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"Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 9:34:18 PM

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If you d-type women (and anyone else who wants to chime in) were in correspondence with a male sub, and you knew that the sub was in correspondence with other women, and the aforementioned sub told you that you couldn't let on to these other women (you know who they are) that the two of you had talked about meeting, that you "have to be discreet," what would your reaction be?

I told him that, to a woman, the words "we need to be discreet" are code for "I'm married and the old cow will take me to the cleaners if she finds out" or "I'm trying to line up a bunch of women to shag and I don't want you ruining my chances with the rest of them." He insists I've got it wrong and that we need to be discreet for my "protection," because some of these women he's in contact with are trouble-makers.

Is my saying "thanks, but no thanks" a sign of prudent caution, or am I being a suspicious old bat? Do I give the lad a second chance? Or thank my lucky stars I didn't waste more time on him?

I'm going to be quite busy for the next few days, so I might only be checking in occasionally, but I'd like to thank everyone in advance for his or her thoughts. I'm hoping for a few good answers before the thread goes to hell in a leaky bucket.

Edited for clarity

< Message edited by Venatrix -- 1/5/2009 10:28:45 PM >

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 9:41:23 PM

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I vote prudent caution, and I'm a young bat (and submissive FWIW).

Even on the chance that he's telling the truth in that he believes these women to be "troublemakers," would it really be worth it to get into it with someone who attracts such drama (so much so that you'd need "protection") from a number of different people?

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 9:46:13 PM

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I understand the need for public discretion. But... If they state that they only need to be discrete in public apperances then I have something to question. I my self demand discretion. I have a medical career and any of my co workers knowing about my lifestyle could potentialy ruin my career. My submissive is also the same way. We go out in public and he behaves in a respectful manner but he also will not call me Mistress in public. Play parties are a different story.

I guess it really depends on what kind of discretion you need. If you get the feeling that they need discretion because of career or such logical things, then go for it. However if the discretion they demand gives you a bad feeling... tell em to blow off....

_____________________________

Its not that I hold your leash. Its not that I hold the whip. Its not that I hold the power. Its that you willingly and truly gave it to me.

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 10:16:14 PM

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There's other ways of signaling keeping it 'private,' I'm thinking the odds are very, very good that in this instance (and in a vast amount of the use of the word) discreet means he's married.

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Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to eponastar)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 10:21:45 PM

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I don't mind being discreet about meeting at all, in a public place. I don't like to blab about my private life to the world, unless/until it has become something of a long term potential.
If however, he does not want to meet in public, and after meeting, he wants privacy about our talking or meeting, than, I would wonder if there is a wife or several other girlfriends.
Anytime I hear discreet, I do usually think=married, but I will give someone the benefit of the doubt until meeting. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 1/5/2009 10:22:10 PM >

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(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 10:39:39 PM

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Venatrix,
My suggestion is to trust your "gut" (no, that's not a reference to a beer belly

). There seems to be a lot more to the story here than is hypothetically being shared. It sounds off hand as though this s-type needs to be more honest and up-front about who he's talking with and why such public discretion is necessesary. I say that because I don't see the connection between corresponding with someone else and your discussing it in public. That said, local communities are often small and I don't see a problem with letting another know whom it is that you're talking with, in which case your public discretion may be something that's not inappropriate for him to ask for.

I've indeed had problems at least once with an agressive, seemingly unstable domme who made inappropriate advances and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. After I discussed the situation with another well known Domme in the community who was in a position of leadership, any fears I had were greatly eased. There was nothing about the situation that I wouldn't have shared with anyone I was talking with at the time; which is something I in fact did.

Personally, I don't feel as though I have anything to hide; particularly not from someone I'm seriously interested in getting to know. So if a sub tells you that he has something he wants you to hide from others, I think you're radar is perfectly on target and your reaction to run away as fast and as far as you can is totally justified.

I wish you well and hope you find my response helpful.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 10:55:50 PM

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I donno... for on-line, just being able to tell the difference between "discreet" and "discrete" puts him in the top 5% or so. I say nail him

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(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 11:02:07 PM

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Aside from the fact I also do not seek drama .... if you say you know these other dominants, do you think they are drama creating trouble makers? Its true some individuals do create a lot of noise around themselves, and we all encounter soem in our lives, but I would be worried about a boy who has attracted enough of them that he feels he needs to warn other dominants

I do not trumpet to the world who I meet for coffee ... so I would have no real problems with someone who also does not need to yell from the roof tops who he is meeting... but being told to hide is not something I would generaly get involved with

Hope it all works out well

Mz Minx

(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/5/2009 11:39:38 PM

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He is either

1. married
2. engaged
3. living with a woman

and he has pissed several women off in the past, enough that they want to hunt him down and cut his dick off.

You will find alcohol/drugs, violence, criminal behavior, lots of chaos and conflict etc. in his personal history and/or the women he finds attractive. How much you wanna bet he has a couple of kids with some of these women?

What is worse is that he takes NO responsibility for his own behavior, it is always the fault of the other persons. You are dealing with a con-man type of personality who tells whatever lies are necessary to get what he wants.

Stay the hell away from him.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 2:34:16 AM

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The question is really about what you wanna do.. If this is someone with a ass so fine that you cant get anything better then do it, and then maybe you tell the others, as a little bonus. Or, hold telling the others over his head for a while, then you can get all kinds of fun out of the situation.

(in reply to Vendaval)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 3:09:58 AM

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Based on what you've written I'd say the "thanks but no thanks" answer was correct. It definitely sounds like he's either married, lining up multiple Dommes (multitasking?), or burning community bridges left and right. Unless you want a drama llama for a pet, who needs that?

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 3:29:07 AM

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~FR~

He wants to be discreet for your protection because the other women he talks to are kooks? Do I have that right? That just screams "I've got poor judgment, but any port in a storm so I can get laid."

I vote prudent.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LaMistressa)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 3:36:09 AM

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He is definitly married, as I am. He also has something to hide and your cautious approach is well warranted. In these kind of instances I would go with
"my gut" as much as brains.
I know most dominant woman will have nothing to do with a married man, and it's perfectly understandable. Many are looking for a more permanent, total relationships beyond D/s, and in some instances, possibly marriage. On the other hand I also believe honesty is the best policy and have had several Mistresses over the years that, like me, were interested in the power exchange in a D/s "friendship", got personal pleasure in binding, teasing, controlling, whatever..a subbie, male or female,...and just were dern happy with NSA friendships. Again, honesty up front comes ahead of anything as it should in all relationships, NSA or deeper.

(in reply to LaMistressa)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 3:50:23 AM

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I vote "prudent caution."

He wants to "protect you?" IMO he's the one you need protection from.

If these women are trouble makers, why is he still in contact with them?

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(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 4:33:24 AM

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Stop, drop, bolt.

I play, I don't cotton to being played.

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 4:40:07 AM

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Doesn't sound like a good idea.

Did I mention my recent disaster with a new sub? I thought he was very experienced and I wanted a test bottom to show my Domme friend who is very new some tricks. This guy instantly 'fell in love' with both of us. Wanted way more than either of us had to offer. Then was talking about a tentative date with her but dropped her like a rock when I offered him a 'better option'... He didn't mention to EITHER of us that the other one was asking him for time on the same day. Like we were NOT friends who talk about such things! He got caught. Neither one of us wants him now.

It's just not good whenever a man is playing one woman against another and keeping secrets. It never turns out well.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 4:46:10 AM

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I would tell him that I was not interested. I do not like lies or hiding who I am and I surely want a sub with those same values. If he is playing games in the beginning stages, can you imagine what he will be doing later on?

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 5:25:25 AM

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I vote prudent caution

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 5:43:09 AM

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I vote "Drop him like a hot potato."

So he wants to "protect" you from women who are trouble-makers? I'm sorry, but what grade is he in? You're a grown woman who seems quite intelligent, and it's very probable that you've dealt with trouble-makers in the past...and can continue to do so in the future, without his assistance.

The guy is a cheater, for sure. Any man who wants to date me won't want to hide it from anyone, for any reason. Period.

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)

RE: "Discreet" Male Subs for Dominant Women - 1/6/2009 5:48:46 AM

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I don't know... do you have reason to be worried about "trouble makers"? Personally I would be thinking that those ladies would make more trouble for him then for me... lol. I mean, what's the worst that could happen... they tell my husband? But, if you have reasons for keeping it discreet then maybe he really is concerned about your well being. Not being involved in the situation I really have no clue.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Venatrix)

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