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RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 10:21:19 PM

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/3/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

I am a writer, yes, that's true. But I am not embellishing. I cannot speak for his side beyond that which he has told me, and I give you the honest to goddess truth, which, as can be seen, I'm not so good looking in.

I agree with GreedyTop...After the first time it happened, I thought I knew what to do, which is why I didn't ask for it to be clarified...which is what makes sense to me. Why ask for clarification if you think you're already clear on it?

I'm not scared anymore, because I know that I'm a strong woman. I've been through too much to ever think otherwise. As for my relationship issues...some of them- okay, probably most of them...stem from my own insecurities. Every relationship I have been in (save one...but that wasn't really a relationship. that was two weeks.) I have been inexplicably dropped for another girl. I was engaged til april. Three days before my birthday, the ex fiance tells me he's interested in someone else and thinks it's best if we part ways.
My personal relationship issues are I think stemming from my deep down desperate desire to maintain his interest in me.

...

Good Goddess, you guys are becoming my therapists. ...not sure that's a good thing... but I sure as heck didn't expect you guys to be so...nice. Not being stereotypical except for message boards...which tend to completely roast me for being honest. You guys have calmed me down. Now I know I'm not *totally* crazy =)

*~EDIT~*

My profile now has a photo. Definitely not a porno chick.

< Message edited by HisNani -- 11/6/2008 10:26:57 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 10:27:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisNani

Good Goddess, you guys are becoming my therapists. ...not sure that's a good thing... but I sure as heck didn't expect you guys to be so...nice. Not being stereotypical except for message boards...which tend to completely roast me for being honest. You guys have calmed me down. Now I know I'm not *totally* crazy =)

Ut-oh guys, she said we're being nice. *cracks knuckles* Now we gotta go make someone cry or we'll run outta "Wah, everyone was mean to me" threads.

Seriously though, this guy doesn't sound good. Best of luck and I hope you get yourself out of this situation.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/6/2008 10:28:05 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to HisNani)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 10:30:39 PM

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From: Savannah, GA
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*hugs* Nani..

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RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 10:35:05 PM

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/3/2008
From: Maryland
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*trembly lip and BIG blue eyes*

awwwww...

*HUGE HUGS TO ALL THE NICE PEOPLE!*

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 10:37:17 PM

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*offers to share her milkshake*

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to HisNani)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 10:39:33 PM

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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I read this OP almost totally convinced that it was a domestic violence case history, not something you would find on a BDSM website, and I'm responding as such.

I don't care if this is a sorry tale or a made up drama or not, I'm taking it seriously, even if it isn't. Better to be safe than sorry.

Get out, get right out, and stay out. Just cut yourself off completely from this Master. He's dangerous. I don't need to explain why, the other posters have covered that just as well if not better than I could.

You need to get yourself into some sort of counselling, therapy and also support, either by way of a support group or a support network. Stay out of any relationship until you have developed an adequate support network and have got yourself through counselling and therapy.

Instead of looking for a new relationship I would work more at developing a network of supportive friends who understand WIITWD - these friends are your lifeline and will prevent you from ever becoming vulnerable or isolated again in this community.

No dominant worth their salt will ever inhibit or restrict you from making friends. This is worth remembering for the future.

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(in reply to HisNani)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 11:03:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisNani

Oh yes, jealousy is HUGE. I'm well aware of that one. He's very possessive. Seems to think the whole male population is after me.

This to me is bad. If he trusted you it would not matter if he believed the whole male population was after you.

I'd like to echo the others who have said please do not bring someone else into this relationship.

< Message edited by moonvine -- 11/6/2008 11:15:58 PM >

(in reply to HisNani)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 11:23:16 PM

Posts: 190
Joined: 9/23/2008
From: The Ghost Matrix
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Ugh. So late for this and ain't gonna add anything new, but I'm really compelled to say something.

You know who else tries to cut people off from others? CULT LEADERS! This guy, and I'm just repeating what everyone else I'm sure has been saying, is a dangerous control freak. He's trying to cut you off from aquaintances? He's exploiting your post traumatic stress disorder?! That is fucking sick, and this guy seems like a sociopath. If you don't have some means of defending yourself, find some. Maybe this guy's just a coward who needs to control pretty young girls to feel like a big man, but it's just as likely he's a potential serial killer and your life could possibly be in serious danger. I am dead serious when I say that. Some random faceless internet guy who cut you off from the outside world could very easily get away with murder if they knew what they were doing.
Maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe he just a pathetic little scumbag of a man, but are willing to bet your life that he wouldn't kill you? There'd be quite a bit fewer homocide victims in the world if people took potential threats more seriously.

-Tabris

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I don't like hand baskets. Everything's always going to Hell in them.

(in reply to stella41b)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/6/2008 11:59:41 PM

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Tabris... it's an LDR, but they'd met before he started this shit.. just sayin it's NOT some random dude...

(or maybe I misunderstood what you meant by that bit?)

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to TabrisMaceth)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 12:20:45 AM

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/3/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

What's strange...is he's only like this over the phone. I've never had him lay a hand on me, or threaten me violently, or call me names or anything in person...ever...if I did something wrong, he'd calmly ask if I knew what I did...and that was pretty much that, except for a punishment equal to the infraction. Hell, if I cry in front of him he's a puddle of Oh-God-What-Did-I-Do? just...silently.
That's why, even though I totally see what you're saying about him being abusive...I can't quite see it as such...my Aunt was in an abusive relationship...he walked right through restraining orders and everything...she had to go into hiding to where even her own sister, mother, and sons didn't know where she was. I've already made it clear to him, that if he slaps me or punches me once- I'm out, I'm done, that's it. One shot. So it's not like I'm taking what you guys are saying about the abusiveness lightly. I'm not. I'm a total weirdo and I psychoanalyze everything (...maybe that's why I'm nuts?...I think too much?...) and I watch things. I know that in anger people say things they don't mean...so usually I let that slide. I know all too well how easy it is to get caught up in emotions, you know?
I guess...I wanted to reassure everyone that I'll be safe, I promise. =)
You know what just dawned on me? What if he spazzes like this on the phone when we've been apart because he feels he has less control over me since I'm so far from him? (six hour drive) What if it's some kind of unintentional panic button because he feels he's losing, or has lost control even though he hasn't? That makes sense to me...which...may or may not make sense to you...but...if he panics when he's away from me for a long time...and he reacts like this...but when I'm with him and see him more often he's the sweetest and most loving person...I seriously and honestly think he's afraid of losing control of me because of distance.

*takes a huge gulp of the milkshake AquaticSub offered* yum.

So whatcha' think? Have I gone off the deep end on this theory...?

~Okay, gotta keep reminding myself that Einstein was more than a little of his share of crazy too. Whew.~

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 12:29:59 AM

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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What's fucking ironic is this... He made you shut off contact with these people to protect your mental health and his punishment is going to mess your mental health up that he's been protecting? Dugh!!!

(in reply to HisNani)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 12:39:16 AM

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Joined: 11/7/2004
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Emotional abuse is still abuse, and can be more damaging than physical abuse.

(in reply to HisNani)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 12:42:59 AM

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: moonvine
Emotional abuse is still abuse, and can be more damaging than physical abuse.

Even more so because of the mental health issues involved.

(in reply to moonvine)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 12:53:11 AM

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/3/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

I know the signs and manifestations of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the reason I am the way I am. Every kid in school is bullied for something. I was picked out and made fun of, made the butt of every joke, and made into some hideous quasimodo figure that should be avoided at all costs...even through high school. I think there's a point where it isn't just bullying anymore- it's abuse. And that's really part of many many of my issues- mostly the self esteem. Which just got worse when it seemed that the fact I was unwanted was confirmed...because not one of my guy friends would snuggle with me...like they would the other girls in our circle. I was never asked out, and didn't get my first kiss until last year.
I know how painful emotional abuse can be. I've seen it. I've felt it. And I'm in no way saying I'm going to put up with it.
I just don't want to put down the dog for biting me before I find out it's because his leg was broken.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 2:58:18 AM

Posts: 190
Joined: 9/23/2008
From: The Ghost Matrix
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The world's a cruel place. The media is saturated with fiction, making us believe all sorts of stupid nonsense and blind to that simple fact. I know better, though...which is why that panic button thing struck a cord with me. I was just feeling the urge to slam my own panic button myself.
If this is the case...well...this is totally different. If this is the case, I can relate to your master completely. And if this is the case...you should just walk away right now. Making things work is going to take the kind of dedication people only demonstrate in works of fiction. You're going to get hurt a lot, so unless you're willing to endure anything for someone you care about, you might as well walk away and find a dog without a broken leg. The healing process just isn't worth it for most people.

-Tabris

_____________________________

I don't like hand baskets. Everything's always going to Hell in them.

(in reply to HisNani)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 6:24:06 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

OK....the OP is a 21 year old switch who's involved in an abusive relationship with her Master.....who doesn't even live in the same state........who won't let her speak to ex's because she can't define boundaries for herself....yet her profile says that she is actively seeking Dominant women, submissive women and switch women.....and her profile photo is a professional porn picture. Seriously......

Accepting bets that she's seeking other women to have threesomes with because he told her to. And professional porn pictures indicates some early sex abuse, since young females who are shown and taught their only value comes from letting others use their vagina tend to believe that and continue that belief as adults, by selling usage of it.

She needs serious therapy for survivor issues, and no relationships for a year minimum.

But pretty sure she'll let him do what he wants and not even send him the hospital bill for in patient psychiatric care afterwards while he goes on his merry way, ranting about the 'nutcase' he got involved with while denying responsibility of any kind.

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RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 7:43:06 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisNani

What's strange...is he's only like this over the phone. I've never had him lay a hand on me, or threaten me violently, or call me names or anything in person...ever...

my Aunt was in an abusive relationship...he walked right through restraining orders and everything...she had to go into hiding to where even her own sister, mother, and sons didn't know where she was.

I know that in anger people say things they don't mean...so usually I let that slide. I know all too well how easy it is to get caught up in emotions, you know?

You know what just dawned on me? What if he spazzes like this on the phone when we've been apart because he feels he has less control over me since I'm so far from him? (six hour drive) What if it's some kind of unintentional panic button because he feels he's losing, or has lost control even though he hasn't?

Okay, I see what you're saying. BUT, and this is important...

When he freaks out on the phone and threatens you with beating you and cutting off your hair, when he knows you have PTSD and self-esteem issues that would be severely triggered just by the threat...that is emotional abuse. He might not mean it. But he still did it. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that actions speak more eloquently than words.

You say you watch things. Good. Watch his behavior. Does he freak out, hurt you emotionally, and then act extremely sorry? Typical pattern of an abuser, right there. The situation doesn't have to be as extreme as your aunt's or what you suffered during your childhood to be abuse.

That's why I say you should encourage him to get some help for his anger management issues. If he's freaking out just because you're six hours away, then he isn't particularly secure in himself and his ability to be a master, is he? If he lacks self-confidence and doesn't trust you, that puts you in a bad position, doesn't it? It sounds more and more like this guy isn't a master as much as he's just a possessive control freak. There's a world of difference between the two. That's not to say that he can't deal with his issues if he gets help and turn out to be the world's most awesome master for you.

But you both have to get the help. That's the first step. Again, I think you should back off and let things cool down between you while you're both getting your heads straight. You don't have to end the relationship if you're not ready to do that, though IMO you should. However, I think it's a good idea to put your relationship on hiatus until you've both had some time to seek help.

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(in reply to HisNani)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 7:50:32 AM

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quote:

Does he freak out, hurt you emotionally, and then act extremely sorry? Typical pattern of an abuser, right there. The situation doesn't have to be as extreme as your aunt's or what you suffered during your childhood to be abuse.

A description that fit me to a T prior to my finding a great therapist.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 8:59:46 AM

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You know, I see lots of great advice being given. Unfortunately the girl that needs it, is too busy dog paddling as fast as she can to protect this guy. Making excuses for his behaviour and her own. Telling us why she is too special for counseling, telling us that underneath the asshole he really is a great guy.

The prisons are full of great guys.........to someone. Most of them have commited violent crimes.

She is a classic enabler and she is not going to listen to a word of any of this advice. She is just going to keep enabling this asshole, until it blows up in a huge dramatic blast. Then move on to the next asshole that makes her feel all warm and fuzzy and special and be his enabler.

Hopefully she get a clue by four before one of those assholes has a bad temper moment that goes a bit too far.

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Please Help Me...I'm terrified - 11/7/2008 10:01:11 AM

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Totally agree with you SageFemmexx ... good advice.... and would say it again ....RRRUUUUNNNN like mad in the other direction ...he isn't a dom he's a bully and an abuser and is using this as a cover to do what he wants which is beat you without being questioned and then your made to think its correcting your behaviour...been there done that one i'm afraid.

Please be brave and leave him its not easy but you can do it...if you stay it will only get worse!

x nova x

(in reply to SageFemmexx)

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