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RE: CBT Techniques - 12/27/2008 7:09:46 PM

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quote:

So, hardbody, you are basically reiterating for the OP that the post was created by being less than truthful to begin with.

????? That makes zero sense to me. What are you talking about? Since I'm evidently really dense, and just don't get it, let's recap. Maybe someone can help me get a clue.

The OP says he's researching CBT and would like suggestions on resources. No wanking material was requested, nor was it implied that the OP wasn't doing any other research on his own. All that's needed to answer his question is something like "I found the book [insert title here] useful", or "try the website [insert URL or website name here]".

Some people made the PRESUMPTION that the OP didn't want to spend any time researching on his own, or that he was only after wanking material. Maybe their assumptions were correct, maybe not, but they had two very easy, good options: (1) do nothing; or (2) suggest a resource or two, if they know of any. Neither of these provides wanker material, nor do they remove the need for the OP's further research. Instead, they chose to criticize and complain.

Hey, I'm not opposed to criticizing and complaining. I do my fair share of it. But I don't see anything to gripe about on this thread. Much ado about nothing.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/27/2008 7:12:38 PM

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This is all very amazing to me. Two people were interested in exploring CBT; a switch and her sub. Both of us are looking for information; specifically rope techniques. I have been a long time member of collarme and I foolishly thought this would be the first place to start. I don't think either one of us are being lazy. I truly thought I was asking the experts; people that know the facts from the fiction. I have read other posts where very wise information was shared. I must have picked the wrong topic.

(in reply to beeble)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/27/2008 8:19:11 PM

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Joined: 2/12/2007
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Also interesting that a google crapshoot is supposedly safer than a response on a public forum, where those who know better will speak up when bad information is given. I've noticed this board tends to go through cycles of having a poisonous atmosphere and being full of positive responses and helpful information. Guess which one this is. Not only were you two interested, but the domme I play with on a regular basis asked questions about kinds of rope to use. Her question was ignored in favor of baseless "sub bashing". I've been trying to follow my own advice of not responding if you have nothing helpful to add. I wish more people would do the same.

(in reply to DoubleBogey)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/27/2008 8:32:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

So, hardbody, you are basically reiterating for the OP that the post was created by being less than truthful to begin with.

????? That makes zero sense to me. What are you talking about? Since I'm evidently really dense, and just don't get it, let's recap. Maybe someone can help me get a clue.

Not a problem. I'd be happy to do so.

First there was this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoubleBogey

My Mistress would like to explore CBT with me.

Then there was this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoubleBogey

I have an online friend that I have the fortunate opportunity to have r/t play sessions with four or five times per year. She is a switch and in a relationship. Her Dom allows her to have play sessions with me. I have met him and he approves. Technically, she is not my Mistress

In other words, the OP proved himself not to be exactly truthful in creating the post to begin with. There was misrepresentation in the beginning where there was no need to be. Why should any of us be led to believe that all of his other statements were honest, when he couldn't be so in the first sentence of the first post?

As I'm sure you are well aware, the fishing expeditions happen on this board all of the time. Everything from cbt, to humiliation, to every other kink that people come here starting a post hoping to hear some hot stories. When we don't provide them, suddenly we are the ones in the wrong for not doing so, even if we think we have a logical reason. In the third post on this thread, I made Mine perfectly clear.

Also, alternative methods for learning have been listed by several of us. Google, private teaching, demos, events, and more. There's no reasons those aren't good options, rather than having us type out a long list of methods and techniques. As someone who does demos on certain subjects, let Me tell you that a lot of dang work goes into typing all of that stuff up. That kind of effort might be something I'm willing to do for someone I'm familiar with, as a personal favor, but it's probably not something I'm willing to put on a message board. (There do happen to be folks on these boards who can attest to this, as I've sent them instructions on different forms of play in private mail.)

In closing, I happened to notice that not a single person who complained that we didn't do all of this work for the OP, was willing to do so themselves. There were at least two Dominants who complained about our not obeying the OP's wishes, yet they also didn't go to the time and effort to do so. In fact, hardbody, neither did you.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/27/2008 9:51:31 PM

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quote:

As I'm sure you are well aware, the fishing expeditions happen on this board all of the time. Everything from cbt, to humiliation, to every other kink that people come here starting a post hoping to hear some hot stories. When we don't provide them, suddenly we are the ones in the wrong for not doing so, even if we think we have a logical reason. In the third post on this thread, I made Mine perfectly clear.

I'm well aware of fishing and the like. I just don't think it's particularly relevant here, since "hot stories" were not requested.

quote:

I happened to notice that not a single person who complained that we didn't do all of this work for the OP, was willing to do so themselves. There were at least two Dominants who complained about our not obeying the OP's wishes, yet they also didn't go to the time and effort to do so. In fact, hardbody, neither did you.

But again, referring to "all of this work", all the "time and effort"? Nobody asked for a huge list, or anything of the sort, but merely suggestions of a source you might happen to know of. How much work is it to simply name a source that you're already familiar with? A lot less than all the complaining that's going on. The reason I didn't list any sources for the OP: if I knew of any off the top of my head, I'l list them. Since I don't, I didn't. Nobody asked me to do his research for him.

This whole argument is just a red herring. Someone thinks they caught a wanker fishing, and they want to stick it to him. Fine. But, as usual, they've made a big deal out of nothing.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/27/2008 10:23:53 PM

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Status: offline

Ah, but that's exactly it. When I wanted to learn more about the subject, I got up and sought out the information. If I'm helping someone else, I'll do what I can to give the person as much help as possible on private mail. This has gone up to and including sending them the files that I use when I print handouts. That's the effort I was referring to on the topic.

Why the Mistress who isn't technically his Mistress doesn't have the initiative to do this, I don't know, but it doesn't exactly lead to credibility. At best, it's lazy on her part and at worst, it's troll fodder on his part.

To prove the other point, I spent less than five minutes on google, using the OP's location from his profile. There are active groups not far from him, who hold both regular munches and demos. The information could be easily obtained by attending an event. In fact, it would be a shorter trip for him than it would take Me to go to Atlanta, as I have on many occasions when I wanted to learn something that was more than a passing whim.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 2:01:56 PM

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Does it actually matter? If the guy wants wank fodder then so what? If the guy has things that can be dragged up from previous forums or profile, so what? The bottom line is that he asked a serious and valid question and one that could be of interest to a lot of people on here. When we answer an op question we are never just answering the op but all the other people that had that very question on there lips but were too worried to ask in case of ridicule.

We should stop trying to be so superior. Some of us are just a few more years down the line from the person that is asking, some of us have been lucky enough to be able to go to workshops, be trained by pro Mistresses, talked openly at munches but some people, for personal reasons can't do any of this and so they rely on boards such as this with open forums where hopefully reasonable knowledge and debate can help them make an informed choice.

As a female with a separate profile on here I can confirm the ridiculous amount of emails from submissive guys. As an experienced pro Mistress I can confirm the silly amount of phone calls from bogus clients that are just having a wank and from just being a woman who sometimes wears heels I can confirm that us females can get an awful lot of attention but I accept that, that goes with the territory of what I am about. I don't get angry, I don't even get cross and if something irks me in the tiniest of ways then I do have an option to turn my back and walk away.. I guess what I'm saying is live and let live............... chill its nothing personal

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 2:12:00 PM

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Joined: 9/25/2007
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I think it's funny people have spent more time saying they didn't have time to give a bunch of advice than the amount of time it'd take to give the advice.

Didn't your mothers ever teach you this lesson about arguing about cleaning your rooms?

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 2:55:52 PM

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

SteveAndJaz wrote:
Does it actually matter? If the guy wants wank fodder then so what?

Giving good advice takes time. It's easy to spend half an hour, an hour or more writing a post explaining how to do something well. This is especially true for a subject like CBT where missing something out or being misunderstood could lead to serious damage being done.

Responding conscientiously to every request on a forum like this can easily sink hours a day. Would you want to spend that much time on a complete stranger's wank fantasies?

quote:

The bottom line is that he asked a serious and valid question and one that could be of interest to a lot of people on here. When we answer an op question we are never just answering the op but all the other people that had that very question on there lips but were too worried to ask in case of ridicule.

It is true that other people may be interested but, again, it's a very big investment of time to take on the off chance that somebody is genuinely interested. And when the next person comes along and starts a CBT thread, do you expect everyone to put all that effort in all over again? Taking things to an extreme, would you spend a lot of time on a thread if I started it by saying, `I think you guys should all talk about X because that turns me on?'

It also ignores the fact that at least one Domme has said that she is unwilling to give out advice on the topic over the internet and that, if he is seriously interested, the OP should find somebody at a local group to teach him and his Mistress in person.

beeble.

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 2:57:26 PM

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Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
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quote:

kineticsub wrote:
I think it's funny people have spent more time saying they didn't have time to give a bunch of advice than the amount of time it'd take to give the advice.

You're dramatically underestimating the amount of time it takes to produce a well-thought-out, detailed post.

beeble.

(in reply to kineticsub)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 4:42:48 PM

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Well I think Lady Venatrix summed it very pointedly. Just look! There are lots of avenues and now you have at least 900,000 more. Go getem Tiger!

(in reply to beeble)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 4:55:22 PM

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Joined: 8/7/2005
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quote:

iving good advice takes time. It's easy to spend half an hour, an hour or more writing a post explaining how to do something well. ..."

It clearly doesn't have to take that long, especially when the OP merely asked for sources of information, not a detailed, in-depth, blow-by-blow account of everything related to CBT.

quote:

Responding conscientiously to every request on a forum like this can easily sink hours a day. Would you want to spend that much time on a complete stranger's wank fantasies?

No one asked for this, either. Why not just respond to the ones you want to, and not to the others? Spending time complaining that it takes too much time to give advice is the epitome of irony.

(in reply to beeble)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 6:28:19 PM

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While I have noticed you and others on here defending the OP and bashing those who haven't helped him. I haven't noticed any of you coming up with any links or advice on CBT. If it clearly doesn't take that long, why don't you help the guy out?

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 7:07:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

While I have noticed you and others on here defending the OP and bashing those who haven't helped him. I haven't noticed any of you coming up with any links or advice on CBT. If it clearly doesn't take that long, why don't you help the guy out?

I already answered that question. Read the earlier posts if you want the answer.

P.S. If you read the posts with any care at all, you'd know that I didn't bash anyone for not helping the OP. I merely disagreed with those who were bashing him and complaining, with false rationales, about his request. I don't care if they help him or not, but their griping and manufactured "reasons" are simply bogus.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 12/28/2008 7:16:50 PM >

(in reply to thishereboi)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/28/2008 8:11:27 PM

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Joined: 12/23/2007
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That's exactly why my only comment was "Go to some Demos". I just don't believe there is much practical help to be found just surfing around on the internet. (I could be wrong. It has happened before.)

If you don't have a Mentor Dom/me to help show you the ropes (all puns intended), then new people need to go somewhere to find some real life, practical advice. There are so many things that can go wrong and new people need information. One can read about the proper way to kick a sub in the nuts, but it's much more informative to watch someone do it slowly and show how to do it properly without crushing your boy's jewels. I saw a demo on the subject of CBT in general and was very interested in the ball kicking as one of my boys was showing a peaked interest in that particular activity. Later, when I tried it with him, he greatly enjoyed the experience and even thanked me for knowing how to use the flat of my foot instead of the toe.

(Besides, I was wearing some very beautiful patten leather pointy toed boots that he had given me and I didn't want to mess them up on his pathetic parts.)

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/29/2008 6:24:56 AM

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Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

I agree totally, what is the BIG deal here?

I for one, am saddened by the way many jump on the bandwagon of judgemental attitudes here, the op is simply asking for some CBT technique advice.

The last thing he wants to do, is get his C&Balls out at a demo, or watch others do it from afar, feels totally different actually FEELING the sensations, the tension of the leather bind, sensation of slapping, nails scratching, flicking, wax the list is endless.

Also, to analyse and dissect this poor guys motives is a tad unhelpful in my opinion, and I for one like to expand and share my knowledge especially regarding techniques that others seek. Not all posts are for wank fodder, even if it was no need to post or answer the op, just ignore and move on it it offends.

This habit of referring folk to websites, really irriates me too, what the hell are these forums for??

To share and guide, as I gladly like to do, not send them to google the lazy way out!

Rant over

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

Does it actually matter? If the guy wants wank fodder then so what? If the guy has things that can be dragged up from previous forums or profile, so what? The bottom line is that he asked a serious and valid question and one that could be of interest to a lot of people on here. When we answer an op question we are never just answering the op but all the other people that had that very question on there lips but were too worried to ask in case of ridicule.

We should stop trying to be so superior. Some of us are just a few more years down the line from the person that is asking, some of us have been lucky enough to be able to go to workshops, be trained by pro Mistresses, talked openly at munches but some people, for personal reasons can't do any of this and so they rely on boards such as this with open forums where hopefully reasonable knowledge and debate can help them make an informed choice.

As a female with a separate profile on here I can confirm the ridiculous amount of emails from submissive guys. As an experienced pro Mistress I can confirm the silly amount of phone calls from bogus clients that are just having a wank and from just being a woman who sometimes wears heels I can confirm that us females can get an awful lot of attention but I accept that, that goes with the territory of what I am about. I don't get angry, I don't even get cross and if something irks me in the tiniest of ways then I do have an option to turn my back and walk away.. I guess what I'm saying is live and let live............... chill its nothing personal

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(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/29/2008 8:41:52 AM

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Hi, I am Lockit, I am here to fulfill every man's sexual dream. Yes.. I know, slutty, but you know, the poor guys must have their wank material and I am a domme and here and therefore I must curtail my interest, morals and belief's so that I can give them what they want. I should never think that when they misrepresent themselves, I should say something about that. No, I should either shut up and go away or fulfill what they ask of me and other's like me. Even if they are new to the forums and ask about rape fantasy or experience or what I might do with the men in my life... it is expected that I share that with them or go away and not say anything about the situation. I should enable what could be a sexual addiction because that is only fair and their right and use of the bdsm site so that they might get all they need because after all, aren't we all slutty and open our everything for just about anyone? They are more important and they are in the right, there can be no other opinion or way of it. They can lie but if I point that out... I am the bad guy... so here I am... bitch that I am... and slut I should be to tell them all that will get the lil rising fellow off. Okay, slut that I am, email me... play games, lie to me and I will make all your dreams come true... because shutting up and calling a spade a spade is beyond what I can do... no... slut that I am and big mouth that I be... I am a wankers dream.

Crazy... you betcha and I know there could be argument on what I have said... sure of it... but you know... from everyone who has spoken up here in defense of someone just needing information and saying we are wrong to have an opinion and such... I haven't seen anyone actually give the man a detailed post on how he and his 'mistress' can safely or not, do what he asks. So if you think it's on the up and up and you want to fight for rights here and defend anything... put up the information the guy wants! Thread problem solved! Easy...simple... done deal!

_____________________________

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(in reply to MistressRouge)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/29/2008 10:26:07 AM

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Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

MistressRouge wrote:
The last thing he wants to do, is get his C&Balls out at a demo, or watch others do it from afar, feels totally different actually FEELING the sensations, the tension of the leather bind, sensation of slapping, nails scratching, flicking, wax the list is endless.

The suggestion was that his Mistress go to a demo to learn first-hand about how to do things and get taught physically, rather than with vague descriptions like `not too hard'.

quote:

This habit of referring folk to websites, really irriates me too, what the hell are these forums for??

They're for sharing information and discussing things. However, if somebody has already written an excellent web page on a topic, why go to all the effort of writing it out again? Why not just point people to the website for the information? If there's something they don't understand about it, they can ask questions here.

And, by the way, the OP was more or less asking to be referred to a website so I guess you're irritated with him, too.

quote:

To share and guide, as I gladly like to do...

Well, go on, then. In your profile, you say that you're an `expert' who `lives for' CBT so why don't you share your expertise instead of ranting about people who are too `lazy' to share theirs?

quote:

... not send them to google the lazy way out!

Asking somebody to use Google is lazy but asking somebody to tell you stuff without first looking on the web isn't?

beeble.

(in reply to MistressRouge)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/29/2008 10:38:41 AM

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Joined: 2/12/2007
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Way to miss the point Beeble. What he, MistressRouge and I are complaining about are the people who ignored the fact that he was asking to be referred to quality resources, saw what they wanted to see instead of reality and started spewing venom all over the board. There was no "wankerism" involved, and anyone that believes that to be the case seriously needs to get their wank-dar retuned. When I joined the local community and started going to munches they nearly killed themselves trying to get me to ask questions like this one, so that we could have kink related discussions. If I acted the way some have here towards anyone in my kink community I would immediately be invited to leave and never come back. I'm not sure why people think being online gives them license to act that way.

(in reply to beeble)

RE: CBT Techniques - 12/29/2008 10:44:10 AM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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The OP got referred right away to Hardy Haberman's books, and to get some realtime experience at a demo. If you read the books, you will notice the enormous missing spots---because CBT falls over into edge play FAST, and there is information that I for one don't feel that it's wise to share in text form.

I will say again, if I, as a dominant, want to learn something, I make the effort to learn it MYSELF. I will certainly use my submissive to research sale prices on appliances, or find a restaurant for dinner, but I am responsible for my own learning.

_____________________________

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(in reply to CdnExplorer)

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