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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 6:01:04 PM

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We will just have to disagree on this point as I draw a distinction between a slightly rough critique and an all out ad hominem attack as is being suggested; I am well aware and accepting of my own personal flaws and so have no need to ‘project’ nor am I impressed that you seem to think that is what I am doing. I would also like to point out that unlike the poster, I did not, myself, ask for advise, (“Try it...it works”). When I require an overly simplistic and broad bit of advice, I will be sure to order some Chinese takeout. In the meantime, when I want meaningful comments, I personally choose to turn to those who have meaning to me. I don't have to prove myself to anyone just because someone (or anyone) disagrees. This is an open discussion, which the OP invited. If he, or some of the viewers disagree, that is more than ok. But this is a discussion about the issue of ‘standards’, one which I have tried, very hard (and not always successfully) to explore in it’s many different facets. While that one line might be harsh in your (and other’s) mind, I have more often than not supported the OP’s position that he didn’t feel he had to ‘change’ even if I didn’t agree with his standards.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 6:03:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
If he expects to be hyper critical of his future partner’s body, training, etc, I am sure he is more than capable of taking critical judgments of himself.

Let me try and understand the logic of this statement:

Picky people or people with stricter relationship requirements deserve to be picked on more?

No, I have found him (for the most part) able to clearly speak for himself.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 6:07:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

We will just have to disagree on this point as I draw a distinction between a slightly rough critique and an all out ad hominem attack as is being suggested; I am well aware and accepting of my own personal flaws and so have no need to ‘project’ nor am I impressed that you seem to think that is what I am doing. I would also like to point out that unlike the poster, I did not, myself, ask for advise, (“Try it...it works”). When I require an overly simplistic and broad bit of advice, I will be sure to order some Chinese takeout. In the meantime, when I want meaningful comments, I personally choose to turn to those who have meaning to me. I don't have to prove myself to anyone just because someone (or anyone) disagrees. This is an open discussion, which the OP invited. If he, or some of the viewers disagree, that is more than ok. But this is a discussion about the issue of ‘standards’, one which I have tried, very hard (and not always successfully) to explore in it’s many different facets. While that one line might be harsh in your (and other’s) mind, I have more often than not supported the OP’s position that he didn’t feel he had to ‘change’ even if I didn’t agree with his standards.

At least you can admit when you might have been wrong.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 6:26:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
I've been mulling this over... does anybody here know ANYONE that had very strict physical requirements that was able to make a relationship last?

depends on your definition of 'lasts'... almost four years?

Of course, my strict physical requirements boil down to... 'I must be sexually attracted to my partner'

Soooooo, they're really not that extensive :P 'specially since I find many different things appealing.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 7:10:25 PM

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Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Because she will do all this to please him knowing he doesn't care at all about her, and quite likely will walk away on a moment's notice. He isn't willing to invest emotionally as much as he demands she invests. By stating upfront that he will not care about her, that this is just a physical thing, she's putting too much time and effort in for what is after all, just a casual fuck buddy.

That's why if a rural community sponsors someone through medical school, the new doctor is committed to serving in that community for a certain time frame. They don't just give a scholarship while being perfectly fine with not getting any medical care in exchange for the money.

Submissive women usually aren't willing to give over this huge amount of control without a corresponding amount of emotional intimacy. She is expected to trust him totally knowing she can't trust him to be there the next day. That's a contradiction in terms.

Huh. Out of curiosity, what am I doing that is portraying that I'd walk away on a moment's notice? Especially if I spend months to years training someone, working with someone, making art with someone, and building a good working relationship with someone, and that someone has skills that are incredibly difficult to find to begin with, what possible motivation would I have to just walk away? It seems like, in this situation, it would be pretty easy to trust me to be there the next day - what possible reason would I have to throw away all that investment and opportunity?

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 8:34:13 PM

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What is in it for her? What can you offer besides a wardrobe and making her into a work of art and a posterboard for your genius? What does she get from it?
Could you take years off your life to become a work of art that gives accolades to someone else?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
I spend months to years training someone, working with someone, making art with someone, and building a good working relationship with someone, and that someone has skills that are incredibly difficult to find to begin with,

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 8:36:44 PM

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From: Atlanta
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You know... most of the artists I know have to 'PAY' their models. You don't want a relationship, you want a doll you can hang your clothes on.

While there's nothing wrong with that, you certainly do not deserve to pout when the circque girls do not come running after you.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 10:57:52 PM

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If he really has the ability to train such contortionist skills, he can go work at the Cirque du Soleil.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 10:59:49 PM

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lol zakkan....!!! (and that sig makes me laugh ever time....whats that comedians name?)

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 11:05:48 PM

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Jeff Dunham. Or are you talking about the terrorist?

Ach(Phlegm)med

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 11:10:06 PM

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Jeff Dunham..yes! thank you!! (I'm torn between Peanut, Walter and Ach(phlegm)med as my faves..LOL)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 11:14:59 PM

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Jeff Dunham..yes! thank you!! (I'm torn between Peanut, Walter and Ach(phlegm)med as my faves..LOL)

I personally love Ach(phlegm)med's Xmas songs like "Silence! Night" and "Jingle Balls".

Ok, sorry for the thread ninja. Or hijack. But I prefer ninja.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 11:43:31 PM

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

DING DING DING we have a winner. Seriously just from some of your posts and the limited knowledge I have from that tells me that your size 0 contortionist touch head to heels and do 5 meter runs in 6 inch ballet shoe submissive might be a tad bit unrealistic, no?

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards".

I wonder if it is actually lower your standards... or have realistic standards.

Im a size 0 contortionist....but i cant run in heels. o.0
this next bit MAY sound like a joke but its not at all.
Jump on some carnival/circus/sideshow forums, I've met alot of girls who fit that particular discription. Please this is an actual serious post, I'd be willing to even pass some links on the other side over to you......

and yes, us carnies are pretty damned kinky.......

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/23/2008 4:07:25 AM

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

DING DING DING we have a winner. Seriously just from some of your posts and the limited knowledge I have from that tells me that your size 0 contortionist touch head to heels and do 5 meter runs in 6 inch ballet shoe submissive might be a tad bit unrealistic, no?

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards".

I wonder if it is actually lower your standards... or have realistic standards.

Im a size 0 contortionist....but i cant run in heels. o.0
this next bit MAY sound like a joke but its not at all.
Jump on some carnival/circus/sideshow forums, I've met alot of girls who fit that particular discription. Please this is an actual serious post, I'd be willing to even pass some links on the other side over to you......

and yes, us carnies are pretty damned kinky.......

Wonderful!! Could you, if possible, tell us more about your take on this thread? As someone who DOES seems to fit into his 'standard', I am courious how you feel about it...

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/23/2008 4:13:37 AM

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Joined: 3/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

Twicehappy2x
Hasn't anybody ever given you approval/loved you for who you are instead of what you have done/can do?

I'm not going to elaborate because I don't want to risk sounding whiny again, but no. They haven't. We all work with what we have.

quote:

Twicehappy2xGet some serious psychiatric help. Nobody should have to base their worth on a crowds approval. You need to learn to approve of yourself, to place a value on yourself as a human being for who you are inside. Once you learn to do that, you might see a change in your "must haves".

Already working on it, but thank you (and thank you all) for this advice. The process of seeking GOOD help is a hard one, and worthy of several threads on its own merits. Perhaps one of us should start one at some point.

Here is a link to kink friendly counselors/therapists in your area.

http://www.sagatucson.org/saga/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=33&Itemid=96

Awwww.......damn...i hate to hear crap like the part of your answer i underlined. Again, a good therapist could probably help. It can be hard to find kink friendly doc so i found you the above link. Nothing worse than looking for help only to hear "well you are a sick pervert". Especially when that is not the part you need help with.

Looking at yourself, long and hard as a human being could help a lot also. Ask yourself, then make a written list of your good qualities. Stuff like; Are you kind? To animals, old folks, etc.... Do you offer a hand when the chips are down to your friends, your community? What are some things about yourself you like personally? Not because it garnered admiration but because it made you feel good?

Obviously you are proud of your designing skills. When you design something, can you learn to love it just because it makes you happy? Without needing outside approval? I love to cook, not everybody will always like what i've made due to differing tastes, but i get personal satisfaction from it anyway. Doing things and thinking of them that way can be a good start for you.

Then take this list and use it to help you add more to your profile. Just remember, the primary reason for the list is so you can think about and see the things about yourself you admire.

It can be hard to have confidence in your self worth if you seldom get confirmation from others. But if you start by looking at what you like about you a bit more, you might find what others think means a lot less to you.

I am who and what i am. To look at, grins, depends on the day and time. For the most part i always either look like a tattooed biker or a slave. But by being who i am all the time, by knowing inside that i like me, i have the confidence to be always just me.

You might be surprised at how when you get to the point of having confidence in yourself, how many folks will also see and appreciate those qualities in you that you like about yourself.

Grins...BAD DOM....No Whining! You know every post is has it critics. Hell i can be one of them too. And some stereo types just do not allow for certain behaviors. Perhaps some of your replies sounded whiny to some, perhaps they were. Or maybe you are just frustrated, angry, confused and really looking for help. Be who you are and do not let that kind of thing stop you from answering honestly.

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 9/23/2008 4:18:58 AM >

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/23/2008 4:22:22 AM

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Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
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well as I see it, a particular girl with an open mind and willingness to learn could make him happy. Contortionism, especially this kind (the feet to the forehead thing* can be accomplished in under an hour with some good streaching and going slow. Yoga is a wonderful thing. As for the ballet boots idea, how sexy would you feel doing that? and Custom Clothes? sign me up.

when you think about it his standards arnt all that bad compairatively to some people on here.

now as how I FEEL about his ideas as a sub, being Masters art work is a wonderful thing, knowing he spent the time and energy to make me appear beautiful in his eyes, is a great thing, he took the time energy and money to turn me into his...another form of training yes? when it comes to brass tacks training is making someone into something that pleases you, even with little rituals and such you may not change your personality but your are changeing habits and learning a behavior that pleases your Master. Part of the enjoyment of learning is becoming more pleaseing to Master which tends to be the goal of most submissives. Being a submissive and spending months or even years learning to do a task or what have you to please Master and then FINALLY getting it or doing it correctly is a wonderful feeling. So why should one lower their standards when its possible to find a partner...in this aspect even an untrained partner that would please you?

< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 9/23/2008 4:24:13 AM >

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/23/2008 5:17:54 AM

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Would you do it?
I have done a lot of changing in my life for a partner I loved, but love was a big part in making those changes. I havent met too many people that would do it for the honor of becoming art.
So, would you do it?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey
well as I see it, a particular girl with an open mind and willingness to learn could make him happy.
Part of the enjoyment of learning is becoming more pleaseing to Master which tends to be the goal of most submissives.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/23/2008 5:38:07 AM

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From: Lake St Louis, MO
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Asking a woman to become thin (submissive or not ) is like hitting a sleeping bear with a 2x4. Unless the bear is dead, the results aren't going to be favorable.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/23/2008 5:40:04 AM

Posts: 606
Joined: 4/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

well as I see it, a particular girl with an open mind and willingness to learn could make him happy. Contortionism, especially this kind (the feet to the forehead thing* can be accomplished in under an hour with some good streaching and going slow. Yoga is a wonderful thing. As for the ballet boots idea, how sexy would you feel doing that? and Custom Clothes? sign me up.

when you think about it his standards arnt all that bad compairatively to some people on here.

now as how I FEEL about his ideas as a sub, being Masters art work is a wonderful thing, knowing he spent the time and energy to make me appear beautiful in his eyes, is a great thing, he took the time energy and money to turn me into his...another form of training yes? when it comes to brass tacks training is making someone into something that pleases you, even with little rituals and such you may not change your personality but your are changeing habits and learning a behavior that pleases your Master. Part of the enjoyment of learning is becoming more pleaseing to Master which tends to be the goal of most submissives. Being a submissive and spending months or even years learning to do a task or what have you to please Master and then FINALLY getting it or doing it correctly is a wonderful feeling. So why should one lower their standards when its possible to find a partner...in this aspect even an untrained partner that would please you?

Ah... But he does not want someone with just an open mind. He wants someone that will open up to him, then totally close off to everything else. He wants devotion, but not love. He wants you to be like a piece of canvas that he can draw on, with no objections. So basically he wants someone that will be pleased to just please him and not want anything else.

Correct me if I got my facts wrong. The OP seems to have changed his profile.

And who do you know that has higher standards??

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/23/2008 6:27:40 AM

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Perfection is hard to find, not to mention our desires change over time. To have ideals is a good thing, but tell me of anyone who has 100% achieved their ideal, or met their ideal person. The ideal person is "in your mind."

I say there is value in every person. You just sometimes have to look beneath the surface.

(in reply to IronBear)

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