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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 9:16:54 PM   
kolekorin


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		lol, I'm definitely more of a collectivist. I picked a lot of the way I currently run my life on a trip to Japan.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 9:31:02 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		HI JACK HI JACK HI JACK!!!!!

quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Zap comics? What are those? Something delightfully indulgent I haven't heard about yet!!!

Racquelle:  Oh my my my.  R Crumb underground comics from the 1960s.  There were a few other related comics in my Dad's collection as well.  We had characters like Captain Pissgums the Pirate, and his Barbed Tongue Clit Lickers.  Wonder Warthog who used his snout instead of his whizzled dick and when he sneezed, he blew poor Lois Lane across the city.  There was no subject too taboo.  There were the nice white boys in the suburbs who had it bad for their round-assed naked jungle bunny.  Oh, and some of my first tingly feelings came from the incest comics, and the femdom images.  It was all very graphic, very subversive, and entirely child-friendly.  LOL.


R. Crumb was of course one of the great artistic spankos of the 20th C.  And he drew those incredibly sexy chubby girls with the puffy nipples....Yummmm that would fuel any emerging pervert's dreams!

The best of the ZAP! catalog were, I think, the Fabulous Furry Freak Bros.   Remember:  "Dope will get you thru time of no money better than money will get you thru times of no dope."  True in 1968, true in 2008.

I think I'd like your father, Racquelle!

E.



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"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Racquelle)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 9:48:23 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin
I strongly suspect, though, that BDSM'rs have a significantly higher rate of something terrible happening during the formative years.

Dude.  That is pseudoscientific BS.  Why?  Because a high percentage of EVERYONE has had bad shit happen to them, and BDSMers are in the minority.  Just consider statistics on how many women are sexually assaulted over the course of their lives.  No matter which study you choose, the only interpretation of the numbers is "a whole hell of a lot."  Somehow, though, most of those people are vanilla.

If you are extrapolating from your own lens, that's one thing -- and if you believe your sexual acts are a result of unresolved trauma, then I would say you have to deal with that ASAP so you don't fuck up your partners because you haven't taken responsibility for your own health.  In general, though? Your posts sound like coffeeshopism to me.  Operative phrase here: get real.


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(in reply to kolekorin)
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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/13/2008 10:09:09 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I find it better to just answer the topic, rather than puffing myself up in front of the audience-and "playing to the crowd." Subjects, not personalities.
 
 I guess I am just not much of an exhibitionist.

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/14/2008 5:46:24 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		I was always more of a "Mr. Natural" fan, myself.

To the OP: And no, I was not raped, molested or otherwise screwed up as a kid. (I did have some pretty wild early experiences in the "playing Doctor" catagory though, when I was in Grade School... but I was a willing and... enthusasitic... participant in those.)

Sorry I couldn't help support your stereotype.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/14/2008 5:58:03 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Hey Everyone,

I'm wondering why you are attracted to a d/s or polyamourous relationship.......Were you raped, molested, beaten, raised in the lifestyle or had otherwise weird things happen to them growing up? Or is it your culture or background?


if you put it that way then the "lifestyle" is simply the end of a bad road.
To me it is no such thing.
It is who i am.


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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/14/2008 4:41:14 PM   
XaviersXian


Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		greetings to all,

Honestly, I think it was a result of upbringing.  The "50s style household" and other similar things were my reality growing up.  I witnessed women in their "proper place" amongst the men of my family (the women were not beaten, nor shown any disrespect, they were just well aware of their place amongst men and their function in the wider scheme of things) and the interractions that came from that understanding (there have only ever been three couples divorce in my entire immediate or extended family).  I realised as a child that that sort of interraction and the resulting stability was what I required to be happy in my life.

It was only after formally entering the "scene" that I discovered that I'd lived within the structure of socially accepted "power exchange", and was able to put a name to the (now uncommon) structure of my family, my slave nature, and my own desires.

I have never been happier than I am now, and I thank the fates for the upbringing I've had.

well wishes,

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/14/2008 4:43:42 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		A car, a girl, some rope, and that look in her eyes..........

6

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 8/15/2008 3:59:10 AM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NumberSix

A car, a girl, some rope, and that look in her eyes..........


Excellent... Its gotta be a car too. You don't want to make it a van... Cause that would be creepy...


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E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/15/2008 7:31:06 AM   
BBW4Kink


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/15/2008
Status: offline 		I am asked this question quite often and hate it.  I can't stand the idea that because certain things turn me on that i must be somehow damaged. Something must have happened to me, someone "got to me". I've heard "i was spanked as a child" or "i wasnt spanked enough as a child"  Well none of this is the case for me.  I'm a kinky *uck for no other reason than a simple curiosity and a sense of something different from a very early age. 

Its frusterating that many times people, vanilla and otherwise assume something happened to make people this way....please look at the statistics....its said that 1 in 4 women will or have suffered sexual abuse.....now if this sort of trauma really triggered "deviencies" we would all have alot easier time finding like minded friends. 

Just my two cents worth.



(in reply to kolekorin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/15/2008 8:59:33 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		No and no.

I'm just hard wired for it. Although I have a hypothesis that people who love bondage probably loved being swaddled when very, very small. Since nobody can remember that far back, there's no way to prove it right or wrong.

And if you're doing this for a college course, you're a liar for not disclosing it, your methodology is faulty, and we want to know your university and the supervising professor's name. Just like any other research paper.

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(in reply to kolekorin)
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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/15/2008 9:02:01 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Nothing drove me to D/s...I arrived here naturally.  It's exceedingly more normal and comfortable to me than the idea of a vanilla relationship(which I'll never have).

DV's Fox

(in reply to kolekorin)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/15/2008 3:26:48 PM   
scottishdove


Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline 		from my own experience and observation, i suspect there may be a link with a greater degree of emotional arousal/pitch in childhood leading to an interest in BDSM, which allows for a greater degree of emotional arousal in the interactions compared to Vanilla.

I don't think the high level of emotional pitch needs to be of any particular cause. In my case it was anxiety & emotional misery. It could just as easily be a higher pitch of positive emotions in childhood.

I think people who are drawn to D/s and BDSM like the more intense interactions both emotional and physical in the lifestyle, as it matches thier unconscious expactations for the degree of intensity in interactions from their childhood experiences.

I know i was always trying to 'push up' the emotional intensity in the Vanilla relationships I was unsuccessful at. This did not go over very well.

My first D/s relationship was the first one where i felt calm, and not a freak.. where there was natually the level of interaction and intensity i needed.. so i calmed down, felt very centered, and safe... for me an amazing 'first' relationship with a man.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/15/2008 3:48:34 PM   
scslave4Master


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/4/2008
Status: offline 		not sure really - it could have been the "Ben Hur" movie or perhaps the "Story of O" - lol - but quite honestly it was NATURE not nurture - the feelings i have are deep seeded and have been there since a pre-adolescent - prior to being "influenced" by film, photos, or pornography - or the internet that Mr Gore invented - lol - it is my chromosomal makeup that determines who and what i am - nothing more - nothing less - in my opinion - i am what i am and thats all that i am - just like Popeye the sailor man

(in reply to kolekorin)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/18/2008 10:28:40 AM   
writerly808


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		In all honesty, it's probably pure nature; I didn't start actually reading BDSMy stories deliberately until a couple years ago (though, thinking back, I've always liked it best when there were clear differences in where each person was in the relationship), but I had naughty fantasies as young as 10-11. Which is around when I was just getting into cheap paperback romances. And I know I drew naughty pictures (sex, whips, chains, impossibly large dildos, threesomes, girl-on-girl, implied slavery, just to name a few) long before I even knew sex could be any way other than what I saw in romance books, and the occasional filched porn mag. Which, for porn, was pretty vanilla.. roleplaying and multiple partners were the most extreme things I remember seeing in them. :P

Of course, I can be kinda slow at times, and didn't actually connect myself and my desires to the stuff I read and drew until earlier this year when it more or less hit me like a two-by-four to the head. My reaction was pretty much, "Oh. DUH." :P

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RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/18/2008 11:55:39 AM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I was never molested or anything like that but I did start having sex with friends at a extreamly shocking young age and now that I am old looking back on it the things I did at that extreamly young age were things that could have graced the pages of any adult magazine or publication.  By the time I reached high school I had stopped dateing woman my own age and began dateing woman that were between 5-15 years older than me.  Most of my male friends at that age were 5-40 years older than me as well.  I really could not stand any kind of relationship with woman my own age because of the attitude and behavior both in and out of the bedroom. I also did this weird thing that changed my whole life.  I was on top of a woman that was ten years my senior and getting ready to push in and stopped and suddenly felt extreamly insecure because of her experience.  I voiced this concerned and she spent the next 5 years teaching me all about woman (actually I think it was probably the hottest thing that ever happened to her...lol).  Not once did any question I asked go unanswered or any curiosity go unfullfilled. It was totaly SOD type of thing and we had sex several times a day for the whole five year period.

I did of course become extreamly kinky at that time and very creative as well as spontaneous. This continued with other relationships where I learned about other woman and what got them going.  I ran into problems with this because the sex became reversed.  I could cum several times a day but unfortunatly most of the woman I was with came way to quickly .... I ussually can go from cold start to finish on a girl in under 2 minutes so..... I got really unsatisfied with woman in general.
Being unsatified I went into this really dark phase of my life where I would go to bars and just get woman off in the bar. I had gotten so far as to have a bar keep tell me he was going to call the police if I didnt stop it.  Not that any woman were complaining but the guys at the bar sure were...lol. This period only lasted about three months and at the worse of it for a challenge I went to lesbian bar and even got three of them off. I actually had the ordasidy at one point to go out on the dance floor walk up to a woman and say hi.  Then I commented on the buttons on her shirt and just started going at it with her .. then took her back to a corner and got her off and then left. I never actually slept with any of them but that was the worst of it and I have never done anything like that since. Anyways, long story short I was miserable because woman just couldnt do it for me... but I wasnt gay at all so that was not an option.  I went through a marriage, divorce and then on marriage two that was failing I decided that I was sick of being miserable all the time. So I took the shut up and do as I say bitch attitude and it changed my life. Belive it or not, sometimes, but rarely, when you are told to shut up and do as your told.... the person telling you that.... really loves you and wants the best for you... and if you think alike you might just have a happy life as a result.

(in reply to writerly808)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/18/2008 4:20:59 PM   
JewAndCelt


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/23/2008
From: Arkansas
Status: offline 		Hmmm...

I think I'll go out on a limb and quote a bit of Thomas Harris (Silence of the Lambs), when Dr. Lecter states,

"I happened. You cannot reduce me to a set of influences."

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/18/2008 7:10:09 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kolekorin

Hey Everyone,

Questions: Were you raped, molested, beaten, raised in the lifestyle or had otherwise weird things happen to them growing up? Or is it your culture or background?


Nope, I had a great childhood. It was strict, warm and loving. I think that's more the reason, as a sub I find comfort in strictness and warmth mixed together.


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/18/2008 11:46:54 PM   
L8bloomer


Posts: 480
Joined: 6/1/2008
From: Your imagination
Status: offline 		What drove me to it? A 2001 Ford Mustang convertible. *L* I can't believe I'm the first person to give this smart-ass response.

I was molested at 12...but my submissive nature was already much in evidence well before that, so I can't "blame" it on the molestation. If anything, being molested delayed my foray into the D/s world.


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What Drove You to D/S - 9/19/2008 8:30:01 AM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		nothing drove me into S&M, D/s or poly. my childhood wasnt that peachy. yeah i have been raped, but i was kinky long before the rape. i was submissive and trying to take care of everyone even as a kid. even my therapist doesnt really find a connection between my childhood and the lifestyle.

as to poly, i truly agree with the sentiment that no one person can be everything to another. you cant do it with friendships. you cant hardly do it with kids. so why should your love life be any different?

besides that i am bi, and greedy. i want my cake and icing.

lee

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