lally3
Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote:
ORIGINAL: lally3 but it goes way deeper than that - its the whole emotional and psychological thing of submission and to be made to feel so wanted and precious that they want to clap you in irons and make them theirs - its that part we have to protect ourselves from until enough time has lapsed that we really can see it in their eyes and feel it tangibly. Are you talking about compassion here? Like trying to see ourselves as others see us? OK: if i look into a mirror at the moment, today (not yesterday even) but today i see a proud and whole woman, with an open heart who treasures absolute truth above all else. Now i also feel that there is no such thing as the truth and what i mean by that absolute truth is truth that is a shared phenomena. OK: so this is the part where the drama sharks can xome and snap up the pieces however..... I can this time hold a mirror up to myself and say I followed faultlessly in as deep a service as I could. This was before and after my collar. But their was an omission and a lie and a total withdrawal and lack of caring after the collar,,,,no one there to service. Maybe it was emotional sadism and I have changed and it was beyond any kind of sadism i have encounted emotionally. But if i look deeper: i expect to serve but this does ot mean that I expect NOTHING. It means that iI expect that SOMEONE to serve and that their withdrawal simply means withdrawak into their own fears/triggers/inconsistencies and that means hey? hold on a moment.......withdraw far enough and I can't even service your needs. Did that make sense lally? No, i didnt mean compassion hun. i meant that before a sub throws herself into the words and promises made she should be sure, absolutely sure that he means it, and the only way to really be sure is for there to be consistancy and for it to be backed up by that quality in someones eyes that tells you he is genuine. a very good friend of mine on here, went through a shitty time like this. she was hurt and after months of being with this guy, he suddenly decided he couldnt give her the things she needed. it came out of the blue. well, she learnt from this, as i think you and i must learn. she is now heading into a wonderful relationship, but she has held herself back, she has kept the ball in her court and exercised her right to take her time and let the relationship grow between them as people. i had an interesting experience last night with this larger than life bouncy wonderful man on msn - he was/is so enthusiastic, he wants to meet on saturday and (flame away guys - smile))) love ya!))) - i could have allowed the subbie me to be pushed faster than i was ready, i felt it teetering and almost gave in. actually i did, but ive pulled back today - i need to be in control of this. for a subbie woman thats anathama, there is that thing inside of you, inside of me anyway, that feels churned up in saying no, in taking control - but i have. you know this thread and all of this wonderful advice has got me thinking, there are people on here, Kyst jumps to mind, who have come up with some excellent insight and David, very smart David who is coming from the direction you and i need to adopt. what you said up there makes sense to me, i understand where you are, you know i do - time now to regroup and look at where we went wrong in allowing someone in too soon too fast. we have to value what we give a little more than we do and not get bamboozled by words and promises. these guys need to take responsibility for what they are doing, but so must we. it takes two hands to clap and we did play our part in falling at their feet too quickly, maybe putting pressure on them too fast and certainly giving it all up too readily. there are two schools here in this world. one that says a sub should not dictate the pace, should relinquish herself in order for the D to know she can and to allow them to take the lead. this is what we have done, and it hasnt worked out for us. so the other school says, take it slow, take your time, see no value in a collar given too soon, no matter how perfectly everything is going. it isnt enough to submit yourself and think that will carry everything along, that submission is the only glue required. submission is the ultimate goal, the icing on the cake - but first we have to make sure the ingredients are correct to bake that cake and it doesnt come out all flat and crispy (like my victoria sponges always do!... why is that by the way!) love and hugs. xx
< Message edited by lally3 -- 8/7/2008 4:05:12 AM >
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even doves have pride (Prince)
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