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RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 12:14:17 PM

calamitysandra

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Holly, I would guess it was just a bout of testing boundaries that got out of hand, and he was no longer able to control and stop himself. With younger children this can happen, the need an extreme outside stimulus to snap out of it. It can also happen with crying/hysterics. They get so caught up, they have no chance to come to the surface by themselfs. As his brain matured, he will learn to get himself back under control. Until then, all you can do is to set the rules you need, and enforce them strictly. And if you feel he has gone, you might again be in a situation in which only yelling will help.

Oh, a rule that worked quite nicely around here: All stuff that was used for mischief, like the thrown car, was confiscated for a week.

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Post #: 161

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 12:55:59 PM

gigi1968

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I too have a teenager with Asperger's. He will be switching schools this year, going to the high school. Besides him I also have another special needs teen with brain injury. So between the two of them, I have just about all the state laws memorized, along with the phone numbers for the state education department. They have been a joy, a challenge, and damn what did I ever do to deserve them. They are good boys, but at times they are typical kids driving me crazy.

We have run the gammit with counseling and of course the different medications. I know I am new to CM, if you need to vent or chat, I am willing to give you the benefit of my knowledge with dealing with these kids.

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Post #: 162

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 1:00:40 PM

Rainfire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: purepleasure

Lockit, isn't it amazing that when you need them to "come through" the most, it just happens?

I keep ice packs in the freezer for my knees (I have arthritis, and the ice helps better than heat at times), anyways, I was feeling not very well and was laying down, when my brother came in my room, carrying an ice pack... this from a person that wants NOTHING to do with anything cold... and says "Sissy?" and held the ice pack out to me. It took me a moment to try to figure out what he wanted, and why in the world would he have taken an ice pack from the freezer. I think he thought I was laying down because of my knees, and wanted to help me to feel better. So, I put the ice pack on my knee, and he started giggling and skipped back to his bedroom.

Now this is one of the best stories I've heard, it's made me all happy-crying.

And Mr. Smarties has had one helluva day here, we just shared a tapioca moment - where we had tapioca pudding together. He'd never had it before so I got some for him to try...and he loves it!

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Post #: 163

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 1:07:31 PM

Rainfire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Guys...i am wondering what the hell happened here this morning.

The LO woke up at his normal 5am. An uneventful night, and nothing unusual yesterday. He came out to watch TV, played, and went freakin' nuts! He was literally bouncing off of the walls. As soon as i would remove him from one situation he would immediately move on to the next one (ie stop him from pulling all the clothes out of a drawer. So he would run from the room and pound on the computer keyboard, then to the kitchen to toss the silverware out of the drawer). This was ongoing all mornimg. I put him in timeout (Sit there!!!) and he would maintain eye contact with me as he slowly stood and moved off his time out chair. I tried not having eye contact and the same thing happened. I tried distracting him with his favorite toys and had a tractor bounced off of my head. A warm bath did nothing.
Finally i put him in his highchair and just let him sit there so i could pull myself together. Hubby came home from a nightshift about 11am and we both tried talking to the kid.
Jim, ever the patient one, explained calmly that this behavior will not be tolorated, yada yada...then end it with "Do you understand?" and the kids answer would be totally off the freakin wall! He would answer his dad by asking when they could go fishing, or ask what was for lunch, or....you get the idea.

We were not getting through to him. Finally i lost it. I pulled the highchair close to me and bellowed "Here is how it is..." I went on for a bit ("You WILL stop this crap!!") and when i was done he started to cry for the first time today.

Then it was over. He is again my pleasent little boy.

What happened???

Holly, the only thing that Lumus and I can figure out with Mr. Smarties is that every so often, he needs his "reset" button pushed. Last night was absolutely nightmarish, Mr. Smarties was totally out of control, screaming, hitting, kicking, defiant, not listening or worse - hearing what HE wanted to hear, things like that. Lumus had to take him by the arms finally and held him tight while, ummmmmmmm, speaking loudly to get his attention. Next thing we knew, it was like someone flipped a switch, sweetie-pie Mr. Smarties was back. And today has been out of this world, Mr. Smarties has had one of his best days ever today, just a few timeouts that he accepted calmly and understood why he was getting them.

I dunno... that's why all we can think is that they need something like a circuit in their brain reset, and sometimes, it takes that bellowing.

{{{hugs}}} Hang in there, sweetie.....

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Post #: 164

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 1:22:52 PM

lusciouslips19

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Holly, hes 3 hes testing testing testing. Seeing how far he can go and whos in charge.Sorry but you have to be the Domme Mommy. Even though it may not be in your nature. You have to prove to them day in and day out that good behavior is the only behavior acceptable and he will suffer consequences when he doesnt comply. Its hard. The battle goes on for years. At 10 I finally dont have all those power struggles.

Rewards for good behavior. A board where he earns stickers for the desired thing you are teaching. Perhaps some toy he wants when he has gone for extended periods with good behavior(although to my son the stickers were reward enough) and removal of things he loves when he misbehaves. Like favored toys, tv, computer games etc.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/1/2009 1:30:28 PM >

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Post #: 165

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 1:27:39 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caissa

I have a question for those of you whose children have Asperger's Syndrome. Do you find that they tend not to complain when they should?

The main reason I ask is that about a week and a half ago, my son went bowling with his summer latchkey group. While he was there, his thumb got smashed between two bowling balls. That was on a wednesday...he acted fine, insisting that it was okay, and it didn't bother him. In fact, the next day, they went bowling again and he bowled a 118. When we finally decided to take him to the ER because it looked like his thumbnail was getting infected, they did an x-ray and found that he'd broken the tip of his thumb. Everyone kept looking at us as if we were horrible people to not have noticed that he'd broken it...but he even told the nurses himself "nope, it doesn't hurt...are we done now, I want my root beer back." The only time in the entire process that he did actually complain was when we had to take him back to have the nail drained.

Anyhow, I was just wondering if this was common, or if this was one of his own quirks.

I am not sure. My son definately feels pain and cries when he feels it. But I can tell you that Apergers people are not so "body Aware". They are awkward with motor skill issues. They arent usually athletic and have trouble with balance. There are things my son just doesnt pay attention to. He would happily leave the house with pants too short and clothes on backward. Perhaps this is something similar. They are quite heavily focused on one thing to the exclusion of other things very often.

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Post #: 166

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 1:55:12 PM

Lockit

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When I read what a lot of you are talking about with your children, I am seeing my son in different ways. He was always the one in winter that I would find without a shirt saying he was hot. Now after his injury, he gets cold easily and can't tell when it is hot or cold or many other things. Like pain is different for him, which is good because he had the fibro. (we found a cure; brain damage) Sometimes, all I can do is laugh at what he does or what happens.

He remember's wearing loose pants and as hard as I try, he will find a way to get the smaller pants I buy him to be loose. Why he couldn't forget that one I do not know! lol So we are walking to get to a doctor appointment and we are running a bit late... he is following me at a bit of a distance and keeps slowing down. I say come on Charlie... hurry up and I look back and he is walking with his pants down at his ankles with everyone in the room wondering what the heck is up with that! He didn't know to pull his pants up and just kept following me! God...

But he is learning that if your hands are cold to stick them on mom. Who says they can't learn? Last night it was go away mom... I got it... but mom wants to play with him a bit... so he lifts his arm and acted like he was going to stick my head in there. He's growing up... What can I do but laugh?

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Post #: 167

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 7:19:04 PM

lusciouslips19

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I told my son if he dresses in them baggy thug clothes with his underware hangin out that I will kill him!

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Post #: 168

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/1/2009 7:32:20 PM

DesFIP

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Caissa, my daughter simply doesn't notice body signals. Doesn't realize she's hungry or full or thirsty or tired. She'll eat if you put food she likes before her but if you ask if she wants something she says no. Says she isn't tired until she is overtired. She passed out last week and afterwards questioning discovered the fact that she hadn't eaten in two days.

Being 20, I can't force her to do things like when she was younger. But I do try to gently remind her.

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Post #: 169

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 5:01:08 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Holly, hes 3 hes testing testing testing. Seeing how far he can go and whos in charge.Sorry but you have to be the Domme Mommy. Even though it may not be in your nature. You have to prove to them day in and day out that good behavior is the only behavior acceptable and he will suffer consequences when he doesnt comply. Its hard. The battle goes on for years. At 10 I finally dont have all those power struggles.

Thank you Lushy and everyone for the replies!!

By the time his behavior let up yesterday i was a shaky basket case and that is my fault. I let myself play his game and it benefited neither of us. It is typical childhood behavior (testing good ol' mom) with the added zing of possible ADHD.

Once again...this thread is a life saver!!!

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 8/2/2009 5:44:02 AM >

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Post #: 170

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 7:25:40 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Holly, hes 3 hes testing testing testing. Seeing how far he can go and whos in charge.Sorry but you have to be the Domme Mommy. Even though it may not be in your nature. You have to prove to them day in and day out that good behavior is the only behavior acceptable and he will suffer consequences when he doesnt comply. Its hard. The battle goes on for years. At 10 I finally dont have all those power struggles.

Thank you Lushy and everyone for the replies!!

By the time his behavior let up yesterday i was a shaky basket case and that is my fault. I let myself play his game and it benefited neither of us. It is typical childhood behavior (testing good ol' mom) with the added zing of possible ADHD.

Once again...this thread is a life saver!!!

My son had Oppositional Defiance and even though I always held my ground, he persisted for years. We use to say,"are you going to do things the better way or the hard way?" He lost out on alot when I held my ground because he was playing games. Alot of"I dont want to go". when finally I would say, "OK, we are not going" and he would cry"one more chance" and then do it agin and again". So he lost out on gatherings with family or other fun things because he started playing games with me.

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Post #: 171

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 8:29:19 AM

lusciouslips19

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I am appreciative of my sons gifts. He is a wealth of information and knowlege on things I dont notice. He saw the Mourning Doves on the lawn of the house where we parked the car. I would have just thought them pigeons. He told me about their coo being the reason they are called Mourning Doves. He saw the Chipmunk in the walkway of the Library. So many things that I am oblivious to, he notices the world around him in ways I never will.

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Post #: 172

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 12:15:54 PM

kiwisub12

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Holly - my youngest would get so frustrated, she would have times when she would be completely out of control - screaming, crying, "Mum - don't hit me" - in public, tears and snot flying everywhere, that i would have to pick her up under my arm and leave where ever we happened to be. If we were at home, i would put her in her bedroom and tell her she couldn't come out until she calmed down - and then hold the door handle so she couldn't come out.

Eventually she would calm down and apologise, and we would both try to recoup. It was exausting. But eventually she did grow out of the behaviour. But, i have to say that many times i wanted to take my oldests' suggestion and take her back to the hospital!! For me these were the days when i would wonder how far a tank of gas would take me.

- kidding - sort of.

You learn your ways of coping as you go along. My youngest is 19 now - and was telling me how she remembered with affection when i would take her in the shower with me. I swear she couldn't have been older than 4 or 5 when i was doing that, but it was something that she gave importance to. Kids seem to forgive us our bad bits and remember the good, so don't stress too much about how you reacted negatively. Just learn if you are able , and the next time try something a bit different if you need to.

and my oldest one, who had the most issues - told my Sir that i was the best person she knew.

I cried - i remember the times when i flew out of control and was worse than the kids - but she remembers the good bits, and gives me credit for them.

got to love those kids!

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Post #: 173

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 6:15:46 PM

MsFlutter

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I have no experience with Aspergers but I thought this was very interesting: How a Hug Can Help Your Autistic Kid

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Post #: 174

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 7:55:56 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

I have no experience with Aspergers but I thought this was very interesting: How a Hug Can Help Your Autistic Kid

He doesnt really need pressure. Although he can soothe himself with scrathy textured things. He likes the scratchier knit blankets that my mom makes as opposed to ones with softer yarn. Sometimes if heis crying out of control and having a moment, having him take some deep breaths and a hug helps. He has less of these moments now that hes a bit older.

Very interesting though. I also thought it was very interesting that they have a character on Greys Anatomy now, a doctor who is a brilliant surgeon who is autistic. In an episode she asked a couple doctors to hold who extremely tight for pressure.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/2/2009 7:56:41 PM >

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Post #: 175

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 9:05:24 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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my challenges with my special needs teen varies from day to day. it can be her moodiness and body temperature swings or sudden paralysis in one leg or both. since she's a TBI (traumatic brain injured), her moodiness sometimes goes from one extreme to the next some days. other days, she has extreme body temperature changes in which i have to keep the heat nearly off during the wintertime. though she doesn't have sudden paralysis in her legs, it was frustrating seeing specialist after specialist trying to figure out why. there's no explanation or reason why it happened but i've been told it can again without any known symptoms.

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Post #: 176

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 10:40:21 PM

lusciouslips19

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Look at all these good strong mommies !

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 8/2/2009 10:42:39 PM >

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Post #: 177

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 10:44:31 PM

DesFIP

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About the pants; my daughter went for years with only leggings because she couldn't handle anything loose flapping around her. Her first cousin, ADHD and high functioning autism spectrum, couldn't handle anything tight and wore pants with really wide legs. Sensory Integration Dysfunction for both, but with opposite reactions. In addition, mine won't eat anything with spice, my nephew pours hot sauce on damn near everything.

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Post #: 178

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/2/2009 11:17:40 PM

DomMeinCT

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Caissa, my daughter simply doesn't notice body signals. Doesn't realize she's hungry or full or thirsty or tired. She'll eat if you put food she likes before her but if you ask if she wants something she says no. Says she isn't tired until she is overtired. She passed out last week and afterwards questioning discovered the fact that she hadn't eaten in two days.

Being 20, I can't force her to do things like when she was younger. But I do try to gently remind her.

My little one is very similar. He'll rarely state that he's hungry and won't admit to being tired until he's close to (or tips over the edge into) a meltdown. Now I finally have caught on and can intervene most of the time for a nap or time for bed.

Mothers learned to be attuned to so many subtle things about their children.

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Post #: 179

RE: Parents of special needs kids - 8/3/2009 3:03:15 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

my daughter went for years with only leggings because she couldn't handle anything loose flapping around her. Her first cousin, ADHD and high functioning autism spectrum, couldn't handle anything tight and wore pants with really wide legs. Sensory Integration Dysfunction for both,

boy do i know about this. The LoudOne was very close to being hospitalized at 18 months for malnutrition and dehydration. He refused to eat anything but finely pureed baby foods. His needs were not being met and it was getting serious. He was diaognosed with Sensory Integration Disorder...his mouth was simply too sensitive to handle texture.

The childrens hospital in our area has an awesome, amazing feeding program for kids such as him.. When we had him there for testing he gagged, choked and eventually vomited because they fed him one single Spighetti-O. I was feeling pretty helpless and confused but they were so positive and assuring. Within one month he took his first bite of a solid!!!!! A Ritz cracker! After that, there was no stopping him...he made up for lost time.

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Post #: 180

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