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RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/6/2008 7:46:43 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Within a quick search I can see that you've had three different masters, at least, within a year.  You are in a revolving door of collars and are the last person that probably should be giving advice about how to have successful, collared relationships.  Perhaps people should do the exact opposite of what you write.
Where's that thread on melodrama.....
I don't mean to be harsh, but maybe you should take a break from relationships for a bit.

Oh well that was one more collar than there actually was so can you count?



Well let's see...back in Sept. of 2007 you spoke of being owned four months earlier.
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1256015

And then in Feb of 2008 you once again announced a new ownership.  In fact you even had a new profile with his name. 
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1629302

And just a few weeks ago I'm pretty sure that your profile said that you were once again owned by someone.  And obviously that didn't work out as apparent by these last few threads. 

As you can tell...it was a relaxing, boring day by the pool for me. 
Personally, I think you love this type of dysfunction and drama.  Doesn't bother me in the least.  I find it entertaining and somewhat informative of how not to act in relationships. 

edited to add....I'm sure that if I was really bored or had insomnia that I'd be able to dig up at least one more collar for you. 

The first two references reference the same Master.
However: I seem to remember you have only played four times this yeear. Bdsm frustration setting in maybe?
Anyway it's very benevolent of you to keeo a diary for me. Perhaps if you are so bored you might want to apply for the position as my PA? Or do you just want to top me? Top me as much as you like on the boards, I would never invite you to top me in reality; not unless you get a few more years actual experience  and provbed to be a creature of more than one emotional dimension other than cynicism.
Kind of you to keep track though....when I get senile you can remind me how many Masters I have accumulated by the age of 90.
Meanwhile why have you felt the urge to derail the thread? It wasn't about the number of masters or collars I have or haven't had. Read the strap line.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/6/2008 7:49:31 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/6/2008 7:47:02 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I'm a total bastard. I do not look at a collar as a romantic place holder that says "hands off till I get tired of dipping my wick."
 
 I see it as meaning someone has made the grade with me, and that I did well enough that she found it worth putting in the time and effort it took to accomplish EARNING it.


Very directly put. We're the same on this end, by the by... our prospective servants -stay- prospective servants until we've decided that it's time... and I'm not talking about days or weeks here... months... yeah... I think we've gone as far as a year and a day. I wouldn't make a good servant wait years, and I won't expend a year on a servant that just isn't making the grade -- but sometimes you have someone with a lot of potential, but who, maybe, has a lot to learn or some things to work through... Xhe's worth the effort, but things are just dicey enough that rushing a collar might tip the scale in the wrong direction.

The thing is, it's all about patience. A collar or ring won't make a relationship. Not having one won't break a relationship that is solid -- but giving or accepting without having a good foundation, well, that pretty much never works out.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/6/2008 7:53:27 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

quote:

locked and then you have to phone the owner to ask for the keys?
or you have to ask on your public profile because he refuses all contact?
or refuses to accept you just want to take the damn thing off because it was meaningless in the first place once they got the sex????
or they thought they had collared you for life and therefore you would take any sadistic crap?


I've been faced with these and similar questions.

I don't have any answers. 

At first I thought it was important to know the why's and wherefores, then I got bored thinking about it and, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed one answer was as good as the other.  Fungible.  Like factory workers on an assembly line.  Or, submissives.


Fungible....thank you. I learned a new word today.
yes fungible. A really most amazing word. One answer as to why collars come and go is as useful as any other reason as to why a collar comes and goes.
Thank you for the concept. I shall make a point of using the word fungible tomorrow.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/6/2008 8:11:02 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I hope that any new submissive reading this thread realized that this is perhaps the clearest lesson in how NOT to have healthy rewarding relationships and proof that some old dogs just can't learn to do anything but tricks.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/6/2008 8:16:57 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW


quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I'm a total bastard. I do not look at a collar as a romantic place holder that says "hands off till I get tired of dipping my wick."
 
 I see it as meaning someone has made the grade with me, and that I did well enough that she found it worth putting in the time and effort it took to accomplish EARNING it.


Very directly put. We're the same on this end, by the by... our prospective servants -stay- prospective servants until we've decided that it's time... and I'm not talking about days or weeks here... months... yeah... I think we've gone as far as a year and a day. I wouldn't make a good servant wait years, and I won't expend a year on a servant that just isn't making the grade -- but sometimes you have someone with a lot of potential, but who, maybe, has a lot to learn or some things to work through... Xhe's worth the effort, but things are just dicey enough that rushing a collar might tip the scale in the wrong direction.

The thing is, it's all about patience. A collar or ring won't make a relationship. Not having one won't break a relationship that is solid -- but giving or accepting without having a good foundation, well, that pretty much never works out.

Calla Firestorm


I'm not one of those people who are conditioned towards surrendering to the concept of "instant gratification." There are quite a few things in modern society that I am against-and "the way of the burger" is one of them.

I'm not something that can be ordered up with a side of fries for $1.95.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 8/6/2008 8:17:29 PM >

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I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/6/2008 8:27:20 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Oh...with this thread title, I thought you were talking about the U.S. Armed Forces.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/6/2008 8:34:27 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I find it so interesting that you can't seem to see the irony of this thread.  You start a thread about how easily and quickly people collar each other and how those relationships never work (cliffnotes version) and you are the perfect example of that.  More than once you've come to this board completely upset about a failed relationship seeking advice.   I certainly don't wish anything bad on you, but if you ask for advice or feel the need to rant...which this thread really is about...I'm not going to softsoap anything.  I'd have more respect for anyone that came and said I'm just pissed because I can't seem to get things right rather than pretend that the thread isn't about them. 
I'm hoping this isn't coming across as angry or pompous because that really isn't my intent.  You seem to be struggling so much and I think a lot of people here have tried to give you good advice.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/6/2008 9:00:22 PM   
justjosie


Posts: 24
Joined: 7/31/2008
Status: offline 		So, I posted a thread like this once, under another name, quite some time ago.  I share this because I want you to know there are others of us who have also been repeatedly hurt.  I for one, HUNDREDS of times, before I could stop the cycle.

I agree with the synopsis of a few entries here; you can just never rush something and then truly expect a good/healthy/sane relationship, whether it be 'nilla or not. 

You can't change the hurtful behaviors of others, but you can surround yourself with those who care about you and can help you take your time making better choices. 

jos

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 3:26:11 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
You seem to be struggling so much and I think a lot of people here have tried to give you good advice.

Eileen you know in your heart of hearts that you have not tried to give good advice. You just did the Eileen show. Actually those who gave good advice have emailed me privately and it wasn't about ME the initial event that sparked this off. It was about a man's struggle and another submissive actually.
What prompted mem to open it was actually a private email from another submissive who seemed also to be suffering. My opening gambits are rarely just personal and believe me if they were i would say so. and there's nothing wrong in that nor is there anything right.
It's becoming so conformist here. Like a self-congratulatory club.
I'm a Brit. I'm eccentric.
I'm an individual.
I don't play at this stuff.
It's not a separarte part of my life done in a club.
I think there's probably an age difference between us too?
I think if you really looked close at your own strategies when you post and used some deep personal honesty then you would see it.
You communicate like a clown, like a performer, like a happy go-lucky player to whom life and its tradgedies and ups and down simply don;'t happen.
When they do/if they may you find succour and help and support.
If this is a suppport board then all you really seem to do is treat it like random polls and other humour....or random polls and stupidity.
Judging from the amount of private mail my posts generate there are a very great many out there who are thankful and admire my tenacity and they way I am able to express my emotions and the REALITY of living in the lifestle which is not distinct from the way I live my life in general.
So be it as it may; iIjust don't find you, your attitude or your playground 'my team' your team' tactics supportive.
Are we up to speed?
Edited to add: do any of us get everything right anyway? good on yer if you do. You just became guru status.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/7/2008 3:28:04 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 3:26:58 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I hope that any new submissive reading this thread realized that this is perhaps the clearest lesson in how NOT to have healthy rewarding relationships and proof that some old dogs just can't learn to do anything but tricks.


any discussion that puts perspective, productive discourse, different view points, self analysis, development of ideas and a few well honed opinions together is valuable to all and everyone, helps a person re-examine themselves.

not just new s'types but new d'types too, there is something for everyone here.

derrogatory comments such as the one you seem hell-bent on spewing are not productive and dont lend anything to this discussion whatsoever.  i happen to find what you wrote up there incredibly offensive.

if prin is trying to find her way through this, then this is the most excellent place to do it.  as my grandmother always used to say.  'if you have nothing productive to say, say nothing'

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 3:47:27 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		So, OK maybe I am biased.
 
I have sat here and watched this thread turn into a ad hom attack on someone I dearly love.
And it is pretty shit.
 
I have to say it's also quite ironic that those who deny they have drama in their lives on another thread are the very same ones perpetuating it here, just as they do on numerous threads.  Are your lives so utterly boring that you have a need to get in on someones life who is full of life????  It's not funny, nor clever and y'all should be ashamed of yourselves for making something into a personal vendetta and nothing more than a name calling exercise(for some of you).  This isn't the first time, nor do I believe it will be the last.  But your immaturity is shining brighter than a comet on a clear moonlite night.
 
I'm not posting this stick up for Prinnie.  Shes quite capable of doing that for herself - which people who don't know her fail to understand.  But I am posting this for all the readers and new people out there who will read this and believe this is the correct way for people to act and who might just take the advice of one of these name callers or people who have no personality other than run people down, that seem to think it is ok to try and take the focus away a good question not even realising they are being disrespectful to people who take the time to answer.
 
the.dark.


_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 3:50:22 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I hope that any new submissive reading this thread realized that this is perhaps the clearest lesson in how NOT to have healthy rewarding relationships and proof that some old dogs just can't learn to do anything but tricks.


any discussion that puts perspective, productive discourse, different view points, self analysis, development of ideas and a few well honed opinions together is valuable to all and everyone, helps a person re-examine themselves.

not just new s'types but new d'types too, there is something for everyone here.

derrogatory comments such as the one you seem hell-bent on spewing are not productive and dont lend anything to this discussion whatsoever.  i happen to find what you wrote up there incredibly offensive.

if prin is trying to find her way through this, then this is the most excellent place to do it.  as my grandmother always used to say.  'if you have nothing productive to say, say nothing'

Thank you lally.
I am personally and professionally insured to the tune of two million pounds (English money).
I usually take care of myself when someone insults me don't worry.
I simply suspect that there are a few D types who really believe there own personnas and think they are Doinants to every submissive who happens to appear on the forums.
Sharks like to be fed also, so I'm gong to withold his ration of attention for today.
Now where were we? Collars?

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/7/2008 3:51:07 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 3:53:23 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Fast reply to anyone who is reading......
who owns the collar anyyway?
I have had differing perspectives on this.
In other words when the collar becomes burdensome, when the collar grows cold, when the collar becomes a burden and a millstone round the neck, when the collars chains become the slaves weakest links????.....in whom is the power invested to remove it/
particulalrly when it was conferred as life long and accepted on that basis?

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/7/2008 3:54:20 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 3:55:00 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I hope that any new submissive reading this thread realized that this is perhaps the clearest lesson in how NOT to have healthy rewarding relationships and proof that some old dogs just can't learn to do anything but tricks.


And maybe some of the new submissives and dominants reading this thread will realise and find out that even those people who run groups and assist in venues and who have good friends in the BDSM arena and who do - most of the time - have really good advice - can also spew biased and rubbish statements that have no direct truth to them.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 3:56:22 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

Fungible....thank you. I learned a new word today.
yes fungible. A really most amazing word. One answer as to why collars come and go is as useful as any other reason as to why a collar comes and goes.
Thank you for the concept. I shall make a point of using the word fungible tomorrow.


You're welcome. 



_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 4:00:03 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Fast reply to anyone who is reading......
who owns the collar anyyway?
I have had differing perspectives on this.
In other words when the collar becomes burdensome, when the collar grows cold, when the collar becomes a burden and a millstone round the neck, when the collars chains become the slaves weakest links????.....in whom is the power invested to remove it/
particulalrly when it was conferred as life long and accepted on that basis?


I have always believed the collar is owned by the person who purchases it.
However, the removal of the collar can be done by either parties when the contract/agreement is nullified by any party.  But it should always be returned to the one who owns it and if they will not accept that, then I would discard it, probably to a charity for me, unless their are children invovled, then it would be passed on eventually if they wanted it.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 4:02:21 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3



but it goes way deeper than that - its the whole emotional and psychological thing of submission and to be made to feel so wanted and precious that they want to clap you in irons and make them theirs - its that part we have to protect ourselves from until enough time has lapsed that we really can see it in their eyes and feel it tangibly.



Are you talking about compassion here? Like trying to see ourselves as others see us?
OK: if i look into a mirror at the moment, today (not yesterday even) but today i see a proud and whole woman, with an open heart who treasures absolute truth above all else. Now i also feel that there is no such thing as the truth and what i mean by that absolute truth is truth that is a shared phenomena.
OK: so this is the part where the drama sharks can xome and snap up the pieces however.....
I can this time hold a mirror up to myself and say I followed faultlessly in as deep a service as I could. This was before and after my collar. But their was an omission and a lie and a total withdrawal and lack of caring after the collar,,,,no one there to service.
Maybe it was emotional sadism and I have changed and it was beyond any kind of sadism i have encounted emotionally.
But if i look deeper: i expect to serve but this does ot mean that I expect NOTHING. It means that iI expect that SOMEONE to serve and that their withdrawal simply means withdrawak into their own fears/triggers/inconsistencies and that means hey? hold on a moment.......withdraw far enough and I can't even service your needs.
Did that make sense lally?



No, i didnt mean compassion hun.  i meant that before a sub throws herself into the words and promises made she should be sure, absolutely sure that he means it, and the only way to really be sure is for there to be consistancy and for it to be backed up by that quality in someones eyes that tells you he is genuine.

a very good friend of mine on here, went through a shitty time like this.  she was hurt and after months of being with this guy, he suddenly decided he couldnt give her the things she needed.  it came out of the blue.  well, she learnt from this, as i think you and i must learn.  she is now heading into a wonderful relationship, but she has held herself back, she has kept the ball in her court and exercised her right to take her time and let the relationship grow between them as people.

i had an interesting experience last night with this larger than life bouncy wonderful man on msn - he was/is so enthusiastic, he wants to meet on saturday and (flame away guys - smile))) love ya!))) - i could have allowed the subbie me to be pushed faster than i was ready, i felt it teetering and almost gave in.  actually i did, but ive pulled back today - i need to be in control of this.  for a subbie woman thats anathama, there is that thing inside of you, inside of me anyway, that feels churned up in saying no, in taking control - but i have.

you know this thread and all of this wonderful advice has got me thinking, there are people on here, Kyst jumps to mind, who have come up with some excellent insight and David, very smart David who is coming from the direction you and i need to adopt.

what you said up there makes sense to me, i understand where you are, you know i do - time now to regroup and look at where we went wrong in allowing someone in too soon too fast.  we have to value what we give a little more than we do and not get bamboozled by words and promises.

these guys need to take responsibility for what they are doing, but so must we.  it takes two hands to clap and we did play our part in falling at their feet too quickly, maybe putting pressure on them too fast and certainly giving it all up too readily.

there are two schools here in this world.  one that says a sub should not dictate the pace, should relinquish herself in order for the D to know she can and to allow them to take the lead.  this is what we have done, and it hasnt worked out for us.  so the other school says, take it slow, take your time, see no value in a collar given too soon, no matter how perfectly everything is going.  it isnt enough to submit yourself and think that will carry everything along, that submission is the only glue required.  submission is the ultimate goal, the icing on the cake - but first we have to make sure the ingredients are correct to bake that cake and it doesnt come out all flat and crispy (like my victoria sponges always do!... why is that by the way!)

love and hugs. xx

< Message edited by lally3 -- 8/7/2008 4:05:12 AM >

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even doves have pride (Prince)

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 4:02:54 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I'm a total bastard. I do not look at a collar as a romantic place holder that says "hands off till I get tired of dipping my wick."
 
 I see it as meaning someone has made the grade with me, and that I did well enough that she found it worth putting in the time and effort it took to accomplish EARNING it.


Dont you miss the old ways? Thankfully...some of us still do it this way.

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat



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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 4:08:42 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I'm a total bastard. I do not look at a collar as a romantic place holder that says "hands off till I get tired of dipping my wick."
 
 I see it as meaning someone has made the grade with me, and that I did well enough that she found it worth putting in the time and effort it took to accomplish EARNING it.


Dont you miss the old ways? Thankfully...some of us still do it this way.


Why is that an old way?  It seems pretty standard, not set in years.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 4:20:21 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I'm a total bastard. I do not look at a collar as a romantic place holder that says "hands off till I get tired of dipping my wick."
 
 I see it as meaning someone has made the grade with me, and that I did well enough that she found it worth putting in the time and effort it took to accomplish EARNING it.


Dont you miss the old ways? Thankfully...some of us still do it this way.


Why is that an old way?  It seems pretty standard, not set in years.
 
the.dark.

 
I say old way because I dont see the protocol and the levels of collars and such happening...ever really anymore. That may just be my part of the country/world

_____________________________

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(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 60
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