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RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/24/2006 2:40:12 PM

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quote:

seaturtle50
i was caught up in the imagined feeling that i would have of having Her be in charge, completely of the "date." I imagined a sort of sense of embarrassment, and passive acceptance of Her superiority, by being "treated" in such a way. i now have a better understanding and see that my view in questioning "why" was skewed.

I will gladly take charge of any date you invite me on as long as you hand over your money/credit card first.

If I do ask a man out to do something, I am prepared to pay for it.
I just love it when men tell me "I need to be completely controlled from the start!" How exactly do we do that without me terrorrizing you with the mention of money? This is why I always advise people to follow the same simple dating rules when first getting to know each other. Be a gentleman, and be yourself as I will be me, and when we are comfortable with one another, we will do D/s in bigger doses....

quote:

Mummy's sorry she didn't give you a lollipop, wipe a tear, pat you on the back and say there there, then hold you close to her bossum and stroke you're hair. Mummy's sorry the big bad feminists didn't keep women all sugar and spice and all things nice

Jasmyn you are bad! I loved reading that, it was so funny.

M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 1/24/2006 2:44:20 PM >

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(in reply to seaturtle50)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/24/2006 4:00:04 PM

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quote:

I just love it when men tell me "I need to be completely controlled from the start!" How exactly do we do that without me terrorrizing you with the mention of money?

Well, first of all i am not qualified to answer that question for You. Secondly, my money and control of it is probably the least terrifying of all things to me. i have been giving that up without thought and without any delicious reciprocation all of my nilla life lol. i can always get more money.

Thirdsies: i never told anyone of the Domme persuasion "what i need." Never, not a single time. You have me confused with someone else. i have not done that.

Feelings, feeling, feelings, not money, money, money! (my question was never about the money).

i was just saying ... let me try as an example of what i was trying to say (ask) - if i were to take a little sub girl to dinner, as a step in my process of possibly selecting her to become MY little sub girl, not only would i not want her to pay, i would not want her to feel the feelings of paying. Rather, i would want her to feel the feeling of being taken ... to dinner. <evil grin>

However, if i were seeking a pretty little sub girl for my very own, if i were a Dom, i do not imagine that i would get anything (emotionally) out of her financial servitude to me. i would have much deeper, darker wants and desires for her.

That said ... i should now repeat

quote:

i now have a better understanding and see that my view in questioning "why" was skewed

.

< Message edited by seaturtle50 -- 1/24/2006 4:03:02 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/24/2006 4:07:43 PM

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i also wanted to add:

quote:

This is why I always advise people to follow the same simple dating rules when first getting to know each other. Be a gentleman, and be yourself as I will be me

This is some of the very best advise/instruction that i have ever read with regard to D/s M/s.

Thank You

st50

(in reply to seaturtle50)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/24/2006 5:01:24 PM

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I didn't mean to sound harsh seaturtle50. I was answering your questions and telling you what I think/feel when people tell me "I want to be controlled right off the bat;" It's almost always an excuse for "I want to be lazy and not think of what you might like, and go through the trouble of planning dates or figure out how to get you to like me/want to do me.

I do not accept that a man being a gentleman, showing care, kindness and consideration for me make me something dishonorable, or less domly just because we are both kinky in regards to what turns us on (D/s). I don't think those things make him submissive either. I am saying that the combination (a gentleman who submits) is what works for this kinky Lady.

quote:

However, if i were seeking a pretty little sub girl for my very own, if i were a Dom, i do not imagine that i would get anything (emotionally) out of her financial servitude to me. i would have much deeper, darker wants and desires for her.

Different strokes babe! If I were attracted to submissive women, I would probably want to same level of control, and whoever asks for the date, can pay for the date.

M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 1/24/2006 5:12:05 PM >

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(in reply to seaturtle50)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/24/2006 6:47:45 PM

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I should have used "any man" instead of you in my response, because I have never gotten that impression from your posts here.

Mostly I wanted to respond to your statement

quote:

seaturtle50
Secondly, my money and control of it is probably the least terrifying of all things to me. i have been giving that up without thought and without any delicious reciprocation all of my nilla life lol. i can always get more money

If I were you, I would have a huge problem with giving endlessly without reciprocation. I apreciate generosity, because I am generous. I don't think being of either gender or of either persuasion (D/s) should entitle anyone to always taking without ever reciprocating in any form (but I would suspect that may have contributed to the reason you are no longer with those folks). M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to seaturtle50)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/24/2006 6:51:52 PM

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Thank You BlkTallFullfig,

I should also note:

quote:

If I were you, I would have a huge problem with giving endlessly without reciprocation

quote:

i have been giving that up without thought and without any delicious reciprocation all of my nilla life lol

There was reciprocation, it just was not "delicous!"

< Message edited by seaturtle50 -- 1/24/2006 6:55:54 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/24/2006 7:04:11 PM

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quote:

i have been giving that up without thought and without any delicious reciprocation all of my nilla life lol
=============

and i am STILL doing it...
99% vanilla and only into service.
take care

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(in reply to seaturtle50)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/26/2006 1:11:19 AM

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I'm just amused by the way people always used to say I should stop sniping so much about tribute, Gor, and politics--and then I come back after about four months away, and find that everyone is talking about...tribute, Gor, and politics.

(in reply to veronicaofML)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/26/2006 2:38:46 AM

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i beg Your pardon;; i have nothing to say about tribute or Gor and am so beside myself over politics it's unprintable.

candystripper

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/26/2006 5:16:44 AM

Oumae

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I come back after about four months away

Wb Lam! I hope your "friend" is back with you.

and candy... you just said something about them.

Oumae

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Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/26/2006 9:51:16 AM

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Yes, he's just waiting for someone to say something stupid enough that he'll seem witty by comparison.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oumae

Wb Lam! I hope your "friend" is back with you.

(in reply to Oumae)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/26/2006 10:02:56 AM

MysticalPhoenix

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Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
I'm just amused by the way people always used to say I should stop sniping so much about tribute, Gor, and politics--and then I come back after about four months away, and find that everyone is talking about...tribute, Gor, and politics.

and if you went away for another 4 months, guess what we'd still be talking about...

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/26/2006 11:06:08 AM

MistressSassy66

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDove

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Women who accept money to dominate are not dominant b/c they are being topped from the bottom. The controlling element here is the money from the sub (or client) going to the PRO DOM. Put another way, whoever pays the piper calls the tune. I don't think PRO DOMS are hookers, but, they are making money by enabling a client to achieve his or her own sexual/sensual fantasy. Clearly this is very close to what hookers do.

--cloudboy

I have to disagree with this statement. I am considering going Pro Dom myself. I do not now nor will I ever cater to a submissive. I dont think that most Pro Doms do either. Usually it is understood that she runs the show and does not take requests for clothing, scenes etc. It is just a matter of the client finding the Dom that suits him/her best.

On that note of catering to a submissive. If I became a Pro Dom I would make sure that I got to know my clients. I would want to know exactly what kinks they were into.. what buttons to push.. how to manipulate and twist their fetishes and desires to use them to my own advantage. I do this with my slaves I dont see it as catering to them I see it as knowing their weaknesses and as a form of control.

Dark Goddess

If you know what a client wants isnt that like getting the menu for a dinner?
Kind of like catering....Hmmmm just maybe.
IMO...Pro-Dommes do cater.Sure WE control where,what and when.But We have a list to go by.A list of scenes,fetishes or fantasies is like a menu to Me and I get to decide what we are eating that day.
I dont mind 'catering' it doesnt make Me a bad Domme.
I actually think it makes Me better.That is just My style and it doesnt work for everyone.
Every person is different and no 2 Dom/mes are alike.Is one better than the other...No,there are just different styles.
Find what works for Y/you and go with it.

As far as hookers fulfilling fantasies...I have to disagree.
I dont see how a hooker can fulfill the same kind of thing a Domme does.

_____________________________

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http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to DarkDove)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/27/2006 12:50:19 AM

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MsSonnetMarwood wrote:

"Interesting. In a nutshell, you feel that if a Domme expects anything, she's a scam artist and out for your money."

That's because they usually are. I'd rather be pleasantly surprised to be wrong than to be constantly disappointed at being right. That and that it generally saves time.

A domme should expect a lot. She should expect that she's the only woman I want to take long walks and watch the sunset with. She should expect that I believe that her fanny is the most adorable one in the universe and that I can't resist giving it a pat when I walk by even though I know It'll likely get me thrashed till I resemble the south end of a north bound zebra. She should expect that she's the only woman I want to see beside me the first thing when I wake up and that last thing before I go to sleep. She should expect that shes the only I want to look at me like a hungry tigress eyeing an unattended lamb. She should expect to be the only woman I want to come up with appropriate penalties that make directing sarcastic comments and using her as a straight man not nearly as much fun as it was when I thought of doing it.

She should not expect that I'm a walking atm machine or gift/service delivery service.

"In my experience, those so paranoid (whch is the correct word here) about women being out for their money, don't actually have any."

And that makes it even worse. I see no difference between them and televangelists who bilk old people out of their pension money that they can can't afford to spend or telemarketers who call alzheimer's sufferers and claim that the had agreed to send them a large check for a purchase in order to extract money.

I'm emphatically in favor of dominants who judge prospective partners by their finances[or lack thereof] of being tossed feet first in a wood chipper. BDSM relationship is [or should be] about being positive aspect of the participants life

"I'm not interested in being dependant financially on a sub, but on the flip side, I'm not going to have him being dependant on me either. "
Submissives rarely ask for support form their dominant. But how many personal ads do you see has for 'generous' partners at least fifty percent if not more.

"Over the last 12 years or so, I've spent literally thousands of dollars of my own money on everything BDSM related, ranging from books (hi John!), to lectures, to weekend conferences, to group & club memberships, to toys (and more toys), to fetish wear (and even more toys). There is no dollar measure on how much I've invested of my time and self into this.

If I were "in this" for the money, I'm clearly going about it the wrong way.

I don't begrudge having shelled out this kind of money. Truly. I'm a better (not bitter) person for having invested myself in learning more about this lifestyle. I truly enjoy what I do.

Well so have many submissives. They don't expect to be rembursed for their interests. Well you're evidentally in for the gifts you can scam.

"However, to be called a "scam artist" because I expect basic date etiquette and a little show of appreciation from a submissive? As if my goal of spending $10,000+ was designed to get guys to take me out and spend $100 on dinner. Ironic, really."

Consider it a welcome to the 21st century. Aren't you arrogant to expect vanilla dating etiquette should apply to to the scene. Yet another 'domme' who thinks that they're entitled to the priviledges of being a dominant but not having to take the responsibilities.

< Message edited by lokisgodhi -- 1/27/2006 1:50:31 AM >

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/27/2006 1:20:16 AM

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MsSonnetMarwood wrote:

'Because I'm a woman as well as a dominant. Never forget that. As a woman and a dominant, I expect to be courted by a gentleman who wants my attention and favor. I expect a male to pursue me. I expect him to ask me out on a date. Not up to that? Not a problem - plenty of others are."

This is the attitude that causes a thinking man to question your dominance. Anyone can SAY they're a dominant. The proof that you actually are one is the alledged dommes' willingness to break out of traditional role and prove one is dominant by action and not just word. This is where the whores tip their hand as towhat they're really about.

Claiming to be a dominant woman is the second easiest scam you can can play. Televangelist is the first; it costs more set up the scam but you can blame your demands for cash and gifts on your partner who fortunately doesn't take a cut.

"Being submissive doesn't let you off the hook for making an effort to capture my attention."

I found that sautering over and tossing a domme over my shoulder is very effective in capturing her attention.

"On the contrary, you are in a position to have to put even MORE effort into it because you guys outnumber the available dommes substantially."

Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody else is doing so.

"See above for post regarding my personal financial investment in the lifestyle. You might also want to look up an essay online called "Courtship of a Dominant Woman".

I think a piece of the "Court Transcript of a self styled Dominant Woman's Bunko Trial' would be a much more satisfying read.

"I accept and have no problem with the fact that I provide the technical knowledge, the guidance, heck, even the phenomenal toybag. But buy you dinner as well? Ahh no."

Many submissive men can also provide impressive technical knowledge, guidance and a phenominal toybag. If that's the criteria for the purchase of dinner then get out your credit card because I like steak.

< Message edited by lokisgodhi -- 1/27/2006 1:54:20 AM >

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/27/2006 1:25:56 AM

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I have to also add that I don't agree with this distinction between pro and non-pro dommes regarding "catering to the sub".

I've as yet never pro'ed, but damned if not every BDSM interaction I've ever had with someone involved "catering to the sub" just as much as "catering to the dom/me". That's what consensual *is* -agreement on what is happening.

If I'm beating the shit out of someone who is submissive to me, it's because it's something they want, need, and like. They may be crying at the time and wanting it to stop, having it being done because I felt it was necessary and desired it to please myself, but it's something they desire and most times have at some point directly requested of me (even if the phrasing was "Mistress, if you ever feel you need to, I can submit to it for you" or similar).

I break no hard limits and take a submissives interests in serving and play into consideration... doesn't mean I don't still decide ultimately and am in full control.

Vice versa, when I am being dominated I am not going to submit to someone who does not take my needs, desires and limits into consideration.

Anything else is breaking of trust and non-consent... it's just the details of the consent level that varies with every match.

Pro or non, if it's a consenting relationship the sub is being catered to to some extent, how much depends on the people and agreement involved. There are plenty of non-pros out there that very much cater to their subs, so much so that outsiders may not know who's which -but underneath the dom/me is the one deciding when the sub gets their desires met or not, what they'll do and how far they'll go in meeting them.

Catering-to isn't limited to pros by any means.

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/27/2006 5:11:53 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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LMAO!

Now that's funny ~

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 1/27/2006 5:16:26 AM >

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/27/2006 5:26:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
I've as yet never pro'ed, but damned if not every BDSM interaction I've ever had with someone involved "catering to the sub" just as much as "catering to the dom/me". That's what consensual *is* -agreement on what is happening.

There's a word for a dominant who doesn't take the submissive's needs into consideration: Alone

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(in reply to RumpusParable)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/27/2006 6:24:57 AM

MysticalPhoenix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lokisgodhi
I think a piece of the "Court Transcript of a self styled Dominant Woman's Bunko Trial' would be a much more satisfying read.

I don't know about the other people posting in this thread, but I'm getting more and more confused by the above poster's postings.

He's ostensibly here on CM looking for a Dominant woman, and his profile is full of his very detailed and specific desires for his perfect match. He is very specific about his wants and don't wants.

Yet, here he is, on the forum, spitting in the faces of Dominant women with his bitter and insulting postings, causing the question to transition from "Does tribute equal being a hooker" to "Does expecting the man to pay for dinner equal being a hooker"...

I wonder if his perfect match is going to realize that in addition to being all that he desires, she's also going to have to pay for everything, because this guy will call her a whore and a scam artist if she doesn't. I hope she's independently wealthy, because only the wealthy can afford gigolos.

I'm not independently wealthy, and even if I was, I would not tolerate the male version of a gold-digger. I'm considered by some to be overly generous as it is (although I'm sure I still don't measure up to the above poster's standards of not being a whore or a scam artist). But it's my money, and I'll spend it how I please. If it means paying for my boy's plane ticket, or a training collar from Tiffany, or buying him dinner, that's my business and my choice. I will not allow anyone else, particularly not a submissive male, to tell me either to not pay the check or to pay the check-that's my decision.

In this above poster's case, it's not that a woman spending her money on a man with no vice versa means she's got all the power or that the man's paying for anything means she's a hooker, a scam artist, etc., it just means that he's sick of spending his money on women and he's bitter, and wants someone perfect, who will give him the sun, the moon, and the stars, and pay the check at the end of the evening.

As Morpheus would say, "You've been living in a dream world, Neo."

Phoenix

_____________________________

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Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to lokisgodhi)

RE: Does tribute equal being a hooker? - 1/27/2006 8:36:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
I've as yet never pro'ed, but damned if not every BDSM interaction I've ever had with someone involved "catering to the sub" just as much as "catering to the dom/me". That's what consensual *is* -agreement on what is happening.

There's a word for a dominant who doesn't take the submissive's needs into consideration: Alone

AMEN to that, John!

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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