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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 10:13:12 AM

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Thanks, DD. I agree that the brain's the largest sex organ (though I wouldn't want to do without the others, mind). It's interesting that you say that you set out to cause your subs to have this or that sensation or feeling - what mostly comes across on the forum here is the feelings and sensations Dommes have/want to create in themselves. Yet I appreciate that the one aim is intricately entwined with the other.

A requirement that a sub vocalise - now there's a novelty!

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 10:16:07 AM

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You can call me Weetabix only if you're not a cereal killer.

Superb!

- I'll roast you for your prior comment another time, though. Or demand that treatment from you at gunpoint.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 10:26:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You can call me Weetabix only if you're not a cereal killer. Superb!

- I'll roast you for your prior comment another time, though. Or demand that treatment from you at gunpoint.

Wow, now THIS is topping from the bottom!

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 10:30:43 AM

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Yes!! What Shakti said:

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

Reply just to the OP, and really only about a few lines of the OP:

Please don't ever use the word "always" when you talk about dommes, or any other group of human beings, and what they want or don't want.

Not all of us are enchanted by a man with inner conflict about his submission or his masochism. For some of us, the guy who "loves and hates it" at the same time kinda gives us only 50% of what we're looking for, which is the guy who loves it, period, and doesn't hate it at all.

Don't get me wrong, sacrifices and suffering for my sake are romantic and sex-ay, but genuine ambivalence and genuine resentment are not. I have no fantasies about genuinely unconsenting partners and no insecurities that have to be assuaged by making sure my partner isn't enjoying things too much. I am not worried about whether I am really in control or whether I really have power--that is a certainty.

Some of us are not particularly looking for a hyper-masculine man, for that matter. I am not hugely into feminization, because as a feminist I don't care to associate subordination or humiliation with being female. But I certainly enjoy and cherish the qualities in a submissive man which some women would consider "feminine"--his ability to emote, to communicate, to nurture, a gentle and loving personality, the ability to express desire by being seductive, etc..

Anyway. I'm not saying that these posts and/or profiles you've been reading don't exist. There are indeed women who do not want to spank anyone but the Marlboro Man, and there are women who really get off on a man who struggles to accept pain or humiliation, who really has to fight to submit.

Personally, I'm not one of them. I have no interest whatsoever in beating anyone who is not a masochist--I think that the joy and pleasure that a real masochist can get out of pain is amazing and beautiful. Trading that experience for some dreadful experience of beating someone down just fills me with disgust and horror. And the same is true of receiving service from a submissive. The difference between someone who gets true joy from pleasing me and someone who has to force himself is just night and day--and I'm not interested in the guy who has to force himself. Life is just too short. If you want to be miserable, get a dayjob, not a domme.

Only one thing I'd like to add:

For me being a Domme is a spiritual thing as well as a sex-ay thing. Real life experience with someone that you know you want to submit to is what is needed here PFH.

Most of this confusion will 'boil off' as you go along and get some rt.
Your profile looks great by the way.

ME

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 10:34:20 AM

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Oh lordy, LadyP, as if I'd knowingly slight you at all. I'd rather stand in front of a leopard flicking water into its face!

I tried to frame a debate, as it were, in that original post - rather than state a personal position. Most got that, a few didn't - but it's all been helpful to me, one way or another.

Yes, I still, even now, get asked "well, what do you like to do, then?" - and I reel back thinking - "But, hang on, you just told me not to give a you a list!" But, I guess, if the questions come from her and not volunteered by you, the sub, then that's what makes the difference. Or at least it does until it comes to a sub writing his profile here at CM. Whatever, I still couldn't write such a list because it's the feeling that counts and any number of activities could create that feeling.

I think maybe the bottom line is subs may well want to say something similar - that it's down to feelings and not specific activities. Yet, tactically and in their profiles especially, it's not a good idea to do it the way they've been used to doing it. What I mean is, in any other context, if you ask X what are his likes and dislikes, X will tell you what he does rather than what he actually feels. Maybe especially if X happens to be a bloke . . .

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 10:40:19 AM

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For me being a Domme is a spiritual thing as well as a sex-ay thing.
Funny you should say that, ME - that hit home only a few hours ago. It's sort of related to my second comment to Gladiator on his "born to serve" thread.

Thanks again for the compliment on my profile, btw. It's too embarrassing for me to look at it in order to change it, so I'll just leave it for the time being.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 10:44:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You can call me Weetabix only if you're not a cereal killer. Superb!

- I'll roast you for your prior comment another time, though. Or demand that treatment from you at gunpoint.

Wow, now THIS is topping from the bottom!

Nah, that's just gentle persuasion in my book, Otter. Proper topping from the bottom would be where I blow her head off first. However, I almost certainly wouldn't do such a thing.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 11:08:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You can call me Weetabix only if you're not a cereal killer. Superb!

- I'll roast you for your prior comment another time, though. Or demand that treatment from you at gunpoint.

Wow, now THIS is topping from the bottom!

Isn't it just? I haven't even met the bloke yet.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 11:20:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Nah, that's just gentle persuasion in my book, Otter. Proper topping from the bottom would be where I blow her head off first. However, I almost certainly wouldn't do such a thing.

Here's the way I approach a scene: I've got to know my boy; what he likes, what he doesn't like, what he's not sure about, what is "no way in hell", and any health limitations he may have. I take all this into consideration and plan a scene that has what we both like in it, with maybe a bit of pushing the limits, once I know him well. Once the scene starts, though, beyond the safeword, there's no more negotiation. I control everything that happens. He's welcome to ask for more or request that I lighten up, but I decide whether it happens or not. If it's truly unpleasant for him, then he can always use his safeword. If he's cheeky or topping from the bottom, like some subs around here we know, he gets extra smacks for it. Whilst I laugh maniacally.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 11:24:37 AM

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I think all your subs will be cheeky. Extremely cheeky.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 11:42:16 AM

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Indeed. I had sensed there might be a flaw in my plan.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 11:59:24 AM

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Well, maybe being cheeky is a subtle art subs need :)

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 3:03:09 PM

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I'd like to think I'd be respectful rather than cheeky in that scene, but I can't see anything wrong in that recipe whatsoever, Weetabix.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 3:13:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I'd like to think I'd be respectful rather than cheeky in that scene, but I can't see anything wrong in that recipe whatsoever, Weetabix.

Hmmm. <Mentally plans scene around stuffing dry Weetabix in your mouth.>

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 3:38:25 PM

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Probably better than certain other places you could stuff it . . .

. . . . Do you think it advisable that I shut up at this point?

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 4:42:29 PM

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Yes, I think that would be advisible. Because you have a very strong tendency to exchange pages and pages and pages of posts with women in the public forum which really belong in a private PM box, and the rest of us find it very tedious.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 4:54:20 PM

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I think, ShaktiSama, that PforH is engaging in the time-honoured British tradition of bantering with all and sundry, but if it annoys others, I shall refrain from encouraging him. At least, in public.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 5:05:55 PM

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Sorry to hear that, Shakti. Point taken.

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 7:39:32 PM

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<enjoying the banter, and the weetabix visual>

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RE: Is being a sub a subtle art? - 10/23/2008 8:55:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

<enjoying the banter, and the weetabix visual>

Milk please....

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