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RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 4:39:55 AM

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

First of all it's Aileen. Not Eileen.
I don't play at this either...real time only. Just so you know...everyone has shit in their lives. I do, you do, everyone. How we deal with it and how we dramatize and make it somehow seem so much more important than other people's shit is what sets people apart. I most certainly am not the only one to assume that this was about you. Why is that? Maybe your posting history? That's all any of us have to go on. My posting history has shown me to be blunt in my advice. Such is life.
I'm sorry that you didn't like my advice. Personally, I think my advice has been spot on. I think it's ridiculous for people to allow themselves to get so caught up in this frenzy that they get collared so quickly. Over and over again. And then wonder why it doesn't work. These people attract drama. They seem to feed off of it.
I'm not someone to sit there and say "poor you." That's just enabling.

We're very up to speed. You've shown how stable you are and I've shown how stable I am. People will judge us both on our words here.
Oh...and I'm very happy and content in my life. Every day. I deal with my shit effectively. Do you?

_____________________________

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 5:02:32 AM

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Oh...and I'm very happy and content in my life. Every day. I deal with my shit effectively. Do you?

Off topic.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Aileen1968)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:00:52 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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I wore a steel collar for 15 years years; welded on. When he passed away, I had to have it cut off because there were no keys to it.

What did it mean to me? To be honest, I would have removed my wedding rings before I ever had the collar removed.

Of course, mine was not an online relationship

So, its hard for me to understand how others can be so upset and happy over a person that they have never met, nor probably will ever meet ( that's just me though, because it's just not something that I would go for )

I can't answer the rest of your questions cause I just don't understand the dynamics of online relationships enough to comment.

edited because I can not spell

< Message edited by IrishMist -- 8/7/2008 6:01:22 AM >

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:07:04 AM

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
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My collar was neither lightly offered or easily taken. He knew exactly what I thought a collar meant and what it would mean to me. It took months before he offered his collar and I accepted it. We are coming to find that there is more to it than either of us knew but we are looking at that together. However, the value isn't in the collar itself, it's in the meaning behind it.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:11:04 AM

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I hope that any new submissive reading this thread realized that this is perhaps the clearest lesson in how NOT to have healthy rewarding relationships and proof that some old dogs just can't learn to do anything but tricks.

And maybe some of the new submissives and dominants reading this thread will realise and find out that even those people who run groups and assist in venues and who have good friends in the BDSM arena and who do - most of the time - have really good advice - can also spew biased and rubbish statements that have no direct truth to them.

the.dark.

I don't know when I pissed in your wheaties that you so love taking potshots at me and the scene but can you explain what the fuck you mean? Are you saying this is how you model your relationships? That you seek out fucked up drama and love making the same mistakes over and over and over again and that you even make up names for the crap you go through like her "emotional masochism" bullshit to explain her dysfunction?

I mean you did say my post had "no direct truth" in it...

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:13:37 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I'm sorry that you didn't like my advice. Personally, I think my advice has been spot on. I think it's ridiculous for people to allow themselves to get so caught up in this frenzy that they get collared so quickly. Over and over again. And then wonder why it doesn't work. These people attract drama. They seem to feed off of it.
I'm not someone to sit there and say "poor you." That's just enabling.

I can without reservation say - I have never seen you give anyone good effective advice. You might put your judgements on a person and try and come up with your thoughts on another person you have never met or known, but constructive advice without getting personal? No and never.

quote:

We're very up to speed. You've shown how stable you are and I've shown how stable I am. People will judge us both on our words here.

Absolutely - people will. They do so time and again - with a pinch of salt and for the drama you cause and the piss taking and personal comments you do to the same particular individuals, again and again. I am sure you are comfortable in the run downs you place on people - which is cool and down to you hey - but don't think for a moment that everyone enjoys them or finds them remotely mature or comfortable.
Flame away.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Aileen1968)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:18:26 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I wore a steel collar for 15 years years; welded on. When he passed away, I had to have it cut off because there were no keys to it.

What did it mean to me? To be honest, I would have removed my wedding rings before I ever had the collar removed.

Of course, mine was not an online relationship So, its hard for me to understand how others can be so upset and happy over a person that they have never met, nor probably will ever meet ( that's just me though, because it's just not something that I would go for )

I can't answer the rest of your questions cause I just don't understand the dynamics of online relationships enough to comment.

edited because I can not spell

I certainly did not intend for the topic to be about on-line relationships. I was talking real life. But i wouldn't exclude those who somehow get collared over the internet.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:21:34 AM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Been thinking about this and all i can come up with is that yes it hurts when someone comes into our live fucks us (in more ways than one) and then leaves.
The indignation of 'but he / she gave me a collar' really needs to be looked at a bit more carefully. A collar is not a safe guard to prevent these things happening, if anything it is a good way for a troll to get laid.
Collars are not the issue in this thread really! The 'fuck em and leave em' mentality is and the repeated mistake of getting involved too quickly with someone we barely know is.
I'm sorry Prinsexx i feel for you i really do, but please don't hide behind the collar being the major focus of all this. Look behind the collars at the relationships you are forming and the reasons for that and go from there.
I've made some mistakes in my time, repeated them over and over, been in your position (minus the collars). Hopefully never again though, hopefully i've learnt, grown and have become a bit more stable in my relationship choices.
I know some of the advice from people here may seem a bit harsh, i've been on the recieving end of it. But if i'm honest it made me take a long hard look at myself, and in the long run i thank those harsher posters for helping me do that.
Hugs

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:28:41 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm sorry Prinsexx i feel for you i really do, but please don't hide behind the collar being the major focus of all this. Look behind the collars at the relationships you are forming and the reasons for that and go from there.

But it is a thread about collars. You can't feel for me. I never asked anyone to even consider it to be about that.
Oh it must be my personal charisma that draws people in lol.
Now, get off the Prinsexx thing and i am genuinely interested in reading about collars and justt as bored as everyone else lol about reading about myeslf.
But heh...it's true what they say...all publcity is good publicity.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:30:23 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
I don't know when I pissed in your wheaties that you so love taking potshots at me and the scene but can you explain what the fuck you mean? Are you saying this is how you model your relationships? That you seek out fucked up drama and love making the same mistakes over and over and over again and that you even make up names for the crap you go through like her "emotional masochism" bullshit to explain her dysfunction?

I mean you did say my post had "no direct truth" in it...

Michael
No, I don't eat wheaties. I prefere yoghurt and fresh fruit for my breakfast. It is far more healthy and seeing as you can pick your own, no one hs the ability to taint them with any form of fluid activity. But enough with the childish banter.

Yes, you enjoy getting personal with individuals. I am not falling into your trap. I do enjoy your posts, and on the whole, you have some great things to say as a rule - but the comment you made was personal and even if it wasn't it was condecending to a certain group and age range of people. Your tirade is also disrespectful to a number of people who have taken the thought and time to answer the original question without getting personal on any level. Now maybe you just don't care, and maybe you are just so certain on responding on what you think you know instead of what you do not - I cannot answer that for you.

I enjoy your posts. I actually enjoy the fact that you stand up and speak what you believe. I admire that. As a poster, I admire you. My post was aimed generally about people that may be admired or have good standing in BDSM circles aren't always right and do make biased comments - if it wasn't general from me and based on a more direct level, like Aileen, you would know it. But that doesn't mean I always agree with you - and my point was clear, I believe.

Regards to you and to BSB.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:34:03 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I hope that any new submissive reading this thread realized that this is perhaps the clearest lesson in how NOT to have healthy rewarding relationships and proof that some old dogs just can't learn to do anything but tricks.

And maybe some of the new submissives and dominants reading this thread will realise and find out that even those people who run groups and assist in venues and who have good friends in the BDSM arena and who do - most of the time - have really good advice - can also spew biased and rubbish statements that have no direct truth to them.

the.dark.

I don't know when I pissed in your wheaties that you so love taking potshots at me and the scene but can you explain what the fuck you mean? Are you saying this is how you model your relationships? That you seek out fucked up drama and love making the same mistakes over and over and over again and that you even make up names for the crap you go through like her "emotional masochism" bullshit to explain her dysfunction?

I mean you did say my post had "no direct truth" in it...

Michael: take your put downs and address them to me privately. I am professionally and publicly insured to the tune of one (or is it two?) million quid (English pounds to you). put your money where your mouth is.
It's true; in your very own words you are an old dog who cannot learn any tricks other than to label that which you do not undertsand as dysfunction.
Now would you mind, getting on topic as I do not believe you have contributed anything whatsoever to the content of the thread.
Read the strap line and insult me privately.
That way at least yu will appear man enough in public.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:42:08 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm sorry Prinsexx i feel for you i really do, but please don't hide behind the collar being the major focus of all this. Look behind the collars at the relationships you are forming and the reasons for that and go from there.

But it is a thread about collars. You can't feel for me. I never asked anyone to even consider it to be about that.
Oh it must be my personal charisma that draws people in lol.
Now, get off the Prinsexx thing and i am genuinely interested in reading about collars and justt as bored as everyone else lol about reading about myeslf.
But heh...it's true what they say...all publcity is good publicity.

I think misst has made a great point though Prinnie. People do focus on the collar, rather than the relationship. It almost becomes the focal point and the starting point, rather than people examining the relationship before they get far enough down the line to accept/offer a collar.

I am not with the majority here that believe you should wait a year, six months... blahblahblah - I don't believe time ultimately matters - timing does. But if people concentrated on the specific apectsof the relationship insteadof the fluff and dressing, there would be far less heartbreak in the longrun.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 8/7/2008 6:43:08 AM >

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:45:35 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Been thinking about this and all i can come up with is that yes it hurts when someone comes into our live fucks us (in more ways than one) and then leaves.

And actually it was me who left. He's either too proud to admit He loves me or an absolute and total liar about love in the first place. There's plenty more Masters who are man enough to leave their pride out of the dynamic.
The thing about my collar is that's it's a sharowski crystal in the shape of a heart. It is very rare and pure and open. I have released myself twice from the same collar now because of lies and duplicity and ignorance...released myself not because i was unaware of its meaning to me but released myself because to have remained enslaved would have been living in sin rather than sacredness.
the older I get the wiser I get.....may as well be my own publicity agent lol as there are some who sensationalise crap when they write about me.
Miss T i take your words and i read then and treat them wisely and respect both your pleasureable disclosures and your pain.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/7/2008 6:46:49 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:49:06 AM

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I'm sorry that you didn't like my advice. Personally, I think my advice has been spot on. I think it's ridiculous for people to allow themselves to get so caught up in this frenzy that they get collared so quickly. Over and over again. And then wonder why it doesn't work. These people attract drama. They seem to feed off of it.
I'm not someone to sit there and say "poor you." That's just enabling.

I can without reservation say - I have never seen you give anyone good effective advice. You might put your judgements on a person and try and come up with your thoughts on another person you have never met or known, but constructive advice without getting personal? No and never.

Ohh. So you think it's good advice that someone goes and willy nilly gets collared quickly over and over again?
I'm glad you think none of my advice is good or effective. I wouldn't want to be included with your kind of thinking.

quote:

We're very up to speed. You've shown how stable you are and I've shown how stable I am. People will judge us both on our words here.

quote:

Absolutely - people will. They do so time and again - with a pinch of salt and for the drama you cause and the piss taking and personal comments you do to the same particular individuals, again and again. I am sure you are comfortable in the run downs you place on people - which is cool and down to you hey - but don't think for a moment that everyone enjoys them or finds them remotely mature or comfortable.
Flame away.

the.dark.

I haven't called anyone any names in this thread. I was the one called a clown. Pointing out personality issues that have been displayed time and again on these boards and do have some bearing on the possible causes of issues being discussed isn't being rude. But hey...that's cool and all that you think like that about me. Doesn't affect me in the least.

font and spelling edit

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 8/7/2008 6:51:41 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:51:14 AM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

What would you tell your patients if they came to you in similar circumstances?

If I tried to repair a relationship twice I'd be certain that I've done everything that I could on my part. It wouldn't matter to me if there were rings or collars involved. I don't like to be mired in dysfunction and with people who lie or can't own their feelings in an honest manner. Some people are into many things in life for just what they can get. Sometimes we get caught up in it. It's just the way life is.

Maybe slowing down before you accept the next collar is the best answer in your circumstances.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:53:22 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm sorry Prinsexx i feel for you i really do, but please don't hide behind the collar being the major focus of all this. Look behind the collars at the relationships you are forming and the reasons for that and go from there.

But it is a thread about collars. You can't feel for me. I never asked anyone to even consider it to be about that.
Oh it must be my personal charisma that draws people in lol.
Now, get off the Prinsexx thing and i am genuinely interested in reading about collars and justt as bored as everyone else lol about reading about myeslf.
But heh...it's true what they say...all publcity is good publicity.

I think misst has made a great point though Prinnie. People do focus on the collar, rather than the relationship. It almost becomes the focal point and the starting point, rather than people examining the relationship before they get far enough down the line to accept/offer a collar.

I am not with the majority here that believe you should wait a year, six months... blahblahblah - I don't believe time ultimately matters - timing does. But if people concentrated on the specific apectsof the relationship insteadof the fluff and dressing, there would be far less heartbreak in the longrun.

the.dark.

I have repeated another response to Miss T. i wanted to say that i also respect and listened and learned from what she stated.
A collar is becoming, in the genral consciousness, more and more about drssing up. I caught a glimpse o make Me a Super model and there was a photoshoot about fetish wear.
someone asked me the other day had I ever been to camden fetish market/ i said no i was always too busy being bullwhipped in camden.
But you know I try to safeguard also against becoming a skeptic as I grow older....whatever anyone els's take on a collar is is fine by me.
Congruence in the relationship helps though.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 6:59:07 AM

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Some people sleep around looking for love, some people gather collars for the same reason. Doesn't much work for either group.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 7:01:45 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I wouldn't want to be included with your kind of thinking.

You rarely are.

quote:

I haven't called anyone any names in this thread. I was the one called a clown. Pointing out personality issues that have been displayed time and again on these boards and do have some bearing on the possible causes of issues being discussed isn't being rude. But hey...that's cool and all that you think like that about me. Doesn't affect me in the least.

Name calling? Who mentioned that? I am not really bothered by it. If the shoes fit, wear them whilst carrying a horn and wearing a bright red nose - that's up to you. I was speaking about personal slurrs on people veiled in seemingly 'genuine' advice and those catty moments that often seem to disappear at the end of the day - probably because they are against the TOS and the mods have pulled them.
Oh and those personal moments brought on screen about other posters. Oh but of course - you don't 'do' drama do you?

Oh, and just for the record. If what I said didn't hit a nerve and didn't affect you as much as you proclaim and I am mistaken(hey - never said I was perfection personified), you wouldn't even found my words remotely worth the response nor defend yourself.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Aileen1968)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 7:06:51 AM

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Maybe slowing down before you accept the next collar is the best answer in your circumstances.

Again this isn't about my circumctances but since you point it out; yes slowly slowly slowly....but I don't do slowly slowly slowly. I do quick fast speedier than a flying bullet usually. That came out of knowing most answers fastest as a child and having a very high IQ (so they say) that makes the rest of the world feel as thoug it moves in treacle.
OK....so here's the deal. there's another master hot on my heals. i mean HE'S HOT.
I take it slow. I give nothing away. I rarely if ever go into a dynamic either on line or by text or by phone. I am a cheeky whipper snapper in the defense of my kids and erudite in my profession.
Actually if I take a personality test I am only part of 1% of the population who is an extreme extraverted intuitive. Ask me how I know most things and I will usually absolutely piss most people off by saying because i do whilst naming their grandfathers/grandmothers because a Guide told me. or seeing their entire question clearly in tea leaves in a cup. Come to me as a client and I am compassionate and I will fix it for you because you know what.....you employed me to do so.
I asked about collars and oh how some to kick me down when I am one of the rare ones remaining vertical when all else is horizontal to quote Plath.
Yes; slowly slowly slowly and maybe that is the answer? Point taken.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it... - 8/7/2008 7:10:14 AM

Posts: 506
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline

Fast reply~ On topic
If a "s" type looks to lasso a collar for a fast commitment, and a "D" type offers a collar for a quick lay or to play "simon sez" in a pinch, there is a problem with both parties involved with the scenerio and not just one when it fails. It has little to do with who ends it at that point. Neither has done the work to have a relationship or at least, convey or communicate their fleeting needs of giving or receiving the collar. Do I think it (collaring) can happen quickly for some people? Yes, I do. From my observations and experience, I tend to think the majority, however, should proceed with caution and reflect on personal history and needs. I know, in my case, I tend to contemplate things more slowly than others, and this is a personality quirk with me and has caused problems. With self reflection, I understand that I need to work on this.

< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 8/7/2008 7:34:41 AM >

_____________________________

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way
Mark Twain

(in reply to Prinsexx)

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