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Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me!


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Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 11:19:43 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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I think it is safe to say some form of the "princess" persona (to some, a version of a "financial domme" or a "gold digger") appeals to a sub with a very specific fetish.   To some degree, when a man responds to these kinds of demands, is it safe to say he is getting his 'fetish needs met' as he is doing this BY CHOICE?

I think there is a type of fetish (I am not judging it, but the ones that judge it MOST harshly are other subs apparently) where the man eroticizes and enjoys the feeling that a very unobtainable "princess" type femdom shuns him, humiliates him, makes him feel useless and unworthy despite his efforts to win his attention by sending her gifts; he is turned on by feelings *used*.  He is not turned on by feeling used by anyone (getting suckered into a financial scam in real estate won't make him hard), but being used by a woman who he finds incredibly sexy.  The moment he feels that shame and humiliation washing over him that he's buying a gift at the demand of this woman, despite the fact that she's going to laugh at him and probably still ignore him, he's hitting the height of his "subspace" - for him.  That said, one could argue the "fair transaction" exists in this scenario anyway.  He may read 10 web sites of "gold diggers" and he stops on the one with the pictures and the language that makes him feel most humiliated and used, and he makes the decision to follow the command, send the "gift" and feel the shame.  One can argue that for every 1 guy that sends the "gift," 50 others enjoy the humiliation of pretending to do it, and indulge heavily in the masturbation and fantasy while never spending one dime.

(there are the other percentage that try to engage in a conversation with the "gold digger" to push the fantasy farther and keep it going as long as possible, trying to get the humiliation up front, rather than having to make the purchase to feel the shame; still, others, may want to experience the shame of, "I cannot afford to even by you a token gift, how pathetic am I? Please respond!").

The idea that maybe a sub seeking a relationship will fall deeply into this trap, to me, is silly. A man who is seeking a relationship would just shrug off these, "Buy me gifts, you pathetic little wimp!" demands, because it does not appeal to his fantasy or his desires for a relationship. Yet, obviously it appeals to the fantasy of SOME men, because these women are having success with it.  They are not having success because they lay out a simple, fair, honest profile or web site with a very boring picture of themself doing laundry at home saying "I would really like to get a new blending. Slave, please send one. Thanks so much, you know I appreciate it."   They are having success because they manufacture a very elaborate fantasy that appeals to a very specific fetish where a man feels absolutely humiliated for purchasing a gift for a woman who is "too good for him" - and he knows it.  He may choose to read the fantasy and pretend he sent the gift, or just not send it.  He certainly has a full marketplace of "princesses" to look at, and he can select both the "style" of demeaning language she uses as well as her physical look and age.  I would imagine some men like to buy gifts for blondes only, while others prefer brunettes. Some like to send gifts to women who show off thier ass in a "you don't even deserve to lick my ass crack,"attitude, while others like to see pictures of women dangling a spiked high heel as to threaten them with trampling or walk on their face as they affirm the man deserves no other kind of attention.

The men do not buy these gifts in hopes of receiving a very thoughtful courtesy hand written thank you note that explains how the blender was needed because the housewife could not find the model she liked at Target.  They would rather hear that they were stupid and pathetic for sending the blender and that other men sent MUCH BETTER gifts and the man is still a pathetic limp dicked loser.  Or something of the sort; he doesn't want equality or courtesy when he's trying to fulfill this specific fantasy - that's my point.

My personal anecdote to this point of view.  I am not a financial domina and I don't engage in any "bitch goddess, spoil me" beahviors. In more than ten years of having a high traffic femdom web site though, I can say without a doubt that most men (95%) casually ignore any wish list by a femdom that is presented in a very polite, non pressure manner.  If the language is changed and the demand for gift is unreasonable, condescending, cruel, and includes a definite sense of superiority and DEMANDING nature, the impact on the response of (some) men is immediate.  I don't think that "reasonable subs" are being taken advantage of, I think that subs who get an erotic thrill from going through the act of feeling used are engaging in a consensual fantasy.  I know this by reading the responses of the men that follow the instructions; they are engaging in a dialogue specific to a fantasy. 

My final point is this.  To the subs that are mad that it seems some women are taking advantage of men with that kind of in-your-face superior, "Spoil me, I deserve it!" style, don't think that men like YOU are being "duped" into it. The fact that this style doesn't even get your half-hard means you aren't enjoying it and will not support it. HOWEVER, there are men who enjoy that tremendously and it is by choice they open their wallet, and they do it because of the erotic rush it gives them.  The process of sending the gift is the power exchange for them.  The fact they are NOT winning her favor at all is part of the erotic process for them.  The fact that no sweet handwritten thank you note comes is part of the process.  The fact that it's traditionally unfair or downright RUDE is part of the appeal.

If a man continues to engage in this gift-buying behavior and is not enjoying himself or has a sense of self-hatred or spends beyond his means, I don't blame the woman. I blame his self control and other issues.  It is his choice to do this behavior.  This is not an "elaborate scam" or even a bait and switch.  The lady says, "I am a princess. Spoil me.  Send me a gift, you loser!" (with that exact language in some cases) and they buy that bill of sale the moment they send the gift.  There are hundreds of other web sites presenting other femdom view points and styles, and he has chosen to respond to that one.  Instead of paying $50 for a half hour of phone sex, he is paying $50 for a gift and the erotic process of buying it, sending it, and imagining her laughing at him when she gets it; one could argue that he got hours worth of erections and fantasies while the previous example only received 30 minutes.


Akasha


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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 11:46:03 AM   
Nikitaa


Posts: 416
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		You write very informative and interesting topic. This is collarme did you post on wrong website? lol

I could not find question in your post so I will just write thoughts I have on topic. Your post makes me have thoughts of financial domination I see some dominatrix websites offer. The men pay money to the women because the women say so. They get little in return. Makes me wonder about men.

Men are strange creatures. Men write me telling me what they want. I write back telling them they will do as I please and I not care what they want. They can accept and apply to become my new toy or they can go away. I expected very few men to reply to my specific needs. I was wrong. The meaner I am the more they want me.
I have men asking if they can spend money on me. I tell the men I can not be purchased. Then men write and offer more. Some have offered to pay my bills and send money. I say no but if I were poor I would have temptation. I know most men are just living in fantasy world and are not serious but some who write me are very serious and I could own them and do anything I want with them. My current sub is this way. I am amazed at the power I hold over him.

I use to think all this domination/ submission was fantasy. I am beginning to believe there are some men without power to disobey a woman who happens to fit perfectly their fantasy girl. This applies to what you write. If men find the one true perfect Goddess for them they become powerless and then they will do what is necessary for attention good or bad from this woman.


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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 12:59:49 PM   
subtex


Posts: 129
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I think it is safe to say some form of the "princess" persona (to some, a version of a "financial domme" or a "gold digger") appeals to a sub with a very specific fetish.   To some degree, when a man responds to these kinds of demands, is it safe to say he is getting his 'fetish needs met' as he is doing this BY CHOICE?

I think there is a type of fetish (I am not judging it, but the ones that judge it MOST harshly are other subs apparently)...



I have a half ass theory about all the sub complaints about "most Dommes on CM" being out for money.  I think these are the ads that catch the subs eyes because the ad is written in the language of D/s fantasy.  If I see an ad that starts off with "Worms!" I'll probably stop reading after the first word whereas some subs will think "hmm this looks good".  Then they get to the gift request and say "Damn another one".  If the ad is written in a more personable style it doesn't register with some people so it seems like most women are looking for tributes. 

As long as I'm engaging in groundless speculation, I'll say it also seems to me that most of these complaints come from people who have made very few posts.  Okay, I feel guilty for saying that after LadyPac's thread "Prejudiced over a vanilla cone".   As a matter of fact I don't have any hard numbers but it seems to me most new topics are started either by people with very few post or Aakasha.

Bill



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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 1:07:34 PM   
windycitysub78


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline 		AAKasha,

I can't speak for others, as I am one of those subs that wants a possible relationship (and therefore ignores the "spoil me/tribute/pro" dommes), but my gutt feeling is that the gents that do contribute to their business, err, "fetish", simply want to buy them.  They hope they will somehow stand out among the hundreds of other men.  Still, I can be wrong - what you wrote is very interesting and possible.

Now, as for blame, well, that is a difficult subject. It is not a scam, unless the woman mentions something about finding a slave through certain "tests", and in actuality has no intention of doing so.  There are plenty of people like that on collarme I bet, and the blame here is obvious.  Also, this might rub people the wrong way, but I for one consider anyone sending money to someone he/she met on the internet as irresponsible and stupid.  I'm sorry, but that is not the behavior of a rational human being.  They are easily manipulated, and even though they are doing it of their own free will, the domme is taking advantage of their weakness - and this weakness is not their submissiveness, but rather their irrational behavior.  Personally, I'd feel guilty.

Just my 2 cents.

< Message edited by windycitysub78 -- 2/1/2009 1:09:31 PM >

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 1:09:36 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		*nods* I have nothing further to add to your main point, Akasha. I think you are dead on.

As a side point, though, I also agree that there is something dubious about all the screaming, pissing and moaning that people do about financial and professional domination. I think ultimately that the bitterness is caused by the fact that our society has a very, very limited range of taste when it comes to attractiveness, sexiness or beauty. Many men aren't just bitter that there are women out there who are financial dommes in general--they are bitter because the women they are attracted to, and most likely to contact, tend to be financially motivated.

The sexual tastes of such men have been completely shaped and formed by a commercial ideal of beauty. But they get angry and frustrated when the very few women who actually correspond to this ideal in real life seem to have better things to do than pursue a no-strings, zero-dollar relationship with a guy who is not exceptional in any way himself. They want a dominatrix who looks like Angelina Jolie, when they bear zero resemblance to Brad Pitt.

Problem is, many women who are young, slim and reasonably pretty have recognized that their beauty has market value. A lot of them use their looks as their society has trained them, to meet their material needs. Whether that's getting through college by waiting tables at Hooter's, stripping three nights a week to keep a roof over her children's heads, or dominating men professionally so that she afford to have her own dungeon and a closet full of toys? Really makes no difference.

As with all corporate products, modern sexual desire is a mass-produced item stamped over and over from a single mold. I actually do believe that the majority of women who conform to the standards set by Playboy, Hooters, strip joints and Californian mass-produced porn are more likely to market their bodies and faces in some way than women who are average or normal-looking. In the same way that many men who are physically exceptional will have a tendency to become professional athletes or models rather than work behind the counter at McDonald's. Guys don't just toss around the pigskin "for the love of the game" when their bodies and skills are worth a lot of money. Exceptionally attractive women, like athletic men, tend to be business people. The difference is that some of the men who are trained like Pavlov's dogs to be slavering customers to a commercially beautiful woman, then want to blame her and get pissy if she is too businesslike.

The only appropriate answer to the wail of "All the dommes I talk to are professionals" is "Try talking to a woman who doesn't LOOK like a professional." Real human contact isn't measured in dollars and cents: wank fantasies, on the other hand, have a set market value, and no one rides for free.

Not all dommes are princess dommes, pro dommes, financial dommes, etc.. Those women and the men who choose to interact on those terms are welcome to each other, from my point of view. People looking for real relationships should spend a little more time talking to real people.


< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 2/1/2009 1:10:08 PM >

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 2:02:58 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I don't think it has to do with commercial ideas of beauty forming men's views of attraction. Even if all of the makeup and other ads showed women who most people currently think of as ugly/unattractive, I doubt that the majority of men would view them as attractive. They are commercially successful *because* people like that. Sure, there are some exceptions, and tastes have changed to some extent throughout history. However, beautiful people as depicted in art throughout history aren't all that different from beautiful people as depicted today (especially faces - body types have shifted somewhat).

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 2:23:00 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
However, beautiful people as depicted in art throughout history aren't all that different from beautiful people as depicted today (especially faces - body types have shifted somewhat).


My review of art history reveals a very different story. Other than having healthy skin and basic symmetry, there are very few ideals of beauty that last more than 100 years at a time, or that are transferable to more than one culture.

I also don't need to point out that the bombardment of sex/beauty propaganda imagery which human beings have faced in the past 150 years is absolutely unprecedented in any other period of human history. Every society has had some ideal of beauty which was considered rare and special, but very few societies have ever been able to make a single standard into such a relentless, neverending visual and psychological daily assault in the lives of ordinary people.

Regardless of this, of course, my real point remains. Exceptionally attractive women do not come cheap unless you are an exceptionally attractive man. "Attraction" comes in many forms: you could be physically amazing yourself, you could be extremely gifted artistically, you could highly intelligent or hilariously funny or just have a wonderful loving personality...or you could be rich. Any of those things might net you a domme that looks like Angelina Jolie.

Of course, not being "rich" is the one thing that men tend to focus on, I think, because it's easier on the ego to be rejected for financial reasons than any other. "The bitch isn't interested because she's just greedy and a bad person--not because I'm a mediocre schlub who has absolutely no exceptional quality that would attract her attention!"

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 2:33:41 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A man who is seeking a relationship would just shrug off these, "Buy me gifts, you pathetic little wimp!" demands, because it does not appeal to his fantasy or his desires for a relationship. Yet, obviously it appeals to the fantasy of SOME men, because these women are having success with it.


I wonder how much success they're actually having. It's hard for me to believe that they're having much at all. I know that some guys might be into it, but I can't imagine there are very many, and there are LOTS of financial domme profiles out there. Seems to me that although the femdom/malesub ratio is generally accepted to be very high, the financial domme / financial sub ratio is probably very low.

It's so easy to just put up a profile and demand guys to send you money, that anyone can do it. The proliferation of such profiles doesn't necessarily mean that they're successful. It's a business with a low barrier of entry, virtually no expense or effort, very little downside, so they're not losing much even if they get no takers.

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 3:24:32 PM   
MsDDom


Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline 		-i believe it is a (mental) fetish some men like.
-there r men (here and out "there") who seek such a "relationship"
-i think the topic/act alone creates the assumption that all Dommes/Mistress' are "pro" or financial Dommes

i am not a proDomme and i also have this clearly stated in my profile. why? b/c when i joined this site that was the main question i was asked by subs.




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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 3:52:23 PM   
melissapentauk


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Ooh, a thread about gold-digging high maintenance bitchy princesses. . . LUVS IT!!

Humiliatrix Princess Melissa Pentauk

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 4:22:07 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

I wonder how much success they're actually having. It's hard for me to believe that they're having much at all.


Actually, if you read Akasha's post carefully, you might see some evidence to the contrary. She is not a financial domme, but she has been able to observe over a long period of time that a dominant woman is more likely to receive gifts from admirers if she states her desire for a gift forcefully, and even rudely. More men seem to get something "special" out of fulfilling a rude and selfish demand, than they do from fulfilling a politely phrased request.

The point is that being used financially is humiliating. It is demeaning and dehumanizing. And some men love that feeling--humiliated, dehumanized--and not only love it, but crave it. But they don't want to be swindled and used by just anybody--they want it from an attractive woman.

Anyone who thinks this fetish is somehow rare or strange has not been looking closely enough at the marriages and relationships of celebrities and the very rich. There are plenty of "trophy wives" who are humiliating, emasculating, cuckolding, usurious bitches--and their husbands continue to "put up" with their antic year after year. Ever ask yourself why?

It exists among celebrities too. Judging by the testimony of her former partners, Anna Nicole Smith was a dominant woman. She spent a lot of energy teasing and humiliating her partners, and she was very much into being worshipped. *shrug* I don't particularly care one way or the other, but I've noticed that women like Anna seem to incur a lot of this same hostility and disbelief in the vanilla world that garden variety financial dommes do here.

People just can't believe that any man could be that kinky, or be in his right mind and enjoy being used. They think the woman should feel guilty for accepting the power that he freely offers. But the fact is, power is power, and pleasure is pleasure, and consent is consent. Lots of vanilla and dominant men can't believe that a woman who says she wants to tie guys up, make them dress as women or fuck them in the ass is having any real success either. But the truth is that if she had the energy, a woman could keep her strap-on buried in an endless string of men, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, and NEVER run out of guys who want and need to be humiliated and penetrated. Especially if she let them come back for seconds.

Takes all kinds to make a world.




_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 5:17:14 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama


quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

I wonder how much success they're actually having. It's hard for me to believe that they're having much at all.


Actually, if you read Akasha's post carefully, you might see some evidence to the contrary. She is not a financial domme, but she has been able to observe over a long period of time that a dominant woman is more likely to receive gifts from admirers if she states her desire for a gift forcefully, and even rudely. More men seem to get something "special" out of fulfilling a rude and selfish demand, than they do from fulfilling a politely phrased request.






To clarify, my sample size is small, but after being exposed to this kind of fetish a long time and seeing what those "successful" princess-spoiled bitches sites look like, I think my observation is true.  My site is different because it's all text, no photos and videos, and so my audience is smaller and not visually driven anyway.  In addition, my "voice" on my site is generally NOT condescending and I give a lot of very "real world" normalish POV on it.

But with even that said, in 13+ years of having it, I can say that on at least a couple of occasions, I have had the desire to have something sent to me, whether it's chocolate when I am having a craving or a shoe I can't locate in stock where I live -whatever.  If I post in "normal" voice, :"would love to receive x, please send it my way!" I generally MAY get a response from a guy who is sweet, kind of knows me as we've been "friends" online a long time, have exchanged emails, whatever.  It's the same 1 - 2 guys, 3 at the max, who tend to offer anything to help me out because they have been reading my site for several years.

If I take the same request and word it, "HUMILIATING TASK FOR USELESS TINY-DICKED LOSERS" for example, I will get about 50x the traffic to the request, and if I word the request in a very demanding, rude, bitchy, arrogant way and couple it with a task (ie, wear panties when you do it, etc,) I get 15 - 25 men offering to do it in the first 5 hours the request is up and at least 3 seem to indicate they will go through with it.  These are men I do not know, they just happened to read it when I posted it, and it's luck of the draw I guess.   I have never left such a request up for long enough than I need to get the task done (I have no desire to see 40 guys repeat a task so I get 40 pairs of the same shoes), so I can't guess how many would keep doing it - once I get someone to agree and I know they indeed will do it, I remove the request.

Since "getting gifts," isn't my thing, I don't have much more data beyond that.  I also know that around Valentines Day or my birthday I put a nice pointer to my wish list, I get the same handle of submissive "friends" who acknowledge me, with maybe 1 or 2 "new names."  If I put up a demanding, PRINCESS type post with a very haughty attitude and combine the birthday with a humiliating task, I get a much higher response.  The conclusion? If the request is presented as a demand and also gets them hard, it increases the liklihood that it is completed. 

The point is that some men ENJOY doing these tasks if they are written in that tone.  My tone on my web site is not demanding like that. I suppose I could change my 'voice' on my site for a few months and see if more people send me gifts but I really can't be bothered with that kind of thing.  I think it would leave my regular readers scratching their head. I feel much more comfortable asking for *transactional* exchanges if I want a gift certificate or something; ie, a half hour of phone training for a gift certificate.   The receiving of gifts, when "exploited" in some manner, to me makes me feel somewhat obligated to continue the exchange or fantasy. 



Akasha


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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 5:26:26 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Men are strange creatures.


Junkies like heroine, but it doesn't follow that a dealer simply "meets the demands of his customers."

Exploiting others with vulnerable weaknesses and self-destructive steaks is immoral. Profiting from it is scumbag-immoral.

This might be juxtaposed with someone dealing marijuana or a FEMDOM accepting token gifts as a form of D/S. Here, arguably a reasonable line of humanity / good sense is being observed and harmful behavior is being avoided.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 2/1/2009 5:29:51 PM >

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 5:57:19 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's true, those forceful demands and the entitlement mindset are what bring the "gifts".  A sweet young thing offered to buy me a flogger that I was wheefing over, and when I thanked him for his kind thought and told him that an expensive gift was not appropriate from a stranger, he was genuinely baffled.  I was SUPPOSED to tell him what colour and length!

Silly, old-fashioned me!

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 6:00:56 PM   
windycitysub78


Posts: 55
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

Men are strange creatures.


Junkies like heroine, but it doesn't follow that a dealer simply "meets the demands of his customers."

Exploiting others with vulnerable weaknesses and self-destructive steaks is immoral. Profiting from it is scumbag-immoral.

This might be juxtaposed with someone dealing marijuana or a FEMDOM accepting token gifts as a form of D/S. Here, arguably a reasonable line of humanity / good sense is being observed and harmful behavior is being avoided.


In my humble opinion, very well put!

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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 6:01:35 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

It's true, those forceful demands and the entitlement mindset are what bring the "gifts".  A sweet young thing offered to buy me a flogger that I was wheefing over, and when I thanked him for his kind thought and told him that an expensive gift was not appropriate from a stranger, he was genuinely baffled.  I was SUPPOSED to tell him what colour and length!

Silly, old-fashioned me!


For the purpose of this thread though I am not talking about men offering to buy gifts to win favor or women just wanting to be spoiled as part of courting. I am talking about clear cut dramatic and forceful "humiliation games" where men who are total strangers are told to buy gifts for women who order them to do so in a manner that is deliberately cruel, demeaning and unreasonable, and whether or not the act itself of buying the gifts under the "persuasion" is the erotic thrill these men seek in the first place.

It's an objectification fetish.

Akasha


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RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 6:28:48 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Junkies like heroine, but it doesn't follow that a dealer simply "meets the demands of his customers."


Actually, it does.  Sorry, but unless someone straps you to a bed and injects you daily with heroin to get you addicted to it, you're an addict by choice.  Same is true of any other pleasure-seeking behavior that you can't keep under control.

There is a completely arbitrary and lunatic double-standard in our society that is applied to certain pleasures and not to others.  Many of these are reflected in the legal code--like your irrational hatred of drugs, for example.  Yes, you're right--junkies DO like heroin!  And hey, guess what?  Alcoholics like booze, and smokers like cigarettes, and fat people like food.  The point at which a transaction between consenting partners is no longer "legitimate" and morally ok is completely arbitrary.  

How is the bartender supposed to tell the difference between the person with a "problem" and the person who just wants a margarita?  Is the clerk at the 7/11 a "scumbag" when he allows you to buy a pack of cigarettes?  If not, why not?  I guarantee you that those cigarettes do WAY more provable, empirical harm than buying a woman a present does--and they probably produce a lot less happiness.  How about the waitress who lets fat people order dessert at a restaurant?  Shall we put her on the "scumbag" list for "exploiting" the self-destructive weaknesses of others by bringing them a slice of chocolate cake?

Seriously--who the hell wants to live in a world where total strangers take parental responsibility for grown adults that they don't know from Adam?  And how crazy do you have to be, to be into BDSM and think that this is a good attitude for ANYONE to advocate?  My own submissive is a self-acknowledged masochist.  He has lived with his masochistic needs since he was very young and they will probably be with him until he dies.  Am I a "scumbag" when I "exploit his weakness" and satisfy his need to receive treatment which is, by vanilla definitions, "sick" and "abusive"?

Sorry, but no.  I call bullshit on this and other pseudo-morality which is applied to people whose kinks you don't share, but not to yourself.  You don't want to be humiliated and used financially by a woman?  That's great; stay away from financial dommes and strip clubs and you should be fine.  But calling any dominant a "scumbag" for doing the things that make their submissive partners wet is BULLSHIT.  With a capital BULL and a capital SHIT.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 7:30:10 PM   
Nikitaa


Posts: 416
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:


..... and whether or not the act itself of buying the gifts under the "persuasion" is the erotic thrill these men seek in the first place.

Akasha



(I snip little piece of her post above)

I think this is erotic thrill for some men. Some of the men writing me desire me to order them to buy things. Some of these men would buy anything for me I ask, I believe. I could take real advantage if I choose. I believe some men really have kink of spending money they may not have on person they do not know only because person order them. I believe they receive their sexual stimulation this way. This amazes me.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 7:42:49 PM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

I will have to say that financial domination is not my fetish.  That does not mean that I should be in any way disrepectful of it.  On the other hand, the tone of some FinDomme's profiles does leave me cold.

My experience with lifestyle Dommes has been overwhelmingly positive when it comes to finances.  When arranging a meeting,  every Domme has suggested that we meet at moderately priced restaraunts or coffee shops.  Every one has expressed some concern over my being able to handle the bill and tip.  (I'm not rich but....)

My current Mistress offers to slip me a few bucks every now and agaun.  She did buy dinner the other day after I dug her car out of a snow bank.   I reckon that financial domination isn't her fetish either.

These FinDommes do seem to have a rather nasty edge to their profiles.  Perhaps that is what sets off so many sub men.  I doubt that very many of us need to pay to be insulted.

Solvently,
Mike
SnowRanger


_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Buy me gifts. Spoil me. You don't deserve me! - 2/1/2009 8:14:21 PM   
CdnExplorer


Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		I think a big part of what sets us off about it is that, as SnowRanger notes, that their profiles have a decidedly nasty edge to them. They basically attack the submissive role...portray those who fall into that bucket as being unworthy of basic human respect. Sure some guys have that kink, but how would you feel reading a submissive guy's profile that described Dommes as disgusting? How about if at least a quarter of the profiles you saw as well as half of the "porn" for your orientation was like that? The whole thing is so prevalent that there are times that people find out I'm submissive and actually assume that's what I'm looking for. It creates somewhat of an unpleasant atmosphere.

I've never gone on to whine about it because frankly that's just useless. Those guys, however uncommon they might be, aren't going to stop being who they are. That means the FinDommes, and the scammers who follow them, are here to stay. It just means that I don't waste much time browsing profiles, and get to delete spam every once in a while.

(in reply to SnowRanger)
Profile   Post #: 20
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