Why don't men like BBW Dommes?

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Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 6:22:24 AM

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I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 6:33:03 AM

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miriah

I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah

Two factors here: taste and manners. You can't do much about taste. I have a beard and some women want their partners to be clean shaven. There are those who don't like my ethnic grouping, others who prefer younger. One just learns to live with that.

The lack of response, assuming the other party has initiated the conversation, is simply bad manners. This is less acceptable than someone following their taste but just another thing we have to live with because there doesn't seem to be much to do about it.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 7:17:11 AM

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Go back to vanilla just because someone doesn't find you attractive? It doesn't matter what lifestyle you are in, there are always going to be people who desire something else in physical attractiveness. For every person who doesn't desire a BBW, there is one who does. I've been through it all before, and when someone would disappear I would be grateful, because I need someone who is attracted to me as much as I am to them.

I have a picture up on the site so that people know up front what I look like. If you don't like it, then don't message me.

Don't let it get you down. Be confident in yourself, and know that anyone who disappears on you is doing you a favor and saving you time in the weeding-out process.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 7:43:31 AM

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Why don't SOME men like BBW DOmmes would be more accurate. Same reason some don't like blondes, a matter of personal taste.

Some DO Like em tho, and some like me get into individual persons rather than catagories. But I will say I geverally like women who are BBWs more tha I like the skinny little things. Mebbe I have met more, I dunno.

But why do they stop responding when they find out? Some guys are just asshats, and a polite goodbye is beyond them.

Nuke }:-

PS- big guys have the same issue from women...

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 7:44:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miriah

I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah

In complete agreement with the others here. Some re only interested in what the outside package shows. That is their personal choice.
But to stop responding without a "thankyou but no thanks", that is just a total lack of upbringing and manners. You should count yourself lucky that you are no longer in correspondance with them.
As for giving up because a few mannerless idiots acted the way they did? You must have faith in yourself :) I have been withouth a Dom/Master for 6 years, but I have not given up. The one you search for is out there, just have patience.

_____________________________

~~May Bright Blessings Be Bestowed Upon You and Yours~~

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 8:10:39 AM

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Joined: 9/13/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miriah

I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah

Miriah,
In this as in anything else, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I would not take other's preferences personally...they are merely preferences. Surely you have people you do not want to play with...due to their interests, appearance, mindset..or whatever. It is simply personal choice, not a condemnation of who you are.

I would question your description of meeting "so many great subs...who can't even send a message saying thanks, but no thanks." Rudeness is not an attractive quality. You may have met some people that interested you, who found they did not share your interest...but you will find many people on these boards can disagree or express a lack of interest in a respectful manner.

Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 8:34:11 AM

Kasia

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Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
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Men stop answering me when I ask them are they aware that we are a couple and they should deal with my man too.
And first thing in my profile says in bold letters - dominant couple - people could miss that only if they were blind.
Now there is a mistery for you to solve

Edited to say - they are not "great subs" my dear, they are ignorant fools.

< Message edited by Kasia -- 11/13/2005 8:35:21 AM >

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 8:41:52 AM

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Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
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well for my personal opinion, i have always been attracted to the "poofier" body type of woman. a good friend asked me once about my preferences, and i tried to explain. all i got was a puzzled look and a "grunt" of acknowledgement.
now if i were a sub, i would generally be attracted to the, as mentioned above, poofier body style. i would not stop at that point but i would look inside as well. if someone would want a fuller explanation of that drop me a note, and i will explain.

Dincubus

(in reply to Kasia)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 8:44:28 AM

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Joined: 5/31/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

Men stop answering me when I ask them are they aware that we are a couple and they should deal with my man too.
And first thing in my profile says in bold letters - dominant couple - people could miss that only if they were blind.
Now there is a mistery for you to solve

Edited to say - they are not "great subs" my dear, they are ignorant fools.

LOL, ok, now I am giggling...How could someone not see that?

_____________________________

~~May Bright Blessings Be Bestowed Upon You and Yours~~

(in reply to Kasia)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 9:06:48 AM

LadiesBladewing

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The solution to this is to figure out tools to deal with your own insecurites about your size. If you are secure in yourself, regardless of how you look, there will be people who come to recognize this, and who will welcome your strengths in their lives.

If you are insecure and hesitant, or if you let others decide who you are and how you act, or if you let one aspect of your "self" (in this case your appearance) keep you from standing up and standing out, it will be difficult for you to find someone willing to yield portions of themselves up to your control.

I know that there are a number of submissives who -want- a large, imposing dominant. One other thing you might try is visiting some of the munches and getting invoved with some of the groups in your area. Being present and carrying yourself with dignity will draw the submissives who are interested in that kind of bearing to you.

If you are struggling with developing your confidence, get out there and do things that allow you to get comfortable with presenting yourself. Get a life-coach or mentor, if you don't have one already. Don't be afraid to ask advice from people you respect. If there isn't anyone you respect in your life right now, your first priority should be -getting- someone that you respect in your life. Having someone to look up to is good for -everyone-... and listening to and evaluating that person's advice can help us to get perspective on what our -own- concepts of a given situation are, because we can evaluate the material they give us as already being from someone whose advice we value, and we can focus on the information itself, to see what value the specific -information- has for us.

This doesn't mean that you'll never have insecurities again -- but at least you'll have good coping tools to deal with them, and you will be able to present yourself so that you aren't wearing your insecurities on your sleeve for others to take a snipe at. Other people's visions of you will only hold up as long as you don't provide a counter-vision, so get strong in yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

Lady Zephyr

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 11/13/2005 9:07:31 AM >

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 10:17:07 AM

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Joined: 5/19/2005
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Hello There,
Most big fat out of shape men still expect their woman to be athletically thin. It's a way you can decide who's real and who's more interested in the surface of someone and not the real you inside. I'd say be glad these losers tell on themselves in the beginning as it keeps you from waisting your time with men who think all girls should look like Barbie to be worth while. Remember your real beauty comes from within, consider the pitiful source, and move on to a real man hon.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 10:39:01 AM

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Joined: 1/4/2004
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Ohhh, I hate being lumped in with losers..... There are many of us out here who find ourselves wanting to offer skinny little girls a nice, greazy cheeseburger to plump them up. We do not want to be able to count their ribs. Don't despair, yours is out there.

And there is no excuse ever for rudeness, so they were undeserving of attention anyway. And you found out early on.

Best of luck in your search.

_____________________________

Have you hugged your Sadist today?

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 11:02:50 AM

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Joined: 10/16/2005
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Rejection of desire is the source of the hurt, not the lack of a reply. For instance, on Craigslist, a popular personals site here in the Bay Area, it is almost standard operating procedure to say no by silence. That is the answer. It is not meant to be rude I don't think. Also, it also depends on how much back n forth has taken place between the two people. Right now, for instance with me, I am being not replied to by a woman I would have been very interested in meeting. We exchange several emails, enough for her to decide no i'm beginning to think. It's a minor rejection involving a minor amount of hurt to my feelings, but not because she hasn't written back to blow me off with a Thanks but no thanks letter.

(in reply to sjacket)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 11:27:33 AM

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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Many of us that is big have experienced rejection in our lives, horrid school proms where have have never been asked to dance, jokes and bad coments on our apperance, but as i have become an adult, it have become more and more clear to me that many men actualy do like big women, and it is more aboute acepting one self than trying to gain aceptance from others, for the worst kind of rejection is the one the one you do to yourself.

(in reply to HenryMiller)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 11:56:32 AM

FelinePersuasion

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LOL, ok, now I am giggling...How could someone not see that?

I know it was probably retorical question, But simple they did not want to see Dominant COUPLE, they were only interested that she was a female.]

(in reply to cltcdrd)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 12:07:29 PM

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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Oh one thing i forgot, some pepole dont like tall women either, i have a frind that dont wear hight heels beocuse then she be taller than her boyfrind, i say let pepole think what they think and let everyone find the person that is right for them.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 12:11:10 PM

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Miriah,

I'm a BBW sub. I'm reading a terrific book called "Big, Big Love" by Hanne Blank (The book speaks to kinksters and vanillas alike). It is helping me normalize my own experience as a BBW and to understand it really is all about preference. Yes, it is doubly difficult to deal when we live in a society that perpetuates this crazy myth that fat is undesirable, when nothing could be further from the truth for a significant portion of our society. I once told a boyfriend of mine that I didn't think I was attractive enough because I was not thin. I told him men don't find me attractive (I was not including him in that statement). He looked at me like I had just said the nuttiest thing on earth. He said to me, "you're just not paying attention." He was so right on point. Since I've been accepting and understanding that statement of his more and more and the fact that size, like every other kind of preference is just a matter of "taster's choice," so to speak, I feel a hundred pounds lighter (pun intended). More importantly, I'm now putting myself out there first thing as the bright, attractive, got-so-much-to-offer submissive bbw I am. And I'm finding some folks don't like my fatness, but guess what? Some folks do. How groovy is that? And btw, there are plenty subs who dig bbws dommes, just put yourself out there and present yourself to reflect your wonderfulness. (Don't forget to post a pic, if you can. Or offer a pic first thing.) Then sit back and enjoy the deluge. After all, "If you build it, they will come."

Take care,
gina

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 12:35:23 PM

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

Go back to vanilla just because someone doesn't find you attractive? It doesn't matter what lifestyle you are in, there are always going to be people who desire something else in physical attractiveness. For every person who doesn't desire a BBW, there is one who does. I've been through it all before, and when someone would disappear I would be grateful, because I need someone who is attracted to me as much as I am to them.

You said it LadyJulieAnn,
Vanilla or lifestyle, personal tastes are there to be dealt with, and chemistry is necessary.
I couldn't agree with you more in that I need someone who thinks I'm hot as is, and I have to be attracted to him. I'm fairly certain Ms Miriah has rejected some subs for some reason or another, so why assume they are disappearing because of her size? As she mentions her height/weight and fact that she is a BBW up front, why would someone than be shocked by that info later, and there are sooo many other reasons people play BS games online. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 1:00:04 PM

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I guess the most important thing is to be completely honest and up front about it. My problem when I first came online is that I never told people I was a BBW, and used photographs that only showed me face from the thinnest angle. If you're up front, you'll attract the kind of people who WILL be attracted to you from the get-go, and save your time talking to assholes who are only looking for a hot chippy.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/13/2005 1:05:00 PM

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Thank you all for your comments and advice. I have always thought that I had come to terms with my size, and I do tell subs right up front that I am a BBW.

As for getting involved with munches and things, there are only two groups in my area, one is poly and the other is mainly male Doms and fem subs, not to mention they are both quite a ways from where I live. *Yeee Haaa for living out in the boonies of utah*

I have decided to put my weight and the fact that I am a BBW on my profile so they know before they contact me.

Once again thank you all, I guess last night I was frustrated cause a sub that I had just about everything in common with and seemed delighted to "find" me wasn't so delighted after I told him I was a BBW.

Miriah

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

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