InvisibleBlack
Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
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There are two entirely different issues being debated here - and they have little to do with each other as far as I can see.
a) The first is if it's reasonable to pleasure yourself while baby-sitting in someone else's home.
b) The second is if a Master can command his slave to do something that is unreasonable, immoral and/or makes them feel uncomfortable and what is an appropriate response or interaction in this circumstance.
As to the first - I don't believe it's reasonable to masturbate while baby-sitting in someone else's home. The entire focus of the transaction is being paid to take of, protect someone's child while they are away and, obviously, pleasuring yourself is not serving that purpose and could be detrimental to it. I would expect the parents to be upset were they to discover it and rightfully so.
As to the second - well, it's trickier.
If the Dom commanded something that was impossible I would expect there would have to be some form of negotiation. If baby-sitting in your sister's house was so disturbing that it made orgasm impossible for you, then an appropriate response would be say "I don't think I can" and explain why.
It wouldn't occur to me to ask something like this of a sub or a slave - my mind runs more to "Go and be the best damn baby-sitter you can be" but that's me and I don't expect everyone out there to run along the same lines I do. Sometimes the goal is to push the slave or submissive outside of their comfort zone to see what happens.
Obviously over the course of an extended relationship, things will evolve. That does include limits. I have had submissives realize that they were uncomfortable with something they had thought they would be okay with or more commonly, to suddenly become uncomfortable when presented with something that had never occurred to them. As a Dom, I'm actively trying to think of new and exciting things and to come up with unexpected scenarios and I'm not going to spot-check every one with my sub before springing them - that would ruin the whole dynamic of the interaction. (This is not to say that we wouldn't have a discussion about some topic - as in "How do you fee about needle play?" or whatever.)
Assuming we'd already discussed public play and related matters, if I'd ordered a submissive to go into the ladies' room during their lunch break and finger themselves to orgasm - it wouldn't occur to me that they'd suddenly be uncomfortable with this or that it was really a matter for debate.
Assuming you're in an established, successful D/s relationship (which I don't believe the OP and her 'Master' are) and something of this nature came up, in my opinion the appropriate response to disobedience would be punishment - depending on the severity of the disobedience and reasonableness of the request, obviously the punishment could range from token to serious. Following this would likely be discussion to a resolution - either the submissive/slaves acceptance of whatever the action is in the future, or a redefinition of what the limits of the D/s interaction are. It could go either way, depending on the circumstances and exactly what became a new accepted limit and what was accepted by the submissive/slave as part of their submission is going to be different for every D/s couple and every circumstance because what's a big deal for me may not be a big deal for you and what's trivial for me may be critical for you.
If the result of whatever the conflict was is that we cannot come to any resolution then the relationship has deeper issues.
All of this is to address the more theoretical D/s issues that have been going back and forth here and are pretty much just my opinions.
It looks to me, as to many other posters, the that the OP has rushed into a long-distance or online relationship with some inexperienced Dom and now finds themseves in the common position of dealing with the fact that they don't know each other very well. There's no insta-fix for this.
[Edited to add: Oh! I forgot: Going online and complaining about something and then coming back to me with poll results taken from a group of online strangers would not be an appropriate method of discussion. It's pretty much asking for trouble.]
< Message edited by InvisibleBlack -- 8/16/2009 10:29:40 AM >
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RE: Am I being unreasonable? - 
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