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RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/19/2009 7:22:17 PM

dreamerdreaming

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My slave has four "rules", if you want to call them that. I prefer to call them statements of fact. I have him recite them every morning, in a suitable position, as a part of his Slave Creed. The position changes, according to my preference but the Creed remains the same.

The four statements are just different facets of my cardinal rule, for him: obedience.

I require his willing obedience.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/19/2009 7:27:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

... I was curious as to how Collar Me Doms and subs too for that matter felt about the rule process.

Firm and I don't really agree on this, but I don't feel as if I have any rules... he says I do. His idea of the "rules" are that he lets me know how he wants things and I do the best I can to follow what he wants. I don't consider those to be rules as there's no set consequence for failure. We don't have a punishment dynamic... no set "if you do this - I'll do that" arrangement. I don't live in fear of his retribution should I not please him... though I cannot imagine not always trying my best. Of course, he's free to discipline me if he feels the need to... I imagine if I ever out-and-out defied him, he might. But to be honest, I suspect he'd take a course of action that would be more like trying to find out why I deliberately disobeyed. I would agree with him since I'd think it would have to be pretty serious problem for me to defy him.

It works for us.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/19/2009 8:22:00 PM

Kana

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Rules:
Serve, please, obey

(in reply to VampiresLair)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/19/2009 8:43:31 PM

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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Rules:
Serve, please, obey

Yeah, that's the foundation we build upon as well. Master doesn't do lots of rules. He'll tell you He's an "old hippie" and He's never been one into following lots of rules and regulations. He's very laid back and frankly wouldn't want someone in His life that He HAD to lay lots of rules down for.

I love and respect Him, therefore it doesn't even need to be a "rule" that I "serve, please and obey" Him. It's just the way we both decided we wanted our relationship to be from the beginning. I wouldn't say I have rules to follow as much as I have expectations I must meet.

He EXPECTS me to always be open and honest with Him. He EXPECTS me to remain monogamous with Him unless it's with another female that He has given me express permission to be with. He EXPECTS me to go to my job, work smart and contribute all income to the family "pot." He EXPECTS me to conduct myself with class, compassion and intelligence. And on and on. He EXPECTS certain things and I do them happily. No list of rules needed.

Besides, He says the more rules He dreams up, the more He has to monitor and enforce them and He just ain't that type

......................luci

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(in reply to Kana)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/19/2009 8:45:13 PM

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From: London, Ontario
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quote:

Never Argue in Public – Any Difference of opinion you may have with my decisions or actions can wait until we are home no one needs to be involved in these matters and if absolutely necessary you can request some time in private if the matter is pressing.

Do not walk away from me in the middle of an argument should one occur – Although you may be going to cool down I am getting more worked up and so all arguments or differences of opinion will be continues until agreed upon or solved.

If you walk out the front door and say you are leaving you will find your things packed to go – there are two choices I cannot make for you and that is the choice to Obey or the choice to Leave if you choose not to do one then you have chosen to do the other. Saying you are leaving is a deal breaker.

You are never to wear panties – If you look over another thread you will see there is a reason for this and I usually tell them so, truth be told I could care less if they wear underwear but the training process is a wonderful thing by controlling such a small part of a persons routine it becomes easier for that person to voluntarily give up larger parts. In Example: If I control her Panties, having control over how she goes about her daily activities becomes easier to relinquish.

Sorry, but those rules are immature and way past the verge of someone with a fear of abandonment issue. It reeks of it.

Panties as a control method? lol, wow, so intimidating. Not wearing panties is likely to make a gal more likely to be a better submissive? uhh how old are you?

Besides, 4 rules? 4 rules that are sheer negative in content and title. You get more bees with honey....

Seeing those rules, I would never associate with someone so weak ...they'd never have to fret about me leaving or having a huff in public since I'd never put myself in that position.

It is all amateur M/s talk to me.

(in reply to Kana)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/19/2009 8:57:50 PM

Kana

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quote:

Besides, He says the more rules He dreams up, the more He has to monitor and enforce them and He just ain't that type......................luci

This is exactly the point.
The rules can be more binding on me than I prefer.

and if I have to resort to rules to assert domination I am way off base by then anyhow.

I would rather have the spirit than the letter
Teach the first and the latter will come
Teach the second and lawyers will forever argue the first

< Message edited by Kana -- 2/19/2009 8:58:13 PM >

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/19/2009 9:16:45 PM

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I don't think i have a set of rules to follow. Master has made his preferences known and reminds me of or clarifies his preference should it be required. There are things i am to do routinely or on occassion, there are things i am never to do, things i am allowed to do, etc., but i've never heard him refer to "rules." I am to please and obey. I am never to lie or withhold. He has not set a long list of rules like what you describe. He does not command what he cannot enforce or does not wish to invest the energy to enforce.

When he first told me that, my feelings were hurt. Why did he think he would have to enforce anything? I am dedicated to him, worship him, and always strive to please him. He explained to me that he felt that the rule he was not willing to enforce would weaken the dynamic, maybe not a lot, that one little slip he was unaware of so didnt enforce, but it would make it easier to slip the next time. Enough little slips unknown or unenforced would eventually eat away the M/s entirely.

My feelings were still a little hurt, but i got over it pretty fast. ... oooh something shiney!

Respectfully,

amy

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(in reply to Kana)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/19/2009 10:33:43 PM

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Steel,

Your rules #1 & #3 make sense to me. #2 I would change to having the slave request a time out so we can both cool down.
#4 is problematic because of menstral cycles with females in their reproductive years.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/20/2009 9:19:56 PM

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makeing rules is for people who are control freaks and are not away of the lifestyle, as we have a totaly different way of life to our opposites. A thing might be asked of the slave from master and if disobeyed the one would be punished but that is a spur of the moment thing, but on the other hand we might have prefferences but rules are only made for brakeing anyway in reality, so think about it

(in reply to came4U)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/20/2009 9:52:29 PM

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As with anything we put our own spin on things. I see the rules as defined lines that I will not tolerate being crossed. They are things that I would consider to be akin to Hard Limits. They are Deal Breakers, They are ends. Cali comments on the balance of Obey or Leave and of having rules. I find that the rules I have set in place have served me well. They are lines I have learned over time I am not willing to have crossed and with those there is a simple Idea of Obey them or Leave. The rest of my wants and desires are conditions because I do not feel a Zero Tolerance is necessary with how much Mayo is put on a Turkey Sandwich.

As for those who agree or disagree with my set of rules, I would believe they would not be acceptable to you and therefore you wouldn't be in a situation to have to deal with them anyway. They serve me well, and have for a number of years, as for how they are seen by others like my friend I am happy with my rules and regardless of debate I believe I will continue to keep them.

As to Panties, Pavlovian Responce is effective in nearly 90% of all people. The act of having to associate something with a seperate responce has been found not only an effective tool but one that can be applied over and over again. The Key point is in explaining WHY it is done. As I said I don't really care about panties, but the act of having someone THINK about such a simple act and then having to retrain thier thought process to place a new action to a often thoughtless act has merit. As for Menstral issues for some reason every women I have been with used Tampons and it was never an issue, they just change them more often which is more healthy anyway. Beyond that it makes sence to us and the purpose behind it is valid to those it is important to.

As for rule two, I find it odd that no one would assume that I would not take into account Hysteria. I believe in Hashing things out to get the REAL reason behind an issue, I have had the pleasure of having girls who thought it was inappropriate to trouble me with this issues, so instead of bringing them to light they would stuff them. As these girls are only human eventually it would show up in some other thing and hashing thing out in the moment has opened up things that I was previously unaware of not out of neglect but out of simple inability to define something that was not being shown to me. Now once these matters started to show signs of possible graduation to hysteria then you can bet you ass I would do what was necessary to relieve the situation, whether it was sending her to our room to blow off some steam, or having her journal and bring it back to me the following day, I do not feel a need to yell and scream and fluster for the sake of accomplishing nothing.

The Point of the rule stated was to define that I would not allow her to avoid the situation by walking away. This is not to say that I wouldn't even accept her asking for some time, however you do not know my girl, or the one that caused this rule, avoiding a situation in the hopes of it just going away is something that I have found some of the girls I have known are good at, for some reason if the topic is tabled then everything is fine and all Hunky-Dory but when I am ready to discuss it again they "Don't want to start a fight again" it isn't about starting a fight it is about having a dialogue on something I wish to modify to allow for better communication and all around better connection.

The funny thing that I notice here is people like to put thier own spin on what I muct mean with a certain rule, people like to dredge up in thier mind the most sinister, nasty, mean spirited situation in an effort to either discredit or down someone elses idea. If things were really so harsh do you think anyone would be with me? Would andi stay? Would any Woman? In most every situation where a relationship has ended it has been because either I was more commited than than they were, or they wanted me to be something I'm just not. My rules are simple and they work for me. So far I have seen a consistent concept of order and discipline in every set of rules from the lenient to the stringent and all of them share the exact same notion. It WORKS for them.

I wanted to know people thought on Rules in General, not on My rules I offered them on principal. However if we are to disect my rules I would hope we would be at least willing to try and understand them, and not just project your version of what my rule means because so far no one has bothered to ask how I handle a particular situation they simply assume the worst, not that that doesn't interest me, I find it fasinating how we cling to Ideals about people and situation.

Thank you everyone for commenting I look forward to all of your comments.

Steel

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(in reply to urwishfinder)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/20/2009 10:21:56 PM

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Personally, I'm not really interested in a punishment dynamic - if someone made rules for me, and I was in a relationship with them, I would try my best to comply because I wouldn't want to disappoint them, rather than because I was afraid of being caught. I *REALLY* dislike a "one-strike-and-you're-out" approach, where messing up one time ends the relationship. If it were something extremely major, I can understand it being a dealbreaker, but if they were willing to dump me over a pair of panties, I don't think I'd want to get involved with them in the first place.

As to your friend's rules, perhaps "rituals" would be a better term, but I don't think that calling them rules depends on enforcement/punishment. If he trusts his submissive to comply, it is just codifying his expectations. I somehow kind of doubt he'll dump her if she accidentally shaves her right armpit before her left accidentally.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/20/2009 10:49:35 PM

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Which brings me back to the idea of it being a Rule. If there is no Point and if it doesn't MATTER if it is done one way and not the other then my question is why is there a rule? That is the onlt point in all of this is I do not understand why one has a rule that can be broken without thier knowing and when it is broken isn't that big a deal.

Steel

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/20/2009 11:40:52 PM

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I read this topic with great interest. What i feel is we all have our own perceptions coloured by our previous experiences and because of this we all have different needs, for some submissives "Rules" create a sense of safety and makes them feel not only loved but owned, for others "Rules" are stiffling, even insulting, they feel just as loved and owned without them ( "Loved and owned" is only one example of the range of emotions one may feel ) .

For some Dominants the "Rules" he/she creates give him/her the feeling of Control over her/him ( once again just another example, due to the wide range of feelings and emotions ) and in return she/he welcomes the particular, very personal feelings she/he derives from his/her rules, creating a synergy between them. In my eyes that makes them a good fit, just as the Dominant/Domme who prefer "Requests" and does not have Rules only Requests. finds a submissive who also prefers Requests over Rules , which then makes them a good fit.

Then there are submissives like myself who at times need an occasional Rule when i'm not thinking clearly and i'm headed fo danger , but 98 per cent of the time i don't need Rules as i know when i find my future Dominant, like my last Dominant that i will do everything in my Power to please Him, that is 'my" rule and i take it very seriously so i am blessed by the smile on His face that my actions create. So i strongly suspect i will find a Dominant to settle with who will only give the occasional rule and together we will create "our" synergy and we will be a good fit.

The most wonderful quality of human beings is our ability to re write over thoughts and feelings that no longer serve us, we are incredibly adaptable so what many of us need today can change to some degree over time. It isn't only a submissive who grows through a Ds Relationship in my experience, a Dominant/Domme grows also. i like to think my ex Dominant learnt something from our time together, although i'm sure due to our own individual perception of the world that what He learnt was different than what i learnt. i do know that at the beginning i was much like a small kitten who wanted nothing more than to curl up in His lap and i needed to be informed a lot about what did and didn't work for Him. Months later i no longer needed to be told, i had assimiliated to His wants and ideas with great contentment.

i think in the end it is like "Cinderella and the Prince" we keep on trying until we find the shoes that fits :)

~shanaya~

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/21/2009 7:13:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
I said "Most of your Rules are pointless as she is able to break them without you knowing, what is the point of a rule if it can be broke without consequence?"

For us, the point of rules, is to exercise his authority and control in our lives, and not to dole out consequences. For us, if he has to physically witness us following or not following his rules to know that we are doing his will, then the relationship is already dead. If he cannot trust our commitment that we made to him to do his will then there is no trust between us. If we (Alandra and I) can disobey him with no internal negative consequence then I would consider us extremely lacking in personal integrity.

If our relationship was structured with this mindset I would see it as lacking trust, lacking integrity and the three of us as lacking in character strengths that we all find very important and critical for our relationship.

I like rules; I like structure; I like that he enjoys exercising his authority in my life. I like that because many of the expectations are set down as rules that it exercises my character strengths in order to follow them.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/21/2009 7:16:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: urwishfinder

makeing rules is for people who are control freaks

Count me as one who is extremely grateful that there are 'control freaks' out there and that one of them decided he wanted complete authority within my life.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to urwishfinder)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/21/2009 7:19:34 AM

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Around here rules are not set in stone however they aren't to be broken either, rules are made to be changed as the situation changes,I don't stand and watch every moment to make sure the 'rules' are obey.I trust enought to know that they are..bounty

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RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/21/2009 7:40:25 AM

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quote:

I said "Most of your Rules are pointless as she is able to break them without you knowing, what is the point of a rule if it can be broke without consequence?"

DAMN RIGHT!!! what the hell do we need rules for when the cops are not around to know that your breaking them!... Hell they are hardly around in the first place.... in fact... lets just get rid of cops and then we can do away with all the rules that just there to justify their job in the first place... and with no cops... we sure don't need all those lawyers and judges and forget about all those prisons... man think about all the tax money we can say.... Get rid of all those rules... and I am thinking the government is going to give us a refund this tax year!!! Pointless indeed!!!!!

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/21/2009 7:46:26 AM

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Master T has a lot of rules. I do not break them often and when I do, I tell him asap so that the proper punishment can be taken care of. I have most of my rules on my blog (another rule of Master T to have a daily blog...has some things we have done along with some useless crap)... www.mtslave.wordpress.com look for the "slave rules 101 (parts 1-4 ) for my rules. Hope this helps clarify for you.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/21/2009 7:53:46 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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in all honesty, Daddy and i don't have rules.

i guess the reason for that is because our dynamic isn't based pre-set rules for me to obey. i think our dynamic would be quite different if He did hand a list of rules.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: ~~Rules, Rules, Rules~~ - 2/21/2009 7:58:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

I said "Most of your Rules are pointless as she is able to break them without you knowing, what is the point of a rule if it can be broke without consequence?"

DAMN RIGHT!!! what the hell do we need rules for when the cops are not around to know that your breaking them!... Hell they are hardly around in the first place.... in fact... lets just get rid of cops and then we can do away with all the rules that just there to justify their job in the first place... and with no cops... we sure don't need all those lawyers and judges and forget about all those prisons... man think about all the tax money we can say.... Get rid of all those rules... and I am thinking the government is going to give us a refund this tax year!!! Pointless indeed!!!!!

WAIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my god... this could lead to anarchy! The only way this would work is if everyone is trusting, honest people... well damn.... people are fucking lairs and thieves!!!! So getting rid of rules would be a horrible!!!!!

What we need is a Camera on every corner... Listening devices on the subbies to hear everything they say... We have to have the subbies watched every moment of every day and night to ensure that they NEVER can get away with breaking a rule.... cause they are fucking lairs and thieves being human and all (mmm subbies are human right? well that is for another discussion) AND we can create and organization to Spy on these devious human beings known as subbies... we can call this group the SS -- Subbie Spies ... and well if a subbie is crossing the line.. they can quietly take them away in the dark of the night never to be heard from again!!!!!! Big Brother is small time compared to this!!!!

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 2/21/2009 7:59:03 AM >

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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