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Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:17:11 AM

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I have been on this site for a few weeks and have written back and forth with a few Dommes. To be blunt it seems like all the Dommes on this site are only interested in milking desperate subs for their money. I am a sincere sub looking for a long term relationship with a real Domme, but I am very skeptical when after one or maybe two emails a woman that knows nothing about me or me about her is asking for a tribute.

How do you separate the real people on this site from the scammers?

Thanks!
b.

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:30:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bisubboy1

I have been on this site for a few weeks and have written back and forth with a few Dommes. To be blunt it seems like all the Dommes on this site are only interested in milking desperate subs for their money. I am a sincere sub looking for a long term relationship with a real Domme, but I am very skeptical when after one or maybe two emails a woman that knows nothing about me or me about her is asking for a tribute.

How do you separate the real people on this site from the scammers?

Thanks!
b.

Why aren't you smart enough to figure this out for yourself? Your 35 years old and can't separate between scammers and the real deal.

There's a lot of submissive women out there looking for "real" dominant men all the time who get screwed over constantly but they don't whine as much as the men do it seems.

thing is, a lot of real mistresses and ladies do demand tribute before looking your way. Some use the idea to rape the wallets of men only. Its a big, wide world out there...proceed at your own risk.

(in reply to bisubboy1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:30:53 AM

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You just did... one or two emails... not a huge deal is it? If it is, ask in the first one. We all have our hardships around here. You are not alone. Consider the source and move on. A hook up or relationship sometimes takes a lil effort, time and focus and a bit of bs along the way. Do you know what it is like to kiss a frog???

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to bisubboy1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:32:05 AM

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Before I had developed fake profile radar, I would find a unique line in her profile and Google it. I would do the same with text from the first letter I received, if the letter sounded generic.

There are anti-scam websites that have archives of these letters... and fake profiles are often just cut-and-pasted from another dating site, where the woman there has put up her own (different) pic.

It gets easier with experience. People interested in meeting in real life sound different from people trying to manipulate you because of your fantasies and urges.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to bisubboy1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:34:24 AM

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I know a lot of femdoms on here that are not interested in tributes or gifts. I actually prefer to be the one buying the toys and paying for things. But I do expect a tribute of time, consideration and patience from potential subs, and it seems more are interested in how soon I will make them wear panties or shove something in their ass. If I tell them I'm only interested in *talking* in initial stages, they want to talk about what will happen when I make them wear panties or what kind of item I would shove in their ass.

The best way to avoid these things - direct communication up front. I absolutely love to be the one who pursues in a relationship. However, that means I have to be attracted to a man in a lustful manner. That doesn't happen just because a man says "I am available." Nothing happens overnight; you have to work at it.

Tell the ladies up front you are not interested in a financial arrangement.

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to bisubboy1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:35:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
Why aren't you smart enough to figure this out for yourself? Your 35 years old and can't separate between scammers and the real deal.

This has nothing to do with intelligence, or age. It's a matter of common sense, which is something people are not born with. They gain it (if they choose) from experience, and from others guiding them away from pitfalls.

I don't think many 35-year-olds on this site have much real-time experience with WIITWD. It's up to the rest of us to give them more than pornography (and, um, bitter posters) are willing to provide.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:41:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bisubboy1
I am very skeptical when after one or maybe two emails a woman that knows nothing about me or me about her is asking for a tribute.

How do you separate the real people on this site from the scammers?

You give it a few emails and if after one or two they are asking for tribute, they are likely scammers. Seems like you have it pretty well nailed already.

My rule of thumb that I tell those submissives I have mentored is that if tribute comes up before common interests, there is a problem. If you do not even know IF you want to meet, knowing how much that meeting will cost you is premature. There are many genuine dommes who do ask for tribute, more for the commitment to the meeting and to them than because they really care what they are getting. It can prove something, its like a test early on that someone isnt all talk. However, I always raise an eyebrow when anyone asks for tribute before meeting, just for the priveledge of continued contact. Anyone can email, but when you ask someone to pay for the pleasure of your messages then you make yourself look fake, or inexperieced, or both. And definately self absorbed and vain. You are likely not all that, and putting someone in that position is more likely going to run them off than draw them in.

If it feels wrong, it probably is, so step backa and think about what you are in. If you dont like it, then move on. If it feels good, run with it.

Good luck
DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

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(in reply to bisubboy1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:50:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
Why aren't you smart enough to figure this out for yourself? Your 35 years old and can't separate between scammers and the real deal.

This has nothing to do with intelligence, or age. It's a matter of common sense, which is something people are not born with. They gain it (if they choose) from experience, and from others guiding them away from pitfalls.

I don't think many 35-year-olds on this site have much real-time experience with WIITWD. It's up to the rest of us to give them more than pornography (and, um, bitter posters) are willing to provide.

Are you STILL Masterbating?

Ok, seriously, I'll bite...intelligence and common sense...however you want to put it, generally increases with age, but I don't look at this as anything a fifteen-year-old can't handle.

"I don't think many 35-year-olds on this site have much real-time experience with WIITWD."

And where do you get these statistics from, especially in this day and age where young adults in their early twenties are collaring each other and hitting the scene?

Anyway, I thought this post of yours was interesting. Took the words right out of my mouth, lol.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:54:47 AM

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Hehe... I have asked for tribute a time or two. I told the guys... no.. this won't work... they kept coming at me. Nothing sends them running faster than rather than getting into their pants in the front... you get near that back pocket. I found it humorous... and no more time waster harrassing me for service. A guy serious in more than what I can do to him with no expectations... part time and playing games of saying what they think I want to hear... might just hear... tribute! lol I have never taken one though! I don't want it... it is the man I am interested in, not the money. But I am no mistress playtoy either.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to VampiresLair)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 8:56:20 AM

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Joined: 12/18/2008
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I find this subject rather humorous. As in most other facets of life, there will always be scammers, and real people. Just set back, peruse the site for a while, and you'll quickly see who's who for the most part. I never have understood "financial domination", nor would I want to. I feel that if someone has some extra cash lying around and they don't know what to do with it, there's so many TRULY needy individuals out in RT that could use a hand.

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 9:05:46 AM

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Joined: 8/20/2008
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To the op... it sounds from your profile like you have had a good bit of experience. There is nothing wrong with making a note on your profile saying 'Not looking for a pro or tribute Mistress'.

Scammers tend to put the time and effort in because they are good at it. If they are overly eager to jump in and talk to you, then the warning lights should perhaps be set in place.

If I were chatting to a male sub on here and he suddenly stated that he was not wanting a pro or tribute Mistress, I wouldn't be offended. I would just laugh and reassure you I wasn't. So if suspicious then ask.

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 9:06:41 AM

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
"I don't think many 35-year-olds on this site have much real-time experience with WIITWD."

And where do you get these statistics from, especially in this day and age where young adults in their early twenties are collaring each other and hitting the scene?

It's a hypothesis I've come up with, after reading female dom, switch and sub profiles in the US and Canada; going through inboxes of female doms and subs when they asked me for advice about how to sort and respond to messages; and seeing demographic patterns in the types of posts that appear on these boards.

For example, the most boneheaded questions of all tend to be from female subs in their 30s or 40s. These are often women who married young and are recently divorced, and have no grasp of the dating scene, much less kinky dating, and are desperately trying to behave the way a sub is "supposed to act" instead of being themselves... because they don't know who they are! Their identity was "his wife" for so many years, and now, wtf????

It's worth remembering that most people actively in the scene don't have profiles on sites like these. CollarMe, like Alt or MySpace, is going to have a disproportionate number of people attracted to the fantasies but not interested (or too afraid) to act them out in real.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 9:20:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
"I don't think many 35-year-olds on this site have much real-time experience with WIITWD."

And where do you get these statistics from, especially in this day and age where young adults in their early twenties are collaring each other and hitting the scene?

It's a hypothesis I've come up with, after reading female dom, switch and sub profiles in the US and Canada; going through inboxes of female doms and subs when they asked me for advice about how to sort and respond to messages; and seeing demographic patterns in the types of posts that appear on these boards.

For example, the most boneheaded questions of all tend to be from female subs in their 30s or 40s. These are often women who married young and are recently divorced, and have no grasp of the dating scene, much less kinky dating, and are desperately trying to behave the way a sub is "supposed to act" instead of being themselves... because they don't know who they are! Their identity was "his wife" for so many years, and now, wtf????

It's worth remembering that most people actively in the scene don't have profiles on sites like these. CollarMe, like Alt or MySpace, is going to have a disproportionate number of people attracted to the fantasies but not interested (or too afraid) to act them out in real.

I know what your saying, but you've got kind of negative view, man.

I think a lot of people are socializing online, far more than they used to. I think the " lifeless interwankers only surf online idea " is getting shot down more and more as more and more people come online and interact.

Besides, this is beside the fact that a person in his or her mid thirties should be able to think for his or herself when it comes to tribute and stuff like that.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 9:36:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
I know what your saying, but you've got kind of negative view, man.

Then I phrased things wrong, because I don't feel negative. I see it as a tremendous opportunity for me to teach others -- and to learn new insights from people who see the world completely different from me. I think it's just part of reality that intelligent, good people sometimes ask mindbogglingly stooopid questions, because they are outside their sphere of experience. I've found they are more likely to listen to me if I don't begin my answer by pointing out the lameness of their question. They already feel awfully lame, most of the time.

I act out my online sadism on the puffed up I'm-so-perfect types. I try not to kick people when they're down. It makes me feel skanky afterward.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 9:45:25 AM

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While the nice little mini debate is interesting and all (hi guys), it does actually make a point.

Even with the expansion of uses for the internet, it's still not a substitute for going out and meeting people. Yes, sometimes, you have to do a little leg work, drive a bit further than you normally would to go get a bite to eat, and interact with people who aren't especially the type of person you are looking for in a partner. No, you're probably not going to meet the Domme of your dreams at the first social event you ever attend. Chances are though that the majority of people at a munch aren't going to ask you for tribute.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 10:06:30 AM

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to the op..you have managed through your own feelings,typecast every single Domina here and around the world for that matter.nothing could be further than the truth as there are many genuine Dominas here and awhat they truly care about is you caring enough about them and not thinking what is in it for me??doesn't hurt to have a modest income to pull your own weight as well.just a thought or two.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 10:07:34 AM

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Thanks for the thoughtful response!

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 10:13:54 AM

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Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bisubboy1

I have been on this site for a few weeks and have written back and forth with a few Dommes. To be blunt it seems like all the Dommes on this site are only interested in milking desperate subs for their money. I am a sincere sub looking for a long term relationship with a real Domme, but I am very skeptical when after one or maybe two emails a woman that knows nothing about me or me about her is asking for a tribute.

How do you separate the real people on this site from the scammers?

Thanks!
b.

There's no formula to separate fakes from scammers here on CM. The design and functioning of the site allows any and all to come here, post, add a profile and mingle with the masses.

Most of the time its pretty easy to spot the money dominants who don't advertise that they are par-to-play when you are sincerely looking to go real-time and demonstrate that in how you approach them and correspond with them. Since you say you are looking for a LTR (I'm presuming that to be of the romantic variety), I'd definitely suggest staying far away from those asking for any sort of tribute (payment). Unless I missed a memo, I'd say you'll just have to dive into the muck and weed them out one at a time...

< Message edited by E2Sweet -- 1/12/2009 10:14:40 AM >

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to bisubboy1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 10:18:03 AM

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bisubboy1

I have been on this site for a few weeks and have written back and forth with a few Dommes. To be blunt it seems like all the Dommes on this site are only interested in milking desperate subs for their money. I am a sincere sub looking for a long term relationship with a real Domme, but I am very skeptical when after one or maybe two emails a woman that knows nothing about me or me about her is asking for a tribute.

How do you separate the real people on this site from the scammers?

Thanks!
b.

I am going to answer this with a different spin than I've ever answered this type of whinefest.

Given what I demand of any submissive or slave that contacts me......a money tribute would be easy. Based upon the responses, and lack of follow through, I get.

I don't want their money. I want them. All of them, time, real effort, honesty, sacrifice, their submission. Money is a walk in the park by comparison.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to bisubboy1)

RE: Tributes and Genuine Dommes - 1/12/2009 10:22:32 AM

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Joined: 11/28/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Money is a walk in the park by comparison.

LaT, ain't that the truth?

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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