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Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 6:52:34 PM

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My Brother Masters,

I have a question for you all. If you have a collared slave, but she is not living with you, but is fully committed to you, how long would you go without intentionally communicating with her? In example, phone, email, text, or visiting. Also what would be the purpose of not communicating with her? Would it serve an educational or punishment purpose?

While I make it a point to "touch" my property everyday, I have come to understand that this might be more normal than I would have believed so I am trying to get my head around its use as a tool to train a slave.

Sincerely,

Aramis Duval

DAMN - I didn't know I was under my slaves profile!!!! Not way to delete so no jokes please! Silly Masters and technology!

< Message edited by AnnaOfAramis -- 9/3/2008 6:58:58 PM >

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 7:06:37 PM

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Personally for me I don't deal well with abandonment and if this happened to me where he intentionally decided not to communicate with me for a period of time wihtout at least some explanation as to why, then I'm afraid I would have to move on from the relationship.

I at least need some kind of explanation before he was to just disappear off the face of the planet. Otherwise I assume he no longer cares and has moved on himself. I don't read minds.

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 7:08:28 PM

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Without intentionally communicating? Or intentionally not communicating?

Whatever works for you. I could be no more than five feet from my partner every single second and still not feel close enough.

It can be useful as a tool in terms of leaving them alone to problem solve, or teaching them how to respect your need for quiet alone time, or how to quiet themselves when they get overly excited and irrational.

But in general most doms just don't know how to deal with real problems so they walk away until the sub is scared enough to shut up about it and act like it's not really a problem.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 7:08:49 PM

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quote:

Personally for me I don't deal well with abandonment and if this happened to me where he intentionally decided not to communicate with me for a period of time wihtout at least some explanation as to why, then I'm afraid I would have to move on from the relationship.

Okay while you are not a Master and this post was geared toward them, but your post does spark a question: What would you feel is an acceptable amount of time?

< Message edited by MasterAramis -- 9/3/2008 7:10:07 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 7:12:16 PM

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quote:

It can be useful as a tool in terms of leaving them alone to problem solve, or teaching them how to respect your need for quiet alone time, or how to quiet themselves when they get overly excited and irrational.

Sorry I should have been more clearer in my OP. I am talking like days and weeks. I have heard of a case the extended to a few months.

(in reply to MasterAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 7:37:23 PM

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few months sounds like abandonment to me. even a couple weeks.

(in reply to MasterAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 8:18:39 PM

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Barring things like deployment to another country for service, why would someone choose a relationship like that? You can get that already with most religions.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to scottishdove)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 8:24:41 PM

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If he disappeared for a few months, I would assume he had moved on and when/if he decided to return he would discover I wasn't open to him anymore.

Communication is key to any relationship. If there's no communication, there isn't much of a relationship. With that said, we have both said we are too upset to talk about things now and will call in the morning. I know the classic advice is never go to bed angry, but sleep deprivation doesn't help me calm down. I need time to process stuff and so does he.

Unfortunately L.A. is absolutely right with this comment, "But in general most doms just don't know how to deal with real problems so they walk away until the sub is scared enough to shut up about it and act like it's not really a problem." That doesn't solve the problem, it just adds resentment and frustration to the mix until one day the sub decides it's her turn to walk and not return while the dom claims it was out of the blue and that there was nothing wrong. If you can't accept the fact that you screwed up royally, then you shouldn't have control over anyone else.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 9:01:23 PM

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Hard to say. I have a standard requirement to communicate two or three times a week minimum because I believe that less than that will permit drifting apart. But I'd change that if I felt it appropriate to do so.

If the hiatus lasted months, I would assume that the Dom is trolling for others and will return only if he can't get one.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 9:06:41 PM

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The case of the disappearing Dom. Lovely. Been there, done that. Was dumb enough to take him back once. Learned my lesson when it happened again. Barring hospitalization, incapacitation, or death, there is no good excuse. Fortunately that doesn't happen with my Master now. He is aware of what happened and makes a point to "check in". I have NO patience with that garbage.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/3/2008 9:10:46 PM

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That was scarily accurate.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
But in general most doms just don't know how to deal with real problems so they walk away until the sub is scared enough to shut up about it and act like it's not really a problem.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 1:14:24 AM

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quote:

Barring things like deployment to another country for service, why would someone choose a relationship like that?

Well I don't think the slave chooses it, they are handed it and then must decide what to do with. I have known four "Masters" who have performed this tactic, one recently and I could not for the life of me understand what the benefit of it was. When I ask the question as to why, I get "well she is slave, so what?" but never a clear understanding of why.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 2:25:52 AM

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Greetings folks,

Well I'd love to be able to give you a definitive answer for that question. But, for me it's just not something I do. I am incapable of doing a long-distance M/s or D/s relationship. Ok, perhaps that isn't the correct choice of words. I do not wish to put myself through that sort of headache. I'm a hands-on kind of Master and that precludes my main form of intercourse, that being touch, voice and eye contact. It may work for some out there.
If I were to try the LDR thing, I would expect she contact me daily in some way. If she does not, then why? And if she can't be bothered, then I know how much I should be bothered to guide, train, teach, and give her the things she desires.
I had a girl who felt it should be me who does the contacting. As I explained to her, she is there to serve me and see to my needs, not me to serve hers. Will I contact her instead if she forgets or refuses? You bet. To tell her she is being lazy and will have to try harder. In the end analysis, she was pretty much like the others I had looked at - an attention whore.
I learned my lesson the hard way about LDRs. I will keep my 24/7 live-in slave and look in my area for others.
Live well and enjoy life.

L L
owner of the Lair

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 5:31:09 AM

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quote:

I have come to understand that this might be more normal than I would have believed

Hmm, I think that you will find that there are actually very few submissives or slaves who enjoy treatment such as this

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(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 5:54:29 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

I have come to understand that this might be more normal than I would have believed

Hmm, I think that you will find that there are actually very few submissives or slaves who enjoy treatment such as this

Absolutely. Just because it happens, doesn't make it enjoyable. More often, people will settle because many want to feel that they belong.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 5:57:55 AM

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The longest I've gone on purpose was 24 hours without contact as a punishment. It got the point across and I have never had to do it again. Going for days or weeks without contact does not make sense to me.

C-D

< Message edited by CruelDesires -- 9/4/2008 5:58:40 AM >

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 6:08:45 AM

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quote:

More often, people will settle because many want to feel that they belong.

That is an interesting observation - Thank you

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 6:09:18 AM

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A few months, or a few weeks, is so crazy it goes beyond abandonment issues. If you have no communication with me for a few months or even weeks - things are going to happen. And by that, I mean, things that were going to happen anyway, but, without communication between us, there will be a key difference.
I am going to read some books. I am going to go to work everyday. I am going to see something on TV - going to talk to friends - go have coffee with friends - go out to lunch with work friends. I am going to see something on the street that disturbs me. Go to a movie and see something that makes me reflect. Go to church and hear something in the sermon.
In other words, I am going to be growing. So are you. without communication, the growth will not be parrallel, because we will not be responding to each other's growth. The relationship, therefore, will find itself, sooner or later, spread too far apart, and it will rip open and die. really.
And, as someone said, I would personally believe, after a week or so and no special reason that I was aware of, that he had moved on - had broken up with me in a dishonorable way - and I would grieve, get angry, accept, and then move on, as well.
As to doing this for a matter of days or hours, esp. with telling her exactly that you are doing this, for how long and why - i personally consider this one of the 'nuclear bombs'. Where Master and slave do not live together, it can be done - but it is best to save it for the really, really big things. If it is a big enough deal, I end up feeling - that was horrible, but deserved. He loves me enough to go to that extreme, when it is needed. If it is overused, i feel used and abused and wrung out, and it is not going to be helpful to my growth, imo.
Master has done this exactly ONCE - for a period of a few hours - 'overnight', to be exact. Before we were living together, He called every night. And his first question was ALWAYS - what was my sugar reading tonight - have I taken my meds? One night, even though he was later than usual calling, the answer was 'not yet, Sir.' So He said, Hang up the phone NOW, take your meds and go to bed. You can call me after your morning shift tommorrow morning. (I work in a job with a split shift. I have moved a couple of hundred miles to live with him and that hasn't changed :) )
It was highly effective, because the message was that my well being was important enough to him to drag out a nuclear bomb. if i had been treated the same way because I forgot to say 'Sir' i would have reacted very differently.
If he had refused to speak to me for a week over it, i would have become depressed and destraut and propbably forgotten my meds most of the week.
So, that is my answer, only for me - how it works for me, and my own opinion. Have some salt on hand, take it for what it is worth.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 6:10:36 AM

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quote:

Going for days or weeks without contact does not make sense to me

Yes, I can see a day or two for punishment. Pity to the slave who is not in her Master's good graces. But weeks at a time? That puzzled me too, hence the post.

Aramis

(in reply to CruelDesires)

RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 9/4/2008 6:11:17 AM

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I do not ignore my property for long periods of time as feelings of abandonment would arise. I do not think that is a good head space for a sub/slave. I will ignore him for short periods of time, say a day or so for punishment if needed. I've only had to use ignore once as a punishment and that was enough to correct the behavior.

I am in contact with my slave everyday either by phone, text message or email when we are unable to see each other face to face.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)

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