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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 5:53:16 PM

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quote:

This thread is more about those that routinely answer posted questions with criticisms, arrogance and generally belittling the fact that the op dared to ask such a naive question. Should we be concerned that these people group together and clearly try to bully the person concerned?

First, I don't give a flying fuck if I hurt someone's feelings. For real.
Second, it depends on the question asked, the age of the poster, and the way in which the question was posed that determines my answer.

Other than that...if you can't stand being in the line of fire...either get the fuck out or shut the fuck up...makes little difference to me.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 5:57:47 PM

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I'm going to assume and I hope rightfully..that everyone here is an adult and you've had to deal with all kinds of people throughout your lifetime unless you've lived an extremely sheltered life....so my advice would be..if you can't stand the heat stay outta the kitchen.

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 6:06:55 PM

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quote:

We are in no position to "tell" other dominants they are doing it wrong or have not earned the status as master.

quote:

If you or I have something constructive and pertinent to add to a thread then we should, otherwise don't be arrogant or superior.

And we should listen to your humble self because?????

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 6:17:02 PM

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-FR-
The OP is referring, if I am correct, to several of us telling a newcomer that after only 2 weeks of being dominant in his relationship we do not believe he is a Master. Said Master had already titled himself and had been asking questions that admitted that he was clueless as to what he was doing in the realm of BDSM. If someone calls themselves a Master Carpenter, how long do you assume they have been practicing their trade? I someone wishes their submissive to call them Master after 30 min of a relationship that is between them. If however, you wish everyone to call you Master, then you may have to prove a bit more experience than a few weeks.

I do not think that I am superior to anyone. Fox gets a capital as well, if that is your concept of equality. I occasionally get a lowercase, depending on how lazy I am while I type. I will still correct people who ask questions because they have no asked for my opinion. If that comes of as arrogant, so be it. I do not water down my opinions just to be nice to the newbies. My mentor was viciously honest from day one, and called a stupid question stupid. She didnt baby me and aofthand delicate questions. Her opinion was that if I am going to be in a position to take someone elses life in my hands at some point, I should be thick skinned enough to hear someone elses real opinions, especially when they do not agree with me. If I am not confident enough to stick to my guns, then I am not ready to control someone else. I have the same opinion of other dominants. If they cannot handle a little criticism that they have ASKED for, they sure as hell shouldnt be trying to take someone else under their control.

DV

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 6:17:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

Reading some current threads I am driven to ask the question; Why is it some people have to be so bloody superior?

Because sometimes they are!!! That's the hard truth for some. There are people that are superior or weaker in a specific situation or area of knowledge. There are many that I would consider to be superior to me at Flogging or handling a Bullwhip. However, there superiority in that doesn't make me feel any less superior of a Top because someone might be more superior at flogging or whipping. Of course.... it is very possible that I can watch someone that just might be superior in doing certain scenes than me. It shouldn't surprize us that there are people that are superior to ourselves in a variety of ways and that we just might be superior to some people in a variety of ways.

Now this superiority is not really a bad thing except maybe for someone that is insecure with themselves and those that choose to rub their superiority into the noses of inferior people. If we didn't have superior people coming to these boards the learning value of this forum would be nil. It's superior people in a variety of areas that contribute to those that desire to learn and grow.

I believe that even though it is in bad forum to rub ones' superiority into the noses of those that are inferior it is equally bad forum for those that are inferior not to appreciate those individauls that are superior in a given area.

Accepting acknowledgements of ones abilities with grace is indeed a positive trait to have and so is expressing ones appreciation to those that help us in our learning.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 6:20:31 PM

DommeInDelaware

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

These forums are for questions and discussions. If you or I have something constructive and pertinent to add to a thread then we should, otherwise don't be arrogant or superior.

Um, sorry guy, you are not the boss of me!

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 6:28:01 PM

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Seems to me that what is called arrogance in a dominant id simply a show of high self confidence in that person. Yes some do get harsh and critical in their opinions though that is their right. I'd rather have a dominant be blunt and to the point than act wishy-washy and indecisive.

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(in reply to VampiresLair)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 6:35:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

-FR-
The OP is referring, if I am correct, to several of us telling a newcomer that after only 2 weeks of being dominant in his relationship we do not believe he is a Master. Said Master had already titled himself and had been asking questions that admitted that he was clueless as to what he was doing in the realm of BDSM.

I was the first to tell him that he was not a Master. I tried to do it in a gentle way, and told him WHY.

I didn't (and don't) see why he should continue to do this. He was exposing himself to possible ridicule here, as well as at munches. I feel that a gentle explanation and correction was the kindest thing to do.

Disclaimer: I have been in the lifestyle on and off for six years. I am a Dom but would not venture to call myself a Master.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 6:49:56 PM

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quote:

Disclaimer: I have been in the lifestyle on and off for six years. I am a Dom but would not venture to call myself a Master.

I've been in the lifestyle on and off for twenty years. Big whup. In all that time, I have only been Master to my women. To everyone else I've been somewhere between Man and The Supreme Hateful Red-Headed Bastard.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 7:26:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

-FR-
The OP is referring, if I am correct, to several of us telling a newcomer that after only 2 weeks of being dominant in his relationship we do not believe he is a Master.

This is what that is about? I missed the thread, but I have to say... if DV says you're not a Master, then, well, you aren't. That's my working definition of the word for today. You're not a Master unless you can convince people who have built successful power exchange relationships that you're a Master. Anything else is strutting, or play.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to VampiresLair)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 7:35:29 PM

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I do not consider myself a Master, or well Mistress in my case. I am a Dominant, and it applies only to Fox. I find it supremely arrogant to proclaim yourself a Master and assume everyone will refer to you that way.

DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 9:12:20 PM

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Arrogance is mostly one or a combination oif two things (in my opinion). Firstly there is genetic arrogance as seen in the Germanic peoples, Dutch and of course the Africana. Racially they have a natural arrogance which may or may not be endearing or annoying. Sedcondly arrogance is often the result of someone in a perceived position of authority such as a Dominant who is unsure of their own standing, authority and ability and thus uses overbearing and demanding attitudes (arrogance) in an attempt to command attention and obenience. Of course a few and often those with no real life experience may me also under the impression that arrogance is the mark of a Dominant. It would be a gross mistake to confuse this with what I call the natural arrogance of someone who is comfy in themselves, experienced in their way of life and whilst is still learning as all sensivle folk are, isstill a leader, teacher or able to guide.

Just the view of this arrogant old fart who is either blessed or cursed with the natural arrogance from that part of his bloodline which is Prussian.

Edited to add: of course there are many people who will find the knowledge base found within the regular posters to CM somewhat over powering which can seem too daunting to join in which is a huge pitty..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/3/2009 9:26:36 PM >

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(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 9:25:01 PM

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Bloody editor lol

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/3/2009 9:26:05 PM >

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 10:01:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I dunno..I kinda get off on Master's arrogance and superiority

I completely second this motion!

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 10:11:08 PM

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Whenever you post a question on here, or on any message board or forum or chat room, you're opening yourself up to the possibility of getting responses you don't like, or responses you think are hurtful, arrogant, etc. This really has nothing to do with "dominants" just people in general.

95% of the time, I'm certain that people do not say things or respond to things on here because they just wan to "start something." People put their thoughts, feelings, emotions and most definitely their personal experience and perspective into what they write. So yeah, if they feel strongly about something, it's going to show.

I know for me, when I encounter a post that seems like a personal attack or just rubs me the wrong way, I just leave it alone or move on to something else. I pretty much operate under the assumption that no one here is "out to get me" or personally attack me and even if they are, I don't know them, they don't know me, and I don't have to be worried about them in my day to day life.

As for why do so few people post as opposed to membership level... well 1) if I'm not mistaken, when you sign up for collarme, you're automatically made a member of the forum, but that doesn't mean you ever visit it. I suspect that a lot of people are only posting and responding to profiles. (Just like not everyone is in the chat rooms). 2) Some people don't have questions or just search for things that interest them, or just like to read what others have posted. To each his own. I've run a forum and there were always lots more people viewing then there were posting. It's just how it is.

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/3/2009 10:15:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
I've been in the lifestyle on and off for twenty years. Big whup. In all that time, I have only been Master to my women. To everyone else I've been somewhere between Man and The Supreme Hateful Red-Headed Bastard.

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But seriously I think you bring up a good point. It's not like I expect random people to call me "Master." When I am in a relationship and it is one where I am Master (as opposed to Daddy, I've had that too) then that's who I am to her. That's about it.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 12:16:00 AM

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Oh man, I've got to read the thread this one came from.

In the meantime, I'm tossing My agreement in there with DV and KoM. The truth of the matter is that some are better at certain things than others. Sometimes, it's just because they have been doing it longer or they've worked damn hard to be good at whatever it happens to be. If we're talking about skills here, you have to take into consideration how much time and effort someone has put into something. In a lot of instances, we're talking years. All things being equal, someone who's been doing an activity for years is most likely going to be better at it than someone just starting out. Now, if you were the person who's put the years into it, how quick do you think you'd be willing to tell someone who's been doing the same activity for a couple of weeks that they were just as good at it as you?

There are a lot of things wrapped up in wiitwd. Some of them, I happen to be pretty good at. Does that make Me arrogant? Probably so. The thing is, why should I downplay that fact? To give someone a misled perception that they don't have to put any work in? Sorry..... ummm..... no.

What counters the arrogance in My own personal case, is a dash of humility. I realize I don't have the same level of competence from one thing to the next. I don't have a problem with saying I'm good at this, but not good at that. If I want to get better at whatever 'that' is, I'm going to have to put something into it.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 12:45:18 AM

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Just checked, and there's no arrogance behind me. Just the back of a nice comfy desk chair.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 1:07:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

-FR-
The OP is referring, if I am correct, to several of us telling a newcomer that after only 2 weeks of being dominant in his relationship we do not believe he is a Master. Said Master had already titled himself and had been asking questions that admitted that he was clueless as to what he was doing in the realm of BDSM.

Sorry for the hijack but I have a question about this and don't want to start a whole new thread but I've seen many people get on people for using the term (title) Master. Who gets to decide? My Master's screen name here is InkedMaster. He has never met any of you. I have not met any of you in person. We do not play in public, we are not active in "The Community". He chose the screen name because it said a bit about who He is and how He identifies in the style of play He prefers. By many popular posters here, He was wrong to call Himself "Master". What does the rulebook say?

I was the first to tell him that he was not a Master. I tried to do it in a gentle way, and told him WHY.

I didn't (and don't) see why he should continue to do this. He was exposing himself to possible ridicule here, as well as at munches. I feel that a gentle explanation and correction was the kindest thing to do.

Disclaimer: I have been in the lifestyle on and off for six years. I am a Dom but would not venture to call myself a Master.

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 1:54:19 AM

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Love this, thank you. Nothing to do with how long any of us have been in the lifestyle, we were all new to it once. (something over 20 years for me but then I am OLD)

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Disclaimer: I have been in the lifestyle on and off for six years. I am a Dom but would not venture to call myself a Master.

I've been in the lifestyle on and off for twenty years. Big whup. In all that time, I have only been Master to my women. To everyone else I've been somewhere between Man and The Supreme Hateful Red-Headed Bastard.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

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