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What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 8:30:07 AM   
Foxer55


Posts: 59
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline
I have spent some time posting personals on the web with little result. What is it with women...? I send emails to women and get these off-the-wall responses.

I recenlty answered an ad at COLLERME to a woman who lives right around the corner from me based on her admitted location. What I got in return was a meaningless, incoherent reply that could be a result of drunk, high, medicated, or perhaps dyslexic. I dunno... I received a response to a Yahoo personal from a woman just this morning saying I live too far away. Huh...? We live in the same city, she's on one side, I'm on the other, its a half-hour drive. She can't be finding that many guys where she is if she's posting ads on Yahoo so what's the big deal? Its not necessary to waste time replying to an ad with meaningless responses. Who needs to read to read junk mail?

Add to this that many women write some very specific personals. The guy needs to be exaclty this and that, and exactly such and so, and must live within 5 miles. Huh...? Do they think the web is magic? Put in an order for Dreamguy and he calls? I'm realistic about it. Nothing's perfect. My personal ads, both BDSM and vanilla, ask only a few things of someone: that they be in their mid-to-late 40s and that they be appealing. I can work with the rest but I am looking for someone who's taken as good care of themselves as I have. I have a good life that took me a long time to make. I make good money. I'm in good health. I'm not 100 pounds overweight. I'm not even 10 pounds overweight. Not even 5. I'm financially protected against almost any risk. I don't think I'm anywhere near ugly. If the woman lives in Bumscrew, Idaho, I can deal with that. All I ask is she be appealing and mid-to-late 40s. That ain't much! But I get few responses and I get these rediculous replies. *scratching head*

So, what is it with women...? *scratching head more*

Foxer



< Message edited by Foxer55 -- 12/18/2005 8:43:42 AM >
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 8:44:19 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
I dunno, man. You've been here less than a month, so I think you're a bit hasty in your judgement. Your profile looks okay, but people might be put off by all the "expert" ratings you give yourself.

Or maybe it's all the head scratching? Want me to yell at you next time I see you doing it?

Bob

hey!! Stop that!

(in reply to Foxer55)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 8:45:29 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
Hi Foxer,

I can see what you mean but I think it's not only women that do this. Men do this as well. No the web is not magic, thats why they are looking for so long with no results. The more one specifies what it is they want, the narrower the margin in what they'll find that matches. What I find funny is the ones that post these specifics and then get frustrated that they don't find what they look for. Well duh? There are only 6 billion people in this world, good luck in finding that needle.

The one that said you were too far seems, to me at least, either too damn lazy or not interested and couldn't say it so she hid behind an excuse. Not uncommon. Anyway, all one can do is buckle down, grit your teeth and bare through it. Good luck your search.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Foxer55)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 8:51:54 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
Maybe it's your approach? I read your profile, and yes, while I too was a bit turned off by your self proclaimed advantages in life, there was really nothing there to catch my attention...nothing that said...'hey, this one's a winner'. And quite honestly, if you approach these women with the same attitude that you just expressed here......well, I would not be in a hurry to further any communication either.
/shrug
But that's just me.

You have to understand though, relationships are not like buying cars...you just can not walk in and say 'ok, I like this one but I want it this color, this style, with these add-on's'. It takes time to find the one that is right for you. And just because you see someone that interests you, does not mean that YOU interest her.

(in reply to Foxer55)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 8:52:52 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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This is about the 10th posting about this in the last 2 weeks, using the search capabilities may help you find those and provide some enlightenment--btw--I find your comment to be very sexist--there are tons of men on here and the internet that need major social lessons---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Foxer55)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 8:57:36 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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Well where you get yours living across town, I get mine living on other contenants. I live in North Carolina, and I get alot of UK, Australia, Canada e-mails. And some think I can just hope in the car and be there in no time.

Here's one I'm sure you've had drilled into you............... be patient. And be glad the one that lives across town showed you right off that she's not too bright and that you can do better.

(in reply to Foxer55)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:02:45 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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i'm afraid i agree with Irish Mist; Your claims to being an expert and having advantages, especially financial, are not appealing; nor is Your targeted age group (mid to late 40's is only 5 years). i saw nothing that told me You were kind, compassionate, had integrity, or shared any of my other core values. You probably do, but You aren't putting any emphasis on it.

You might read the following thread:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_211664/mpage_1/key_Dom%2CMaster%2Cprofiles/tm.htm

best wishes,

candystripper


< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/18/2005 9:03:27 AM >

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:03:45 AM   
Foxer55


Posts: 59
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline
Irish,

quote:

Maybe it's your approach? I read your profile, and yes, while I too was a bit turned off by your self proclaimed advantages in life, there was really nothing there to catch my attention...nothing that said...'hey, this one's a winner'. And quite honestly, if you approach these women with the same attitude that you just expressed here......well, I would not be in a hurry to further any communication either.
/shrug
But that's just me.


My first contact with anyone is to simply say, Hello, I found you ad and find you very attractive, etc, and I think we might be a good match, etc, see my profile and I'll be looking forward to hearing from you. Just like at a party, you walk up to someone and say hello, and if they give a positive response you spend some time to see where it goes. Intoduction on the web doesn't need to be any more or less than that. No pressure, no profound love letters, just a hello.

quote:

You have to understand though, relationships are not like buying cars...you just can not walk in and say 'ok, I like this one but I want it this color, this style, with these add-on's'. It takes time to find the one that is right for you. And just because you see someone that interests you, does not mean that YOU interest her.


Its merely up to them to give a yes or no but why give BS junk mail. If there's no interest, leave it alone.

Foxer



< Message edited by Foxer55 -- 12/18/2005 9:13:56 AM >

(in reply to IrishMist)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:03:49 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
That's one of the obstacles when using the internet to find someone (or any personal ad, for that matter). People are reduced to listing qualities that they feel make their perfect match. Many of us have things that we will not compromise on when seeking a partner, and that is our decision to make. If it makes our search more difficult, so be it. Profiles are one thing, but it really is the interaction that takes place beyond the written word and pictures that helps me make a decision to pursue something further.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Foxer55)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:10:00 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Hello, I found you ad and find you very attractive, etc, and I think we might be a good match, etc, see my profile and I'll be looking forward to hearing from you.


And this is exactly how you approach someone? I am not being a bitch here, I am just trying to understand your approach. You obviously think that you are an excellent match...and you probably are...and having self confidence in yourself is a good thing...but ...and this is just the impression that I have got from just here....but, you come off sounding as if you are the best thing to ever happen to the female speices. It's a huge turn off.

(in reply to Foxer55)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:11:04 AM   
Foxer55


Posts: 59
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline
candystripper,

quote:

i'm afraid i agree with Irish Mist; Your claims to being an expert and having advantages, especially financial, are not appealing; nor is Your targeted age group (mid to late 40's is only 5 years). i saw nothing that told me You were kind, compassionate, had integrity, or shared any of my other core values. You probably do, but You aren't putting any emphasis on it.


Kind, compassionate, and integrity are all subjective, self-proclaimed, and relative. Self-stated core values are nothing other than a sales pitch and believing the sales pitch could be YOUR error. I could say I'm the hottest lover on the planet but its meaningless. What I can say that will be obvious to anyone I MEET is I have material advantages that demonstrate I haven't misrepresented anything. Their judgement of my kindness, compassion, and integrity can only be gauged by observing me personally. That cannot happen remotely.

Foxer

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:18:51 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
Most of those off the wall responses come from people you probably wouldn't want to know anyway. I get them occasionally too... one word emails, one liners, strange remarks, etc. Chalk that up to the internet, it comes with the territory.

Then there are those who are brushing you off. She lived 30 min away in the same city and said you were too far away... in other words, she wasn't interested in you.

Okay, now a bit of advice. Think less about yourself and what you want and give some thought to what the kind of lady you want to attract might want. I took a moment to look at your profile and here's a few things I saw about it that might be problems. First, you focus on appearance too much. In a short profile you made six different references to what you expect in her appearance. My guess is that's putting a lot of women off and making you seem superficial. One brief statement that you would like someone healthy, attractive and stylish is enough (once you get some talking with you, you can look at photos and sort through who is stylish and who isn't... right now you want to get someone nibbling at the line but you're using the wrong lures). On the other hand you made a very brief statement that you have had a lot of interesting experiences in your life... but you never say what these were, you missed a golden selling point there. Try talking about that, what things have you done that others might find interesting. Have you travelled? Done anything exciting? Any accomplishments you're proud of? Those kinds of things can all become points of interest for any lady who sees your profile, things to peek her curiosity and start a conversation with. Use the journal feature to add more from time to time, maybe take one of those interesting experiences a week and write about it in the journal... did you have a great expereince snorkeling someplace... write about it. You want to make yourself as approachable as possible. Here's another tip, a lot of women have trouble making first contact (and generally the older they are the more trouble they have with it), so the more you do to make yourself approachable, easy to talk to, and interesting, the better your odds of being approached. Talk more about what you have to offer, but don't mention money. You don't need a Anna Nicole in your life. What I mean about what you have to offer... things like stability, a nice home (not expensive, not how much it costs, not square footage... but nice, comfortable, nice neighborhood, some place relaxing... those things matter to women), someone who is dependable, reliable, sane, healthy, etc. You want to present yourself as someone interesting, someone who has interesting things to say (someone she could enjoy just sitting and listening too, say over dinner or snuggled up in front of a crackling fire), someone who likes to do interesting things. In short, think about the kind of person you are trying to attract, think what aspects of who you are would appeal to that kind of lady. Be 100% honest about who you are, faults and flaws included, because you also want to attract someone who likes you for just who you are... not someone you aren't.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Foxer55)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:36:10 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Most of those off the wall responses come from people you probably wouldn't want to know anyway. I get them occasionally too... one word emails, one liners, strange remarks, etc. Chalk that up to the internet, it comes with the territory.

Then there are those who are brushing you off. She lived 30 min away in the same city and said you were too far away... in other words, she wasn't interested in you.

Okay, now a bit of advice. Think less about yourself and what you want and give some thought to what the kind of lady you want to attract might want. I took a moment to look at your profile and here's a few things I saw about it that might be problems. First, you focus on appearance too much. In a short profile you made six different references to what you expect in her appearance. My guess is that's putting a lot of women off and making you seem superficial. One brief statement that you would like someone healthy, attractive and stylish is enough (once you get some talking with you, you can look at photos and sort through who is stylish and who isn't... right now you want to get someone nibbling at the line but you're using the wrong lures). On the other hand you made a very brief statement that you have had a lot of interesting experiences in your life... but you never say what these were, you missed a golden selling point there. Try talking about that, what things have you done that others might find interesting. Have you travelled? Done anything exciting? Any accomplishments you're proud of? Those kinds of things can all become points of interest for any lady who sees your profile, things to peek her curiosity and start a conversation with. Use the journal feature to add more from time to time, maybe take one of those interesting experiences a week and write about it in the journal... did you have a great expereince snorkeling someplace... write about it. You want to make yourself as approachable as possible. Here's another tip, a lot of women have trouble making first contact (and generally the older they are the more trouble they have with it), so the more you do to make yourself approachable, easy to talk to, and interesting, the better your odds of being approached. Talk more about what you have to offer, but don't mention money. You don't need a Anna Nicole in your life. What I mean about what you have to offer... things like stability, a nice home (not expensive, not how much it costs, not square footage... but nice, comfortable, nice neighborhood, some place relaxing... those things matter to women), someone who is dependable, reliable, sane, healthy, etc. You want to present yourself as someone interesting, someone who has interesting things to say (someone she could enjoy just sitting and listening too, say over dinner or snuggled up in front of a crackling fire), someone who likes to do interesting things. In short, think about the kind of person you are trying to attract, think what aspects of who you are would appeal to that kind of lady. Be 100% honest about who you are, faults and flaws included, because you also want to attract someone who likes you for just who you are... not someone you aren't.


Now here's an example of how to present yourself to others.

Padriag shows education without making me feel stupid and uneducated. His words keep one interrested and wanting to read on. He's sure of himself but not overly.

Not all are like this, or can do this. I was just using Padriag as an example. Show who you really are and not what you think some one want to see. And lighten up some on us females. We're not all alike either.

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:38:05 AM   
Tristan


Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline
In my experience, there are not a whole lot of people on any of these sites (lifestyle or vanilla) who are really looking and are not messed up in some way. I've met several very cool people some of whom I've even met in r/l. However, I noticed that a large percentage of the profiles listed are duplicates of others or from someone with a pattern of psychological drama in their life. I think there might be a whole lot more from people who are married or just like the attention of getting emails from someone they think is attracted to them.

I started noticing profiles posted with a specific age and location that were nearly identical. I then started noticing that the two or three profiles always logged on within a few minutes of each other. That kind of seems like maybe there is just one person instead of two or three.

Another type of response I get is from someone who's been married like four times and always has psycho killers talk to them in bars. lol. I'm not making this up either. I have no problem with talking to different people as long as you have your life reasonably together. I'm not one for daily psychological dramas. I'd prefer to focus on my partner rather than the daily drama.

I also think that online may not be the best place to look for a relationship. Too many people have the kiddy in a candy store mentality. They are always being distracted by someone that might be better never really getting to know anyone before moving on to someone new.

It might be better to get out and do things that interest you. At least, even if you do not find your significant other, you will meet cool and interesting people.

Tristan

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
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RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 9:57:34 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Foxer55


Kind, compassionate, and integrity are all subjective, self-proclaimed, and relative. Self-stated core values are nothing other than a sales pitch and believing the sales pitch could be YOUR error. I could say I'm the hottest lover on the planet but its meaningless. What I can say that will be obvious to anyone I MEET is I have material advantages that demonstrate I haven't misrepresented anything. Their judgement of my kindness, compassion, and integrity can only be gauged by observing me personally. That cannot happen remotely.

Foxer



Ahh yes, material advantages, so they will notice the cut of the cloth, the shine of the Rolex--of course--yes material advantages that were we to have a catastrophe would definitely be sure to put you at the head of the bread line---now let's see how many "advantaged people" were destroyed in Katrina and Rita---hmmm easy come and easy go--material advantages mean nothing to Me when it comes to one's ability to care for a submissive/slave--one could be advantaged and be a sadistic abuser--I'm not impressed and quite frankly after reading your profile, the only one who fits would be Princess Diana--and she wasn't very submissive was she? What you seek is what we used to call a trophy--not everyone will fall at those feet---



_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Foxer55)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 10:20:09 AM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
women's personals....... HA!

I know my post is off topic a lil, but I am just wondering if anyone else notices….

the warm an fuzzy vanilla personals sites drive me to drink. lol
The women all say, "love to hold ands and walk the beach, I'm down to earth, height and weight proportionate" I'm sure the men's are even worse.

First, Down to Earth - wtf - is there any bigger cliché that is more meaningless ? but they all say it like it's some attraction ~~~ gags LOL

Height and weight proportionate - Translation- I resemble the proportions of a bowling ball. LOL. When I become king of the web site profiles, all women would list their dress size and there would be a required verification service ! (now your really laughing... of mad and yelling at me like I'm behind the screen... :) ...)

Romantic walks on the beach; When I go to the beach I never see people holding hands and walking the shoreline. Mostly I see geriatric blue hairs with baggy skin that waives in the breeze as they try not to lose their balance without their walker. where are all the romantics that are holding hands I never see any....

Just scratching my cynical itch
today, hope you got a laugh.


Still wondering what their thinking

del Rey


< Message edited by DelRey -- 12/18/2005 10:23:11 AM >

(in reply to Foxer55)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 10:21:59 AM   
Foxer55


Posts: 59
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline
MHOO314,

quote:

Ahh yes, material advantages, so they will notice the cut of the cloth, the shine of the Rolex--of course--yes material advantages that were we to have a catastrophe would definitely be sure to put you at the head of the bread line---now let's see how many "advantaged people" were destroyed in Katrina and Rita---hmmm easy come and easy go--material advantages mean nothing to Me when it comes to one's ability to care for a submissive/slave--one could be advantaged and be a sadistic abuser--I'm not impressed and quite frankly after reading your profile, the only one who fits would be Princess Diana--and she wasn't very submissive was she? What you seek is what we used to call a trophy--not everyone will fall at those feet---


If you want to believe someone's self proclaimed virtues on the web you do so at your own risk. My life has been a story of catatrophes from a broken and destitute home to dangerous military work, through alcohlism, to life threatening work in warfare and working 80 hours a week for years on end to caring for a dying parent deserving of the best I can repay. I survived. I don't need to spill my guts about it. I don't need to write a book about it. I made it and I want to leave it at that. But I learned through it all that the best stuff in life is the stuff you make for yourself. I'm looking for someone of the same cloth and ready to make something for themselves. I guess a lot of people just can't rise to that.

Foxer


< Message edited by Foxer55 -- 12/18/2005 10:26:39 AM >

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 10:23:45 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
and men's pesonals are any better--puhleez---could we get off the sexist bashing and get to some really meaty BDSM issues---

veronica? grab Me another martini please---and let's change channels---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 10:25:03 AM   
Foxer55


Posts: 59
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline
DelRay,

quote:

women's personals....... HA!

I know my post is off topic a lil, but I am just wondering if anyone else notices….

the warm an fuzzy vanilla personals sites drive me to drink. lol
The women all say, "love to hold ands and walk the beach, I'm down to earth, height and weight proportionate" I'm sure the men's are even worse.

First, Down to Earth - wtf - is there any bigger cliché that is more meaningless ? but they all say it like it's some attraction ~~~ gags LOL

Height and weight proportionate - Translation- I resemble the proportions of a bowling ball. LOL. When I become king of the web site profiles, all women would list their dress size and there would be a required verification service ! (now your really laughing... of mad and yelling at me like I'm behind the screen... :) ...)

When I go to the beach I never see people holding hands and walking the shoreline. Mostly I see geriatric blue hairs with baggy skin that waives in the breeze as they try not to lose their balance without their walker. where are all the romantics that are holding hands I never see any....


ROFLMAO! You're a scream a minute! Probably 'cause you're right.

Foxer

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What Is It With Women...? - 12/18/2005 10:30:30 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
Foxer, we are not out to get you here. You posted a question, as is your right...we are just trying to offer up some advice as to why you seem to get the reponses that you do. It's commendable that you are at a stage in life that things are comfortable for you, that you feel self confident and self assured. It's just that...well, to put it bluntly, and as many have already stated......you talk to others ( and I only have your profile here and your comments in this forum to go on ) as if you are God's gift to women...that any woman who dared to turn you down or show no interest has a deep rooted problem. You need to change how you approach others, how you interact with them...especially since you are looking for a relationship through online means. I have no idea how you come across in person; this is the only example that I have to go on. ANd quite frankly...you show nothing in your way of speaking that is attractive at all.

(in reply to Foxer55)
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