Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (Full Version)

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lilboycaught -> Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 6:49:02 AM)

Try two searches:

ONE: Male Dominants--> Seeking Sub Women--> Keyword: “Tribute.” Make the search for all countries, all states. Do this on the basis of when they joined and as a text list.

You’ll note that by the fourth page, you have seen all the profiles that have that keyword in them. And in most of them, it just happens to be incidental. It isn’t referring money.

TWO: Female Dominants--> Seeking Sub Men-->Keyword: “Tribute.” Make the search for all countries, all states. Do this on the basis of when they joined and as a text list.

You have to go four pages back just to cover the profiles of women who have joined since JULY OF THIS YEAR!! And most of them do mean money.

That’s my point. As a submissive male, I had great hopes in the mid-to-late 1990s. It used to be, before the internet, that BDSM personals rarely had any ads from women who wanted to do it as a lifestyle. But with the introduction of the internet it became obvious that the BDSM lifestyle was WAY more popular than anyone had ever imagined. Personal ads from lifestyle dommes seeking a mate were no longer so uncommon.

And I thought the female domination lifestyle was, at last, really starting to come out of the closet. I had long suspected that there were secretly way more dominant females out there than there seemed to be, and that the lifestyle was similar to being gay in the 1950s. People kept it hidden and, in many cases, repressed. But if it could just come out of the closet and gain some acceptance, like homosexuality, more and more people would be out about it. Boys and girls and men and women of this persuasion would go out on dates, fall in love, get married, etc. There would be femdom bars, femdom activist groups...Female led relationships would not be uncommon

But it hit a plateau and, in some respects, regressed. Why? Well, maybe I was wrong about it being its own, independent sexuality. Maybe I was wrong in my suspicion that many women were secretly dominant. Most of the dominant men looking for submissive women at CM want a relationship. A REAL D/s relationship. Very few want money. Conversely, a good percentage of the female dominants, probably a majority, want money. There are pro dommes, money dommes and scam dommes all over the place. And many of the ones who say they’re lifestyle want a tribute.

I think that’s a clear indication that if any trend ever existed to establish female domination lifestyles as mainstream, it has utterly failed. Very few women are actually interested in a real female-led lifestyle, and the minority who aren’t asking for money are often plain women who use it to get attention from men. How truly “dominant” they are is questionable. Same with all these young girls posting to see how much attention they get as a “dominant” female. They aren’t really serious. And of course, many who are lifestyle are either lesbians or not looking for a real man.

If this, what we have now, is what it’s supposed to be, then it’s obvious that female domination is vastly inferior to male domination. Men seek a person and a relationship. Women mostly just want money.

I’m not saying there aren’t women who are on the right track. I know they are because I've talked to them. There are certainly profiles here of women who are 110 percent truly lifestyle. Some even say in their profiles that they’ll be offended by any offer of money or tribute. So they exist. No doubt about it. But c’mon, they’re WAY outnumbered by the others.

And I’m not saying it isn’t better these days. It’s WAY better than it was in the 1970s and 1980s. But it seems to have reached a dead end. And if CM is any reflection of the future of female dominated relationships, it seems to be a dud.




sirsholly -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 6:55:24 AM)

quote:

I’m not saying there aren’t women who are on the right track. I know they are because I've talked to them. There are certainly profiles here of women who are 110 percent truly lifestyle. Some even say in their profiles that they’ll be offended by any offer of money or tribute. So they exist. No doubt about it. But c’mon, they’re WAY outnumbered by the others.
you are sounding like a judgmental tightwad.

You found women "on the right track" that you have personally spoken to and judged (and got nowhere with, i would guess). So....here is an easy solution: Ignore the ones who do not qualify for your seal of approval.




lilboycaught -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 6:59:17 AM)

Maybe that's the problem. You completely misunderstood what I said and instead were defensive.

If men required money from women to spend an hour or two with them, would you consider YOURSELF a tightwad because you thought that was bullshit?

Please tell me you'd be perfectly fine with paying a man for a sexual experience.

Oh, and BTW, the women I spoke to lived too far away. Concept, eh? Duh.




sirsholly -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:03:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

Maybe that's the problem. You completely misunderstood what I said and instead were defensive.

If men required money from women to spend an hour or two with them, would you consider YOURSELF a tightwad because you thought that was bullshit?

Please tell me you'd be perfectly fine with paying a man for a sexual experience.

I think you need to realize...many are not charging for a sexual experience, but rather for their experience as a Dom/me. No sex involved.

So...your question of my paying for sex is moot.




CreativeDominant -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:06:32 AM)

So you have found out what most male submissives have known for quite awhile.  I'm a bit surprised that it took you this long to do so.

I agree with your perception that tribute of a financial sort sullies the relationship.  And the sooner the tribute is instituted and the purpose it is for...the privilege of even being allowed to "speak" to the dominant vs. a show of respect and interest on the part of the submissive once the dynamic appears as if it might go somewhere...seems to define the purpost of it in each particular case.

Still, that doesn't mean that the dominant requiring it is not into the life of dominance and submission...it just means that her views on what is and is not entailed in it differs greatly from yours.  You yourself said it...there ARE femdominants out there who do not require it and there are some amongst those who do require it who use it mainly as a screening gesture.  Frustrating for you, I know but there again, each and every side of this search has its' own frustrations. 




lilboycaught -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:10:25 AM)

Then it's even worse.

Het Male dominance = relationship

Lesbian/gay dominance = relationship

Female dominance = business transaction

And BTW, just because no physical sex was involved doesn't mean it wasn't sexual. Do you actually think any of these guys are paying for a non-sexual experience? That's a laugh.

(that was in response to Sirsholly)




LaTigresse -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:15:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

Maybe that's the problem. You completely misunderstood what I said and instead were defensive.

If men required money from women to spend an hour or two with them, would you consider YOURSELF a tightwad because you thought that was bullshit?

Please tell me you'd be perfectly fine with paying a man for a sexual experience.

Oh, and BTW, the women I spoke to lived too far away. Concept, eh? Duh.


Actually, the male dominants don't ask for money because they wouldn't get it.....period. Female dominant profiles asking for money exist because men will pay.

Think about it, really think. Men want what women have got. It doesn't matter what the power exchange dynamic is, there are more men not getting punani than women not getting dick. It's easy for a woman to find a guy for sex, less so for guys.

There is a little hole in the wall bar in a small town not far from where I live. On any given night there will be a dozen guys in there that would love to get some. There will be 3 to 8 available women. Of those dozen guys only one MIGHT have a chance with one or two of the women, because those women are usually young, okay looking, can get most any guy in town with a crook of her pinky. The rest of the women are either older, married, over weight, bfu, or some combination thereof. Yet, at least 10 of those dozen guys would, given the chance, even if on the low down, screw one of those less desirable women. And often do. Just because of the pussy.

That is just a wee small slice of Americana. Change the numbers, change the location, and still, you've got a similar scenario most anywhere.

Women rule the pussy and men want the pussy. Lots of people, male (pretending to be female via the net to get your $$) and female, are going to take advantage of that fact.

Nothing new about any of this. The only difference is that you are seeing it online instead of your neighbourhood hangout.




DarkSteven -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:16:13 AM)

OP, I do like your grammar and presentation.  But the underlying reasoning is faulty.

Pre-Internet, pro Dommes would advertise, presumably in media that you didn't use.

Now that we have the Internet, you are trying to use number of profiles as an indicator of how many Dommes are out there, both for-pay and lifestyle.  I disagree.

A pro Domme needs to be active.  She must maintain several, possibly dozens of men.  A lifestyle Domme needs only one (assuming mono) and she's done and may very well quit looking and let her profile rest, or she may deactivate it.

Plus, I perved your profile and you want ageplay.  There are a lot of lifestyle Dommes that don't want to do ageplay, so that limits your pool of potentials.  I also add that there are several of your journal entries that sound misogynistic to me.

The female-led lifestyle may indeed be failing YOU but that does not mean it is a failure overall.

I find it interesting that you state "Men seek a person and a relationship. Women mostly just want money. "  If you read lifestyle Dommes' posts, you will find them complaining that they want a person and a relationship, and that men just want specific kinks met.





sirsholly -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:17:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

Then it's even worse.

Het Male dominance = relationship

Lesbian/gay dominance = relationship

Female dominance = business transaction

And BTW, just because no physical sex was involved doesn't mean it wasn't sexual. Do you actually think any of these guys are paying for a non-sexual experience? That's a laugh.

(that was in response to Sirsholly)
you stated yourself that you have personally talked to Dommes that are not doing it as a business...so why the above generalization?

As to the men considering the experience sexual....my guess is it is their problem and the Domme really does not care how they view it. When i said it was a non-sexual service i was speaking of the Dommes point of view.




sirsholly -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:19:27 AM)

ok...i perved the op's profile.

Dude...you are 50? You sound like a whiny 18 yr old.




DarkSteven -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:19:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

So...your question of my paying for sex is moot.



Plus, Jim might have something to say when he checks the credit card statement.  [:D]




lilboycaught -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:19:42 AM)

quote:

Actually, the male dominants don't ask for money because they wouldn't get it.....period. Female dominant profiles asking for money exist because men will pay.


Oh, you're certainly right there. But don't you see? Male dominants exist even though there is no money involved.

See? Which begs the question, would female dominants even exist without money?




LaTigresse -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:20:00 AM)

Oh and lilboycaught.........you realize of course that this is just another variation on the same old whine don't you?




LaTigresse -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:21:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

quote:

Actually, the male dominants don't ask for money because they wouldn't get it.....period. Female dominant profiles asking for money exist because men will pay.


Oh, you're certainly right there. But don't you see? Male dominants exist even though there is no money involved.

See? Which begs the question, would female dominants even exist without money?


You've already answered that question in your initial post! Quit your damned whining already.




sirsholly -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:21:36 AM)

quote:

Which begs the question, would female dominants even exist without money?

oh shit.....

*grabs helmet....heads to closest foxhole*



INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




lilboycaught -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:22:38 AM)

quote:

you stated yourself that you have personally talked to Dommes that are not doing it as a business...so why the above generalization?
quote:

you stated yourself that you have personally talked to Dommes that are not doing it as a business...so why the above generalization?


???? Maybe you should reread the OP. Seriously. The answer to your question is that because, in general, it is true.

Generalizations don't mean there are no exceptions to the rule.




sirsholly -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:22:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

So...your question of my paying for sex is moot.



Plus, Jim might have something to say when he checks the credit card statement.  [:D]

[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]




cornflakegirl -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:22:55 AM)

You have a very romanticized idea of other relationship structures. I can't speak to LGBTQetc relationships, but I can speak to my dynamic.

quote:

Most of the dominant men looking for submissive women at CM want a relationship. A REAL D/s relationship.


Erm, not that I've noticed. Most of them want me to tell them all the kinky shit I like so they can go wank alone. Or, they want me to come over RIGHT NOW or give them my address (where I live with my minor child!) so they can come over and get me RIGHT NOW so we can fuck and they can beat me with no prior relationship, connection, negotiation, or safeword. Right. No.

That said, I have met several genuine, interesting, very nice seeming people. It takes some work to find the good stuff, but I think it's worth it.




slavekal -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:24:39 AM)

You make a good point.  It can be incredibly frustrating to use BDSM personals sites to find a lifestyle Mistress.  It's not impossible, but there are WAY too many pros and semi pros.  Don't give up, though.  I know some lifestyle women on collarme, so I know that they do exist.
There are more women interested in our lifestyle than in the old days, but that doesn't mean that there are just gobs of leather clad ladies who are dyed in the woll dommes.  Lots of potential Mistresses, though, if you know how to work it.




lilboycaught -> RE: Is the Female Domination Lifestyle a Failure? (8/17/2009 7:24:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilboycaught

quote:

Actually, the male dominants don't ask for money because they wouldn't get it.....period. Female dominant profiles asking for money exist because men will pay.


Oh, you're certainly right there. But don't you see? Male dominants exist even though there is no money involved.

See? Which begs the question, would female dominants even exist without money?


You've already answered that question in your initial post! Quit your damned whining already.



For God's sake I'm NOT whining. You're wining. I asked a question. Is the female domination lifestyle a failure. Haven't had a single answer yet.




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