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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/9/2009 4:28:31 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

Anyway, my point is most kids say hurtful things to their parents. Just know that my experience is if the child did not know that you did not love them unconditionally, were not going to be there for them no matter what then they would not feel safe enough to last out.

Rain...read what Kali wrote. PARENTS! Not the woman dad married, not a stepmother...

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/10/2009 3:36:30 AM

badlilthang

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quote:

I know that The Man's ex hates the fact I welcome his kids because of her own insecurities. I am never going to be their mother, but I can still love them. And she is afraid that they can't love all of us. Her problem, not mine.

Transference, plain and simple. Plus a lot of biomom's feelings towards you because you are a better parent and she knows it and she's too insecure to realize that the more people who love him, the better.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

you say your man's ex hates that you welcome her kids and that it is her problem, not yours...not agreeing here - because if she sees you as a problem - she may load that onto her child and use it as a weapon. Some people do weird things due to their own emotional problems....smiles...just saying...

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/10/2009 2:59:03 PM

DesFIP

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Actually the end result is that she's driving her kids away. The youngest is a senior in high school this year, and would prefer to be here for the year but doesn't want to start in a new school system. The others don't call her much, don't want to spend time with her. They go there to see their friends but still wind up staying at the friends' homes a lot of the time. They don't want to be with her. But she has a lot of insecurities and has had several failed therapy experiences. Everytime they got to the point of her having to work on her family of origin problems, she quit going.

And she is paying for her unaddressed issues by driving a huge wedge between herself and her children.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/12/2009 5:52:41 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

But she has a lot of insecurities and has had several failed therapy experiences. Everytime they got to the point of her having to work on her family of origin problems, she quit going.

and no doubt it is the fault of the therapist

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/12/2009 5:59:47 AM

sirsholly

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So...we are looking for a new pediatric diagnostician for the LO and it is making me pull out my hair!

I am staying away from the major health care network in this area because one of their doctors did his first assessment and i do not want the next doctor to read the diagnosis and be influenced. But hoooleee shit....so far two of the three doctors i have called follow the same routine.
The LO would be assessed by a Social Worker, who makes the diagnosis!!! Trust me..i asked several different times and was told the same thing...the social worker makes the diagnosis. Damnit...that is not legal!!
If the social worker deems it necessary that the patient needs medicated, only then will the psychiatrist see the child.

Please...i am not slamming social workers....they have my total respect, but this is just WRONG!!!!!

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/12/2009 6:44:42 AM

purepleasure

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holly, have you tried contacting the county mental health agency? they might be able to refer you to a DOCTOR that can diagnose LO. And, I'd let them know the folks that you've contacted have social workers diagnosing certain "ailments".

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/12/2009 6:57:12 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

But she has a lot of insecurities and has had several failed therapy experiences. Everytime they got to the point of her having to work on her family of origin problems, she quit going.
and no doubt it is the fault of the therapist

The OT that I had taken him too made the diagnosis. I freaked, She specialized in it. She was a scatter brain so I didnt really accept it. I did when the specialist through the school came to the conclusion after. I have no problem now using the term," My son has aspergers syndrome". It was hard at first. Ceck out that site i posted a page or two back. They did have checklists for teachers and others to go through. It was for Aspergers. They may have some for the whole Autism Spectrum.
The best thing I did was t take him to a PEdiatric neurologist. We had him on Straterra and although it worked it only worked to a certain point. When we tried other reccommended meds he had bad reactions. So we took him to the NEurologist who did a battery of testing including servey type things for the parsnts but also EKG and CAT scan. Tehn we porceeded from there. When we were putting him on medicine to help his focus(part of symptoms of AS is ADD or DHD) as he had ADD without the H. We needed help as the regular pediatrtion had no idea about dosage and how to give it. You have to start them out low and increase from tere after a few weeks. BEfore the neurologist, he was given aderall at 15mg right out f the bat. He as angry, couldnt sleep, couldnt eat and puked all over my car.

Now we still use the Peiaitrician for refills. But if we wanted to change our protocol (which we dont as its worked for 4 years) we would go back to the pediatric neurologist.

According to the Neurologist, labels are not necessary. Treating the symptoms are the goal.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/12/2009 7:02:12 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: purepleasure

holly, have you tried contacting the county mental health agency? they might be able to refer you to a DOCTOR that can diagnose LO. And, I'd let them know the folks that you've contacted have social workers diagnosing certain "ailments".

they are the ones that recommended one of the doctors that lets the social worker do his job.
And i already did talk to them Peaches...i had the feeling they did not believe me.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/12/2009 7:03:17 AM

lusciouslips19

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Also wanted to mention. You will get an IEP(individual education plan) when he goes to school. They should have a department that they can sart assesing him as early as 3 so you can get a jump on him in the school system. I would start now. For my boy I visited the department in charge of that as it was next to his preschool program. Lets face it, we all know when something is different about our kid. I was easily able to get him in a half day of diagnostic preschool classes, followed by a diagnostic kindergarten class. But first grade he went to regular class as he was already mainstreamed for reading and math easily. I do miss the extra help he got and the small class sizes of the diagnostic classes but hes really smart and with some extra resource help, your child can thrive too.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/12/2009 7:04:00 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

According to the Neurologist, labels are not necessary. Treating the symptoms are the goal.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/12/2009 9:17:21 AM

dragonnite

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I have been reading this thread since it started. I have to say that what you all are doing, being there for each other, is wonderful. I work with developmental disabled adults and it's sad to see so many of them that have no family or friends to support them. Keep up what you are doing.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 9:53:50 AM

fuzzywumpas

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deleted..... wrong thread

< Message edited by fuzzywumpas -- 8/13/2009 9:54:35 AM >

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 9:56:55 AM

Rainfire

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Well, it's off to an official start, as of yesterday, Mr. Smarties on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder or ASD. The doctor who we are working with with, and she is wonderful, sorry, holly - no social workers involved here, just the doctor and the parents, after having an initial parental intake, just sat and played with him for almost an hour and half yestereday. She is confident that he is on the ASD but because he is young enough (5), she is hesitant to DX what she is really seeing, which is Aspergers. She prefers to hold off on DX'ing AS until grade 2 or 3 so she can see how he is doing developmentally.

In the meantime, she would tend to go PDD or High Functioning Autism, we have a follow up appt on the 27th. One thing that I really appreciated about this doctor is that she just doesn't DX the child, then write them off and send them out the door. Because of some long-term issues going on in the bio-mother's home, she is willing to watch and observe to see if it's truly autism complicated by situational acting out, or even just acting out in confusion based on the isssues, though she says that's a long shot.

So far it isn't sinking in with the family and all I could think was "sigh - here I go again......" There's a lot of denial gong on right now with the family. Oh well, these things will work out and I'm looking forward to working with the doctor.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 10:00:47 AM

sirsholly

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Rain...(((((hug)))))

Please...take the family members who are in denial with you for the next appointment.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 10:02:57 AM

Rainfire

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The main one was there..... he denies what he heard her say. How can you change someone like that?

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 10:17:12 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire

The main one was there..... he denies what he heard her say. How can you change someone like that?

God!!! You are me!

When The LO was refusing to eat solids at 18 months the doctor sat right in front of us and said he is on the verge of hospitalizing him. Treatment began at a feeding disorders clinic within days but the LO's dad swears that if i had just left the kid alone, he would have begun to eat on his own. He also denies the doctor ever said the LO needed to be hospitalized.

Rain...you cannot force anyone to pull their head out of the sand and end the denial. All you can do is drag them to the appointments with you and get as much in writing as possible.

You are Mr Smarties advocate right now, and the only one he has. I hate to say this, but sometimes you have to leave dad in the dust to do what is best for the child. And i do know this from experience. The LO's dad was in such deep denial about the SID and the need for intervention that i told him if he tried to stand in my way i would take the baby and leave.

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 10:22:20 AM

MstrPBK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire
The main one was there..... he denies what he heard her say. How can you change someone like that?

Base on general communication patterns you may want to begin having a series three way or more conversations to show that people really do communicate back and forth and do "checks and balances of information". This may impress upon the person that what is happening around them is more orchestrated than random decisions. This process is good for any communication process to unsure communication gets fully passed back and forth- not just within the special needs community. I refer to it as the "circle of communication".

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 11:14:26 AM

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If it wasnt for me advocating, setting up meetings and searching for doctors nothing would have happened positive for my son. His father would have stuck his head in the sand thinking the great god-son creature was perfect in every way. He would have been like that kid in school in one of my sons classes that really needed help but whos parents never had him evaluated.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/13/2009 11:15:03 AM >

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 11:38:47 AM

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Now it's doubly official - we're getting custody of Mr. Smarties again as the mother can't handle him and due to issues in her life, can't take care of his needs along with her own. Now to see if she's fucked it up by pulling him from our local school - one of the best in the region. However, all schools are closed until 31 of August because of summer holidays......

HOLLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya gots mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (You do too, Lushy!) *winks*

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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/13/2009 12:34:35 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

Now it's doubly official - we're getting custody of Mr. Smarties again as the mother can't handle him and due to issues in her life, can't take care of his needs along with her own.

I will never understand her...EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it is the best thing that can happen to Mr Smarties.

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