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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 5:12:28 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		PS - thanks for that.  That was very thoughtful and I can see you can relate to where I'm coming from.  The line

What you wont be able to work out instantly is how submissive you should be, this is because everyone you meet will have a different idea.
 
 . . . meets with my common sense understanding - but, strangely, it seems to get lost every time in a welter of opinions along the lines of "if you're not the whole thing, you're just a fake".  It's obvious to me now what kinds of experiences lie behind that opinion. 

Yep, thank God it doesn't all have to be enshrined in stone right at the start . . .

Thanks again, PS.  I appreciate your balance and understanding there. 




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(in reply to Politesub53)
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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 5:19:22 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Lol!! How much of this geek thing was started by Marylin Monroe in Some Like It Hot?   ("I want mine to wear glasses!") 

Would now be the appropriate time to mention I fix pcs as a sideline?   Just wing yours across the Atlantic if - ah, I see a problem. 

Seriously, every geek I've known has always done something that's "the opposite".  My gym's full of people who wear geeky glasses.  I go climbing with three people who work in computers.  You just do need the balance, I guess. 

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 5:23:13 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		I used to think a "gimp" was a combination of the two - but, that's entirely wrong, I've now realised.

BTW, sorry for calling you "Ventarix" earlier, Venatrix.  For some reason, that particular typo really irritated me when I saw it posted. 

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 5:26:31 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

BTW, sorry for calling you "Ventarix" earlier, Venatrix.  For some reason, that particular typo really irritated me when I saw it posted. 


Believe me, I've been called worse things.

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Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 5:37:59 PM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
While I wrote my prior post for sake of silliness, pondering it further makes me think I can see this approach working for me. If I were to use it, I would use it with a domme who was aware of my tendency for silliness and humor. And I would use it with the right tone and body language to let her know it was being said in spirit of humor. Such a delivery--a request for play wrapped in playful humor--can bring a positive response with a domme who appreciates this type of humor. With it known that it is not an attempt at manipulation, it instead becomes flirtatious and is more creative than a literal request. Most of the dynamics I have experienced have allowed for such playfulness, and for some women playfulness and creativity is a turn-on.


I like fellows who flirt and I really enjoy good-humored smart-asses.  A fellow who doesn't make me laugh isn't going to last very long.  My hubby's a pretty playful and creative guy, and I love that about him.  However, if someone wants something from me, they need to come right out and ask.  I don't respond to being hinted at.  Usually it's because I don't pick up on it.  When I do pick up on it, I usually choose to take the idle chit-chat at face value and ignore the underlying hint. 

I think that this is more about the difference in the way folks communicate than it is about doms and subs.  There are a lot of folks who feel it's rude or pushy to come right out and ask for what they want.  They're more comfortable dropping a hint and seeing how the hintee responds.  I imagine they respond better to being hinted at than they do to being asked directly, too.  If you don't want to do it you can just sidestep the issue rather than saying no.  If you are interested you get to call the shots.  No one has to feel put on the spot or pressured about the situation. 

I process this differently.  I like it when people come right out and ask.  I feel rather put on the spot when someone hints at me.  I can't say no even if I know that's my answer because they haven't actually asked me for anything.  When I've tried it the hinter was offended.  I can't say yes, either, because they haven't asked me for anything.  I have to listen to their story, figure out what they want and make them an offer or come up with some story of my own to hint back that I'm not going to do it. 

Perhaps it is a d/s-y thing for me.  I feel that this kind of thing puts me in the role of supplicant - they want it, but I have to ask them to let me give it to them.  If I'm not going to do it I can't just say no, I have to come up with some plausible excuse that I can fit into the conversation or ignore the hints and probably listen to more hints until we're both thoroughly frustrated.  None of that fits in my brain.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 6:09:49 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		So have I.  I sort of make a point of never remembering the names of the insulters, though.  I usually find that quite easy to achieve - because there's generally almost nothing about them to remember anyway.  Neat how that works. . . . :-)



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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 6:12:35 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		A fellow who doesn't make me laugh isn't going to last very long. 

If I can't make a woman laugh, then I'd lose all will to carry on with her anyway . . .

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 7:20:19 PM   
Venatrix


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Joined: 11/28/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

So have I.  I sort of make a point of never remembering the names of the insulters, though.  I usually find that quite easy to achieve - because there's generally almost nothing about them to remember anyway.  Neat how that works. . . . :-)




Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome?

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/22/2008 9:54:48 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix
You're confusing wimps with geeks.  Geeks are hot; wimps are not.


*grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowwllll*

Oh yes.  Geeks are very, very hot.

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(in reply to Venatrix)
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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 3:08:38 AM   
PeonForHer


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Careful, though, Weetabix.  I do the puns around here.  Stop trying to fill my slot.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 3:52:30 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome?


Touche` ! 

Y'all know it is totally unfair to have a 'pick on Peon' day when I'm at work.


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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 4:26:39 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		You're always at work

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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 4:33:24 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		66 hours a week!  But only for a little longer.

I hope you don't expect me to 'rescue' you any time soon.  Besides, most subs would KILL to have a Domme pile on like this.  All these lovely Ladies lavishing attention on you, calling you humiliating names.... Aren't you enjoying yourself yet?


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 4:55:26 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		No, but I will be once I've bought some lube and a banana.

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Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 5:26:53 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Now that sounds like fun.  I'll bring my Hog Tie rig.  Should suit you perfectly.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 5:34:32 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		wow!!

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Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 6:32:16 AM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Peon, I like it that you think. (The brain is our largest sex organ; everything else is gravy.)

Now, speaking only for myself, I'm not out to make my play partners do things that they hate. I'm out to cause them to feel sensations and intensities and emotions that are intrinsically extra-ordinary. Sometimes that means I'm experimenting with a technique new to an established sub, and sometimes it means that I'm experimenting by mixing techiques on a sub, a bottom, or an occasional play partner.

The requirement that I find is growing on me is that my subs vocalize at least a bit.
"A pair of gloves, a jug of lube, and moans below me in the dungeon…" now that's fun.

Lady Delilah Deb



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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 6:43:21 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Ms S, this chap doesn't need a banana, he needs a dildo gag, along with a very sturdy pair of wrist restraints to keep him from typing on the computer.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 6:44:48 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer



Careful, though, Weetabix.  I do the puns around here.  Stop trying to fill my slot.


You can call me Weetabix only if you're not a cereal killer. 

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 7:35:57 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Wonderful thread, PeonForHer.  I've very much enjoyed reading the topic and the replies.  So good, in fact, that I'm not going to mention what might have been seen as a slight on one of My personal 'fun time' threads.

I can't say I know much about the suggestions that some have about writing profiles.  I'm sure there is a fine line to walk between sounding like you have a laundry list of wants and actually expressing your interests.  It's a lot easier on the other side of the kneel.  Just as an example, if you say your interested in strap on play in your profile, some Dommes would tend to think you believe your submission lies focused on that activity.  If I say it on Mine, I get a much different response.

Since this is a BDSM site, you'd think it would be acceptable for folks to read a profile and see if they had kinks in common.  I think some of us have made it difficult for submissives to present that information.  Do this, but don't do that kind of thing. 

Like clip said back there a bit, we're very well matched in our D/s and our S/m.  A large majority of the things we do, we both enjoy participating in.  Activities that I want to do and he would like to have done to him.  Sounds good for both, doesn't it?  Truthfully, that's what I want most of the time.  It's only once in a while that I get that special yen to do something that he might not enjoy, but have him participate just because I've decided that it's something that I want.  It goes to show that we are very compatible in our kinks, and his submission shows in the places that we are not.

Do I like unnerving him once in a while?  Pushing him farther than he thinks he can go every now and then?  Is it a thrill to whisper, "Do it for Me" and watch his body change as he puts My will higher than his own?  You bet!  However, it's not something I crave continually.  For the most part, I enjoy watching the excited anticipation in him because something we're both going to have fun doing is about to happen. 


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 100
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