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RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 8:15:03 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		I think it's very sad that people would say someone wasn't a dominant just because they show courtesy and manners instead of chest beating I am dom hear me roariness.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 8:28:16 PM   
LunaVenus


Posts: 161
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline 		I am as sweet as a pus sy cat to my slaves.. Yet at times that puss y cat turns into a roaring lioness. One slave upon meeting me said " You're SO NICE!  How can anyone so nice be a Domme?"  When he left me his eyes were bucked and he was in utter disbelief. I guess he saw the Lioness a time or two. LOL  For me  that dichotomy is a big part of my charm.. .Call it multiple personalities or whatever... but it's ME. LOL

So I think it is charming for a Dom/me to not be so obvious but dynamic instead. In fact, I think it is more powerful and impacting that way.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 10:51:45 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		My daddy is a gentleman and has manners,morals and self respect.I would not even consider a dominant that was not civil or was an asshole.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 11:59:41 PM   
TazDevil


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/24/2005
Status: offline 		you queston to me is not abot what I think you think it is about, for some sub slave a Dom do's not ask things to be dune, the Odder it to be dune, there is a defroce to some of asking poltltey and oddering

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 12:09:43 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		No, you can get by very well by being just an asshole instead.

quote:

you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom?

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 12:35:27 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Situaitons arise when a person needs to be civil, and sometimes they need to be told to shut the fuck up and do as your told.  It's not rocket science folks.  Making a value judgement from what they read in a profile seem pretty retarded to me.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 12:46:21 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		One has more chances of being a good Dom by being a good "prick". The arsehole may end up being the sub.. Greetings Popey the Sailor man... Tooo Tooo!!

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Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 12:59:24 AM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

I was recently approached by a person who said that I was not a true Dom because in one of my journal entries I said that a sub should do what he or she was asked to do. The point they wanted to make was that a Dom doesn't ask for anything.

In my opinion there is no reason not to be civil, even in a Dom/sub relationship. Just because my statements come with question marks. Does not mean they carry less weight if my sub does not carry out my wishes she will be dealt with and disciplined accordingly.

What is your opinion? Does one have to command to earn the respect and submission of a sub or can one be a Dom by exercising control and civility?


Really interesting point.

In my view of life: Respect and Trust are earned they can never be demanded. Many Dominates take advantage of this and try to contrive these from the slave/sub. IF the slave/sub has these for a Master (or Mistress) the service will come that much easier.

MstrPBK
St Paul, MN

PS I do know that some men like to be forced to do x, and x, and x. If that want that they may get the monster version of Me.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 12:10:59 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The real issue I find is that a lot of sub women want a little bit of an asshole, or confuse a bit of asshole behavior with strong dom behavior. 

The fact is, if asshole didn't find partners, they'd stop being assholed or would be perpetually single.  Obviously a lot of people really like assholes.


You make a good point, LA.  Along with that issue comes the further problem of those who say they want you to be a bit of an "asshole" at times and then, when you are, they will sometimes say "but not nowwwwwwwwwww.  This time I wanted you to be civil..."  This is one reason I have a vertical crease down the middle of my forehead.

In discussing this thread with someone recently though, the one thing I noted was that an addendum/explanation/caveat usually goes along with what I said in my earlier post:  Because I like intelligent submissives who enjoy firmness along with kindness, who enjoy cruelty as well as romance, who enjoy discipline as well as civility and courtesy, and finally, because they are human and of a sometimes contradictory nature,  therefore I am sometimes going to get it wrong...according to their perception...and be an asshole when they wanted the "nice dominant".  And at those times...oh well.  I am NOT a mindreader and I do not believe in the submissive running the dynamic so the odds are that it is going to occur.  It won't kill them and it won't kill me and if one mistake begins to kill the dynamic, then the dynamic wasn't that strong to begin with OR the submissive isn't making an effort to communicate what hit her "wrong" about the dominant approach that day OR the reasons it went wrong are overblown in her mind/an accumulation of other stuff with this wrong time being the proverbial "straw".,


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 12:20:26 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

I think it's very sad that people would say someone wasn't a dominant just because they show courtesy and manners instead of chest beating I am dom hear me roariness.


But you'd be surprised...and probably disappointed...by the number of submissives I've had tell me that "I was too nice" because I open the truck door for them, I take their arm crossing the street, etc..  Hell, my future (maybe) son-in-law chimed in with the comment...after I'd helped my daughter carry in groceries from the car after he'd headed for the garage and she said something to him..."that's just gay".

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 12:24:22 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		Sadly, I probably wouldn't be. Makes it even sadder. Can't be nice and mannerly and be dom to some people because they equate it with either weakness or submissive behavior *shakes head sadly*. People see the supposed surface and all too often never look deeper than their supposition based on that.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 1:36:17 PM   
SensibleSam


Posts: 77
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

The fact is, if asshole didn't find partners, they'd stop being assholed or would be perpetually single. Obviously a lot of people really like assholes.


All too true.


(in reply to MasterLark)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 2:55:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

quote:



The one thing I will say is that even if civil, the dom should be careful to express it as an order. For example last night he asked if the tray of brownies I had baked was cool enough to cut yet. I interpreted it as a question, not as direction to get him some. Therefore five minutes later he looked up and asked why he didn't have any. He wasn't clear enough the first time for me to know that he wanted some right then.



Hmm. I'll just mention that I value a girl that makes an effort to anticipate my desires.




It is easier to anticipate desires if the d type is consistent. If he's coming in from shoveling snow I know to have both tea and iced water ready. But I have presented him with a cookie or a brownie before and often have it refused. So in this case, the odds were as likely for him to have been uninterested as for him to be interested.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/26/2009 3:57:04 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


But you'd be surprised...and probably disappointed...by the number of submissives I've had tell me that "I was too nice" because I open the truck door for them, I take their arm crossing the street, etc..  Hell, my future (maybe) son-in-law chimed in with the comment...after I'd helped my daughter carry in groceries from the car after he'd headed for the garage and she said something to him..."that's just gay".


I'm with the I don't get it crowd.  I do all kinds of "nice" stuff for my girl.  Over the years I have basically remodeled her entire house and yet I have told her shut the fuck up and take the pain for me.  Being nice has nothing to do with being in control.

Pete DUDE! great to see you back posting again.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 74
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