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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 12:12:13 PM

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sometimes..as has been said already, I believe, the slap IS the words.

there have been times that I've gotten out of line, not realized I have done, and I'm in a mode where the verbal correction feels like more playing around.

Face slapping wasnt the means to get me back on track, but it WAS a physical reminder..

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 12:14:32 PM

opposingtwilight

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I guess I could see that happening but I still think it walks right up the edge of potential abuse. I'm overly sensative though. :)

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 12:18:01 PM

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I don't really see it..in the context of the op.. as being any different from gently swatting the fingers of a toddler reaching for, say, something that could harm them.

but that's just me.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 12:27:32 PM

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I do enjoy face slapping. There's two kinds I think: planned, deliberate face slapping that is essentially the same as spanking, only the target is difference. I sometimes had my sub kneel, lift her chin, and endure a good slapping around the face. This was extremely hot for both of us. On the other hand there's the more immediate, reactionary face slap. I think it's important that this kind of face slap is not made 'in anger', but as a considered (if only briefly) and appropriate response to a transgression. I found it most effective as a 'breaker', a tool to snap sub girl out of her brattish behaviour. Sometimes that alone was enough, sometimes a more prolonged punishment was necessary.

Immediate punishments like that, I think, do require a close bond between sub and dom. Doms are human, and sometimes we get things wrong. The sub needs to be able to forgive the dom when he makes a mistake, and the dom needs to be able to accept the mistake and make good on it. For me at least.

Just my 0.02p.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 12:28:51 PM

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well said, dt :)

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 2:52:37 PM

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For me, badlilthang said it best with the part about it being instinct. Face slapping is on my hard limits list, and I have posted in previous threads that I would most likely react physically, as it is a trigger that puts me in a very bad headspace. This is not to say that I would "feel it is ok" to slap my Dom; it is my instinctive, instant reaction to being slapped in the face. I would expect my Dom to be aware of this, and also to know that grabbing my jaw or chin firmly is a hell of an attention getter for me without eliciting the same reaction (that communication thing). If he wanted to work on that limit, I would hope that he wouldn't choose to do so by giving me a sudden punitive smack such as you described, particularly when I might not even be aware that I had stepped over the line during a playful interaction. It seems to me that doing so is setting the sub up to fail.
$.02

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 3:05:04 PM

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Any partner I am with should know better than to try to hit me when I am angry or in a reactionary space* cause I will, do and HAVE hit back and for me it's reactionary. I do it before I even realize I've done it. If I am angry or in a bad space and you know it do not lay hands on me I will become violent.And he's born the brunt of that a few times . Once was even his fault, because dureing a fight he was going to hit me out of anger and I defended myself against him before he could hit me by biting him as he reached for my face.

Yes, I suppose you could say that reaction could be trained out of a girl, or they could be punished worse for reacting instinctivly and impulsivly, but for us, personally he just chooses not to try to touch me or hit me while I am angry or reactionary.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddystouch

On the other hand there's the more immediate, reactionary face slap. I think it's important that this kind of face slap is not made 'in anger', but as a considered (if only briefly) and appropriate response to a transgression. I found it most effective as a 'breaker', a tool to snap sub girl out of her brattish behaviour. Sometimes that alone was enough, sometimes a more prolonged punishment was necessary.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 8/3/2008 3:10:57 PM >

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 3:18:43 PM

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Well said Daddystouch........i enjoy face slapping, but only in play or a scene....if it was done in anger or as a punishment i might consider it abuse and would cause me to communicate those feelings with my Dominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddystouch

I do enjoy face slapping. There's two kinds I think: planned, deliberate face slapping that is essentially the same as spanking, only the target is difference. I sometimes had my sub kneel, lift her chin, and endure a good slapping around the face. This was extremely hot for both of us. On the other hand there's the more immediate, reactionary face slap. I think it's important that this kind of face slap is not made 'in anger', but as a considered (if only briefly) and appropriate response to a transgression. I found it most effective as a 'breaker', a tool to snap sub girl out of her brattish behaviour. Sometimes that alone was enough, sometimes a more prolonged punishment was necessary.

Immediate punishments like that, I think, do require a close bond between sub and dom. Doms are human, and sometimes we get things wrong. The sub needs to be able to forgive the dom when he makes a mistake, and the dom needs to be able to accept the mistake and make good on it. For me at least.

Just my 0.02p.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 6:01:35 PM

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a slap to the face or face slapping to me is a hard limit and not due to the pain , its more a trigger for me and not in a good way.So its left out of the line up and i do not do it unless asked to do so to another .

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 8:18:19 PM

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Sorry AZ, guess it just won't work out between us after all... I'm a face slapper. It's more of a 'correctional' responce for me. As in You did something wrong, or that I told you not to do, one slap and it's over. Although sometimes while scening... I enjoy doing it more than just the once.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 8:21:42 PM

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I love getting my face slapped *hard*. However I haven't been able to do any slapping yet. I'm not worried about causing pain, but more of just screwing up in general, bad aim and all that. I'm afraid I will end up hitting their ear or nose or some other awkward situation. I need to practice somehow but the only thing I have around is my cat. (Kidding of course)

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/3/2008 8:39:03 PM

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Well thats a bummer over before we start .. I discovered it was a trigger for me and had to stop the internal green hulk out mode quick and now i know .
Though there are plenty of other areas to slap n smack

amy- If you wish to get in some slap time go to a sporting goods store most have a display of a male torso punching bag dude you can smack around .Heck you may just want to save gas and take him home instead of return trips to the store for free slaps

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Sorry AZ, guess it just won't work out between us after all... I'm a face slapper. It's more of a 'correctional' responce for me. As in You did something wrong, or that I told you not to do, one slap and it's over. Although sometimes while scening... I enjoy doing it more than just the once.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/5/2008 7:10:05 PM

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Its true... I was not previously a fan of face slapping, not even in play. I think I needed to find someone that I was comfortable with, and that I was certain would never hurt me in a malicious way.
Now, while it isn't something I would ask for, a light, firm smack on my face is an enjoyable reminder of who I am and where I belong :) That being said, in that particular situation I would not hit back. If someone were to strike me out of anger, (and yes I have read the thread and it seems as though this was not the case) I would not hesitate to retaliate.

To the OP... Im of the same belief, if she wasn't comfortable taking that from you, its likely it "struck" her in more ways than one...

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/5/2008 8:25:31 PM

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As a child my father loved to slap my face he did not always need a reason either,it has left me with an aversion to having a hand brought up near my face quickly. I tend to jump back, if a dom slapped me i would most likely crumble or kick him and then leave it would be a deal breaker. Of course he would know this ahead of time.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/5/2008 10:06:37 PM

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I keep trying to answer this one and I keep being stopped by it cause, well, I just don't know.

In play, hell yes. I absolutely love it, and it just seriously sets me off.

In the scenario above, well....I just don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/5/2008 10:16:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: I sometimes had my sub kneel, lift her chin, and endure a good slapping around the face. This was extremely hot for both of us.

oh,and this...so seriously hot.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/6/2008 10:41:08 AM

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Though I agree the instinctual response is to slap back for most. Perhaps the general concensus is that slapping is as out of place here as it would be in any lifestyle, but with some of us it finds it's place here. More often than not slapping from anger the first time is a discovery point for many such as myself, but if an s is overly-playful/passive-aggr'sv in her behaviours, anger will most certainly give rise to the question of whether a good HARD slap woul do the trick in this D's realm. How is face-slapping not a tool from easily slipped from the top drawer for more than occasionl use? I have found a decent accent on punishment for her is to slap her in public with cursory eye on the space I am working in.

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RE: Face slapping - how hard a limit? - 8/7/2008 11:49:13 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner
On one occasion I got the response mentioned frequently in the thread - she slapped back.

It completely and irrevocably altered my perception of our relationship. If she feels she can slap me, fine; we're just two adults relating one to another. I don't like it, she doesn't like it - no big deal. But, in my mind it was a mega earth-shattering moment, she was no longer mine, clearly never had been; she was just a friend.

Ahhh, the joys of absolutism. So then am I to infer that if a person has any limits whatsoever then she is not yours? I read this situation differently. I'd say that you, the dom, crossed a boundary unawares and got the predictable response. If from that you infer that she was never yours....well.... it's going to be a really long wait to find one who is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SundownerAnd the way I feel about a sub and the way I feel about a friend - two hugely different relationships. Friends are very important to me. Subs are - well on a completely different higher level; "important" just doesn't say enough.

One would certainly hope so. When my wife and I were newer to this, I one time said to her that I felt guilty because I was more in love with her as my slave than I had been with her as my wife. She looked at me indignantly and said, "Well I should damned well hope so. I'm putting a lot more into it now." *laughs*. Fair enough, score slave 1, master 0.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner
Maybe we doms should get this included in the dom manual - at a suitable point, reasonably early in the relationship, slap sub to assess her subliness. Instant obedience, shocked breakdown into tears - fine; test passed. A slap back - failure and withdrawal of her sub card.

Again, my persepctive would be different. I'd rewrite this to say somethign like...

Maybe subs should get this included in their sub manual -- at some point, reasonably early in the relationship, if their dom goes trampling over any sort of boundaries like a bull in a china shop with no regard to the actual sub he is trying ot dom, but lost in a fantasy vision that he has, then he is not your dom. In fact, you're not even in a relationship at all with him since clearly you are invisible to him. Dom fails test and loses dom card.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner
But I'd be interested to hear whether those (and there are many) who say it's a hard limit mean a limit in casual play or a limit with their dom.

In our marriage, I'm don't think we have hard limits as you're meaning it. There are things, however, that I as the Dom who is acutely aware of my subs reactions and mindset, choose not to do because it would be counterproductive to my larger goals. Face slapping is a very good example of that. My wife would read that as humiliation and she has WAY too many childhood tapes that would play negatively against that theme. There are other things that I know that I will do, but accept that it will take time and patience and love to move the boundary from it's current position to whatever new one is desired. Isn't that the essence of being a good Master? Being able to lead your sub? I always get confused when anytime the dynamic breaks down people want to look at a failure in following? I had always thought responsibility flows uphill, not down. My default position (although not always my final conclusion) is that when our dynamic breaks down, it is MY fault... you know... the buck stops HERE, at my desk.

ALL that being said, I do enforce rules of courtesy. It's just in this example, I'd have already broken the rule so thoroughly by slapping her (actually, my real crime wasn't slapping her, it was being oblivious to a boundary like that) that I could hardly fault her for responding poorly.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 8/7/2008 11:50:30 AM >

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