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RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 7:04:22 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline
quote:

Not even cut their hair?or never let her wear clothes, and never let her speak to friends or family again, nor chop off her clit? I thought you were very wild !!


Yea, me too! I thought that just binding her ever so beautifully was wild. I thought licking her clit with a ginger root in your asshole was wild. I thought clamping her nipples and gagging her telling her to be a good doggy and drink milk from a bowl while I tug on the leash was wild. But, here, well ... it seems that here, if I don't stick needles straight through her nipples ... if I don't slice her clit with a knife ... if I don't remove every hair from her body with duct tape ... if I ... if I don't do that ... hell ... I'm not wild at all ... in fact, out here, it seems ... I'm positively boring!

:)

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 7:18:48 PM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline 		I like manners, but I like variety, too.
So, I'm usually polite (or try to be), but there are once-in-awhiles when I like being crude and rude.
I think it contrasts nicely against the usually-polite background.
It's good to practice both, I find.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 7:27:58 PM   
NYLass


Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

quote:

Not even cut their hair?or never let her wear clothes, and never let her speak to friends or family again, nor chop off her clit? I thought you were very wild !!


Yea, me too! I thought that just binding her ever so beautifully was wild. I thought licking her clit with a ginger root in your asshole was wild. I thought clamping her nipples and gagging her telling her to be a good doggy and drink milk from a bowl while I tug on the leash was wild. But, here, well ... it seems that here, if I don't stick needles straight through her nipples ... if I don't slice her clit with a knife ... if I don't remove every hair from her body with duct tape ... if I ... if I don't do that ... hell ... I'm not wild at all ... in fact, out here, it seems ... I'm positively boring!

:)



Is it just me or did it get warm in here suddenly?

~fans self~




(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 7:32:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Orders are hot at the appropriate time. Manners are hot at the appropriate time.
"Honey, would you get me another cup of tea?" while all the family is about is appropriate. Barking "Hey bitch, my cup is empty" while our offspring are listening is unacceptable.

However, going "um, could you please, if you really don't mind, suck my cock maybe" is a major turn off. "On your knees little girl" is a major turn on.

Beyond that, there are people who always are attracted to abusers. I imagine the op's correspondent is one of them. Thankfully, most people aren't either abusers or attracted to them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 7:53:51 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WiseCracknSadist

I was recently approached by a person who said that I was not a true Dom because in one of my journal entries I said that a sub should do what he or she was asked to do. The point they wanted to make was that a Dom doesn't ask for anything.

What, and you a Dom put up with someone telling you that, me I would have told them to go forth and multiply. Anyways, is there a standard for a Dom, perhaps Dominant 101, I think not, I hope not.

In my opinion there is no reason not to be civil, even in a Dom/sub relationship. Just because my statements come with question marks. Does not mean they carry less weight if my sub does not carry out my wishes she will be dealt with and disciplined accordingly.

What is your opinion? Does one have to command to earn the respect and submission of a sub or can one be a Dom by exercising control and civility?


As to the question, I respond to civility, and I respect manners, bark an order at me and out comes the ' fuck you ' mentality, it has always been the same, no matter what authority, ask and I will bend over backwards if need be.


_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 10:01:41 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

I'm inclined to wonder whether being being bat shit crazy makes it easier to be a dom.

stella


Just think of someone reading these boards, 100 years in the future. We would all be classified as insane.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to ALAstella)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 10:09:52 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		FR, To the OP   Yes…. It is a prerequisite. 

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 10:12:44 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Sometimes I see that some dominants confuse overwhelming arrogance with dominance. One can have some arrogance not to the point of being an ass and still be dominant. I appreciate someone that is patient and dominates without chest thumping.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/24/2009 10:51:20 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I think taking this topic seriously proves the OP. 


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 1:48:23 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

Not wishing to offend anyone but after reading some of the threads here on these boards, including from a dom who wants to help his potential male slave get his dick chopped off without medical aid, and another who genuinely believes that a slave is very much like property to be taken by anyone I'm inclined to wonder whether being being bat shit crazy makes it easier to be a dom.

stella


I have just read a post be a "domme" that totally backs this up. Rude, arrogant, insulting to others and clearly bat shit crazy! Oh and the "domme" is in quotes because she proved by that post she is anything but one.

All the ones that show themselves as an arse I do not see as dominants.

(in reply to ALAstella)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 2:29:31 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		I think the answer lies somewhere in between. You can be courteous without littering requests with pleases and thank yous. I'd go as far as to say that they don't mean anything, and are simply dressing up an order. Pleases and thank yous are a matter of habit and social norms, rather than any reflection of the individual's intentions.

And, being English, it's a source of amusement to listen to a thousand pleases and thank yous when someone is attempting to buy something; you know they really want to say: "Look, just give me the fuckin' cheese. I've got mouths to feed at home and I really haven't got time for this".

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to WiseCracknSadist)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 2:33:50 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		I always thought asshole was a negative english word...and that the answer to the question would be easy.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 4:03:28 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

I always thought asshole was a negative english word...and that the answer to the question would be easy.


It can be a negative word but often its used rather lightly. Its generally not a particularly serious word. Depends on the context (thats here anyways)

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 5:45:16 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		lol the lifestyle knows how to make it difficult...

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 5:47:11 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Not the lifestyle JD just life, people who are not involed in D/s or BDSM or whatever use the word in the same way

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 6:31:33 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		mmm ok
not gonna try to mention it to some one on the streets though

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 7:34:22 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The one thing I will say is that even if civil, the dom should be careful to express it as an order. For example last night he asked if the tray of brownies I had baked was cool enough to cut yet. I interpreted it as a question, not as direction to get him some. Therefore five minutes later he looked up and asked why he didn't have any. He wasn't clear enough the first time for me to know that he wanted some right then.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 10:54:21 AM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:



The one thing I will say is that even if civil, the dom should be careful to express it as an order. For example last night he asked if the tray of brownies I had baked was cool enough to cut yet. I interpreted it as a question, not as direction to get him some. Therefore five minutes later he looked up and asked why he didn't have any. He wasn't clear enough the first time for me to know that he wanted some right then.



Hmm. I'll just mention that I value a girl that makes an effort to anticipate my desires.



_____________________________

Thou art fertile ground and I will plant a garden in thee.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 7:41:45 PM   
Naberius


Posts: 98
Joined: 1/7/2009
From: Dalton, GA
Status: offline 		Been called an asshole many a time due to my aggressive assertive nature. Does that mean I have no heart? No. Only means a select few will ever see past what they call asshole nature. Yes, I do make demands to the girl I call slave and who understands me and my ways. Do I become aggressive with her? Sometimes. Do I take her by force? Sometimes...but the other times I take her via mind instead of her body. There are some doms out there that have an animal nature that they like to show every now and then. It is our rights to show it and not have it questioned IF the slave knows her dom/owner. I do not order anyone outside the relationship as that is just pure wrong...but behind my doors in my house, she is to understand me and expect me to be how I choose without question. 

_____________________________

We do not learn without pain -Aristotle

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Do you have to be an arse hole to be a Dom? - 1/25/2009 7:56:37 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		As I see it, there are very few Universal Indicators as to weather someone is a Dominant or not. However, there are those who point at others and exclaim that this or that person can't be a Dominant because he (the Dominant), holds doors open for parcel laden folk and for women, holds a chair out for a lady, stands when a lady enters or kisses her hand and bows his greeting or farewell to a lady. To some such displays of manners are foppish and even "gay" and make some who lack proper breeding/manners, uncomfortable. Yet, there as many others who see this same display of manners and exclaim that they are also very much what they expect in a Dominant.. Everybody has their own values and standards and no one can please all people all the time (or even most of it)....  

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Naberius)
Profile   Post #: 60
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