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Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:04:39 AM

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I recently had a rather big disagreement with a teacher of mine, which he settled by saying "I am the teacher, so listen to me!" It turned out in the end that he was right, but whatever...

My question is, in any relationship, not just a D/s one, there are bound to be disagreements. Will the doms/dommes be tempted to "play the dom card" and avoid long arguments about who is right?

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:09:27 AM

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I have found duct tape and a hairbrush end any disagreements.

*winx* just joking....... kinda.....lol

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:10:37 AM

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He doesn't.

Although, arguing with someone who is an expert on the subject matter... and just another person is entirely different.

I wouldn't start an argument over physics with an instructor of mine... and I don't argue with C over car things.

Pulling the "Domcard" is childish in my opinion though... if you are right, you better be right. Don't be lazy about it

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:12:29 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

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i'm learning to simply just walk away and drop the subject. no winners, no losers....no more arguements

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:13:25 AM

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I guess it would depend upon what the disagreement was on and what the dynamic is between the parties. For example, if I have agreed that he's the "boss" and he makes the decision, I'd present my "argument" and then shut up. He will either take my words into consideration or not, but ultimately the decision lies with him. However, if he wants to tell me how to vote, for example, no way. I'd never agree to that. Course, I still wouldn't argue...I'd just go in the booth and vote the way I wanted.

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:15:08 AM

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I have always had a difficult type with confrontation. Generally I bow out. If I know for a fact that I am correct, I will stand my ground. This has happened in places like Neontal ICU or Peds ICU, but generally not where other options are as applicable as mine.

My Sir knows when to take on conflict and when to step aside.
He has always told me, as others have, pick your confrontations (battles) wisely.

There are also people who I choose to wisely confront, but I usually bow out in the end. It is much like shoving something down a persons throat and what good is that....unless it is his hand in my hair and his cock in my mouth.

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:24:31 AM

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It's a Dr. Phil-ism, but it speaks to me:

"Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?"

In a perfect world, we would be able to get both, but it rarely works out that way. I try to keep in my head that as soon as I start "arguing", I have already lost because the situation has escalated into territory that is more often than not, harmful to both parties.

Also for me, too often it is not enough that -I know I am right-, but that -others must acknowledge that I am right- - and that rarely leads to hugs and puppies...

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:33:40 AM

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No i think your WRONG , nanny nanny boo boo ..

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

I have found duct tape and a hairbrush end any disagreements.

*winx* just joking....... kinda.....lol

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:35:00 AM

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There are issues of subjectivity and those of objectivity. The "because I said so" mentality is useless in the latter case.

An example such as a Dom saying "this is how I want to be pleased and I expect yo to do it" is not a matter of objective fact and an argument building from it should fall onto the dynamic of the relationship, not an argument over right or wrong.

However, when it comes to things which have a place on the factual continuum, views should totally be supported. Many people like to have for themselves a certain intellectual affirmative action...this right to be right as some show of equality rather than actually being correct...and I think it's lazy to have that view or resort to "listen to me!" commentary when you don't have the arguments to solidly support your position.

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:37:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

No i think your WRONG , nanny nanny boo boo ..

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

I have found duct tape and a hairbrush end any disagreements.

*winx* just joking....... kinda.....lol

LMAO .........

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:38:04 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
"Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?"

*twitch*

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:38:29 AM

faerytattoodgirl

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give me chocolate and pizza and ill not argue.

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:39:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
"Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?"

*twitch*

Yea, I know...

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:39:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

give me chocolate and pizza and ill not argue.

but, now if we made a anchovie and pineapple pizza, and covered it with chocolate would you argue with us? ...lol

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~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 11:51:58 AM

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quote:

My Sir knows when to take on conflict and when to step aside.
He has always told me, as others have, pick your confrontations (battles) wisely.

Exactly. Pick the hills you're going to die on.

quote:

unless it is his hand in my hair and his cock in my mouth.

YES PLEASE!!!

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To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 12:05:00 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

give me chocolate and pizza and ill not argue.

but, now if we made a anchovie and pineapple pizza, and covered it with chocolate would you argue with us? ...lol

id just take out the anchovies.

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I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

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SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 12:20:35 PM

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In the beloved words of H.P. Lovecraft....

I am disillusioned enough to know that no man's opinion on any subject is worth a damn unless backed up with enough genuine information to make him really know what he's talking about.

Now, as I have previously discussed with someone, would you trust in your Dominant enough to accept it if they, despite your persuasive efforts, decided to go with what you thought was wrong? Would you trust in them to catch it if it was indeed wrong, and to admit to their mistake and try to right it?

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 12:38:06 PM

Daes

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We have disagreements sometimes, we voice our opinions and sometimes we dont agree, nothing wrong with that. If He feels its being drawn out he usually tells me to hush - The same applies if he feels a conversation can lead into an argument.

We don't have arguments. Arguments are different and we have not had one yet.

< Message edited by Daes -- 10/2/2008 12:41:03 PM >

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 12:38:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

My question is, in any relationship, not just a D/s one, there are bound to be disagreements. Will the doms/dommes be tempted to "play the dom card" and avoid long arguments about who is right?

First, yes Mistress and i argue about things. We are both human and have very different opinions on some topics.

As far as the "Dom card", i supposed you could say She uses it if She feels an arguement has reached a point that one or both of us are no longer actually listening to the other side. Her "Dom card" is two words, spoken in *that* tone..
"Enough girl". My signal to stfu on the topic and leave it alone until we are both in a headspace to actually listen to the other. This does not mean the discussion is over, just means it's on hold until emotions are checked and we can rationally discuss it again.

And well... yea.. it did take a few instances of the hairbrush/gag treatment to get me to actually understand and heed those two words. lol but i did figure it out

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RE: Settling disagreements - 10/2/2008 12:57:30 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

I recently had a rather big disagreement with a teacher of mine, which he settled by saying "I am the teacher, so listen to me!" It turned out in the end that he was right, but whatever...

My question is, in any relationship, not just a D/s one, there are bound to be disagreements. Will the doms/dommes be tempted to "play the dom card" and avoid long arguments about who is right?

As noted, it depends on the situation. Much like challenging the dominant, there are those submissives who agree to submit and then proceed to argue with you over every single thing you try to command/institute/whatever. In that case, I will just say the following; "Everything you are trying to argue with me about are things that were discussed and agreed to BEFORE you ever agreed to submit to me. The fact that you are arguing about them now, when you've agreed to submit to them previously, tells me that you are not submitting at this time. Is that correct?" That usually slows things down and sometimes leads to an acknowledgement that I am right and sometimes leads to a request on her part to please sit down and discuss these things further.
There are instances that have nothing to do with the subject of D/s or BDSM but with other aspects of life in which disagreements come up. I will discuss things up to a certain point but when it is clear that anger is beginning to hold sway or that the argument is being supported by a stubborn need to be right or to have things "their" way, I too will say "That's it...I don't want to hear anymore right now" and then come back to it when heads are cooler.

(in reply to zakkan)

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