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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 10:05:19 AM   
opposingtwilight


Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

note in particular the lack of a capital D in the subject line.

Reading some current threads I am driven to ask the question; Why is it some people have to be so bloody superior?



Shockingly, some people are attracted to that. Some people want a superior dominant.

Its grand that what works for you, works for you. Let it be grand that what works for someone else works for them.


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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 10:58:56 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Was having a chuckle about LaM looking behind him to see if there was any arrogance there. I just referred to my two dogs as being arrogant sod for leaving a couple of fresh deposits between the back door and the clothesline in the yet to be mowed grass (when it dries after the tropical rain), and yet after hosing the dog shit from the bottom of my bare feet and between my toes, I remembered I use the same expression when they leave hard crumbs of their kibble in the hallway and kitchen and in which I walk because I haven't turned lights on at 2am. Why call them arrogant? Mostly because they habitually do this and often appear to be grinning (Yes I do know that dogs can not grin and have limited facial expressions) and wagging their tail make it a game as I'm hopping off balance in the dark.. Really it would be arrogant if someone or something did such things because they felt superior and I should avoid their leavings.  Arrogance can also be seen as a mark (Unless it is overbearing to a point where it puts people down) of someone’s superiority of experience and knowledge in some areas. Arrogance has, in this modern political correct era, been relegated to a dirty word when describing people who do know what they are talking about. You do not need to be a Philadelphia Layer to differentiate between those assuming an arrogant role in order to impress and who lack the confidence to by less obnoxiously and those who because of their experience and knowledgeable are simply being knowledgably assertive. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 11:12:55 AM   
SteveAndJaz


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline 		Jaz says

I have just read the entire post and after looking at a few that said they couldn't give a darn who they insult or hurt, I notice on previous posts that some of those people have become hurt and insulted by what others have written to them.
This post was never meant to be about giving advise or an opinion (so long as its an intelligent one) but about the people that set out to put down and insult.

All this don't come in the kitchen if the heats too much is just a nonsense. Are we saying that if we are not hard enough to take personal insults then we should never write to a forum? I am so glad that I still hold the ability to be hurt by someones words and that for all the years I have spent within this lifestyle have not made me into a hardened bitch.

A few years ago on here a Mistress had a real go at me and accused me of not being a real Mistress and that I should take lessons from her. A few weeks later someone pointed her out to me in a club. I approached her and politely told her who I was. I then went about asking her why, on what was a few very reasonable questions, did she take it upon herself to put me down in such an insulting way? Basically she shit herself, denied it was her and tried desperately to befriend me. For all her bravado on the boards she was unable to hold her own in the flesh.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 11:47:16 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz   Are we saying that if we are not hard enough to take personal insults then we should never write to a forum? I am so glad that I still hold the ability to be hurt by someones words and that for all the years I have spent within this lifestyle have not made me into a hardened bitch.


My opinion on all of this ... they're not *personal* insults.  No one on the boards knows me.  And I don't know them.  Hence, I don't take their words to heart - why should I?  I may learn from their experiences; I may think someone is overly blunt in their style; I may completely disagree with an opinion ... but none of it is personal. 

That doesn't make me a hardened bitch - it makes me more calm.  lol   If when driving down the street someone gives me the finger for some reason or is rude to me in a store ... I'm able to shrug it off - it's their bad day, not mine, and I don't permit their energy to impact me. 


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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 12:05:59 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Are we saying that if we are not hard enough to take personal insults then we should never write to a forum?

Don't know about "we".  I for one will say exactly that.

I don't control what other people think of me.  If they can't see what a perfect, all-knowing, all-wise, Master of Everything I am......well, fuck 'em. 


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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 12:09:05 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		That's exactly how I think of it too.  Why allow assholes to affect you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

I don't permit their energy to impact me.

(in reply to mc1234)
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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 12:48:01 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Are we saying that if we are not hard enough to take personal insults then we should never write to a forum?

Don't know about "we".  I for one will say exactly that.


/raises hand
I second that

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 2:19:06 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Is it arrogant or superior to tell others to not act arrogant and superior? Also, some of us enjoy being an arrogant son of a bitch, because it is a part of us that we enjoy. You also do not address the fact that while you may judge something as arrogant, it is your opinion and perception, when in fact what you are judging is confidence and knowledge.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

note in particular the lack of a capital D in the subject line.

Reading some current threads I am driven to ask the question; Why is it some people have to be so bloody superior?

To expand a little, I do not consider myself to be superior to Jaz, she gets a capital letter. Also, I use her given name in almost all situations, my choice, yours to make your own decision on what you call yours.

We are in no position to "tell" other dominants they are doing it wrong or have not earned the status as master.

In general we are talking about a relationship of sorts between two people on the terms THEY have agreed.

These forums are for questions and discussions. If you or I have something constructive and pertinent to add to a thread then we should, otherwise don't be arrogant or superior.

Steve.


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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 2:31:37 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

That's exactly how I think of it too.  Why allow assholes to affect you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

I don't permit their energy to impact me.



I agree with both of you


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 2:38:37 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Is it arrogant or superior to tell others to not act arrogant and superior? Also, some of us enjoy being an arrogant son of a bitch, because it is a part of us that we enjoy. You also do not address the fact that while you may judge something as arrogant, it is your opinion and perception, when in fact what you are judging is confidence and knowledge.



There is indeed an amusing Irony that the OP doesn't seem to realize that his own condemnation of all those arrogant superior individuals can in of itself be percieved as arrogant superiority.  I believe the word they use is  hypocrisy!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 2:45:12 PM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

We are in no position to "tell" other dominants they are doing it wrong or have not earned the status as master.


quote:


These forums are for questions and discussions. If you or I have something constructive and pertinent to add to a thread then we should, otherwise don't be arrogant or superior.

Steve.


You are in no position to to tell me not to be arrogant or superior.

Just sayin'.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 2:52:22 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Are we saying that if we are not hard enough to take personal insults then we should never write to a forum?

Don't know about "we".  I for one will say exactly that.




would be a nice place here..if people couldn't answer questions normally...without insulting.
ofcourse..as in normal/offline life..you should be able to handel a re,mark. But insults shouldn't be the norm.


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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 3:13:41 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

My opinion on all of this ... they're not *personal* insults.  No one on the boards knows me.  And I don't know them.  Hence, I don't take their words to heart - why should I?  I may learn from their experiences; I may think someone is overly blunt in their style; I may completely disagree with an opinion ... but none of it is personal. 

That doesn't make me a hardened bitch - it makes me more calm.  lol   If when driving down the street someone gives me the finger for some reason or is rude to me in a store ... I'm able to shrug it off - it's their bad day, not mine, and I don't permit their energy to impact me. 



Exactly!

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 3:15:25 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		The reality is that some people perceive words as insulting when indeed, they were not intended to be. It really is, in large part, a matter of perception.

Very rarely do I post something with the intent of being mean or hurtful. However it has often been perceived as such. Hense the "if you can't take the heat....."

Occasionally I am quite certain some post with barbed intent towards me. I have a choice, allow it to upset me and post accordingly or, either turn it into a positive or ignore it and forget about it. Which I choose depends upon whether any part of it is valuable enough to turn into a positive or not. Quite often I consider the source and ignore it. It is all up to me.

Another thing, the most annoyingly arrogant assholes here have taught me alot. Either because I took the effort to look past the intial assholeness (a LeeAnnism) OR, I saw it and thought "Damn, I sure don't want to be like that!!"

The day I allow ANYONE here to upset me or cause me to lose my cool is the day I need to step awayyyy from the computer, and pull my head out of my ass.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to JustDarkness)
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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 3:21:00 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

The day I allow ANYONE here to upset me or cause me to lose my cool is the day I need to step awayyyy from the computer, and pull my head out of my ass.


damn good advise

quote:

The reality is that some people perceive words as insulting when indeed, they were not intended to be. It really is, in large part, a matter of perception.


yes..especially when the poster expected an other answer. I guess it comes from 2 sides...the one who asks should accept an answer without feeling insulted..and the poster should watch how he builds the sentence.
And besides that..you always can ask..how the poster meant his remark.

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 1/4/2009 3:23:59 PM >

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 4:46:33 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Another thing, the most annoyingly arrogant assholes here have taught me alot.

Awwww... thanks... you're gonna make me blush

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 5:43:33 PM   
M4STER


Posts: 29
Joined: 2/18/2008
Status: offline 		The source of arrogance in my opinion is fear or insecurity. I do not need arrogance at all in my relationships, being dominant and sincere works best for me. It gives me the greatest kick and the slave submits much more, gives much more than if I appear to be arrogant. Arrogance is a mask, it is something that can be broken, therefore a weakness.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 5:49:32 PM   
musha


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		I'm new to all of this but have been reading these forums on and off for a year or so. When I first started reading I thought I might be intimidated by all of the old hands on here to actually post a question or comment. That lasted all of a week or so. As it turned out any questions I had were all answered before somewhere on here, so that was that. That's my excuse anyway *grin*
I've learned quite a lot by reading/trawling these forums. It's not difficult to see who's wise, funny, intelligent, or experienced, if you read enough posts. I know whose opinions/advice I would want if I needed it. I've read some harsh replies and generally I agree with the poster of those direct responses, although occasionally I do think maybe it could be worded a little more gently. Sometimes gentle doesn't get the message across as effectively I guess.
Anyway, I thought this as good as topic as any to post my first post, as it did mention somewhere about lurkers not posting out of fear of people being nasty or sounding superior. I have no problem admitting there are some on here superior to me, in this lifestyle at least, merely because they have years of experience under their belts. There are probably lots of reasons why so many lurk and don't post. I think sometimes people like to lurk for a while to find their feet first, and maybe some are just less inclined to ever participate, but enjoy and maybe get something out of reading posts. Hi to everyone.

musha

This isn't meant as a reply to Padraig, I'll work that part out I'm sure.

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RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 6:22:07 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: M4STER
Arrogance is a mask, it is something that can be broken, therefore a weakness.

Dude.  Anything can be broken.  If your life goal is to be an unbreakable badass, you won't succeed.  Successful people construct situations in which they are successful.  They don't expect that they will succeed no matter what, in any possible scenario.  You're not in full control unless you recognize your frailties and compensate for them.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to M4STER)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: The Arrogance behind dominants - 1/4/2009 6:56:43 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Congrats on your first post and welcome to the forums

quote:

ORIGINAL: musha

I've read some harsh replies and generally I agree with the poster of those direct responses, although occasionally I do think maybe it could be worded a little more gently. Sometimes gentle doesn't get the message across as effectively I guess.

<snip>

This isn't meant as a reply to Padraig, I'll work that part out I'm sure.

Now are ya sure that comment wasn't about me?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to musha)
Profile   Post #: 80
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