RE: Where are the submissive submissives?

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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:49:13 PM

Posts: 23574
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

You have to be submissive to be a submissive.

I disagree. This is the first relationship I've ever been in where I don't actively run the show, out of an agreement from the start. I'm not submissive by nature. My nature is to take the reins, kick the person out of the driver's seat, and show them how to drive. The past 5 years have been a decision to hand that over to Him, trusting that He will not do harm to me.

I'm not a submissive, but rather His submissive. Our dynamics are our own, and He is securely in the Top spot.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:52:20 PM

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I can only add that just because someone is submissive, that does not mean she is YOUR submissive.

(in reply to MasterJFrancis)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:52:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

So I've been asking myself this, and it's plagueing me. Why is this site full of "submissives" who put stuff in their profile like, "I'm submissive, but I'm not a doormat!"? I hear this, and then I talk to them only to find that the most basic of submissive acts is considered being a doormat. They won't obey a Dom, because this is being a doormat. They won't speak respectfully to their Dom because this is being a doormat!
What the hell people!? You have to be submissive to be a submissive. I'm starting to think these girls only say they're submissive because they're to lazy to get on top and ride their Dom like a good little slut.
What do you other Doms and subs think?
~Aslanemperor

Your initial post was full of generalizations, it was accusatory to the overall population, and specifically condescending and insulting to the female submissive folk here on the forum.

So um, yea...no hugs or puppies...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:52:47 PM

Posts: 618
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From: NYC
Status: offline

Ah yes...'so-called'...that is never seen as offensive on this site...

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to MasterJFrancis)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:53:39 PM

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

I'm not a submissive, but rather His submissive.

Oooh, I love this.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:56:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AMaster

I can only add that just because someone is submissive, that does not mean she is YOUR submissive.

I agree. Same applies to slave, dominant, and master.

(in reply to AMaster)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 8:58:52 PM

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

I'm simply trying to get oppinions.

It appears that you expected validation that submissive folk should have profiles pre-approved by you.
You wanted agreement that it’s a big hairy deal when you find a profile unappealing.
You anticipated that we would nod in understanding because you were able to recall one instance to 'prove' your point.
Of course we disappointed you when we didn’t swoon at your use of ALL CAPS to indicate your domliness.
You have made it clear that anyone who disagrees with you is stoopid.

I’m thinkin’ you ain’t lookin’ fer other opinions.

< Message edited by catize -- 10/1/2008 9:08:17 PM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:06:40 PM

Posts: 618
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From: NYC
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

I'm simply trying to get oppinions.

It appears that you expected validation that submissive folk should have profiles pre-approved by you.
You wanted agreement that it’s a big hairy deal when you find a profile unappealing.
You anticipated that we would nod in understanding because you were able to recall one instance to prove your point.
Of course we disappointed you when we didn’t swoon at your use of ALL CAPS to indicate your domliness.
You have made it clear that anyone who disagrees with you is stooped.

I’m thinkin’ you ain’t lookin’ fer other opinions.

See now, I can’t help but feel that the intelligent person would see all these negative reactions and think ‘hrm….so many people see to think I am off base here…maybe…just maybe…I am off base…”. Alternatively, one could just lash back out since clearly everyone on here is so frigging stupid and the wisdom of what must equal 100s if not 1000s of years of experience is no match for a few months of reading profiles on the internet…

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to catize)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:08:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

I would say off the top of my head that it's a good 25% at least. Believe it or not, I expect this sort of action from a switch. I just don't think it makes any sense for someone to lable themselves submissives when they obviously aren't.

Oh Son ... now you went and did it.

It's MY label and I'm sticking to it.
Maybe I should go make a profile and add that `I am no doormat`!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:09:07 PM

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From: Tampa, FL
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Aslan,

You're killing me here. You've posted about those "bad little subbies" that won't do as you wish them to do and then get all upset and start throwing around your IQ like you're Grandmaster Flash when we all - as Otter so hilariously put it - fail to donate hugs and puppies at your feet.

Guess what? I am all those things that you listed as "traits of basic submission" to my Sir and no one else. And also guess what? He is not whiny, does not shout in caps, doesn't get upset when someone else has a different opinion and as a result, gets hugs and puppies from me on a regular basis.

And lots of sex.

I think you need to get laid, or just stop reading the freakin profiles that you hate so much.

P.S. If we want to get into an IQ pissing contest, mine is much, much higher than yours.

_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to marieToo)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:09:22 PM

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i tried to read all of these threads, but found it difficult. You are discussing profiles. i don't have a profile on purpose, since i am not looking. i do know a lot about profiles though, and have always tend to not put a lot of importance in them. With that being said, i will continue on another area. i known people with very high IQ's. My late husband's IQ was over 135. He never made a referrance to his iq to make a point. Now to another point, if i meet a Dominant in a chat room or in person, i would treat them with respect. i treat everyone with respect. Doesn't mean though that i would call you Sir or Master. i would treat you with as much respect as you treat me, but if you started demanding things from me just because you see yourself as a Dominant, i would just say no. And that would be the end of the conversartion. Being respectful is one thing, earning my respect is completely different. i am not a doormat, nor do i get impress easily.
Personally, i lose interest in communicating with others when they start pointing fingers at others and make broad generalizations. Victim role is easy for me to sniff out, and that too will cause me to lose interest in communicating with another.
oceanwynds

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:09:23 PM

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You see, this is where this statement would be understandable. I know that some Doms love this (I believe that the current accepted term is TPE), and I must admit that it's fun for the occasional playdate, but the idea of living under this constantly sounds like no fun for either party.
Especially if you're the type of Dom that I am. I have deep and powerful beliefs in the responsibilities a Dom is supposed to live up to, so adding in such things makes it much harder for me because my responsibilities just multiply.
This, I think would be difficult for anyone. Immagine feeling like you have your own life to control and all the responsibilities and emotions, plus the responsibilities of two jobs and the emotions and responsibilities of your sub.
I think that this is one of the reasons my views on subs are so controversial. I believe that a D/s relationship requires intense service by both the Dom and sub. But then, I believed the same thing when I was in vanilla relationships. I believe that both have roles and should take the responsibilities of those roles.
Ok, I hate to do this, but I must leave. I'm speaking to an important individual. Despite appearances, I've enjoyed this little debate/discussion.
~Aslanemperor

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:09:31 PM

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The OPs original question was why there are so many profiles that state: I'm submissive, but I'm not a doormat. Then he goes on to state when he contacts them that the things he considers the most basic of submissive acts they consider to be acts of someone who is a doormat.

I don't think anyone can answer the WHY. One can make many guesses: they are new to the lifestyle, they don't really know what they want, they are trying to weed out so called 'wanker' material, it is one of a few free sites where one can hook up for play only or any other 100 guesses one might have.

As far as when you contact them and you ask and they inform you that they consider that act to be a 'doormat' then I would think it would be up to you to probe further as to why they think/feel that way. Could it be others have told them that 'twue subs' don't do that, could they be so new they only think that is or find out what they consider acts of submission to be and why.

Each M/D/s relationship is different and the people involved are the people that make the rules for them. It is true in 'vanilla' relationships and no different for people in 'bdsm' relationships.

Other people come to the forums and ask similar "WHY" questions. Unfortunately, all any of the posters can offer is based on their experiences on CM and depending on your age group, where you live, etc might be the reason for your experience with the profiles you read.

Resident Sadist had a recent comment about profiles and you should look his post up as he searched based on countries I think.

I have recently been looking at female sub ads and the ones I read don't have anything in their profiles about being submissive and not a doormat.

(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:12:06 PM

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quote:

See now, I can’t help but feel that the intelligent person would see all these negative reactions and think ‘hrm….so many people see to think I am off base here…maybe…just maybe…I am off base…”.

One would think so!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:12:37 PM

Posts: 23574
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From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

I'm not a submissive, but rather His submissive.

Oooh, I love this.

Thank you, marie. *blushes*

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to marieToo)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:13:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

This is the statement I was referring to. I'm not talking about seeking, I'm talking about profiles that I see while making a search.

oooh ok. Then search differently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
You say you are making a search but not seeking?
The mind boggles that you don't see the contradiction in saying you dont seek that which you are searching?

And THIS is when I fell off my chair with laughter.

--cs

(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:17:38 PM

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Aslanemperor,

Perhaps I can shed a little light upon this topic for you. There are a number of different reasons and even different factors involved. Here's a general list of possible things.

Some submissives may simply have yet to experience a deeper level of submission with somebody yet. They simply don't realize the depth and level of how far they are capable of submitting yet.

I have one friend who discovered this after meeting the right Master. She had dated or tried out a number of Doms/Masters who either too insecure, arrogant, naracisstic, just in it for sex.  Well you get the idea here. She was at the point of questioning if she was submissive enough or not.   That's how bad it is. Actually, it's very difficult for any sub/slave to find a good Dom/Master.  You really have no idea how hard it is. The fact remains that many Doms/Masters simply don't inspire or bring out deeper or deel level of submission.   My friend finally found a Master after a couple of years that literally brought out an extremely very deep level of submission in her.   To the point it even blew her mind. I was rubbing in it, by saying, see I told you so. ha ha ha ha...

I would not quickly write a prospective submissive off quickly, just because she believes she can not submit on a deeper level.   Have you considered taking the time out and exploring if there is any Chemistry and potential for what can happen.

Too many Doms expect for instant and full submission, and forget the fact that some submissives have not found the right one to submit to on these deeper levels.   Be patient and understanding about this Dude.
D/s does not happen over night and most D/s relationships that are healthy and working gravitate towards TPE in time. Before that can happen there has to be mutual chemistry and interests and needs and wants. A D/s relationship is about way besides a sex hook up. It requires time, work and engery on both parties part. Lazy Doms/Masters who demand instant full submission are really clueless if you ask me. If anything they are in part to blame for so many Submissives having to write "I'm not a doormat" on their profiles.

Oh hell, I'm just going to leave my response at this. It's a good starting point for food for thought.

(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:20:20 PM

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor
*SNIP*
I think that this is one of the reasons my views on subs are so controversial. I believe that a D/s relationship requires intense service by both the Dom and sub. But then, I believed the same thing when I was in vanilla relationships. I believe that both have roles and should take the responsibilities of those roles.

[QUOTE]
Are you kidding me? You're kidding right?

quote:

Ok, I hate to do this, but I must leave. I'm speaking to an important individual. Despite appearances, I've enjoyed this little debate/discussion.
~Aslanemperor

LOL.....riiiiiiight....Tell Gov.Palin I said 'hi'...

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to Aslanemperor)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:22:22 PM

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aslanemperor

This is the statement I was referring to. I'm not talking about seeking, I'm talking about profiles that I see while making a search.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
You say you are making a search but not seeking?
The mind boggles that you don't see the contradiction in saying you dont seek that which you are searching?

Maybe he's just window-shopping? No real plan to buy?

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to CookieSlave)

RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 10/1/2008 9:29:38 PM

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Joined: 9/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC

LOL.....riiiiiiight....Tell Gov.Palin I said 'hi'...

snorted. I snorted.

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)

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