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"Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:15:51 PM

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   Hello!

Just thought I'd ask a question for the masters here ( though I'm happy to hear from any slaves, mistresses or others who have advice ).

   When speaking to masters, a question I often get is "Why should I consider you?" Usually meaning why should they consider me as a potential slave. The answer I usually give is some variant of "I don't know. Do you want to?" Which is accurate, but I'm fairly sure not what they're looking for.

   Often that statement is coupled with "What makes you better than other slaves?" A question I am unable to even take a guess at - I'm not sure that I am better than whoever they've been speaking to, and I honestly feel a little reluctant putting down others or trying to "sell" myself, so to speak. My gut instinct says if there's a slave that's more compatible with them... well, they should be spending their time with that slave rather than me.

    I'm sure I'm going about this wrong somewhere. Any advice? If you ask these questions, what do you want to hear?

    Thank you in advance.

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:25:33 PM

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Your profile deals exclusively with kink. Your sole interest is the local BDSM community. Do you converse that way too? Maybe they have no idea who YOU are, and are asking a (kinda silly IMO) question trying to find out.

Do you prefer vanilla or chocolate ice cream? Do you prefer team sports or individual sports? In other words, who are you when you're not on the business end of an impact toy?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:27:04 PM

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From: California
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Is this something more common with submissive men? It sounds more like a job interview than trying to get to know someone to see if there is any interest there.

Cali

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(in reply to WestBaySlave)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:28:18 PM

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consider it like a job interview. sell yourself. what have you got to offer?

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CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:33:55 PM

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The D/s dynamic is a coin. Like all coins, it has two sides.

The principle of least interest suggests that the more desirable one has the power to ask "why should I consider you?"

There are slaves that are desirable, can can be picky about masters, and masters that are desirable to the point where they can be picky, you see where this is going.

I wouldn't treat a potential slave as anything less than an equal, but I would ask what service they can provide me. It's a hard answer to give. I look for how they answer it, more than what they say.

Being so cocky as to assume they owe me something is a bad way to start a relationship based on respect and a mutual desire to see red stripes on his or her ass.

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The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:41:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Your profile deals exclusively with kink. Your sole interest is the local BDSM community. Do you converse that way too? Maybe they have no idea who YOU are, and are asking a (kinda silly IMO) question trying to find out.

Do you prefer vanilla or chocolate ice cream? Do you prefer team sports or individual sports? In other words, who are you when you're not on the business end of an impact toy?

I'm happy to share any details about my life when getting to know someone. I could go on about my interest in Messiaen's organ works or entertaining holidays I went on as a child, but I try to make my advert fairly succinct. My profile is actually a lot more detailed than I usually find on gay BDSM personal sites such as Recon but... maybe not what the Collarme set are looking for.

I prefer sorbetto by the way. Ice cream is just too heavy.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:44:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Is this something more common with submissive men? It sounds more like a job interview than trying to get to know someone to see if there is any interest there.

Cali

I do find a lot of guys treat the situation more like a job than a relationship, but... I suppose each their own.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:49:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

consider it like a job interview. sell yourself. what have you got to offer?

That's the thing, really; I don't honestly know... except, maybe, me?

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:50:31 PM

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I've run into this particular frame of mind from male doms as well.

Most doms that I have encountered have a more down to earth approach. But there have been a couple that prefer the sub to take on an attitude of "wow, this person is like god to me, and serving him would be nothing short of an honor and a priviledge, and I have to prove my worth to him".

I'm not saying it's realistic, and I do think it narrows down the field for the dom, but yeah, some like to get it off on that foot right from the start. I would imagine this line of thinking is even more common amongst female doms.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 10/4/2008 5:02:55 PM >

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marie.

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:52:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

I wouldn't treat a potential slave as anything less than an equal...

Nice attitude. You're a rare man.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 4:56:51 PM

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I ask the question of potential slaves, usually at some point early on, "what do you have to offer?" You should see how puzzled and put off many female slaves are by that, ranges from being insulted to just plain confused, with very few able to offer up a coherent reply (which puts me off a bit, but that's life). I think this may be a good way to look at what you are being asked... ask it of yourself... what do you, personally, have to offer a prospective dominant? What skills can you offer in their service? What good qualities do you have that might be desireable? In what ways could you be useful? Any particular talents you have?

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 5:12:34 PM

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I find the question a little bit off-putting Padriag, and it also leaves me dumbfounded and like I don't really know how to answer either.

What can I offer of myself to a person I do not yet know? How do I know the ways I can serve him without knowing him as a person or knowing what his needs/wants are?

Do you list everything you are capable of like some laundry list of skills? I find that awkward, and it takes it from a more personal exchange to something colder that feels like a job interview, and I think that's the part of it that leaves people dumbfounded; it changes their frame of mind mid-stream into something that they aren't used to in that type of circumstance.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Padriag)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 5:15:24 PM

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http://www.tigerdom.com/html/slave_advice.html

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to marieToo)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 5:22:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

http://www.tigerdom.com/html/slave_advice.html

I wasn't seeking advice in my post to Padriag. I posed the questions more as a segway to discussion of the point I was making.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 5:24:24 PM

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I posted it for the new gay male slave looking for perhaps his first-ever Master, Marie. Jeez. That's a page from Master Tiger's web site, a well-known gay male dom.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to marieToo)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 5:27:01 PM

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Usually, early on in a conversation, I do not want to offer anything to a person I am trying to get to know.

(in reply to Padriag)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 5:28:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I posted it for the new gay male slave looking for perhaps his first-ever Master, Marie. Jeez. That's a page from Master Tiger's web site, a well-known gay male dom.

Alright well, I didn't know that. It was on the heels of my post. And well, I'm completely naive to gay male sites. I just saw "New slave advice". And in reality, that advice might apply to either gender.

No worries.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 5:33:40 PM

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Well, I offer strong leadership with a constructive and goal oriented attitude, intelligence and common sense, experience and education on a wide variety of topics ranging from power based dynamics to politics to economics to philosophy to business, life experience and life-based skills that a lot of people in their 20's haven't gotten around to developing yet, and a strong drive to succeed and accomplish new endeavors in my financial and career life.

In addition to all that, I bring simply "me" to the table as I am now. You may or may not be compatible with me.

But even if we are compatible and have a certain degree of chemistry sparked by our unique personalities, the question of what you have to offer the relationship and what you can bring to the table to contribute to the success and growth of both partners is still important.

Will the relationship consist of two people sitting on a couch eating dorritos and passing the bowl while watching looney tunes or do you intend to help each other achieve new heights, accomplish new goals, experience new things, and grow into new people?

Don't get me wrong. I am not necessarily advocating taking a business like perspective toward intimate relationships like the people you have contacted. I find that to be a kind of poor approach as opposed to simply allowing things to develop via natural connection and chemistry. But giving some thought to what you can do for the person you love/serve/dominate is worth the mental energy.

Edited to Add : In fact, I think it's so crucial that I believe every dominant should be asking themselves "Why exactly would this person want to give control over their life to me?" and "What benefits does my leadership provide" as opposed to "What can this slave do for me?"

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 10/4/2008 5:36:03 PM >

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(in reply to WestBaySlave)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 5:41:41 PM

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i find it completely confusing and off putting when i am asked to sell myself to a dominant figure. i found it only to happen in my dealings with dommes...the doms seem to know inherently what i have to offer them...wonder what that could be?*scratches head?*...im kidding...sorta.

i have had doms tell me that i would be the one asking/begging for a collar from them and my initial thought in response is always...wanna bet? And thats not a dare or some sort of smartassed answer...just the way things stand in my mind. i wont be the one begging a collar...unless it was offered and then i was made to beg. See the difference?

i cant think of any of this a job interview or an advertisement to sell myself. i announced my presence on the site in my profile...and have left it at that. Still single so maybe im wrong...but i kinda doubt that since i have made friends and contacts on this site and in my community. Eventually i will find a match.

But on this site, you should branch out on your profile...someone did some sort of great thing on making a good one....SimplyMichael?...noooo...Stephann......go search for Stephann's profile and check out his link to his advice on creating a perfect profile. Its astounding.

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You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 6:01:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

I find the question a little bit off-putting Padriag, and it also leaves me dumbfounded and like I don't really know how to answer either.

So are you put off because I ask it... or because you don't know how to answer it?

quote:

What can I offer of myself to a person I do not yet know? How do I know the ways I can serve him without knowing him as a person or knowing what his needs/wants are?

Well if you don't know... who does?
Do you know how to cook?
Can you play a musical instrument?
Do you have a good sense of humor?
Have a trust fund?
Can you bend yourself into a pretzel knot?
Are you great at massage?
Can you do my taxes for me?
Do you have some artistic talent?
Are you a published author?
Did you ever pose for Playboy?
Do you think you'd be a really great mother if we had kids?
Do have a trunk full of sexy costumes?
Can you play chess?
Can you build web sites?
Are you a marksman with a rifle?
Were you a cheerleader in college?
Do you have a college degree?
Can you quote over 300 poems from memory?
Do you enjoy going spelunkig? Horseback riding? Camping?
Have you invented anything?

The above list are all things various slaves have suggested to me over the years in reply to said question.

quote:

Do you list everything you are capable of like some laundry list of skills?

Everything, no... but I can give you a pretty good list of what I feel are the more significant facts. I used to have such a list of such on my profile... listed neatly under "What Do I Offer?" That's all gone now, however, as I am rewriting my profile.

What I find interesting about those women who can offer some sort of coherent reply is what it tells me about them. First that they are self aware enough to actually know some of their own worth... what's good about them. Second, that they are able to narrow the focus of that to things they believe I might find interesting / worthwhile tells me they've gone one step further and considered how they might be useful to me. Its a refreshing change from the usual paradigm of the woman as prey who waits for the man to size up what she's worth and whether she's worth pursuing, then coyly leads him on as he attempts to "conquer" her, "force" her to reveal herself. And yes, it does rather shake up her frame of mind. Shakes some up so badly they never quite seem to recover from the realization that to me... they are NOT all that, they are not "special" and will not be treated as such until they give me good reason to do so. Indeed, if they have nothing of interest to offer me... why should I pay them any great amount of attention, if any at all?

Its the opposite of what women are accustomed too... of men as peacocks each trying to out dazzle the other with their plummage to attract the attention of the females... and women as the supposed "prey", but in reality the choosers... the deciders. What I do flips that around, forcing them to show their own plummage.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to marieToo)

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