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RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/23/2005 11:58:40 AM

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>cloudboy no one is saying that being overweight is healthy, but you took a question about the mind and turned into one about the body.<

The mind and the body are not separable, hence I thought there was more than a rational basis to my answer. The poster, as I see it, has body issues which lead to her social anxiety. If she did not, she would not have asked the question that she did. Behind the question is fear of rejection and a fear of being humiliated in a public setting because of being over-weight.

The majority of posters here have said that her fears of rejection and humiliation are misplaced and that she would not be harshly judged. They have encouraged her to venture out.

I do not disagree with that, I just go one step futher: Better she be positioned not to need your encouragement at all.

I can see how my point of view is not "helpful," because its just stating the obvious and because it does not help her presently, as is. Maybe its truly not my business to advocate she make a change, but nonetheless, I wanted her to know that I think the change is worth it.

(in reply to SwtJadedGrl)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/23/2005 4:54:04 PM

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To cloudboy - never mind. It is xmas time.

To the OP - Trust me, you are thinking about your weight a lot more than others are. Just relax, you will have a good time, whether in a bdsm scene or just public.

Happy Holidaze

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/23/2005 5:35:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

There seems to be a cultural divide between myself and the majority here. I do not see being overweight simply as some sort of "lifestyle choice," but I do see it as a health and self esteem problem. Someone who is overweight has more health worries and more self esteem issues. If the poster who started this thread got herself into better shape and stayed that way, she would feel better, period. This would then translate into higher self esteem and more self confidence.

The majority here seems to stand by the point that we should accept and love all body types, in ourselves and in others. Although this may make those weight problems feel better, if fails to acknowlege the damage that being overweight inflicts on a person.

I know that everyone can pick their poisons in life. But if someone says, "God, I can't even walk up the steps without losing my breath." A reply to that person of, "well you need to give up those cigarettes," is not misplaced, vain, or projecting one's view of a body ideal.

I'm sorry to have stirred up some negativity, but I shall always be an advocate for fitness, nutrition, and a healthy lifestyle.

Being an advocate for fitness, nutrition, and a healthy lifestyle isn't negative, but I don't think it's the issue here. I think if you could show a direct correlation between getting into better shape and high self-esteem and confidence in everyone, then you'd have something. I think one should strive to achieve confidence and high self-esteem without regard to his or her outside appearance. Appearances can change, but of you have a strong sense of worth and confidence, you can handle most anything.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/23/2005 6:52:11 PM

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I’m not overweight. As a matter of fact, I’m 5’7 and a size 8…but I still feel self conscious about my body.

I had a serious eating disorder in high school and college. I missed out on a tremendous amount of life because I ‘felt fat’. I deeply regret those missed opportunities…but I can’t change the past. Although I have recovered, self-doubt still haunts me…even now.

I don’t agree with everything in cloudboy’s original post…but my self-image has improved since I started exercising on a regular basis.

Hang in there. And don’t let anything cheat you out of enjoying your life.

Snow

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/23/2005 7:17:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AsianSlave2125

I'm an overweight slave and am not too confident hitting a public scene because of this, any suggestions?

AsianSlave :)

Only you can make the decision about what would make you more confident. A different style of clothing? A new state of mind ( ie; I am beautiful, I am confident, I am a GODDESS

).

Like said though, look around...there is not a single person in the world who is TOTALLY happy with the way they look, but they tell themselves that they are beautiful, and they hold themselves in a confident and assured way...and everyone who sees them, sees beauty, confidence, and a goddess :)

Basically, if you tell yourself that you are unattractive, you will appear unattractive. If you tell yourself that you are beautiful, you will appear beautiful. If you are confident in the who you are, others will see you in the same way.

It all rests with you.

(in reply to AsianSlave2125)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/23/2005 10:11:35 PM

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well honey it is easy to say and hard to do bbbbut ya need to lose some fat,can you do it you know how . but i think to myself i always lose weight when i am looking forward to a sexual adventure

< Message edited by ONEGOODMAN -- 12/23/2005 10:16:39 PM >

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/24/2005 12:34:12 AM

FelinePersuasion

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Ahh but people assume and wrongfully so that every one fat is fat because they make porkers of themself. IT's true most people are obese from poor eating habbits and more importantly lack of activity in their life to combat eating lots, but not every one fat eats fast food and potato chips and cupcakes.

I'm over weight and I don't eat cupcakes and potato chips. Nor do we on an average eat fast food. I however am not very active at allso wheather I eat those things or not my case being not I will gain and do gain weight. I would gain weight even if I ate nothing but letice and tomato's because I don't burn any calories.

You're also over stepping your bounds telling another person if they're over weight they should have body issues.

It's none of your buisness or place right to tell people they should have issues with their bodies if their obese, Fat people are intitled to like themself just as much as skinny people are.

And there's tons of men who like BBW women there's a whole fetish ABOUT BBW, About every three ine one dominant men and sometimes women in the fetish scene are overweight themself and do quite very much want their girl who is overweight. My last 4 partners liked BBW, My current partner likes me as I am don't go speaking about most men don't like when you don't know what you're talking of.

and 5 foot 6 is not the average hight for women, I'm five foot 3 maybe five 5 if I stoof entirely stock strait.

Perhaps I should start making sweeping generalizations about forty year old men should forty year old men have age issues because they're "old" should I tell you most women don't want 40 year olds cause their old? Should we be unattracted to you cause you're old, old enough to be my moms first born son, who's 44?

quote:

orand truthfully, you should have body issues if you are obese.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/24/2005 12:44:14 AM

FelinePersuasion

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I like my body I am out of shape and flabby in some area;s and I don't always find that apealing to my own sense of self. but I am 200 and30 percent comfortable in my body and I still have poor self esteme issues, and not cause I am over weight poor esteem can be many causes, We could have had people belittle our sense of worth so much because they were cruel, we could of endured tons of teasing at school just because you liked school, we could of been on the reciving end of Domestic violence.

Being fat don't always equate poor self esteme My self esteme was shot to shit years ago when I was just a skinny lil girl who was picked on everyday at school, and did well in school so must of been some kind of super natural freak. I was skinny bordering on emaciated a few times my whole life up untill 16 and my esteme wasn't worth a penny in a bucket. My self esteem was being eroded away every day bit by bit by bit by the abuse I sufferd at the hands of cruel peers, and a cruel mother who inflicted so much emotional damage onto her kids just by being verbally abusive or telling us to go to hell or go fuck yourself. now mind you this was all in barely even elimentary school. this was like third fourth and fifth grade. I haven't had much in the way if self esteme untill just a while ago because I have someone who loves me and has supported me in all walks of my life, he'd like me under weight he'd like me over weight, he loves me if I was purple and green. All he cares about is my joy for life and beautifull personality that still shines even after all the shit I had to crawl through starting from birth with neglectfull birth parents who would of killed their baby as soon as care about it. and almost did, to emotionally unavailible adoptive mom.

so self esteme is NOT always body based.

The poster in question would have more self confidence at public gatherings if she felt better about her own body.

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 12/24/2005 12:55:19 AM >

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/24/2005 10:51:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AsianSlave2125

I'm an overweight slave and am not too confident hitting a public scene because of this, any suggestions?

AsianSlave2125:

I've read a lot of supportive responses here but I haven't really read one that tells you specifically to embrace who you are. Get comfortable with your body, accept who you are, then discover and flaunt what is sexy and sensual about you!

As many here have posted, the public scene is just that: the public scene. People in this lifestyle are no different than people everywhere. If you're wondering what folks in this lifestyle will look like, just go people watch one afternoon. Whether it's at the beach, a mall, a busy city street, a coffee shop or even a gas station, you'll see every persona and body type possible.

There is nothing quite as attractive to Me as a sub who is comfortable with himself; if he's overweight and wears something attractive, preferably something I gave him, with a pair of zippy thongs beneath it, he's sexy!

An overweight woman who accepts who she is, acknowledges that she has a body, and knows how to enjoy it simply ROCKS! She doesn't cover her arms or her legs up, she flaunts them, whether's she's a Domme or a sub. Find your best assets and show them off; to do that you'll have to experiment with new looks.

Take a good friend of the opposite sex with you shopping. If you don't have a Good Friend of the opposite sex, approach someone you know fairly well (of the OPPOSITE sex) and ask them to go shopping with you one evening; tell them you're looking for something 'sexy' or 'flirty' for a night out & you'd appreciate their opinion.

Have them select something off the rack that THEY think might be really sexy on you, even if it's outside your comfort zone. Try them on until you find something you both agree simply shouts 'look at ME! I'm HOT!". By the time your shopping is done, if they weren't a close friend before the shopping excersize. they'll be a good friend AFTERwards, I promise!

Then wear a slinky something fetish oriented beneath whatever you bought and go to your public scene. You won't believe your confidence level.

Celebrate who you are. Celebrate who you are NOW.

Don't wait until you 'lose weight in six months', don't put it off, don't wait another day. Celebrate You TODAY!

Confidence radiates sensuality. Embracing your positive self is what matters. Go for it! Everything else will fall into place.

TexasMaam

(in reply to AsianSlave2125)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/24/2005 11:04:02 AM

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Ewwwwww, John!

What is it about that evangelical 'I overcame my weakness and that makes you inferior to me now' psyche?

I know the type! Personally, I run when I encounter one!

TexasMaam

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/24/2005 1:50:01 PM

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>What is it about that evangelical 'I overcame my weakness and that makes you inferior to me now' psyche?<

Being healthy is superior to being unhealthy. It has nothing whatsoever to do with one person being superior to another. You are so far off base you're not even in the ballpark on this one. Just because your friend John took a swing in the dark doesn't mean he hit anything. I've got enough message board experience to ignore the kind of bait he through in the water. I'd rather stick to the facts. Let's looke at them, shall we?

>From 1960 to 1980, the prevalence of obesity among adults in the United States was relatively stable; however, recent findings from NHANES showed that 3 of 10 US adults are obese (figure 3).8,37 In addition to increasing mortality from all causes, obesity is closely linked to hypertension, type 2 diabetes mellitus, dyslipidemia, gallbladder disease, osteoarthritis, coronary heart disease, stroke, and sleep apnea and other respiratory problems. Also, increasing evidence suggests that it is a risk factor for endometrial, breast, prostate, and colon cancer <

This is not the ground on which you want to build a "feel good about yourself" fest. A person cannot put themselves at risk, as described above, and feel very good about themselves. At best, they can put the issue out of their minds, but the elephant will always be in the room with them. I've never said that women have to look like the stick figures in modeling magazines and hollywood films, but no one should be comfortable being obese.

(in reply to TexasMaam)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/24/2005 3:36:46 PM

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From: Kentucky
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Hmmm...so many opinions...so little time! *lol*

Ok, I have had three children...and I did gain weight...

I went from being a size 3...up to (I think) a size 16....

Wow, is there a difference in how people treat you! You almost become invisible to some...and I don't care how high your self esteem is, to some you will ALWAYS be invisible...(as long as you are over-weight)

I do agree that you should accept yourself and love yourself for who/what you are.
In my case, at that particular weight, that wasn't possible.
I worked out, cut back on calories, but kept getting stuck at a certain weight.
In feb of this year, I went to a 'diet doctor' (basically someone who will prescribe 'legal speed' I guess)
I have lost a lot of weight, and really enjoy the attention that I get once more...
Perhaps I was so used to getting it in the past that it really threw me when I wasn't? idk...
I am more than half way to my goal weight...and am v pleased with the 'new, old me'

I did try for a long time just to accept myself...
then tried the 'healthy way' to lose it...
the only thing that HAS worked for me has been the diet pills...
I def intend to keep it off...

Girl, I SO understand where you are at! I don't think anyone really does until they have been there.

I have seen many large sized women (my cousin is one of them) get more attention, and a better quality of men, then their skinny counter-parts. It truly does depend on your own perception of yourself...

But...just saying you feel good about yourself does not make it so...(I have TRIED that!)...in the end, do what is right for YOU.

Personally, I am happy with the decisions I finally had to make. But that does not have to be your life. What ever you do decide...LIVE your life. It's too much fun to waste!

Peace;

Christina

and if you ever need someone to talk to who will def. understand...I am here for you! Have a great holiday everyone!

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/25/2005 3:35:24 PM

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Quote:

Fat people are intitled to like themself just as much as skinny people are.
By FelinePersuasion

I agree!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/25/2005 6:25:03 PM

FelinePersuasion

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Most those weight loss pills work by dehydrating your body. our body is 90 Percent water.

(in reply to snowgirlsub)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/25/2005 6:33:29 PM

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those weight loss pills are dangerous.

Yes, they deplete the body of water, but also nutrients and most of all.....potassium...

you should never use those things unless you have talked to your doctor before hand, and are in constant touch with him......

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/25/2005 8:37:43 PM

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From wht we have seen in our local public venues, the fuller figured sub/slave is more common than the slimmer one. Personally, we happen to prefer fuller figured ladies. Not that we would discount anyone as a possibility, because they were slim as in the end what counts most is the person's inner self.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/25/2005 10:19:12 PM

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From: Kentucky
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I go to the dr every two weeks...
the pills work by, basically...doing two things...
number one...revving up my heart rate...(a bit) therefore am burning more calories faster...
and of course, cutting back my appetite...(eat less...lose weight)

If I could have done it without them...(and I SO tried) I would have. Would have been MUCH less expensive.

Would I pay what I pay now for the rest of my life, just to feel good about myself? YES!

Skinny isn't better....heavy isn't better...

But we all must do what is right for our own particular situations....what I did is not right for everyone. But it WAS right for me. And I am much happier than I was a year ago at this time.

I even hate telling people. But...I wanted to let the op know that some DO understand how she feels. And couldn't just say 'I understand' without telling her how and why.

I think we're all beautiful.

Unfortunately, I didn't happy with my situation.

Now I do.

Just another perspective...

Peace!

Christina

(in reply to HouseofBear)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/26/2005 3:56:18 AM

kiale

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I remember walking through BlackRose..what was it...2000? The convention floor being a full time dungeon, so many folks being flogged, spanked, etc. I saw some very large ladies having a *very* good time. Sure, there were some 'ideal' bodies on the floor, but certainly NOT the majority of them.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/26/2005 6:57:47 AM

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No one said that I eat in an unhealthy manner or maintain an unhealthy lifestyle.

Go preach elsewhere.

TexasMaam

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Overweight slaves in the public scene - 12/27/2005 8:19:52 AM

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From: Alberta, Canada
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Do you understand the concept of the OP????

You keep going on and on and on and on............ about something that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ORIGINAL POST.

Clean out your ears..... she did not ask about how to lose weight... she did not ask how to be healthy.... she did not ask for statistics on death rates and obesity. She asked a simple question, how can I be more comfortable being who I am in a public scene!
If you have nothing to add that is related to the original post, I respectfully ask that you make your own thread and you can write anything your little heart desires about the "evils" of obesity.

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to cloudboy)

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