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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 8:24:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
but recognize that if you are not finding what you are looking for, it is not necessarily the failings of others that is preventing you, but failings within oneself.

It doesn't need to have anything to do with failings and to view relationship incompatibilities as such is a myopic worldview.

The very base issue here is the minuscule percentage possibility of encountering someone who will satisfy your/his needs/wants and how to deal emotionally with the likelihood of it not happening.

Again...we are a community where the concept of inflicting pain/control/torture upon another is considered part and parcel of a relationship dynamic (presuming consent), but suddenly his kinks, by virtue of their extremity and rarity, are somehow more indicative of psychological issues that need to be addressed more than any of the rest of us??

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 9/22/2008 8:26:09 AM >

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I know they're all insane
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I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 8:30:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subeos

What I want to say is personal. There are some concerns you should have about you.. Can't say anymore.

slave eos

~To Thine Own Self Be True~

Who are you responding to? Me or the Original poster? Your reply is unclear in this issue, subeos.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 8:40:49 AM

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I am actually not one of those who thinks he 'needs therapy' but I also don't think he is actually aware of a) how he comes off to others b) that he is narcissistic c) while he admits that it is more about him and his needs, he really doesn't seem to see why that might lead to him failing in the long run. Recall that he DID have someone (supposedly) who met his criteria and qualifications but wanted a have a relationship with him. Now he cries out about his cravings not being satisfied. What of hers? I am fully on board with 'waiting for the one(s) that serve your needs; but what person (no matter orientaton) is really THAT unyielding and in a healthy, happy relationship/ arraignment? This is not about lowering standards, this is about recognizing the reasonableness of such standards. He can be as obtuse as his little heart desires but he should also be more accepting that there will be much 'alone' time involved between fetish dolls. He has been unwilling to accept both realities.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
but recognize that if you are not finding what you are looking for, it is not necessarily the failings of others that is preventing you, but failings within oneself.

It doesn't need to have anything to do with failings and to view relationship incompatibilities as such is a myopic worldview.

The very base issue here is the minuscule percentage possibility of encountering someone who will satisfy your/his needs/wants and how to deal emotionally with the likelihood of it not happening.

Again...we are a community where the concept of inflicting pain/control/torture upon another is considered part and parcel of a relationship dynamic (presuming consent), but suddenly his kinks, by virtue of their extremity and rarity, are somehow more indicative of psychological issues that need to be addressed more than any of the rest of us??

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 8:53:04 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
but what person (no matter orientaton) is really THAT unyielding and in a healthy, happy relationship/ arraignment?

Apparently someone without a "personality" or someone who is necessarily psychologically damaged, if we're to take many comments here at face value.

This issue steps upon the very topic being discussed here concerning the predisposition of many to look down upon slaves that commit to that level and, consequently, the Doms who would seek out slaves with such personalities.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYCThis is not about lowering standards, this is about recognizing the reasonableness of such standards. He can be as obtuse as his little heart desires but he should also be more accepting that there will be much 'alone' time involved between fetish dolls. He has been unwilling to accept both realities.

He is accepting them. By simply the fact of making mention of it. That doesn't change the natural human yearning for companionship within the parameters one would ideally wish. He has been neither dishonest nor insulting in anything (including his bio) but apparently many suggestions have been to "pretty up" his choice of words in order to potentially attracts more potentials.

Many people seem to be responding to and dissecting him with their heads but reacting to him with their guts...guts which seem inherently put off and fearful of the way he approaches the search for what he wants when (to my knowledge based on his words) he has never inflicted his desires upon a non-consensual party or tried to manipulate someone against their wishes.

Heck, some of the "see a counselor" suggestions may not even be bad advice at all...if you couldn't but smell the scent of derision wafting from them.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 9/22/2008 8:54:39 AM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 9:03:54 AM

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The reality is, Nihilus none of what we thinks really matters (even if he did ask our opinions). He knows himself, we do not. While I admit a strong schadenfreude to this topic, I also have no illusions. I don't think he is a lost cause or anything, I don't even not like him (though I know he and I would never ever get along in person), I don't think it is unreasonable to have an extreme fetish (assuming legal acts) so I know what you mean when you say that some people seem to have a certain 'scent' about their posts. Except I don't blame them either. i do think he is in a prison of his own making, as I stated before, but I also think hat most of us have been or still are in the place. I don't know which of the categories you see me in, whether the 'head' or 'guts' group, but at least I know enough to know that whatever it is it is moot. But I do feel that there has been far more of the 'constructive' on here then he claims and that the reasons why he has been encountering the 'why should I tell you' mentality is also very clearly laid out in his posts.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 12:31:20 PM

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The problem with his wishes are that they are unrealistic. He wants someone who will commit to totally change her whole life for him while not receiving any commitment in return.

If a guy on the subway asks me for spare change and I have some, I'll give it. I'll feel better about my life in comparison for a minute and that makes the alms worth it. But if he asked me for $10,000 I sure wouldn't. My investment would be grossly disproportionate to what I would receive. The op does not see that he is not offering anything that is worth the investment he is asking for.

What he should do? Deal with his own emotional issues first and when he is more able to give in equal value for what he is asking for, then go look for it. Until then the odds are overwhelming that he won't be able to find someone he wants.

As far as those of us who suggest therapy, it is not because of things the op has said in this post, but in previous ones. Some of us have fairly good memories.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 12:34:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
What am I supposed to do? Show off my intelligence like a peacock's tail-feathers? Preen and pontificate to attract people that will find my brain sexy?

Lol No man. I just mean put a little more effort into telling people who you are.

I completely lost this post in the morass. Thank you. This makes much more sense, and I'm going to think about this for awhile and give it a try. I'd really appreciate a constructive critique once I'm done.

I'd be glad to.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 1:02:03 PM

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quote:

He is accepting them. By simply the fact of making mention of it. That doesn't change the natural human yearning for companionship within the parameters one would ideally wish. He has been neither dishonest nor insulting in anything (including his bio) but apparently many suggestions have been to "pretty up" his choice of words in order to potentially attracts more potentials.

Not really sure if that was directed partially for me but i'll state this anyway. All i said for him to do was add a little more about himself in the profile. I'm not telling him what to add or that is should contain fluff. I write to let people know what i'm about and also what i'm searching for and why. If they are attracted to it (which is partially why i'm here) then great. It also weeds out, hopefully anyone that, might not be attracted to my way of life. Which works good also.It isn't an exact science but it helps i think.

The problem with his wishes are that they are unrealistic.

Who are you to tell him they are unrealistic if it's what he wants. It may be out there for some, even most but it's his desires. I know the way i live wouldn't be seen as great either but i could care less about what strangers think for the most part.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 1:20:58 PM

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~FR

Cirque de soleil chick with a frontal lobotomy....

Seriously, what if you could lift the relationship restriction you've imposed and just let it happen if it happens? What if instead of changing your "standards" you change your own viewpoint about evenualities that may or may not eventually happen?

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 1:43:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Not really sure if that was directed partially for me but i'll state this anyway. All i said for him to do was add a little more about himself in the profile. I'm not telling him what to add or that is should contain fluff. I write to let people know what i'm about and also what i'm searching for and why. If they are attracted to it (which is partially why i'm here) then great. It also weeds out, hopefully anyone that, might not be attracted to my way of life. Which works good also.It isn't an exact science but it helps i think.

I agree with your assessment and advice.

It was perhaps the tone in some such suggestions that seemed to be saying he should portray himself in a manner other than honestly so as to possibly garner more attention (or maybe I skimmed and attached incorrect innuendos here and there)...which seemed odd to me since one of the key issues is the balancing he's trying to find in being who he is while finding someone compatible with it.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 1:46:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee
chick with a frontal lobotomy....

Here's that tone again.

Why would a chick willing to mold herself in line with what he's delineated need to be a brainless twit, while one who would like (for instance) to be caned till bloody just be called a painslut without any undue reference to her intellectual capacity?

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 1:51:00 PM

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I agree, there are woman out there interested in extreme fetish. The reality is that they most likley a) are very very rare b) make good money doing it c) can attract more'balanced' partners.

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"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 1:51:24 PM

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Well crap. I was trying for a little levity (pun intended). I do that. You can infer "tone" if you want to.

I guess because the rest of my post wondered why he was being so rigid that another not develop feelings for him. Just asking if instead of changing the kink he wants he could change the rigidity with which he has framed the relationship requirements...at least eventually.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 1:57:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Well crap. I was trying for a little levity (pun intended). I do that. You can infer "tone" if you want to.

I guess because the rest of my post wondered why he was being so rigid that another not develop feelings for him. Just asking if instead of changing the kink he wants he could change the rigidity with which he has framed the relationship requirements...at least eventually.

What your essentially asking him to do is change what he wants. Thats what it sounds like to me.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to subtee)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:15:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

I agree, there are woman out there interested in extreme fetish. The reality is that they most likley a) are very very rare b) make good money doing it c) can attract more'balanced' partners.

I wasn't inferring that there aren't women into it; I was inferring, however obtusely, that he ultimately can't control how deeply or superficially they feel about him. Hence the lobotomy.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:18:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Well crap. I was trying for a little levity (pun intended). I do that. You can infer "tone" if you want to.

Apologies, then, for ascribing an incorrect feel to your words.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to subtee)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:19:33 PM

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No worries; it's pretty hard to feel one another in this forum.

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RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:24:55 PM

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He can want what he wants. It doesn't mean he can get it. In fact, odds are he may never find it, based on his wants vs what he is willing to exchange for it.

Any of us can want what we want. I, would love to own a tax free, fully paid, 5 bedroom house on a five acre lot with utilities and groundskeeping prepaid by someone else. Unless some rich guy accidently blows off my leg and is wanting to allieviate his guilt by making this want happen for me, odds are I will not get it.

Based on prior posts he can want what ever he wants. He can adjust the surface of how he appears to others in order to try to lure someone in, but how fair is that? Oh yeah.. this is the net.. pretty standard.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

What your essentially asking him to do is change what he wants. Thats what it sounds like to me.

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:28:35 PM

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From: Tempe, AZ
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

I agree, there are woman out there interested in extreme fetish. The reality is that they most likley a) are very very rare b) make good money doing it c) can attract more'balanced' partners.

Can you clarify what you mean by 'balanced' in a useful and positive way?

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

RE: "Just lower your standards" - 9/22/2008 2:35:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

!!!

Your slave has to be able to do...

1) This fold
2) This thing
3) This bend... (Hey! I know a guy that can run around like this...he's fast... intriguing, no?
4) She has to be able to run around in these ( Look! Xrayed ballet feet) These feet are of a professional ballerina had .... poor feet. Think I'm lying? Google ballet feet.

That's preventable, when you aren't doing actual ballet. The skills I'm honing are different, and have different engineering issues - what I do is possible.

quote:

5) Add on top of that all of the other restrictive fetish wear.... does she have to do the fold in the boots?

quote:

Are you even attempting to be realistic?

Actually, I am attempting to be realistic. I don't know if I'm succeeding at being realistic. But I actually am making an attempt.

< Message edited by Ialdabaoth -- 9/22/2008 2:36:05 PM >

(in reply to Lynnxz)

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