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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/25/2005 8:01:31 PM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Ah good *adding name to list of people Candy implores to offlist*

Now, the clincher is, did she ask you to change/stop your postings? That gets you into the VIP section of the list.

quote:

Nope, I'm just a regular member of the Peanut Gallery. Such is life.

JohnWarren

LA; i have not spoken directly to you in a long time. i urge you to drop the grudge.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/25/2005 8:02:27 PM >

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/25/2005 8:28:23 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
LA; i have not spoken directly to you in a long time. i urge you to drop the grudge.

candystripper

The funny thing is that you actually think this is a personal issue for me. I simply find it another interesting "tick" on the "online chat forum life cycles."

The ways in which your behavior is both predictable and unpredictable (but mostly predictable) will help me understand future cycles.

(in reply to candystripper)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/25/2005 8:46:48 PM

Shayna

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Joined: 1/16/2005
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quote:

i was not referring to people's opinions. i was referring to both JohnWarren and KoM making a public display of ending our friendships and placing me on block. i mean, Lordy, i did not burn the BDSM flag. i just suggested -- ok, insisted -- that monogamy is necesssary for me to bond with a Man, and that there will be no 3rd parties -- no bisexual encounters -- in my life. i gave ample respect to the life choices of others. O, and i used that blasted phrase, "High Monogamy" which everyone seems to have jumped to conclusions about; although what it means i have explained at least twice that i can recall.

Yes, we completely understand that you are interested in a MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH NO INTIMATE CONTACT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. You've only said it ten billion times. And many posters said ten billion times that IT'S OK. Your first thread about straight woman blues was looking for others to sympathize with you. It IS possible that some women don't sympathize with you. So what. Your second thread requested a discussion of monogamy. Many posters gave you their opinions on that topic. So what's the problem? How can you feel so victimized by people posting their opinions, no matter what they are? That is a reaction you choose to have; not one others' have forced upon you.

(in reply to candystripper)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/25/2005 11:06:27 PM

dincubus

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i am lucky enough to have a sub/girlfriend who is bi and desires for me to be involved. she has had one limited experience that i was present for and it was cool. i do have to admit that there was some feelings of guilt/jealousy that i got over and all was good. so i have had those experiences before and it was great. no need to worry about anythign with my sub and i having issues. it is an acceptable part of our relationship and there is none of that "if one is good, two is hotter" here

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 3:13:31 AM

gbgirlz2003

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quote:

Your behavior especially upset me; i thought of You as wise. i admired You. i did not ask You to block my posts ; i made a light-hearted reference to "corner time".

candy,
John is wise. I have read his books;have met him and gone to some of his presentations. Unfortunately if someone disagrees with you in the slightest, they become less than wise in your eyes. Master has met Lucky Albatross and he assures me that she is someone I should emulate in my behavior. You need to ask yourself; "How did I reach a place where I would find two such intelligent and valuable people not worthy of respect?"

My suggestion is to take some time off from these boards. They seem to have become your life. There is a real world out there filled with real people; some of them are men who might enrich your life if you would allow it.

(in reply to candystripper)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 3:23:00 AM

candystripper

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quote:

Many posters gave you their opinions on that topic [Monogamy]. So what's the problem?

Shayna

i don't agree that a meaningful discussion of what different people think of "Monogamy" occurred on this thread, as i had hoped.

The "problem" is the anger and acting out by various members that has been designed to cause me pain. For example, John Warren and KoM choosing to end friendships with me -- and to do so very publically.

As i have said, after some time, i will re-read the thread again and try to see what stef and lil joy are talking about. i think i need to wait a day or two. i'll read the new posts and probably respond, but i'll give myself a break before trying to parse out the moments when others became enraged and trying to understand why.

Yanno, when i post an Op, i genuinely hope to stimulate some thought-provoking convos. i have lots of saubjects i'd like to discuss, as i am still learning BDSM. But when a thread tuns sour like this, it's discouraging.

Meantime, ty for taking the time to write, Shayna. Many Blessings in '06.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/26/2005 4:26:05 AM >

(in reply to Shayna)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 3:37:04 AM

candystripper

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quote:

i am lucky enough to have a sub/girlfriend who is bi and desires for me to be involved. she has had one limited experience that i was present for and it was cool. i do have to admit that there was some feelings of guilt/jealousy that i got over and all was good. so i have had those experiences before and it was great. no need to worry about anythign with my sub and i having issues. it is an acceptable part of our relationship and there is none of that "if one is good, two is hotter" here

dincubus

Dincubus, it seems to me You posted on this thread some time ago and were a gentleman then. You have been again. i am happy You and Your submissive are finding joy...i wish that for everyone, even those who have posted hurtful things directed at me. i also congratulate You on finding Your mate; those of us who are still searching know just how special that is.

You make a good point; one reason i want a completely monogamous relationship is because a certain type of intimacy and other joys can only be experienced (by me) in that setting.

Also, i am not collared atm. i have received many offers from Dommes and lesbians since i joined CM and have declined them all. If it were a question of bisexuality or celibacy, i would choose celibacy. Maybe people have a hard time understanding this, but for a straight woman "like me", an encounter with another woman would be repugnant. This by no means suggests anyone should mimic me nor does it signal any disrespect for people who are different from me. i think most people understand a lesbian would be harmed if forced into a sexual encounter with a Man; i am just the reverse of that.

It's been a long thread, with some High Drama, and it was so nice to read Your post; calm, informative, and respectful. TY again.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/26/2005 4:28:27 AM >

(in reply to dincubus)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 3:49:09 AM

candystripper

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quote:

candy,
John is wise. I have read his books;have met him and gone to some of his presentations. Unfortunately if someone disagrees with you in the slightest, they become less than wise in your eyes. Master has met Lucky Albatross and he assures me that she is someone I should emulate in my behavior. You need to ask yourself; "How did I reach a place where I would find two such intelligent and valuable people not worthy of respect?"

My suggestion is to take some time off from these boards. They seem to have become your life. There is a real world out there filled with real people; some of them are men who might enrich your life if you would allow it.

gbgirl2003

Yes, i know. i cannot reconcile in my mind how someone like John could have taken offense so needlessly and then gone on and publically ended our budding friendship. i want to understand this very much; i am equally astounded and confused by KoM ending our friendship, especially in public.

i suspect no closure will be forthcoming; i believe both Men have said They are blocking my posts and in John's case, He has blocked my email as well. In the absence of more information and discourse, all i can do is look over what i do know and try to understand. If it remains a mystery, well, life will go on.

One thing is apparent: i am not choosing my friends well at the moment, nor am i gauging my friendship's value to others well now. i need to work on both issues. i have generally been blessed with wonderful friends.

The actions of John and KoM genuinely shocked me because i thought friendships were growing with both Men. i cannot understand the termination of the friendships, nor the impluse to carry it out in public. Both actions bespeak a rage, and i need to review and try to ascertain what might have fueled that rage.

There can be no reconciliation between LA and myself in the foreseeable future. In my very first post, i crossed swords with LA, and from that encounter grew animus on both sides. At one time, the boards were littered with our conflict. i have ended it. i'm sure LA is pleasant to know in person, but i think it best we avoid further conflict on the boards.

i cannot insult LA gratutiously but i will say i think your Master has given you some strange advice in advising you to emulate her. For example, LA has in the past touted the practice of playing/having sex with people she just met. i have always thought this a very dangerous practice. There are other differences of opinion between LA and i, which is why i do not engage in trading posts with her anymore.

i appreciate your concern for me. i am planning to wait a day or two before re-reading the "Monogamy" thread (apart from seeing what all is posted during that time). i'll see if i can understand what stef and lil joy have said. My apologies have not been accepted on this thread to date, so making another apology (if i decide i need to) seems pointless but i guess i'll try again if i need to.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/26/2005 4:18:05 AM >

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 6:28:18 AM

fyreredsub

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LA... where da eggnog??
i have come to the conclusion that any attempts at trying to mend any fence,are totally out of line...
for i did see situation exactly as stef,lil joy and irish and john and KoM, not too mention,the word twists....the closed mindedness still shows ...the futality of the situation.....

for you see again this thread still battles on whether i'm in it or not, so i'm opting for the later

***at least i can say the one other time i got into on the boards w/ someone was over something that was going on r/t in our lives***

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 6:48:21 AM

Wildfleurs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Also, i am not collared atm. i have received many offers from Dommes and lesbians since i joined CM and have declined them all. If it were a question of bisexuality or celibacy, i would choose celibacy. Maybe people have a hard time understanding this, but for a straight woman "like me", an encounter with another woman would be repugnant. This by no means suggests anyone should mimic me nor does it signal any disrespect for people who are different from me. i think most people understand a lesbian would be harmed if forced into a sexual encounter with a Man; i am just the reverse of that.

I've been trying to focus on the issue of monogamy in this thread (just as an FYI since a lot of posts have been flying around about how no one is posting things that contribute to the thread). I just want to suggest you read Vi Johnsons "To Love, To Serve, To Obey." For a while it was hard to find, but there are second editions coming out next month.

Its a wonderful book that is her journal from the seventies through the eigties chronicling her expoeriences being enslaved. She's a lesbian (I believe) but in the book she describes how once she was directed to have sex with a man (in fact it was for the purpose of getting her owners car out of a tow yard). She does have a fairly strong disclaimer in the front of her book that the way she didn't isn't the way people need to think is gold standard slavery, but I do like to reccomend the book in general because I think it can help foster an appreciation and better understanding of enslavement.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 7:09:24 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I've been trying to focus on the issue of monogamy in this thread (just as an FYI since a lot of posts have been flying around about how no one is posting things that contribute to the thread). I just want to suggest you read Vi Johnsons "To Love, To Serve, To Obey." For a while it was hard to find, but there are second editions coming out next month.

Its a wonderful book that is her journal from the seventies through the eigties chronicling her expoeriences being enslaved. She's a lesbian (I believe) but in the book she describes how once she was directed to have sex with a man (in fact it was for the purpose of getting her owners car out of a tow yard). She does have a fairly strong disclaimer in the front of her book that the way she didn't isn't the way people need to think is gold standard slavery, but I do like to reccomend the book in general because I think it can help foster an appreciation and better understanding of enslavement.

C~

I have to second the book but not for the above reasons.

I think its a great example of how people can use the words of bondage, domination and submission and others to live in non-consensual relationships. I think there are good reasons when Ms. Johnson got out of those relationships and has continued in others. Having met and talked with her on a few occasions I know she would never want someone to have to go through what she did.

It can be a very scary book to read, it should scare you, but it is her truth and her history. I personally think reading it and talking to her made me much more appreciative of the ideas of consensuality and safety and having a community to turn to.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 7:31:00 AM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub
candy,
John is wise. I have read his books;have met him and gone to some of his presentations. Unfortunately if someone disagrees with you in the slightest, they become less than wise in your eyes. Master has met Lucky Albatross and he assures me that she is someone I should emulate in my behavior. You need to ask yourself; "How did I reach a place where I would find two such intelligent and valuable people not worthy of respect?"

My suggestion is to take some time off from these boards. They seem to have become your life. There is a real world out there filled with real people; some of them are men who might enrich your life if you would allow it.

gbgirl2003

What Candy seems to be conveniently forgetting is she asked me to block her!

In a post in the notestream, What is Monogamy? on 12/24/2005 at 9:50:51 AM, she wrote: "Let me off with some corner time, John."

In order not to be tempted to violate her request, I placed her on block.

Now, I understand she's claiming that I somehow did this "out of the blue." I had planned to leave the "corner time" at just a week, but the behavior I'm seeing in responses to her messages, leads me to believe that it might just as well be permanent.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 7:38:58 AM

fyreredsub

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again, it is that sad twist.....that one will do to manipulate a situation to make themselves look like a vicitm of another.....

it is called 'high drama" this is a term some fellow counselors and myself have dubbed for some of the ppl that continually thrive on negative attn..

if there is no chaos, they create, so then the sympathy and pity party may begin.

its just a shame seeing it be DONE to so many in these posts...

and the person has not a clue/perhaps they do, i dont wish to assume what goes on in anothers brain

and is in total denial of their actions

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub
candy,
John is wise. I have read his books;have met him and gone to some of his presentations. Unfortunately if someone disagrees with you in the slightest, they become less than wise in your eyes. Master has met Lucky Albatross and he assures me that she is someone I should emulate in my behavior. You need to ask yourself; "How did I reach a place where I would find two such intelligent and valuable people not worthy of respect?"

My suggestion is to take some time off from these boards. They seem to have become your life. There is a real world out there filled with real people; some of them are men who might enrich your life if you would allow it.

gbgirl2003

What Candy seems to be conveniently forgetting is she asked me to block her!

In a post in the notestream, What is Monogamy? on 12/24/2005 at 9:50:51 AM, she wrote: "Let me off with some corner time, John."

In order not to be tempted to violate her request, I placed her on block.

Now, I understand she's claiming that I somehow did this "out of the blue." I had planned to leave the "corner time" at just a week, but the behavior I'm seeing in responses to her messages, leads me to believe that it might just as well be permanent.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 7:40:52 AM

MsIncognito

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John, anyone in their right mind can see how this all went down. Neither your (or KoM's) motives or integrity is in question here. One only has to have been around the forums for the last few months to be able to see the pervasive victim mentality that is at play here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
What Candy seems to be conveniently forgetting is she asked me to block her!

In a post in the notestream, What is Monogamy? on 12/24/2005 at 9:50:51 AM, she wrote: "Let me off with some corner time, John."

In order not to be tempted to violate her request, I placed her on block.

Now, I understand she's claiming that I somehow did this "out of the blue." I had planned to leave the "corner time" at just a week, but the behavior I'm seeing in responses to her messages, leads me to believe that it might just as well be permanent.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 7:59:59 AM

girl4you2

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edited:

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
He discusses what He wants; and so often He wants a bisexual or "bicurious" woman. Are straight women just not exciting? Is monogamy just never enough? candystripper

from my experiences, as with others, most men i've met have this wish or fantasy or desire. as a man once kinda said, "i've lusted in my heart," so i can't say that i won't at some point find myself a part of that. suppose it takes, like anything else, the right combination of dominant and woman. it's not that i'm not exciting enough on my own, it's quite different.

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maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 8:10:29 AM

justheather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nendarye

Psst...

She likes whiskey

/nods

OOOO I just discovered the Hot Toddy this year! Talk about yummy.

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And the table perfectly level
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And paste me in that book you always carry.
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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 8:14:17 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nendarye

Psst...

She likes whiskey

/nods

OOOO I just discovered the Hot Toddy this year! Talk about yummy.

LOL the only bad thing about Whiskey and I.....we don't mix very well, which is why I don't drink anymore lol. Ole JD and I...not so good memories there lol.

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 8:22:05 AM

MstrssPassion

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(a rather mild vent first)

There were several times that I wanted to join this discussion, but the drama that was unfolding convinced me to back out & move on to a thread that had a more positive flow.

I enjoy the forum boards here. It is my belief that the mixture of ideas & persons presenting the ideas here are far greater than that found on several other boards I have read from. (many are flooded with mindless dribble & romper room mentality)

I have been a member to CM for a very long time. I have ventured on & off the boards since they were created. I have always made it a point to ONLY contribute to threads that I felt my contributions would offer some value. The uh-huh, what she/he said reply is not my style. The dumping fuel on a flame is not my style. Maybe I don't have a row of paddles next to my name, but again, it is my belief that my contributions have been positive ones & food for thought.

I wanted to offer an entirely different perspective to this thread, but it would seem that with all of the drama that has been going on that the whole post would be lost in the wave of more drama & poor me retorts.

So here it is anyway, I would be curious to see replies. Kind of like what LuckyAlbatross said about furthering her observations of predictable and unpredictable "online chat forum life cycles". I too am a student/observer of human nature & it never ceases to amaze me just how predictable WE all are.
(vent over)

***My differing perspective***

The thread title lead me to believe that this was a thread about orientation, but when I opened the OP it was more about a straight woman's conflict with others being polyamorous or bisexual.

I cannot place myself into any one category of orientation. As I have mentioned on the boards before, my partner/submissive is M2F transsexual. I am a woman that had always considered herself to be heterosexual prior to this relationship. I had never had any intimate or sexual desire to interact or explore with a woman prior to my current partner.

I can not identify as lesbian, straight or bi at this point in my life even though I know I am poly minded. I really have no desire to bring in a genetic female & we have found that most of the men we have encountered would bring in an element that we would both rather not have.

I have yet to find any other people or groups out there that would give me some feed back about this sort of dynamic.

I'm not blue, but curious to know what others like myself feel. Sharing with peers it what brings most of us together here. It would be wonderful to actually meet others that share my type of dynamics.

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MstrssPassion

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 8:27:33 AM

Sensualips

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quote:

Both actions bespeak a rage, and i need to review and try to ascertain what might have fueled that rage.

I would suspect that rage is a bit of an overstatement. From reading every post on both threads (wow, I am a masochist after all!) it it glaringly obvious to me some people object to what is perceived as a pattern of behavior. The fact that you do not recognize this behavior does not evoke rage, but just a feeling of exasperation. What is the point? It appears that for some the challenges of interacting with you outweigh the pleasure derived from it and thus ending those interaction is a logical choice.

If you are happy with your self, secure and unapologetic in your beliefs, and -- this really should not be a big issue. Other will be more compatible with you for budding online friendships.

quote:

i cannot insult LA gratutiously but i will say i think your Master has given you some strange advice in advising you to emulate her. For example, LA has in the past touted the practice of playing/having sex with people she just met.

It seems you CAN insult her after all. See the pattern? Now you will say you did not insult her at all, you just feel that is an unsafe practice and have concern and it is her choice and not for you, and why do people pick apart your posts and not just respect you. But you already SAID it, the obvious connotations are there.

There are a few possibilities that explain this. The first is that you have strong opinions on what is right and wrong and those judgements creep out even as you struggle to take a I-just-mean-for-me stance. The second is that you serially and genuinely do not intend to give an impression that you give, but are just poor at expressing yourself accurately with the written word. The third possibility is that you are at some level well aware of what you are doing but enjoy the victim role, 13 page threads, and the opportunity to individually answer post after post in your oversized purple font as you sift through and determine who your "friends" are in relation to this site.

Perhaps there is another possibility. Perhaps collarme suffers from a mob mentality and everyone is ganging up on you because you are straight and monogamous and don't believe in casual sex. Perhaps you have done nothing wrong at all and people here just suck. Again. And again.

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RE: Straight Woman Blues - 12/26/2005 8:32:01 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

I cannot place myself into any one category of orientation. As I have mentioned on the boards before, my partner/submissive is M2F transsexual. I am a woman that had always considered herself to be heterosexual prior to this relationship. I had never had any intimate or sexual desire to interact or explore with a woman prior to my current partner.

Same here. I can not place myself into any one category. Yes, I have been with a woman on one occassion; yes, it was not MY desire to do so, but I did so to please another. At the same time though, I do look at women and admire them in such a way that I would men. There may come a day that I want to take that further by myself, there is no way of knowing.

As for being Poly minded; I have never really thought much on those lines to tell the truth. I know that I can be possessive at times, but I have never felt jealous of other women ( while in a relationship ). At the same time though, it is not something that I discount, especially since it has never really been brought to the table for a discussion.

One of the things that I have learned over the years is that NOTHING is ever off limits. Just because it does not happen, does not mean that it NEVER will. People change, relationships change, desires change...it's all about growing and learning...

Hmm, not sure if that is what you were looking for, but thank you for bringing it up :)

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