RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom?

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RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:14:15 PM

scottjk

Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Nope, no one needs to be an ass hole at all, for any reason. To me that is a sign of a lack of control. That doesn't mean that a dom has to play fair, though.

To look at me and talk with me, you'd never know I'm a dom. It's even been pointed out at one meeting that I don't seem all that 'aggressive'. <chuckle> Her loss. There's a time and place for everything, you know?

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Post #: 21

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:15:15 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Sir has manners and uses them. He is polite when he wants something. He also chooses when he wants to be polite or not. Arse hole doesnt make a good anything imo.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 22

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:17:59 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Stella, I wish there was a way you can worn people when you are going to make comments like this. That way they wont be drinking coffee and at the computer at the same time. It would save on paper towels:)

(in reply to ALAstella)

Post #: 23

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:23:27 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Dunno ... I may be outside the curve here (nobody is gonna get even their hair chopped off with me, so, I guess I'm not a true a-hole Dom in their book) ... but to me ... a Dom or Top need only the confidence and action necessary to command attention ...

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 24

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:35:36 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Yerp. Delivery is in the eye of the beholder....lol

Let's face it , some people WANT to be barked at and ordered around with specific commands. It makes them squirm in all the nice ways. It does mine sometimes, even though I want to balk on occasion.

* A coffee would be nice*.........carries as much weight as *Get me a coffee* depending on who you're with...lol

agirl

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 25

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:36:44 PM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Doms and Dommes for that matter, come in all sizes and flavors. Some are rough talking burly men, some wear brooks brothers suits and were raised to be polite to the servants. Some are dreamers and some are doers. Some have to be polite all day and kiss ass in the corporate world, some own thier own business and have other people to kiss their ass. Some a placid yoga doing meditators, some box.

I can't imagine that all these D would have the same verbal approach to interactions with a s. It seems totally wonky to me to think they would. OP, if it was an s that said it, then you aren't their flavor and move on. If it was a D then you weren't doing it the way they do it and for whatever reason (insecurity, twooism, competition, being a ass, whatever), it made them twitch.

Good luck. I know a lot of Ds that have had to struggle with the idea that they HAD to be jerks to be dommy and were so relieved and able to move on to relationships once they got over that idea. I have also seen it go the other way where they had to get over social training to be nice, helpful, self-abasing to find their own path to power and control. It is no easier for someone to accept their inner D than it is for some to accept their inner s.

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(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 26

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:41:59 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom?

No, but by some people's definition of "true dom", apparently it helps.

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Post #: 27

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:42:11 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

Dunno ... I may be outside the curve here (nobody is gonna get even their hair chopped off with me, so, I guess I'm not a true a-hole Dom in their book) ... but to me ... a Dom or Top need only the confidence and action necessary to command attention ...

Not even cut their hair?or never let her wear clothes, and never let her speak to friends or family again, nor chop off her clit?
I thought you were very wild !!

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

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(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 28

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:46:20 PM

Opalescence

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/2/2008
Status: offline

An order is an order, regardless.

If my would be Owner told me or asked me to do something it'd be done with a smile. I don't care what shape it takes, it's still just as important.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 29

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:53:44 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Opalescence

An order is an order, regardless.

If my would be Owner told me or asked me to do something it'd be done with a smile. I don't care what shape it takes, it's still just as important.

I can't say I'd always do it with a smile....but that has never been a requirement....grin

(in reply to Opalescence)

Post #: 30

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 2:58:54 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

who said that I was not a true Dom

There is no such thing... a dom is somebody who dominates, not somebody that behaves in a certain fashion.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 31

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 3:02:25 PM

Opalescence

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/2/2008
Status: offline

Well, sometimes the smile resembles a scowl but, what can ya do?

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 32

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 3:32:37 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Opalescence

Well, sometimes the smile resembles a scowl but, what can ya do?

I sometimes wish it was limited to my facial gymnastics....... but my body betrays me ...lol

agirl

(in reply to Opalescence)

Post #: 33

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 3:51:07 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

when I see these posts, I think of them as billboard ads--hey I am xx or hey I am not xx and I want to say--pff grow up and do the search process as we all do-----

I am not an ass--I am secure, confident and focused---if a sub thinks that makes Me an asshole--well screw ya---however, if I am perceived as this or that--well hey--pfftt it is what it is--until they are My sub, they are any sub--I don't command to get respect, I am what I am.

< Message edited by CatdeMedici -- 1/24/2009 4:01:02 PM >

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Post #: 34

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 4:10:38 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

Stella, I wish there was a way you can worn people when you are going to make comments like this. That way they wont be drinking coffee and at the computer at the same time. It would save on paper towels:)

I'm agreeing with this LOL - that deadpan 'never see it coming' approach is awesome and I laugh out loud but Pepsi BURNS when it exits thru the nose !!

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(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 35

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 4:18:47 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

I cant remember who said it but the best way I've ever seen it expressed was along the lines of "just because whatever I say is bracketed with 'please' and 'thank you', its no less an order'.

There is no reason for lack of civility. Well, okay, one I can think of - but they started it !

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

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(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 36

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 4:19:28 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

I was raised to be polite, and I like being polite and treating others with respect. So I made sure that one of the first things I taught my boy was that many or most of my requirements will likely be phrased as polite requests, but they are to be understood as orders.

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(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 37

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 4:23:07 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

LOL. No, not listening to others definitions of a " true dom" helps.

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom?

No, but by some people's definition of "true dom", apparently it helps.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 38

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 4:31:26 PM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

I personally believe that a Dom who NEEDS to scream, demand and cant ask for something civilly is not as dominant as they seem to think. I can ask for what I want, but there isnt a question whether or not he is going to actually do it. However, were I to shout, scream and bark orders, I would likely get laughed at rather than obeyed.

DV

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Post #: 39

RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 4:56:36 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

Does one have to command to earn the respect and submission of a sub or can one be a Dom by exercising control and civility?

Yes, one has to command the respect and submission of a sub and yes it can be done by exercising control and civility.

Granted each one of us responds differently. But in my own opinion (and experience), I respond to control and civility. I certainly don't expect a "please, thank you or would you" at every turn, but I don't expect hollaring, yelling, belittling, or barking out orders at every turn either. A look, a touch, or a statement with confidence, control, and respect for Himself is what I need.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)

Post #: 40

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