married sub - how to tell my wife (Full Version)

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Irished -> married sub - how to tell my wife (9/11/2008 10:31:29 PM)

I need to make my desire to serve a domme real and want to tell my wife.....has anyone done this, what did they say and how did the wife react??
thanks so much



OneMoreWaste -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/11/2008 10:50:56 PM)

While I'm no Mistress, but merely one like you, I highly recommend:
Find a domme real* to serve FIRST. It could be... a while.
Then tell her you're going to the store for something.



*(as in, you've seen her in person, checked for Adam's apple, went home with the same amount of money you left with)



OttersSwim -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/11/2008 10:59:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

While I'm no Mistress, but merely one like you, I highly recommend:
Find a domme real* to serve FIRST. It could be... a while.
Then tell her you're going to the store for something.

*(as in, you've seen her in person, checked for Adam's apple, went home with the same amount of money you left with)


[sm=jaw.gif]

Yea, the betrayal of the marriage is NOT a good way to go...

What are a bunch of yahoos on the internet gonna be able to tell you about this?  You already know how she will respond.  The important thing is to weigh all the factors of your life and if you decide to talk to her, be open, honest, and look her in the eye.  The most important thing in this, is to consider her needs too, not just your own. 

Good luck and welcome to the forum!  :)



corysub -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/11/2008 11:43:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Irished

I need to make my desire to serve a domme real and want to tell my wife.....has anyone done this, what did they say and how did the wife react??
thanks so much


Honestly, each situation is different.  Only you could think about how she might react based on your living with her...some woman might like the idea and put you on your knees...the other extreme would be to pick up the phone and call her attorney, and than hit you with the phone.  Toughy....



Dnomyar -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 3:45:28 AM)

First sit down with your wife and lay it all out on the table. React from there.



GreeneGoddess -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 4:46:48 AM)

Truly - you know her better than anyone else does.

Do you serve her now?  Yes I understand you may not have had the "I'm kinky" talk with her, but if it's a domme to serve that you want - start by really seeing to your wife's needs.   Do far more than your share of housework (most men only THINK they are contributing to that), massage her feet, make her feel like a million bucks, see to her needs sexually. 




LadyPact -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 5:01:18 AM)

There are a few folks around who have done this.  I've had "The Talk" with My husband and things turned out pretty well for Me.  My situation is probably different than yours (isn't everyone's) and not just because I'm on the other side of the kneel.

This is something that My sub has done as well.  It's just a thought, but he might be a resource for you.

The topic does come up every once in a while.  You might want to take a look through the search function to see some past threads on it and get a chance to see the names of those who have had to deal with the issue.



SoulPiercer -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 5:07:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
You already know how she will respond. 


Actually, you don't KNOW how she will respond. However, you may THINK you know.

This is what gets a lot of people into trouble. I have met a lot of people who have told me this story:

My wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend became interested in BDSM. Instead of telling me, they started having an affair. Now.. after researching BDSM, I find I quite enjoy it. All they had to do is ask.



BlueHnS -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 6:35:10 AM)

Ask the wife if she has any needs / desires that you can serve ... keep it lighthearted and see how she responds ...



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 7:00:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

While I'm no Mistress, but merely one like you, I highly recommend:
Find a domme real* to serve FIRST. It could be... a while.
Then tell her you're going to the store for something.



*(as in, you've seen her in person, checked for Adam's apple, went home with the same amount of money you left with)

right and be like the guy in one episode of Cheaters who was caught in a middle of session with his Mistress, chained and in a hooded mask, during the confrontation part.

i would advise, OP, that you discuss this with your wife ...explain and tell her about your feelings/desires and then go from there.



thetammyjo -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 8:37:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
You already know how she will respond. 


Actually, you don't KNOW how she will respond. However, you may THINK you know.

This is what gets a lot of people into trouble. I have met a lot of people who have told me this story:

My wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend became interested in BDSM. Instead of telling me, they started having an affair. Now.. after researching BDSM, I find I quite enjoy it. All they had to do is ask.



This is a very good response and mirrors many of the stories I've been told.

Ideally you'd have told your girlfriend about your submissive leanings before the marriage.

As it lays now, you have to be honest with your wife. I can recommend a video to watch (even with her) that might help: "Whipsmart" from Good Vibrations.



SomethingCatchy -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 10:31:52 AM)

Honesty. I agree with everyone here that is telling you to take that route. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 11:02:02 AM)

I don't see how betraying your marriage can ever be a good thing.  But what do I know, I've never been married. [8|]



azropedntied -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 11:06:24 AM)

If that was your needs wants and desires  the time for those communications should have been done prior to the wedding .Since  step one has been skipped TELL HER , sit down and have a conversation , then work from there .the whole sneak around  , keep it hush hush  deception does not work .Who knows  perhaps She is  willing to be the one you serve ? 



zakkan -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 11:07:24 AM)

Maybe this will help. I never tried it though, so don't blame me if it doesn't. http://elisesutton.homestead.com/introwife.html



ElanSubdued -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/12/2008 1:40:05 PM)

SoulPiercer,

quote:

Actually, you don't KNOW how she will respond.  However, you may THINK you know.

This is what gets a lot of people into trouble.  I have met a lot of people who have told me this story:

My wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend became interested in BDSM.  Instead of telling me, they started having an affair. Now... after researching BDSM, I find I quite enjoy it.  All they had to do is ask.


This is excellent advice.  From my own experience in introducing vanilla people to BDSM, I can say this works very well.  Some vanilla people will never become interested, but others... once you're opened Pandora's box... take to it like candy.  Honesty, trust, and openness are wonderful aphrodisiacs.  Often a person's interest in and attraction to something are all a matter of the approach in which they are introduced.

Elan.



slavekal -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/13/2008 8:44:34 AM)

I do not recommend going to a pro on the sied or laying all your cards on the table all at once.  Ease into it.  Run her a bath tonight.  Serve her breakfast in bed tomorrow.  Keep doing things for her.  When she asks you why you're doing it, tell her you enjoy serving her.  This strategy will take patience, but it can work. 



scifi1133 -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/13/2008 8:48:34 AM)

Talk talk talk talk to your wife. Don't cheat it will just end badly for you. You never know if she looks into it it may be something she could get into as well. Do some serving of her and see how she likes it.



TermsConditions -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/13/2008 2:35:35 PM)

First, congratulations on beginning your journey. Collective wisdom, experience and a willingness to share same make CM the right place to ask your question.
 
If your current relationship is unhealthy or you are not communicating with your spouse your efforts will be frustrated. Primary objective: Ensure your vanilla house is in order.
 
I second everyone who said, be honest and forthright, and don’t cheat. For a mind-bogglingly over thought approach to this exact subject, review this thread:
 
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1990013/mpage_1/tm.htm or search for “The Conversation” in this forum.
 
I’d advise that you have a significant understanding of who you are and what you want. Read everything undergroundsea has written on the topic in this forum. Understand that she may feel threatened, inadequate, and confused.
 
That’s as far as I’ve gotten as the primary objective has not yet been met in my instance.
 
Good luck!



steffie -> RE: married sub - how to tell my wife (9/13/2008 10:46:11 PM)

The truth has a way of rising to the surface.

If you do not tell your wife your desires up front, one day she will find out you are seeing someone else, and she will think the worst.  How much do you value your marriage?  Which is more important?  Your marriage or your need to submit?

You've revealled nothing about your wife.  What kind of a personality does she have?  Is she a born again Christian?  Does she have any dominant traits?  You know her best of all.  Give her the chance to dominate you first.  You might want to read Elise Sutton's book, "Female Domination."  Or look at her web site.  She has some nice advice for married men who want to introduce their wives to the 'dark side.' 

You'd be surprised how many vanilla women will take to being pampered and spoiled.  When you come down to it, what wife would not enjoy being given complete control of your relationship and sex life?



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