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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 11:48:47 AM

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quote:

I heard a friend recently talking about her ex dominant and she used the word 'sociopath'.

Here is the question.

Would a true sociopath be be interested in a relationship based on a clear exchange of power and a reasonably informed concept of consent?

I don't think so.

It is doubtful that your friends "dominant" is a sociopath, he may be a self inflated asshole, in fact he probably is a self inflated asshole:), but a sociopath is an animal of completely different strips, and his or her inability to feel results in all sorts of behaviors, none of which have anything to do with D/s as I know it to be.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 11:58:41 AM

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I would like to see a thread on the dangers of sociopathic submissive's.

There are plenty of them around.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 12:16:08 PM

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quote:

Would a true sociopath be be interested in a relationship based on a clear exchange of power and a reasonably informed concept of consent?

No, they wouldn’t. However, it is likely that someone with anti-social personality disorder would pretend to be interested in a D/s dynamic to get what they want, The person described in the OP may or may not have the disorder, the person who put the label on the ex-dominant may or may not have any facts to back up their claim.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 12:17:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDoMe
I would like to see a thread on the dangers of sociopathic submissive's.
There are plenty of them around.

There are anti social.personalities everywhere.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 12:20:23 PM

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Now, that I can agree with!

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 12:24:05 PM

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Well, one important qualification to this discussion is the one of degree:

Sociopathy is not an either-or function, it's exists on a continuum, like so many other human traits & characteristics . .....

Discussion centering on whether one is or is not sociopathic kinda misses the point that there are plenty of people who are a little sociopathic in one way or another, but very few 'extreme sociopaths' . . . . . .

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 12:38:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You're right, they are not ALL dangerous in and of themselves. I think it's easier for them to BECOME a threat because there is NO internal censor at all. If your mom wanted to trip you, I am betting that she would have a notion that it would be mean, that you could be hurt, and she would feel badly. A sociopath would have no clue about anything but Hey! Seems like a good idea!

The ones in that fourth category... perfect suicide bombers, drug mules, gang enforcers... because they do as they are told, with NO CONSCIENCE.

I agree, never said otherwise.
However where do people get off saying things like :-

quote:

I heard a friend recently talking about her ex dominant and she used the word 'sociopath'.

I would have to ask is this ex qualified to say someone is a sociopath?
I would have to ask is this person really a sociopath or have we just got one bitter sub?

Bandying around terms we are not qualified to use is a bit of a dangerous game really.

As i said in my original post here i can equate with most everything listed to qualify for being a sociopath but does it make me one?

Probably as qualified as possible as she does work for the mental health sector but she says that unless a sociopath will admit to having no conscience then its almost impossible to diagnose unless the said person commits a criminal act. She also added that sociopaths (who are often leaders) are cunning enough and clever enough to get away with crime. They can look like piller's of society.
Nobody is brandishing around terms but WE should be aware that sociopaths are really not that uncommon and if we do see warning bells then we should at least have enough informed knowledge to be on our guard.
Many of the articles I have read about this condition over the past few days (and it is a condition and not just a label) have stated that most people will show some of these traits and perhaps all of them and not be a sociopath. Only you can answer that question. Only you know if you have a conscience.

This post is not bandying around terms. Its a clear warning and gives information from a good source that may just protect someone out there. We are not talking about a jack ass bully, we are talking about a predator/victim possibility and combine that with Dominance/submission then it could well be a dangerous situation.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 4/26/2009 12:40:04 PM >

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 12:57:35 PM

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Thanks for the links.

I thought
This was worth a read

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 1:20:52 PM

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This post is not bandying around terms.

Actually it is, a sociopath is a very specific mental
condition. You used the term, and it is the basis for your post.

Its a clear warning and gives information from a good source that may just protect someone out there.

Sorry but I don't find anything clear about your post, and I wonder how exactly you are protecting anyone? By informing us that there are predators among us?

NO SHIT there are, in fact there are predators everywhere, at our schools, at our churches and in our homes. But that has nothing to do with D/s, it is in fact
a reflection of the world in which we live.

We are not talking about a jack ass bully, we are talking about a predator/victim possibility and combine that with Dominance/submission then it could well be a dangerous situation.

Be more specific. What exactly did this dominant do, specifically within the D/s dynamic, that leads you or your friend to call him a sociopath.

It may be that he is, but I would think that it would be harder for a sociopath to operate within a D/s dynamic than it would be picking up a woman at a bar or a PTA meeting, and that this has little to do with D/s and everything to do with a problem within society and one which I would hope all adults are aware, kinky or not.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 1:24:13 PM

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Great post, there are good and bad people in the world.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 1:41:41 PM

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This man takes control by being everything the submissive could ever of hoped for but then starts to fleece them of there money. He tells them he wants to marry them, spend the rest of his life with them and he has been known for doing this to two different women on different nights of the week. Once he has what he wants he's gone but not before he has found another victim to move in with.
The other thing he did was lie continually about his career, his money, his education, his experiences and of course about where he was yesterday night.
He moves in very wide circles and so his reputation doesn't follow him quickly but this particular sub who has investigated him was persuaded through his control to rid herself of her BDSM circles and for a while she did.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 4/26/2009 2:38:33 PM >

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 1:54:31 PM

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I do believe that it would be accurate to state that there are a level of sociopaths who do recognise the results of what they may do and do have a conscious, but if you can accurately label them with the general term of sociopath under many general guidelines used by both psychologists and psychiatrists allbeit at the light or safe end. I say this because there are good many harmless (unless provoked) people who are by choice rather anti social. In many areas they are identical with the harder or dangerous sociopath in that they oft dispise society and prefer to remain as isolated as possible because they do not fit in or find that society has nothing of value to offer and are often frightrened in some cases by how society has declined today. Having said this I still aver that when in doubt run especially if you don't know the person very well indeed. At the hight end of sociopaths, a short study will show that most serial killers and those kids who shot up schools killing students and staff had well defined sociopath tendencies. This is not to say that all people who border on being sociopaths are likely to go down that horrendous track but are certainly more likely to suicide if social preasuires or preasures placed on society become unbarable and who is to say that such a person suicides because they fear what they may do if pushed any further.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 2:03:31 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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Every meeting with a new person shares this risk. BDSM dating is no more nor less dangerous in this area than any other dating. I've spent more than a little time working with battered women in mainstream relationships whose companions exhibited what I considered to be sociopathic behavior, and yet these women would often attempt to justify the behavior, and would also, often, return to the individual and accept the behavior until it got so bad that it either drove them to seek care (or even worse outcomes).

The deal with entering into healthy D/s relationships is the same as for any other relationship. Know yourself, and give enough time to get to know your partner -- and if, at any point, you find that you are not being treated in a manner that you can't deal with, either get help or just get away. Take responsibility for your choices. If you choose to do something and it turns out to be careless, learn from the experience, but in the end, we all make our own choices.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 2:17:19 PM

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Yes I think we could get paranoid but think about it.. I have. Have you ever dated anyone or been good friends with someone who
was this whole number of things 1. lied to you continually and often pointless lies, thought the world owed them, blamed everyone else for there problems, had irrational outbursts, tried to coerce you into spending money or lending money to them, showed no conscience?
Well maybe Im fortunate but I have never had such a partner and I have never had such a friend.
This has not made me paranoid but it has made me understand why some people end up in very destructive relationships.
Its so easy to just put someone down as being 'a boy' or 'a bit of a cad' or 'a callous bitch and maybe sometimes, just sometimes we should be a little more concerned.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 2:40:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Out of the 15 or so things listed i can identify with all of them. Each one listed i have displayed at some point. Does that make me a sociopath? I've probably, definately lol displayed behaviour of the next 15 at some point or other too. Does that make me a sociopath?

If you do not have empathy, or a moral compass, then yes it would.

quote:

I have a dislike for words like sociopath and the little box that it conveniently puts a person into. It is automatically assumed that the person is a bad one and that they should be avoided at all costs. Now whilst i can understand this aversion to someone displaying the qualities (omg can you believe they used the word qualities to describe the traits lol) listed i have to wonder how many people actually stop to think why they behave this way? How many people try to undertand these people? How many people try to help these people? I'm betting most just for the hills away from them.

Most of the time they behave this way because of personality disorders, and psychosis. They are born with a predisposition that the environment they grew up in fed this. I suggest you might want to read about sociopaths and that there is no help for them. A person cannot grow a conscience, and they cannot learn to have empathy.

When you meet one, not just someone that is close, but someone who is truly a sociopath, you will definitely understand better.

< Message edited by OrionTheWolf -- 4/26/2009 2:41:37 PM >

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 3:05:11 PM

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I'm not sure that a sociopath dominant would be any more dangerous than a sociopath submissive. The key word in the phrase "sociopath dominant" is "sociopath," not "dominant."

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I heard a friend recently talking about her ex dominant and she used the word 'sociopath'. Not knowing much about this sort of personality trait I decided to google it and I came up with this. I found it pretty disturbing because this dominant could have every one of those traits and still be absolutely charming and convincing. His past records show that he has left many victims in his wake but when it comes to finding another submissive he can because he can control with ease and convince others that it was the mental state of the submissive.

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 3:15:28 PM

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I read a defination in one of those shrink books and thought i was one of the definations in there until someone explained to me that I had to have ALL the requirement not just some so I really was not that creature described

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 3:20:01 PM

subtlebutterfly

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meh..too lazy to read all the replies..n no not gonna think about the medical explanation just...
who wouldn't refer to an annoying ex as a sociopath

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 3:22:54 PM

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Orion,
As usual You are right.... Having worked in social services for many years now i somehow believed (foolishly) that i was beyond touch from a sociopath...That somehow i had gathered enough experience to guard myself against interacting with them. The reality was, i allowed myself to be vulnerable (in an unhealthy way) to a man i met through here who i later came to regard as a true sociopath. It was not until months after the rape, torture, and humiliation that he subjected me to that i could even recognize my part in this situation.
The dangerous thing about sociopaths is that they have no conscious... There's no gate or no safety mechanism in their brain or personality or whatever you want to call it.
InTonguesslut, i understand where You are coming from when You shared Your concern about labeling people and putting them into boxes. However, my experience is that people who truly meet the criteria for sociopaths personality disorder do not exhibit or experience different characteristics at different periods in time........They generally experience most all of them together.
Kali
*who's desperately trying to avoid telling You all exactly what box she'd like to put this sociopath in*

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RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant - 4/26/2009 3:41:35 PM

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Using fast reply....

What I find most interesting is that someone stated the only person that can 100 percent identify a sociopath is the person themself. Only they know whether or not they feel any remorse for their negative and hurtful actions.

There are people, that know me, that may very well say (if they even knew the word and what it meant) that I am a sociopath. They wold be wrong. Just because I was able to coldly and callously remove them from my life, or the lives of those I loved, so very well.......does not mean it wasn't painful. Just because I am able to take a loved pet to the vet and hold them while they are put down without crying, does not mean I wasn't crying inside.

Even those that do horrible things to others, with an apparent cold regard, may be weeping and wailing inside. There are many very damaged people in this world. The human brain is a mysterious organ that we know very little about. It creates methods of coping we've only scratched the surface of. To assume we know someone based solely upon their actions and words is foolish. They may not even know themself. We can only guess and do what we must to protect ourselves and those in our care.

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