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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 7:54:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Well my profile says I am not a doormat and dont wish to be a slave. So whats wrong with that? Perhaps if that is not what you want you should seek a sub that doesnt express herself that way on her profile. really its quite simple.

Can you read? Why even bother responding if you're going to say things like this that have nothing to do with the conversation at hand. As I said, WE AREN'T DISCUSSING CONTACTING SUBMISSIVES! WE'RE DISCUSSING SO CALLED SUBMISSIVE'S PROFILES!
Did you get it now?

I am a so called submissive with the aforementioned profile. Now do you get the connection I am making? Or does your grand IQ prohibit you from grasping a simple concept of not talking to subs with things on their profile that don't jibe with you.

By the way, I am submissive to my master. You on the other hand are a rude boy who I would gladly put over my knee for spanking.
A dominant is in control of himself.
You don't have that control so you cant master anyone.
But I forgive you your rudeness. After all you are just a child.

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 7:56:24 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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i'm only submissive to one person and His name is definitely not yours

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 7:57:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

... are a rude boy who...

Argh! Why is it that I cannot read the italicized without a rastafarian accent going off in my head???

_____________________________

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(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 7:58:04 PM

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Aslanemperor, `sigh` ... your intent was NOT (large letters used for yourself this time) CLEAR at all.
What you do say is `this site` which leads us readers to the assumption that you are reading profile were you not?
Most people who complain about what they read in a profile then come here to complain are doing so because
of their reading, not because of an already intact relationship as you have since stated.

Now correct me if I'm wrong because this is a flat medium, but I do believe it was YOU (large letters again)
who's thoughts went off topic, and again it is YOU who feels we didnt understand YOU.

Please read below and see if you dont see MY point.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

So I've been asking myself this, and it's plagueing me. Why is this site full of "submissives" who put stuff in their profile like, "I'm submissive, but I'm not a doormat!"? I hear this, and then I talk to them only to find that the most basic of submissive acts is considered being a doormat. They won't obey a Dom, because this is being a doormat. They won't speak respectfully to their Dom because this is being a doormat!
What the hell people!? You have to be submissive to be a submissive. I'm starting to think these girls only say they're submissive because they're to lazy to get on top and ride their Dom like a good little slut.
What do you other Doms and subs think?
~Aslanemperor

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 7:59:22 PM

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Monkey, I agree whole heartedly with you on the availabilty issue.....I work odd hours, shift work, and on weekends. I need my sleep in order to do my job as expected....it's not a "normal" job in the way of most people's thinking. And I, for one, will not give up my job upon entering any kind of relationship...yes, I have been asked once to do this....I need the security of the benefits and the paycheck.

But, because of my schedule, I too will not fall into the availability trap. If he can't understand that, well, then, there is nothing else to say. Trust me, when I'm cranky or sleep deprived, it's not going to be good for either one of us!

Again, real life constantly barges into screw up the best laid plans......and if any dom can't accept that, and deal with it accordingly, then oh well.....looks like I'm not the sub for him.

And just on a side note, why is it that when a dom has things that interrupt his day to day life, it's fine, but when the sub does, the tendency on the dom's part is "pfffft! Suck it up, bitch?" Obviously, not my kinfd of dom, but was just thinking out loud.

Again, I am perfectly willing to submit to the right dom....I too have been in situations of my own making that bit me in the ass, so I'm careful.....I don't feel that it's being jaded at all....self preservation is never a bad thing!

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 7:59:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Monkeyontuesday

Re: "A submissive is respectful to her Dom.
A submissive obeys her Dom, and if she has a difference in opinion, will speak this in a respectful way."

If a man refuses to be respectful to me, he therefore forfeits his respect FROM me... Then I rip him to pieces and tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out.

"A submissive keeps her body available for her Dom "
I disagree with this as well. I'm a full time student and full time worker in a restaurant. I work weekends. That means I walk for 40 hours in three days, usually without a break. If I have, say, reading due my "Dom" doesn't think is important, I'm still not stopping what I'm doing to pleasure him. Nor, if after a 16 hour shift, he feels like "playing" and I need to be at work in 8 hours will I participate.

I tend to be a bit jaded after putting myself in bad situations and getting the "short end of the stick", but with or without that person, I still have MY life and I need to take care of myself.

I guess that makes me bratty and a fake submissive.

Well, you are yet another who doesn't read the whole post. It's funny how you conveniently left out the next part to that "A sub keeps her body available" post. You know, the part where I said that a good Dom should know when is not a good time to request this. A good Dom knows that when a submissive is exhausted and getting ready to be even more exhausted, he's going to have to wait. In this case, he has duties actually. A Dom is meant to be an emotional and mental support. If you have class and need someone to study with, that's your Dom's job. He is supposed to teach and help you learn. If you have worked hard, it's your Dom's job to help you to relax and to put you in a position where you will be refreshed. If you are stressed and need someone to vent to, this is where your Dom's responsibility comes in.
BDSM is a two sided coin. The sub serves her Dom, and the Dom supports and in a way serves the sub. It's not all about "I'm mister Big Dom, and you're gonna gimme gimme gimme, or I'll kick you out!".
Now, on the other hand, If I just got home after working for 18 hours(I do this 3 times a week), and have to get up in the morning, and after a hard day of work, I want a blow job, my submissive isn't going to complain that She's overworked after cleaning the house. However, Some of these subs on this site think that a sub shouldn't have to clean house either. They expect room and board for a few nights of sex per week.
~Aslanemperor

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:01:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

So I've been asking myself this, and it's plaguing me. Why is this site full of "submissives" who put stuff in their profile like, "I'm submissive, but I'm not a doormat!"? I hear this, and then I talk to them only to find that the most basic of submissive acts is considered being a doormat. They won't obey a Dom, because this is being a doormat. They won't speak respectfully to their Dom because this is being a doormat!
What the hell people!? You have to be submissive to be a submissive. I'm starting to think these girls only say they're submissive because they're to lazy to get on top and ride their Dom like a good little slut.
What do you other Doms and subs think?
~Aslanemperor

This is how I see it from my POV and YMMV.

- being submissive, the person also will not be treated like a person without any sense of personal validity
- the submissive will submit to a Dom who suits them with compatible attitudes, interests, desires, etc
- a submissive what's to know they will be respected as a person and as a sub
- being submissive, they are above all a thinking person with independent opinions and personality which does not mean they need to subvert that to take on a persona of a mindless robot for a Dom

What you need to realize and understand that a person who is a submissive type is above all, an individual person. Yes we put our Doms needs before ours, that is a voluntary action we do because if our nature. At the same time we still need to hold onto a part of ourselves which we identify as our independent thoughts and opinions. We still are driven to speak out and speak up against any issue that which we feel isn't kosher. It is a fine line we walk because of this, especially when we have to find and maintain that balance between pleasing our Dom and still retain some sense that we are still our own person even when we are being properly submissive to our owner.

add on: It is only when I feel safe (emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually) that I can be fully submissive to another.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 10/1/2008 8:06:37 PM >

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:02:07 PM

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Hi, Aslanemperor----
I just read your original post rather than the entirety of the thread.
I identify myself on here as a switch but my preferrence is definitely to be submissive with males with whom I have relationships. Even in vanilla relationships, I inherently did things that would easily track as submissive.
I don't know you well enough to draw a conclusion about your apparent frustration. I don't think that all subs are pseudo-subs. Perhaps they just aren't your kind of subs. Or, they may be like me and may not be pervasively but specifically submissive; I'll knock the feet out from under someone who presumes to treat me in a way that eclipses what they've earned each and every time. Perhaps you've elucidated more later in the thread but I think this sounds more like a personal you thing than a pervasive submissive thing. What are your thoughts on that possibility?
Davan

(in reply to giveeverything)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:03:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
Or, they may be like me and may not be pervasively but specifically submissive;

That is a fantastic way of saying it.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 10/1/2008 8:04:46 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:03:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

So I've been asking myself this, and it's plagueing me. Why is this site full of "submissives" who put stuff in their profile like, "I'm submissive, but I'm not a doormat!"?

Everyone has their own interpretation of what a doormat is. You would really have to talk to the person to find out what they mean by it.

Yes, this is very true. Communication is very important. Everyone does have a different opinion as to what makes a doormat. The OP's comment was about the inclusion of the term without really grasping what is generally meant by it.
But on the flipside whose to say that the generally acceptable term is required to be accepted by all?

(in reply to marieToo)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:05:15 PM

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

So I've been asking myself this, and it's plagueing me. Why is this site full of "submissives" who put stuff in their profile like, "I'm submissive, but I'm not a doormat!"? I hear this, and then I talk to them only to find that the most basic of submissive acts is considered being a doormat. They won't obey a Dom, because this is being a doormat. They won't speak respectfully to their Dom because this is being a doormat!
What the hell people!? You have to be submissive to be a submissive. I'm starting to think these girls only say they're submissive because they're to lazy to get on top and ride their Dom like a good little slut.
What do you other Doms and subs think?
~Aslanemperor

I have been reading your posts for a few days now. I have to say I am hardly surprised that you are having such difficulties here. As well as you seem to comprehend the english language, and your "sizable" IQ, yet you continue to contact submissive women who state in their profiles that which you do not seek. If you want a doormat, there are plenty out there. Take the time to find the profiles that don't say "I am not a doormat", and contact THOSE women.

You seem quite angry and threatened by women who are intelligent, know what they want, and have a healthy self esteem. Maybe before you seek a partner, you should spend some time in self exploration. Maybe you will come to an understanding of why you are so angry with women and begrudge them their right to happiness in their own self expression.

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:06:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Perhaps if that is not what you want you should seek a sub that doesnt express herself that way on her profile.

This is the statement I was referring to. I'm not talking about seeking, I'm talking about profiles that I see while making a search.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:09:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor
This is the statement I was referring to. I'm not talking about seeking, I'm talking about profiles that I see while making a search.

It occurs to me that we should actually be thankful for profiles like that as they, quite briskly, make clear what type of views they espouse and what type of people they would seek to have partnership with...both to the benefit of those not looking for it and those who are.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:10:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterJFrancis

Yes, this is very true. Communication is very important. Everyone does have a different opinion as to what makes a doormat. The OP's comment was about the inclusion of the term without really grasping what is generally meant by it.
But on the flipside whose to say that the generally acceptable term is required to be accepted by all?

This is why I don't like to buy into labels and catagories. It's much too limited and there is far too much left to interpretation or misinterpretation.

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:12:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

So I've been asking myself this, and it's plagueing me. Why is this site full of "submissives" who put stuff in their profile like, "I'm submissive, but I'm not a doormat!"? I hear this, and then I talk to them only to find that the most basic of submissive acts is considered being a doormat. They won't obey a Dom, because this is being a doormat. They won't speak respectfully to their Dom because this is being a doormat!
What the hell people!? You have to be submissive to be a submissive. I'm starting to think these girls only say they're submissive because they're to lazy to get on top and ride their Dom like a good little slut.
What do you other Doms and subs think?
~Aslanemperor

I have been reading your posts for a few days now. I have to say I am hardly surprised that you are having such difficulties here. As well as you seem to comprehend the english language, and your "sizable" IQ, yet you continue to contact submissive women who state in their profiles that which you do not seek. If you want a doormat, there are plenty out there. Take the time to find the profiles that don't say "I am not a doormat", and contact THOSE women.

You seem quite angry and threatened by women who are intelligent, know what they want, and have a healthy self esteem. Maybe before you seek a partner, you should spend some time in self exploration. Maybe you will come to an understanding of why you are so angry with women and begrudge them their right to happiness in their own self expression.

Ok, I don't know where all that came from, but I'll tell you it's bullshit. Actually, if you wanna know anything, I make it clear that I want an intelligent woman who knows what she wants. I simply don't want one who doesn't want to be a submissive.
Where do you get the idea that I'm angry at intelligent women? I tell you now that it's quite the other way around. I'm annoyed by STUPID women. For that matter, I'm annoyed by stupid guys as well.
The fact is that I made this post to point out an inconsistency and I'm seeing that it's gotten WAY out of hand. I should have realized ahead of time what would happen if I tried to have an intelligent discussion here. Whatever.
~Aslanemperor

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:12:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Perhaps if that is not what you want you should seek a sub that doesnt express herself that way on her profile.

This is the statement I was referring to. I'm not talking about seeking, I'm talking about profiles that I see while making a search.

But...you also said

quote:

I hear this, and then I talk to them only to find that the most basic of submissive acts is considered being a doormat.

and

quote:

I'm talking about what these girls talk about on their profile and in mail corespondance.

So of course people answered your OP based on thinking you actually talked to these submissives. So I'm confused - did you converse with them or did you just read their profiles? Because you're saying both.

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:13:35 PM

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aslanemperor...just for the record....you really should pay attention to the likes of luscious and Bear......they know of what they speak. Luscious is as far from being an idiot as you are from being smart about the whole D/s thing. And I have learned tons from reading Bear's posts......making assumptions like that is bad enough, but to post them...not the smartest thing you've done this week!

You will find that there are many varied personalities here....no cookie cutters allowed here! Reading profiles is cool...but hun....coming to the boards and venting about certains aspects of them is just asking to get lambasted! Instead, address them with the subject in question, ask them why.....privately....most won't get to upset if you present your inquiry in a manner which is non-offensive. But really, if someone just doesn't sound like the "type" of submissive you want, then just move on......call me a hopeless romantic, but I firmly believe that there is someone out there for each of us.....ya just gotta keep looking!

Oops! Just realized there's no "h" in his nic....my bad!

And 2 "O's in OOPS!

< Message edited by soul2share -- 10/1/2008 8:17:38 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to beargonewild)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:14:04 PM

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The profile belongs to the person who created it. That means ~gasp~ a submissive should/can/ and will write whatever they want to write. If you don’t like it then click to the next one. Seems someone with your ~cough~ intelligence would be able to figure that out.

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(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:14:34 PM

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I don't say that I am or am not a "doormat". The word is fraught with emotion and quite frankly one doesn't have to converse with me very long to find out what my general personality is like. Probably too fiesty for some, not fiesty enough for others, and just right for a precious few.

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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
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(in reply to marieToo)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:15:26 PM

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*agrees with catize*

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