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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/6/2009 2:50:48 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Seceond opinions are a GREAT idea!  If for no other reason you will get another opinion on treatment options. There is always more than one way to treat any problem!!!!

and you also need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of that perfect child (that none of us - even parents of "normal" kids)- have. It took me the longest time to accept the fact that my brats wouldn't sail through school with the greatest of ease. It would have been easier if i had just have had a melt down, and then picked myself up again. I didn't allow myself emotional time off, and in the end, i suffered for it.
Get yourself a swim noodle and beat the snot out of your mattress - yelling and screaming if it feels needed. Anger and fear are best gotten out of the body, and that is a great way of doing it.

Allow yourself to lean on others - it really helps to talk to others, especially if they have had similar problems. If all they can do is tell you that you aren't crazy, then it is worth it!
Hugs and kisses - and lots of comfort winging its way to you and yours.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/6/2009 2:58:53 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
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Status: offline 		*hugs holly tightly*

you have a jumping-off place now.  you know what to argue for, and against, and you have OBVIOUSLY a bunch of experienced parents who've done gone down that road to hand you a roadmap.

and a lot of moms who love you and will help you stand up and hand you ammo for the battles you have to face, whether against the Loud One, or schools, or doctors...

*more hugs*
kitten

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 3:47:04 AM   
sirsholly


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Status: offline 		Everyone...thank you so much for the support and encouragement. What a wonderful group here!!

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 4:47:32 AM   
purepleasure


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Status: offline 		and here you thought we are just kinky, LOL

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 6:05:34 AM   
VirginPotty


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Status: offline 		You mean we weren't talking about kink, PP? 

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 6:41:34 AM   
purepleasure


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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		no, we are being supportive of each other.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 7:01:42 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am leaping in again with the SECOND AND THIRD OPINION.  There is this mad rush to slap a label on EVERY damn thing these days, and who's to say that the first choice is the most appropriate?  I am just glad that he has you for a mom!  (and that other guy, whatshisname?  for a dad) 

HUGSES!!


LOL...Ol Whatshisname and I have finally let the smoke clear and have put our heads together.

The LO does not have Oppositional Defiant Disorder. There is just no way. We are not in denial, as we are accepting a tentative diagnosis of Autism. But the LO is rather passive at school with the teachers and other kids, does not get upset unless frustrated with himself, displays no anger...etc. It just does not fit.

And as to the psychologist telling us the ODD had to be treated with anti-psychotics before treating the Autism....i think not.

The doctor may have a Ph.D is psychology, but us moms have a Ph.D in our kids


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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 7:19:45 AM   
chiaThePet


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

The doctor may have a Ph.D is psychology, but us moms have a Ph.D in our kids



Damn right!

Give me a high six on that!



What?

chia* (the pet)


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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 8:26:15 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Did I SAY the LO had the best mom possible? 

The whole autism thing...  for me, it's a boggler.  Back in the day when I was working with EI and LD kids, (this would be in the 80's) there were very few autistic kids.  Now it seems like the autism spectrum is freakin enormous!  Is it because they dumped every possible sensory and processing issue into that box?   Anyway, it can only help to talk to as many people as possible, and get as many treatment options, because the earlier a person learns COPING SKILLS the better!

And the LO?  Maybe not perfect, but dang, he is an astounding little dude!

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 8:51:45 AM   
corsetgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

I've found that it's worth every effort to get the right teachers and special ed support staff who are willing to stick to the plan with my little guy for behavioral and education plans.  Sometimes it's exhausting to get that right mix of people, but I've seen such strong growth in him when people don't focus on his limitations, but his strengths (even as we hold him responsible for his behavior).

I think another aspect of this thread is....how do folks take care of themselves through all this as well, given the amount of time and effort it takes?


I can relate to that statement being a substitute teacher, I have been to quite a few special education classes and have worked with paraprofessionals or support staff. I remember one class that had 9 autistic students. One student was a challenge because he had difficulty focusing on completing his assignments. I would be there to help him accomplish this task and he completed most of the work. He was very happy that I stayed with him and the paraprofessional was amazed he accomplished these assignments.

I really have to give credit to parents having children with special needs because this is very challenging as there are some who allow a child to work on being independent and yet, there are some who are overprotective. This I have also observed in class and from other educator's views.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 5:53:05 PM   
kiwisub12


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Status: offline 		Holly, one of my ums was diagnosed as oppositional defiant   -  and she was  -  with the professional doing the diagnosing!  She didn't like him so she didn't co-operate.
She was a pain in the butt, but she didn't need anti-psychotic drugs for it    -  and do they really give those to a two year old??????
I'm not a mental health professional, but that seems a bit ... extreme.
How exactly are the drugs supposed to help him?  Are they saying that he is pychotic and that is why he is OD?


edited to add    ....  is there a childs psychiatric institute near your house?  If so, you might call the ward/ inhouse area and ask for one of the psych. nurses, and ask who they think is the best clinician in the area, who would they take their child to.     Its a sure bet they would know who is good and who is not.  The nurses will also have first hand knowledge of the doc's - where someone like a family practise doc or a pediatrician really doesn't know how the specialists they refer to practise. They tend to refer to people they know socially or through the hospitals.  And usually this works just fine - but when its your kid , you want the best there is.
I'm not saying your guy isn't good, but if you are going to go for a second opinion, or if you aren't happy with the guy, that is a pretty good way of finding someone who is good. 

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 8/7/2009 6:00:43 PM >

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 5:58:19 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
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From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		Well, I am not a parent or a kid with a special need.

I may be an adult that has somehow went under the radar and never was officially tested for Asperger's.
From what my research shows some never get tested. Knowing is enough. I would like to erase all doubt and ease my worries.

Anyone that knows me understands that I am different.

Suggestions?




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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 6:26:17 PM   
lusciouslips19


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Status: offline 		Go to this website for resources/ Im sure they can direct you to who you would see in your area.

http://www.aspfi.org/


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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/7/2009 9:41:14 PM   
Arpig


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Status: offline 		Learn patience. Patience, patience, and more patience. That is the real gist of what I have learned from dealing with my autistic son. I am the type of person who likes to do things the simplest and most logical way, but with him, it works better to do them his way. Lunch IS at 11:00 AM, and he MUST have a shower every day, and Saturday IS hotdog and fries night.


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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 4:58:29 AM   
lusciouslips19


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Status: offline 		I just saw the movie Adam about a 29 year old man with Aspergers whos father just died and a young woman moves into his building and a relationship starts. It was a wonderful movie and I cried in many parts. The actor portrayed the real issues and wonders of the syndrome.
It takes a really strong person to be with an Aspie. Aspies are very literal. If you say something fell off the turnip truck they will literally think something fell off the turnip truck. They also cant identify with others. My son cried at the movie when he saw it  because the character went through sad things and hard times and he thought it was sad. He knew the character was like him in many ways. He also thinks he is nots bad off as the character. He never cried becuase he correlated the story and the struggles to himself though.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/8/2009 5:00:00 AM >

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 5:29:33 AM   
Rainfire


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Status: offline 		Lushy, that's why I said to get a copy of Mozart and The Whale and watch it with your son. It's a fantastic portrayal of an Aspie who can't hold a job and falls in love with another Aspie. Josh Hartnett (of Pearl Harbour fame) plays the main role and I swear, when the movie was over, I was going, what do you mean he doesn't have AS? Look at him - he has AS!!!! Very realistic of the good and bad. Sad in some parts, heart-wrenching in others.

As for me, we see the specialist here on Wednesday to get Mr. Smarties evaluated. His mother couldn't keep the last appointment so we're keeping this one. Please pray for us, or meditate, or put in the good word, what you do, because we're going to need it. I thougth days like yesterday were over for me with my guy being grown and gone but they're just beginning. Again. 

Time for me to work on my patience!


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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 5:32:53 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

He also thinks he is nots bad off as the character. He never cried becuase he correlated the story and the struggles to himself though.
So typical of a child raised not to accept his limitations. Good job, Lushy!!

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 5:33:42 AM   
lusciouslips19


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Status: offline 		In this movie, he got a great job. Aspies are very brilliant most of the time. If they can be coached on the behaviors needed socially and in the workplace, they have so much enthusiasm and knowlege to thrive at their chosen field. They literally become experts at anything that interests them.

I will checkout to see if they have that movie at the library.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/8/2009 5:34:23 AM >

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 5:35:22 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

As for me, we see the specialist here on Wednesday to get Mr. Smarties evaluated. His mother couldn't keep the last appointment so we're keeping this one. Please pray for us, or meditate, or put in the good word, what you do, because we're going to need it. I thougth days like yesterday were over for me with my guy being grown and gone but they're just beginning. Again.

Time for me to work on my patience!
Hug and prayers Rain.
You and that little guy were brought together for a reason...i honestly believe that. He needs you so much!!


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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 5:40:43 AM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

He also thinks he is nots bad off as the character. He never cried becuase he correlated the story and the struggles to himself though.
So typical of a child raised not to accept his limitations. Good job, Lushy!!


Id love to take credit. But its more a condition of the syndrome to not identify with or empathise. He can sympathise but he doesnt understand empathy.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/8/2009 5:41:11 AM >

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