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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 6:09:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

He also thinks he is nots bad off as the character. He never cried becuase he correlated the story and the struggles to himself though.
So typical of a child raised not to accept his limitations. Good job, Lushy!!

Id love to take credit. But its more a condition of the syndrome to not identify with or empathise. He can sympathise but he doesnt understand empathy.

take credit anyway. I am not familiar with that aspect of the syndrome but i am a little familiar with how you are with him...

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 6:22:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

He also thinks he is nots bad off as the character. He never cried becuase he correlated the story and the struggles to himself though.
So typical of a child raised not to accept his limitations. Good job, Lushy!!

Id love to take credit. But its more a condition of the syndrome to not identify with or empathise. He can sympathise but he doesnt understand empathy.

take credit anyway. I am not familiar with that aspect of the syndrome but i am a little familiar with how you are with him...

Thanks! hes called me silly and mean(not at the same time). Now thats a sucesss!

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 6:29:50 AM

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quote:

Thanks! hes called me silly and mean(not at the same time). Now thats a sucesss!

this morning i told him he was a goofball. He responded by informing me i was crabby.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 6:37:20 AM

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I would love to be told I was crabby - yesterday I got a string of nastiness thrown at me that included that I'm mean, horribly, no one would ever love me because I was such a rotten person and worse.... "Crabby" sounds sweet by comparison.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 6:38:12 AM

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quote:

I would love to be told I was crabby

you're crabby.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 6:39:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire

I would love to be told I was crabby - yesterday I got a string of nastiness thrown at me that included that I'm mean, horribly, no one would ever love me because I was such a rotten person and worse.... "Crabby" sounds sweet by comparison.

Awww sweetie, that just means youre doing your job!

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 6:52:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire

I would love to be told I was crabby - yesterday I got a string of nastiness thrown at me that included that I'm mean, horribly, no one would ever love me because I was such a rotten person and worse.... "Crabby" sounds sweet by comparison.

sweetie, you can get that from "normal" kids. i got it from both of mine, and they are pretty average in all ways (although i think they're damn good looking!).

*hugs*
kitten

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 7:02:54 AM

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Hey rain....
i don't usually post on here because i can't have children...... but since i'm feeling pretty defiant today... i just wanted to tell you i remember telling my mom i hated her..i remember doing it because it was the one thing i knew would hurt her... My sister's oldest child (who i have the biggest emotional connection with) only cries when his feelings are hurt... i literally cry when he cries and he's going to be 9.... i don't have this reaction with her other two children. It might have something to do with the fact that this is the same child i discovered i am capable of loving and being loved with.....
Anyway..He's very smart...very capable... very emotionally in tune... a little to aware for my liking (he still isn't comfortable telling me what he wants for his birthday because he worries about me having enough money).. And when he gets mad at his mom he regularly tells her things like: i hate you, you are the worst mom alive, i wish i could go live with grandma, blah blah blah blah...personally i think we should have him checked for a tumor due to the wanting to go live with grandma portion but.........
Anyway, my point is most kids say hurtful things to their parents. Just know that my experience is if the child did not know that you did not love them unconditionally, were not going to be there for them no matter what then they would not feel safe enough to last out.
big hugs,
kali

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 7:29:48 AM

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Kali,
You are always welcome here...

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 9:38:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixidustpet

sweetie, you can get that from "normal" kids. i got it from both of mine, and they are pretty average in all ways (although i think they're damn good looking!).

*hugs*
kitten

I got "I hate you!" on occasion from my monsters especially my PDD/ADHD boy. But it never went so far as to go on with how mean, horrible, rotten, no one would ever love me, that I was a dreadful person and that Lumus could never love me. I know there's the typical "I hate you, mom!" stuff but then yesterday was something completely different, a total spewing of hatred, negativity and venom that I've never dealt with in a personal manner, just professionally, where you can ignore it because you know it has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the patient.

This, this just hit home, saying some things that really hurt and leave me wondering "did he overhear something? Did i miss something somewhere?" More than likely, it just caught me in a sensitive, off-guard mood but to also hear such nastiness erupting from a 5 year old is a shock to me..... And people wonder why I'm on edge today.

_____________________________

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Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to pixidustpet)

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 9:45:52 AM

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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire
I got "I hate you!" on occasion from my monsters especially my PDD/ADHD boy. But it never went so far as to go on with how mean, horrible, rotten, no one would ever love me, that I was a dreadful person and that Lumus could never love me. I know there's the typical "I hate you, mom!" stuff but then yesterday was something completely different, a total spewing of hatred, negativity and venom that I've never dealt with in a personal manner, just professionally, where you can ignore it because you know it has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the patient.

This, this just hit home, saying some things that really hurt and leave me wondering "did he overhear something? Did i miss something somewhere?" More than likely, it just caught me in a sensitive, off-guard mood but to also hear such nastiness erupting from a 5 year old is a shock to me..... And people wonder why I'm on edge today.

Rain, I doubt he means it towards you. But because you're a step, you're safe to feel this way towards. Whereas he doesn't dare acknowledge to his biomom that he feels like this towards her. Because she isn't safe to say it to.

Transference, plain and simple. Plus a lot of biomom's feelings towards you because you are a better parent and she knows it and she's too insecure to realize that the more people who love him, the better.

The only response is to say that you wish he didn't hate you because you love him.

I know that The Man's ex hates the fact I welcome his kids because of her own insecurities. I am never going to be their mother, but I can still love them. And she is afraid that they can't love all of us. Her problem, not mine.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 9:48:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

you're crabby.

AM NOT!!! Besides, who told you?!?

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Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 10:04:11 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixidustpet

sweetie, you can get that from "normal" kids. i got it from both of mine, and they are pretty average in all ways (although i think they're damn good looking!).

*hugs*
kitten

I got "I hate you!" on occasion from my monsters especially my PDD/ADHD boy. But it never went so far as to go on with how mean, horrible, rotten, no one would ever love me, that I was a dreadful person and that Lumus could never love me. I know there's the typical "I hate you, mom!" stuff but then yesterday was something completely different, a total spewing of hatred, negativity and venom that I've never dealt with in a personal manner, just professionally, where you can ignore it because you know it has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the patient.

This, this just hit home, saying some things that really hurt and leave me wondering "did he overhear something? Did i miss something somewhere?" More than likely, it just caught me in a sensitive, off-guard mood but to also hear such nastiness erupting from a 5 year old is a shock to me..... And people wonder why I'm on edge today.

my guess is he heard it from the environment he is in when away from you and Lumus.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 11:02:54 AM

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My little darlings would tell me that they hated me   -   and never said it to their father - before or after we split.

My thought was it was safe to say it to me -   they knew i would always love them, no matter what they said!
Their father     -     not so safe.

So in one way, it is a tremedous compliament to you and your relationship with the boy that he would feel safe enough to say anything like that.
Just don't get your feelings hurt -   the little buggers know what to say to hurt most.

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 11:56:51 AM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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An Update....

I am going to an Asperger's Center that is local to me to get tested officially. After doing some more research I am convinced that I have this. Even if I do not I would still like to get some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I am sure it would help.

All signs point to Yes but I do not want to self-diagnose.

There is a side to me that is 'mature' but there is also a little kid in there too. I both sides feel somewhat relieved.

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As your desire is, so is your will.
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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 12:38:16 PM

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My daughter was very resentful for a few years. I once asked her why she said the most awful things to me. She explained. Mom... I say it because I can. I can say anything to you and you will still love me. I have to blame someone and you're the safest one to blame.

Lil wench! She loves me now though! lol

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 2:46:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

An Update....

I am going to an Asperger's Center that is local to me to get tested officially. After doing some more research I am convinced that I have this. Even if I do not I would still like to get some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I am sure it would help.

All signs point to Yes but I do not want to self-diagnose.

There is a side to me that is 'mature' but there is also a little kid in there too. I both sides feel somewhat relieved.

You are a gift. Your child like wonder of the world will incite excitement in others. Dont ever forget your worth.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 3:10:12 PM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

You are a gift. Your child like wonder of the world will incite excitement in others. Dont ever forget your worth.

0_0

how did you know of my child-like wonder? Is this a common trait in an Aspie?

>_>

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 3:30:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

You are a gift. Your child like wonder of the world will incite excitement in others. Dont ever forget your worth.

0_0

how did you know of my child-like wonder? Is this a common trait in an Aspie?

>_>

I think it is. They get single mindedly focused on what interests them and talk about it with much enthusiasm.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/8/2009 8:19:34 PM

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I just found a great family education website. It has a lot of info on Aspergers syndrome. It has how to cope, characteristics, checklists etc. The checklists look great for diagnosis in the schools. A lot of stategies for dealing with behaviors too. I also searched for other issues like autism and learning disablities. They are there also. Although I did focus on Aspergers on account of thats my need. But this site seems like a wonderful resource.

http://school.familyeducation.com/learning-disabilities/behavior/56323.html

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/8/2009 8:20:36 PM >

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(in reply to sirsholly)

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