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RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 10:45:16 PM

sadomasokisti

Posts: 221
Joined: 10/20/2005
From: Iceland
Status: offline

Firstly a little definition or clarification.
Pain in S&M play is nothing but our brain interpretion of a stimulus received by sensors and the context of the situation. The ability to withstand or enjoy more stimulus can be trained and is heavily influenced by arousal level (general). A stroke with a cane is stimuli until the subjects brain registers it, and then it becomes painful, enjoyable or what ever.

On with the thread.
As I said I don't care if the subs pain tolerance is high or low as long as I get a little extra suffering from them, but at the same time I do cherish and enjoy it when I can just have my way and don't have to worry too much about the masochist. No I don't mean that I'm not monitoring the sub constantly.

Sometimes I get the notion from (mostly inexperienced) people in the scene that a heavy S&M play is more or better BDSM than softer play. It's not more or better BDSM, it's just different. The best BDSM play is measured by what effect it has on the players, not what was actually done. Threats and promises can be very effective tools in BDSM play.

I'm too tired at the moment to write more in English. Damn, I cant find the right words to finish this at the moment.

_____________________________

Pain is good. Extreme pain is extremely good

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 61

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 11:40:12 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

For me, pain arouses me, after a few strokes of the strap, girl just gives her self over to it. Simple allow it to spread through my and eventually forget where girl is. You can not converse with me afterwards as some tell me girl really can not think straight or enough to make cohesive sentences that make sense.
Some sources of stimulus girl reacts to differently.
Girl can not explain why it happens, it just does.

(in reply to leakylee)

Post #: 62

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 11:43:34 PM

Sexycelticlady

Posts: 112
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline

I do not see why it would be a trait to be reveared, as sadomasokisti has pointed out, it is something that can be developed and enhanced, something that training can alter.

In my opinion the interaction between the sub and Dom is crucial and for me the mental aspect is far far more important than the physical. I would go further and strive harder for someone I have a connection with and they will know how to push me, how to cause me the most suffering, how to take me further to the edge. It is the connection that is the key for me, not the physicality of the experience.

The Dom pushes the subs limits, whether physically and mentally, if the sub can extend those limits, accept the pushing and strive to please their Dom then that is the aspect that is important, surely? Does it matter at what point the subs limits start? Is the ability to hit someone hard for a long time without reaching their limits more satisfying than taking a sub beyond what either of you thought possible before? And at what point does it matter at all what the tolerance of another human is? I am only focused on striving my best for myself and Sir. I really could not care less what other people might be able to take or what they think about what I can take. They are outside of the important relationship between Sir and I, and the relationship I have with my own body and my control over it.

(in reply to sadomasokisti)

Post #: 63

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/19/2008 11:51:04 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Perhaps I can help you with your thoughts, as they seem to be somewhat similar to Mine.

I enjoy everyone that I play with. Not all of them are masochists, pain sluts, or even very experienced players. There have even been a couple that couldn't take very much more than a medium intensity with a deerskin flogger and canes and crops were almost out of the question. The thrill of playing with them comes directly from pushing them a little farther each time we play. Getting them to go a little farther, and here's the important part, for ME. Give Me that and I don't care if they can't handle a level that leaves them bruised and bloody. They give everything they can give, and then, they give a little more. The pride I have in them during and after scenes is amazing.

On the other hand, there is a certain joy for a sadist when they know that they don't have to hold back from anything they would want to unleash. Any evil thought I can come up with, at whatever intensity I chose to dish out, to have a willing subject take it is a thrill all on it's own. Yes, it takes a lot more to push someone like that, but it is so worth it.

Not to go too far off topic here, but just today I was looking back at some pictures that are only on this laptop and not on My main computer in the other room. I have a file that is called "another quality job by LP." (Personal joke behind that one.) They are day after shots of a great scene that I had with clip, the height of which was him being paddled with this monster of a thing that I literally had to use both hands and step into swing, very much like a baseball bat. I got to revel in every strike. I didn't have to think of holding back. I got to give it everything that I had and the physical exertion of the scene only took Me farther into Top space. It was, in a word, incredible.

I realize the above is a bit graphic and brutal for some readers out there. For this, I apologize, as I have had no intention of offending anyone. Yet, as a sadist with My particular tastes, I know things such as these are the things that I crave. Not everyone can satisfy My hunger in this area. When the delicacy is served up to Me, I can promise you that I feast upon it.

If this brings reverence from other bottoms, I can tell you from My own selfish enjoyment on the matter, I have no problem with it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to sadomasokisti)

Post #: 64

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/20/2008 1:55:11 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

I have a fairly high pain tolerance by some standards and low by others. While I am a masochist, I find that some pain I can take longer than others. I have not particularly encountered the attitude you speak of, but I haven't played publically much. I would guess that painsluts would be sought after by sadists who want to be able to inflict pain longer or more intensely without damaging their playmate. I know my Master appreciates when I can take things longer than he thought I would be able to, etc. It is not that painsluts are any more valable as submissives, but that the sadist is craving a masochist well-matched to their appetite.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 65

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/20/2008 7:21:54 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

... I got to revel in every strike. I didn't have to think of holding back. I got to give it everything that I had and the physical exertion of the scene only took Me farther into Top space. It was, in a word, incredible.

This is kind of what I was thinking of when I thought there was a physical dimension to my sadism. While I've never really just wailed on somebody like that, I've been able at rare times to make it feel like the limits had receded very far away... and that is a very heady feeling.

Perhaps I'm not really so much a sadist as I just like rough play sometimes....
Maybe it's more that I enjoy witnessing someone's struggle to ride out something that approaches the borderline of being overwhelming to them.
I don't know.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 66

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/20/2008 10:13:20 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
I'm neither a masochist or a pain slut, hence I don't perceive myself as such and have no wish to do so. However I do accept pain and physical domination as part of my submission.

I subscribe to the theory that pain is a 'state of mind', that a pain threshold is more psychological and emotional than physical, and is therefore somewhat elastic in nature and requires only willpower to be developed.

I don't enjoy pain, I accept it, it's just part of my submission. Nothing more.

What a great post. Every once in a while someone posts something that really gets right to the heart of submission. Bravo.

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 67

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/21/2008 2:05:46 AM

Akore

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

If someone has a high tolerance for pain, to me that says that they don't feel pain pain as acutely as others. Couldn't a person who is very very sensitive to pain still be a masochist if they enjoyed and craved it, even if they couldn't take as much as another?

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 68

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/21/2008 2:09:39 AM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Akore

If someone has a high tolerance for pain, to me that says that they don't feel pain pain as acutely as others. Couldn't a person who is very very sensitive to pain still be a masochist if they enjoyed and craved it, even if they couldn't take as much as another?

i beg to differ. just because i have a higher pain tolerance doesnt mean that i feel less pain than the next person. i just happen to process it differently and it does different things for me. nothing is dead, just flows alternate routes.

lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to Akore)

Post #: 69

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/21/2008 5:24:19 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I looooove women with high pain tolerances.
Sheesh
I am a sadist.
How could I not?

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 70

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/21/2008 10:12:23 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

FR before I read the rest...

I love to play with subs who have a high pain tolerance. I also like to play with those who don't. I like to play at all different levels. Sometimes I want to play with someone who can take everything I have to give and know they will love it. Sometimes I want to know they are hating it.

I don't value pain tolerance as a trait. Pain tolerance makes absolutely no difference to me when it comes to choosing someone to be in a relationship with. What is important to me is that a sub/slave will or wants to submit, wants to try, wants to build, or simply wants to take it because I'm giving it.

I do understand what you are saying, erin, about the "value" placed on pain sluts. I have to say I may have been guilty of fostering that attitude in the past, without realizing that was what I was doing. There is one sub in particular that I love to play with because of his reaction to pain. He is a huge pain slut and pain, particularly the kind generated by cbt makes him laugh, loudly. Because of this reaction, he becomes a topic of discussion as everyone enjoys watching him during play.

I love playing with him, he is one of the most fun people I have ever played with, and I make no secret of that. But, there is no intimacy in our play, we are nothing more than friends. There are others who I enjoy playing with just as much or more, but for different reasons. There just isn't the same level of discussion regarding those partners.

After reading your thread, I will be more mindful of those discussions in the future.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 71

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/24/2008 12:56:24 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I am not of the opinion that High Pain Tolerance is Revered or even that the ability to cause Pain is revered in any great numbers. It might be admired by some and even envied by a few..... but revered seems much too strong of a term in my view... thou I have no doubt that a very few do indeed revere it.

There might be a number of reasons why individuals look postively upon High Pain Tolerance.. but regardless of the reason it does reflect a bit of their life preferences and maybe even their values.

For myself.. I don't hold any particular reverance, admiration or envy towards those that can recieve or give high pain. At best, I think I would say that I am happy for those that are doing these things that they enjoy. But.. because they can do these things doesn't mean I will want to have a relationship with them or even interested in a relationship with them. Frankly, it isn't even a consideration. When Kyra and I where getting to know each other, my sadist desires was a concern for her. She was worried that she her lack of experience, pain tolerance etc might be a disadvantage or hinderance to the relationship. I was rather to the point when I told her that I cared for WHO she is and not WHAT she could do. I can't change who she or I am. But.. I can find many things that we can do together that will bring us happiness IF I like Who she is!

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 12/24/2008 12:57:21 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 72

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/25/2008 8:01:07 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aszhrae

For me, pain arouses me, after a few strokes of the strap, girl just gives her self over to it. Simple allow it to spread through my and eventually forget where girl is. You can not converse with me afterwards as some tell me girl really can not think straight or enough to make cohesive sentences that make sense.
Some sources of stimulus girl reacts to differently.
Girl can not explain why it happens, it just does.

Same thing happens to me...takes me a few minutes to "come back to reality".

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

Post #: 73

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/25/2008 8:54:08 PM

msub4Domme

Posts: 66
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline

Perhaps i have not been around the correct group (i.e., one that is primarily oriented around pain) but the one of which i am a member the question of pain tolerance is not a significant item of "reverence". Submission and service is. my thoughts echo those of some of the other posters -- namely, one's pain threshhold can vary quite a bit depending upon the Dom/me with whom they are interactiing and the mental/physical state on that day. Their threshhold can be relatively low or relatively high at different times. And, as has also been mentioned, pain tolerance can be altered by training. Personally, i have a low tolerance for the pain from corporal -- whips, crops, paddles, etc. However, i relish that from piercings, electrical play, and things that squeeze. Perhaps my mind is wired a bit differently.

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 74

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/25/2008 9:01:57 PM

devotedinSD

Posts: 91
Joined: 11/30/2008
Status: offline

Being submissive doesn't mean being masochistic. What's there to look down, everyone is different.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 75

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/26/2008 10:42:55 AM

gerrycheevers

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Status: offline

personally, i think a high pain tolerance just makes it that much harder for the pain giver. i have low pain tolerance. i scream and wimp out very easily. that doesn't mean that i don't have a capacity for pain. can and do take severe pain/ i know i can't take it. i beg. but in reality i CAN take it but i leave that up to the inflictor. i do NOT use a safe word/ i expect to be taken well beyond my "believed" limit. if your into inflicting pain, then a low tolerance is highly rewarding.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 76

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/26/2008 4:01:04 PM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

This is a very, very interesting thread, thank you making this! I, too, seem have to a high pain tolerance - we are still exploring it, years later, and there have only been two instances when I was brought to my pain limit and nearly had to call the safeword. (I say nearly because my husband figured out where I was and backed off on his own).

We haven't yet really played with others, so I haven't had any of the attitudes that some people here are talking about flung at me, but I can guarrentee, if someone were to be rude with me simply because of my pain tolerance, that would be someone I'd not talk to again. And I wouldn't dream of telling someone that they were "less submissive" because they had a lower pain tolerance - hell, a good deal of submission has NOTHING to do with pain, so that's not the best barometer of "subbiness." I have, when the husband allows me to take a paddle to him, occasionally been dissapointed that he can't take very much (well, really, not at all) simply because I was ready for an extended session, but all that means, really, is that I get the chance to find OTHER ways to please him.

That's a chance to learn, to explore, and that's never a bad thing.

It's all kink, some people like pantyhose, some people like shoes. I like pain. I sexualize it very easily, it wires me very easily. As someone else said, that's just the way I am. I've ALWAYS been that way, even since I was a child. Pain effects me differently than other people. That's okay, I'm happy that I've finally figured it out and know how to ask for it to be worked.

Part of my own coming to terms with my sexuality was admitting, and then later working with, my pain tolerance. It's taken me years to get to this point, and I'm very grateful for it. I hope other people feel the same, too, regaurdless of their tolerance for pain.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 77

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/28/2008 8:20:28 PM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

Because a true pain puppy with a high pain threshold is hard to find.Most pain pups have some limit but I am sure the ones that can really take it are more revered than the ones with a common level of tolerance.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 78

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 12/28/2008 8:41:29 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

As a masochist I too, have always looked for sadists. However, a sadist, at least an ethical sadist, should be just as happy with someone with a lower pain tolerance if it is the suffering that does it for them. Actually, a lower pain tolerance would be a lot less work for them.

I'm coming into the the thread very late here so I'm sure someone's already said this but nonetheless...

What you say above is absolutely right. Being a sadist, it doesn't matter to me how much pain someone can endure compared to someone else, only that they are willing to endure what is a high intensity to them personally which results in their suffering and my pleasure.

However, speaking to a point made by others, it does get boring after a while to be a sadist with someone who cannot take much, due to a low pain tolerance, because you'll never get to play to blood, or heavy bruising, or just plain kick the shit out of them, without exceeding the level they can handle. Ok, so you could still do those things but you might not score a second date ;) In all seriousness, I've also fallen victim to the "Oh, I'm such a pain slut!" - 10 paddle thwacks later - "RED, RED" and it's just not fun for either person. I think it's an issue of compatibility between the level of SM desired by the top and bottom. When D/s comes into play I'm less concerned with how much of a masochist someone is and more concerned with how much beyond what is comfortable and fun they are willing to endure for me .

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 79

RE: High pain tolerance....why is it revered? - 1/2/2009 7:02:12 AM

SirJ40

Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline

I'm impressed by high pain tolerance because I'm a sadist, not a masochist. I don't know how many times I've thought "holy CRAP.. if someone did to Me what I'm doing to you, I'd collapse into a lump and hide for a year".
It is, of course, a fundamental difference between the sadist and masochist personality types.. and part of the magic. I respect her for absorbing and enjoying what I would dislike in the extreme.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 80

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