why do all the cute ones live out of state..."

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 218
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/15/2006 8:12:27 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I have a picture up on the site so that people know up front what I look like. If you don't like it, then don't message me.


Yea, then boi's like me look at it and say "damn, why do all the cute ones live out of state..."


Thank you.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 219
RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 8/15/2006 8:18:34 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Welcome

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 220
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