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Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 2:44:25 AM

YoungBlondeSlave

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Okay, this seems like sort of a stupid question but i'm going to ask it anyway because i'm dying to know. Why is it that so many Masters try to convince slaves to be poly?

i've been approached a number of times about joining a poly household. i've told them (politely) no. Then they start trying to convince me that i should join their poly family and everything would be peachy-keen. Or, that i'm missing out or some other garbage like that.

i've told them plain and simple, i've been involved in poly before and the situation was not good...more like Clash of the Titans but, still... One even said: "you have had many relationships with men that didn't work and you tried again." Which to me is like comparing apples and oranges. i mean, i like men. No, nix that, i *LOVE* men. But, i dislike poly. A lot. i mean, i have nothing against you if you can make it work. But, for me, it's a total confidence killer and, basically hurts my feelings because it's like screaming at me, or putting a big neon sign over my head that says "Monumental Failure!!!" and that i'm not good enough and there is a constant reminder there, every day with the other person present to fulfill whatever else he needs that i guess he feels i'm unable to do.

The past situations of poly basically destroyed any hope of me ever having one...most recently i almost decked the other girl (i walked off and screamed to let off steam). i don't handle manipulation or insults well.

i understand that it's a Master's prerogative to have more than one slave, i have no problem with that...just don't try and force the issue. But why does it seem as if so many are trying to do just that? i'm thinking it's a "just 'cause i can" sort of attitude or is there more to it than that? Hell, i've talked to "Masters" who, when i asked them how many slaves would be ideal for them they have really stated "as many as possible." Isn't there a limit?

i guess i just need a little insight on this because it's got me totally stumped. Anyway, i feel as if i've rambled a bit so if you need any clarification i'll do my best. Thank you in advance for all of your help.

RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 3:07:17 AM

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Are you asking why a Master wants more than one slave? or are you aiming your question more at why would someone push you be be poly?

Nobody is forcing you to do anything you don't want to do and if someone continually tries to convert you, just give them a clear no.
Its obvious poly is not for you, just as it is not for many people on here or in the lifestyle.

There are many genuine poly households that work perfectly well and there are other Dominants out there that are just trying to collect a stable so that they can say 'look at me. I have 3 in a bed'

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 3:39:59 AM

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The only time ive seen poly work is when everyone involved is committed to it completely....because even in the best house, its a ton of work to keep that many dynamics oiled and running well...like any big family...theres a lot going on...even when its quiet....and thats on a good day, with everyone cooperating....

i know some couples now who struggle with the idea, one wants it, the other doesnt....recipe for disaster...

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 4:35:07 AM

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It's the same as the guys who send you an email every week when you've already said no thanks. They just want a warm body and don't care who is the person who it belongs to. Because if they wanted a person, they would take the time to know you, and they would understand that you aren't the right person for them.

But yeah, it's really annoying to mention one slight problem on the boards and then get letters saying your dom is bad and you wouldn't have any problems if you abandoned your family and served him and his wife. And yes, I've gotten those. I'm not poly but even if I were, anybody who wanted just an anonymous third instead of wanting the unique individual I am is not someone I would agree to meet.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 4:50:41 AM

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If poly does not work for you set it as a hard limit and find a Master who is of the same mindset and ignore the others who demand it.

~Lashra

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 4:57:16 AM

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Just say "No" and if they force the issue just say "bye". No Dom will try and force his/her desires on a sub that does not wish to respond to said desires. [who in their right mind would want someone that has no desire to be there?]

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 5:21:07 AM

lizi

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Couldn't part of the reason of why so many Masters try to force poly is the "I know what's best for you" syndrome? Regardless if they do or don't it's a common attitude and it goes along with the whole Dom/Master personality as well.

Closely connected to the "I know what's best for you" attitude is the "you may have done that with others but they weren't me or my household and my way is best." Yes, it's arrogant but honestly...look at the group of people that you are saying do this. They are the ones in charge and we s types put them there.

In the end the people who assume they know what's best for you and are pushing their own agenda are not using their position of being in charge very well. Waste of time - yours and theirs. It never fails to irk me when someone tries to push me into something I've said no to and for some reason the poly thing gets pushed a LOT.

< Message edited by lizi -- 4/17/2009 5:52:10 AM >

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 6:07:10 AM

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Why would people try to convince you to be poly? Some people just don't get that their kink isn't your kink. I've have a couple try to promote the wonders of knife play to me. Saying I wasn't interested just made them try harder. They clearly considered it the best thing since sliced bread, I suppose in their heads I wasn't in to it because I didn't understand it. So when I said no, they explained more instead of stopping, not understanding that showing me breast scars wasn't erotic for me it just made me want to puke. Start with that misconception and add a vested interest in wanting to convince you to be poly and you'll be in for the hard sell from some people. As for why your master is giving you the hard sell, we haven't talked to him so who can really say. Maybe he figures that he can have his cake and eat it to and that since your bi you'd also be getting to have your cake and eat it to. So that when you explain your dislike he figures your just not getting where he's coming from and tries to explain harder. Maybe he's not that into you and just doesn't want to be single or maybe his penis is running the show. Maybe it's some other thought process entirely; I suppose the question is if poly is hard limit for you is no poly a hard limit for him?

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 6:30:35 AM

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You can't 'force' poly.... either someone is compatable with what I offer or they are not. If they are not then I'd be wasting My time trying to force the issue. It is as pointless as trying to convince a lesbian that it would be just peachy if only she tried YOUR cock... she isn't compatable, move on.

I state it clearly on My profile that Monos can look elsewhere because they seek something I don't offer and never will offer.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 7:00:50 AM

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That's what the delete and block buttons are for. : ) Seriously, there are other issues that people will try to force on another person. If you've said no then just cut the person off if they push.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 7:11:29 AM

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This goes along the same line as the people who tell female dominants that all women are slaves at heart, and that they just haven't yet met their 'true' master, or who tell female submissives that slavery is the only path, and that they just haven't yet met their 'true' master, or that munches and dungeons are the only way to 'do' BDSM, because people who want to keep it private are 'fakes'... it's all designed to make you react and interract with them. Ignore them: it is the one and only way :-) .

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 7:27:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
Couldn't part of the reason of why so many Masters try to force poly is the "I know what's best for you" syndrome? Regardless if they do or don't it's a common attitude and it goes along with the whole Dom/Master personality as well.

Closely connected to the "I know what's best for you" attitude is the "you may have done that with others but they weren't me or my household and my way is best." Yes, it's arrogant but honestly...look at the group of people that you are saying do this. They are the ones in charge and we s types put them there.

In the end the people who assume they know what's best for you and are pushing their own agenda are not using their position of being in charge very well. Waste of time - yours and theirs. It never fails to irk me when someone tries to push me into something I've said no to and for some reason the poly thing gets pushed a LOT.

Very well said, lizi, on all points. Most subs are looking (hoping?) for someone who is comfortable taking charge - which means they are confident about making the right decisions. Of course, when applied to someone we don't know, it is on the arrogant side of confident and when someone confuses what they want with what is best for another person, it risks being on the stupid side of arrogant.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 7:34:45 AM

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If someone has submitted to Me and is Owned by Me THEN they are trusting in My judgement and trusting Me to 'know best' and reach the right decision.

If I am talking to someone who isn't in submission to Me, I can only advise because they only have their OWN judgement to call on, even if I think I do know best I am in NO position to impose it..... that lil thang called 'consent'

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 7:38:47 AM

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Really good answers here. A couple of them even made Me laugh.

Not all poly people try to force it on others. (I know you didn't say that. I'm just making a statement.) As Raven said, some of us do know that we can't offer you monogamy. It's not ever going to happen. I've had people attempt poly for the first time because they specifically wanted the dynamic with Me. It's just that I'm not giving up the poly family that I already have.

You might even be surprised at those of us who are poly that don't actively search because of this very reason. We don't want to convert you. We want you to decide for yourself if poly is right for you or not.

I'd be weary of anyone trying to force anything down your throat in the first place.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 7:50:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'd be weary of anyone trying to force anything down your throat in the first place.

My girl rather 'enjoys' that..... oh hang on, not the context You ment it in

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 8:01:02 AM

beautyImurDaddy

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We are poly but it took many years and alot of growth to get me to this point. It finally took seeing a successful poly situation in motion to make me see the benefits for me personally. It was not my partner or any one else that "convinced" me to "go poly". That is one reason (and I know this will probably stir the pot a bit but just my opinions for what its worth) I do not like those on this and various other channels whose sole purpose it seems is to 'gather a harem' or at least a third girl. For a successful poly to work there must be mutual understandings, respect, boundries, interests and limitations. That cannot possibly be established with sending one message saying... hey are you interested in poly. I know a majority of the ongoing successful poly situations, whether live in or other situations, have usually been arrived at as a cohesive unit after getting to know each other. Many times it is (in the case of multiple female subs/slaves) the subs themselves who approach a Dominant that they have found someone of interest they believe may fit their Doms needs and desires, as well of those of the entire household. Especially, if there is to be interactions between the slaves themselves as a triangular relationship instead of 2 separate entities with no involvement or sexual intertwining of the relationships.

You have a choice. Delete and ignore are beautiful features in the chat world. Perhaps you will find someone who changes your perceptions... perhaps not... only time will tell... until then... Perhaps more need to just enjoy the journey instead of simply focusing on the destination of creating a poly family.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 8:17:30 AM

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FR

Being poly or not is in some cases like belonging to one faith or another. There will always be those who see their goal in live is to notch up as many conversions as possible. Now here in Queensland. those of the Christian Faith who do this are usually called Born Again Christians. It may not always be the case but most of those who do get pushy about people not joining them and who use a very hard sell bordering on criminal assault (based on Queensland Criminal Laws). I'm not for a moment suggesting that some Masters who are poly go this far but those who do get pushy and keep "forcing" their way of life on others possibly have a similar psychology or mind set as do the born again mob. Of course in some cases it could be that the Master is so enamoured with the sub/slave that he wants her no mater what and wants her on his terms. In these cases I fear that the word NO and other words or expressions meaning NO have no meaning to him. Perhaps we may label these Masters as "Born Again Poly", in any case and although I am being harsh, but in my view these pushy Masters are not Masters at all and aren't worthy to even hand a Master who is in control of himself the dunny paper for bum wiping duty. The smart and sensible Master who either is poly or wants poly will say "thank you" when you tell him NO and move on to fine a suitable girl who is interested. .

< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/17/2009 8:18:04 AM >

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 11:11:05 AM

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Why force poly??? - because they want their angel food cake AND their devils food cake - and want to be able to take alternating bites from each.

Because they can't imagine that someone would give up the chance at the bliss that comes from gazing upon their countenance in company.

Because they get cold feet at night, and want a foot warmer on either side, and one across the end.

Because their current sub doesn't do windows - and the windows are getting dirty.

Because in family photos it looks more balanced to have three than two.

Because ................................................... its the one twue way of all good submissives to obey - regardless of personal feelings.

because they are thinking of a body, not an individual with wants and needs. Which of course , would make you wonder how they would treat you when you showed these wants and needs.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 11:17:51 AM

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quote:

Why force poly???

the best one that was said to me...Well baby..what makes your master happy should make you happy.

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RE: Why force poly? - 4/17/2009 11:52:18 AM

YoungBlondeSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Why force poly???

the best one that was said to me...Well baby..what makes your master happy should make you happy.

i suppose. i don't have a Master yet, i'm still seeking but i sometimes wonder if i should give up the not being poly in order to expand the pool of potentials. But damn, it made me miserable every time i did it.

The best is when one Dom took me on part-time as a trial to see how things would go and he had another slave and she didn't know about me, and i didn't know about her until he said "You, me and her are going to get together and all play together and go to the club." Since i'd been with him for awhile and liked him i figured i'd give it a shot. She was in love with him. She turned it into a huge competition and basically went overboard trying to show off for him so he knew that she was way better than me....she's the one i almost decked.

i've had other experiences with poly and they were all pretty bad, though no subs really drove me as crazy as she did. i just can't stand the jealousy and competition and i guess a lot of Doms get off on that. All the subs competing against each other for the attention of Master.

While i'm grateful to those who come right out and say that they are poly it really irks me that others wait until i've developed feelings for them and then spring it on me thinking like "ohh, i've got her now, she'll do this for me whether she wants to or not because she loves me." And then, ask me to go trolling through websites to find them a girl. i mean, it may sound selfish but i really don't want to have to wait my turn to talk to my (future) Master because i had a shitty day at work and i just want to cry my eyes out, get a hug and to talk to him and then he and her doing their thing. That would totally drive me bonkers.

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