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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 1:29:17 PM   
mnottertail


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O my God,
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and I detest all my sins,
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but most of all because
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Who are all good and
deserving of all my love.
I firmly resolve,
with the help of Thy grace
to confess my sins,
to do penance
and to amend my life.

Amen.


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 1:42:43 PM   
darchChylde


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 2:47:12 PM   
SoulPiercer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

The landing gear is not coming down, we're almost out of gas, so we're going to land anyway.

I actually had this happen to me on a flight into Seattle a few years back.



I had to bring in a C-130 under these conditions once, at night. The view from the tower was incredible. All the pretty sparks were awesome. 

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 2:52:30 PM   
Leiren


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

I had to bring in a C-130 under these conditions once, at night. The view from the tower was incredible. All the pretty sparks were awesome. 


I've worked in aviation in the past. Worked as a dispatcher for an air freight company. Not to hijack the thread, but damn!

Did they at least foam the runway for ya, SoulPiercer?

< Message edited by Leiren -- 8/23/2009 2:53:35 PM >


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/23/2009 9:24:22 PM   
Rhodes85


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Huh?! What do you mean that button dumped our fuel tanks??

Hey it worked in the simulator!

Attention passengers: the pilot has just had a fatal heart attack. But theres nothing to worry about: I spent half of highschool playing Microsoft Flight Simulator 95...you're all in good hands

what the hell is that on the wing?!?!

wait...you mean I was supposed to *not* push that button...?

Thats odd, the engine never made that sound before....

Hey wait a sec...this isn't the emergency manual....its the star trek technical handbook for the enterprise...all right who sold the emergency manual for ciggs again???

Thats funny....we don't usually have MiGs escorting our plane....

Bah, don't worry about the insturment panel burning out...they build backups into everything these days.....we just have to...uh oh....

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 5:13:23 AM   
SoulPiercer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leiren

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

I had to bring in a C-130 under these conditions once, at night. The view from the tower was incredible. All the pretty sparks were awesome. 


I've worked in aviation in the past. Worked as a dispatcher for an air freight company. Not to hijack the thread, but damn!

Did they at least foam the runway for ya, SoulPiercer?


No .. no foam on the runway or anything. By the time we all realized what was happening, it was too late. The fire trucks got there just as he touched down. He was 2 miles out when we realized he had no landing gear. He had been diverted to our field due to bad weather. They had made several attempts at Rhein Main, before being diverted, which was why they were so low on fuel. There was no way they could have executed a missed approach and come around again.

Bad weather - low fuel - hydraulic failure. That was the one time I really felt an approach was going to end badly. We had a very emotional meeting with the flight crew after it was all over.

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 5:42:02 AM   
RapierFugue


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMgm

This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another
Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!



I had one about ... lordy, it's about 25 years ago now ... I was flying out of Gatwick on a BA flight. The aircraft took off with the usual noises, then the engines died down, as they usually do, as the plane climbed. Then, very suddenly and without warning, the plane throttled up and executed THE most violent right-hand turn I’ve ever experienced – I was sat on the right hand side of the plane and, looking out, I was almost looking straight down, it was that hard a turn.

The plane then straightened out into a more usual climb and the engines died down. A few seconds later a beautifully posh British pilot’s voice, calm as you like, came over the PA:

“Ladies and gentlemen, my sincere apologies for the violent manoeuvring shortly after take-off. Those of you on the right-hand side of the plane can see a splendid view of Gatwick and the surrounding area.

Those of you on the left hand side of the plane may just be able to make out a light aircraft, the pilot of which has just managed to blunder across Gatwick’s airspace at low level, with his radio off, and for whom I’m sure there’ll be a warm welcome when he does eventually land. Anyone who needs a replacement wallet for a UK light aircraft pilot’s license should contact the gentleman in question, as he won’t be needing his again, ever. Thank you for your patience, I’ll talk to you again once we’ve reached cruising height”.

The whole aircraft dissolved into fits of the giggles.

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 5:55:57 AM   
daintydimples


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In my experience you could see all the firetrucks converging on the runway, guys in silver suits everywhere. I don't remember if they foamed the runway or not, I think maybe not since I don't remember. They had us all in the brace position, and the pilot made his last turn before landing, and the gear came down.

An"interesting" 2-3 minutes.


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 6:04:17 AM   
RapierFugue


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quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

In my experience you could see all the firetrucks converging on the runway, guys in silver suits everywhere. I don't remember if they foamed the runway or not, I think maybe not since I don't remember. They had us all in the brace position, and the pilot made his last turn before landing, and the gear came down.

An"interesting" 2-3 minutes.



I've been in a couple of "emergency" situations too ... in one the plane was struck by lightning just short of Atlanta, several times, and then something went fuzzy with the landing gear (don't know if the 2 events were related though, maybe someone here knows - I thought planes couldn't be struck by lightning coz they're not earthed to anything, but I guess they can, and by god it made a hell of a BANG!), so they did the "crash positions" thing (which I can never think of without thinking of "Airplane!"), but the landing, although a bit bumpy (due to the huge storms around us - very windy) was pretty uneventful.

It was only when we "de-planed" (what a fantastic invented US term that is ) that we saw the fire trucks and suchlike - I'd been stuck in the cheapseats, so was blissfully unaware. Mind you I'm fairly fatalist about planes, so when something does go shit-shaped I don't usually get too stressed.

I've also been in a landing where there was a multiple blow-out on one landing leg, but again we didn't know anything until afterwards - I think that's the way I prefer it

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 6:42:25 AM   
daintydimples


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We knew. A good 20 minutes before we actually landed, a flight attendant came and pulled an emergency procedures manual out of a seat, then went to the back with all the other attendants. They stood there and whispered together for about 5 minutes. As the lead attendant went back to the cockpit, I asked what was wrong (we could see we were circling the runway) and she said the pilot would talk to us soon.

Once the pilot explained that we had to land, they got us all into the brace position. I just so happened to be sitting next to a 3 year old who belonged to the family across the aisle. So there I am helping this tiny tot assume the brace position (her family was busy with the baby the mother had in her lap). We were all ready to kiss our asses goodbye when the gear came down. I have to say for the most part everyone followed directions and tried not to panic.




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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 7:05:22 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


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Oddly enough... in my 16 years as a certificated pilot..... I've never been in an emergency situation, whether flying myself in a small craft, or while flying commercial.
 
The closest I've even come to an "incident" (a lot less severe than an "accident" - and hence about 16 hours Less paperwork to fill out with the FAA and the folks who deal with accident investigation) was during my Flight Test for my Private Pilot, and it happened on the ground and while the aircraft was under the control of the FAA examiner.
 
We'd gone up and done my testing, and landed again, and I taxied back to the hanger where the Piper I flew for the test normally lived.  I was just getting ready to start doing a nosewheel turn, to get the aircraft settled back into position heading the right direction down the taxiway between hangers (so that the next person would be ready to go without having to get a tow hook and pull it around manually - something all of us did out of courtesy who rented that particular plane) when the examiner told me abruptly "My Aircraft."  Ok... when you're a student being tested, and the FAA examiner (or your instructor) tells you "My Aircraft" - you don't argue, you simply let them take the controls and you sit quietly and wait.  My hands came off the wheel, feet off the rudder peddals, and the Examiner starts doing the turn I had intended to do.  Only then I notice that his perspective is off, and therefor his positioning is bad, and he's gonna scrape the wingtip across the (closed) hanger door.  Bad news, certain to damage the plane, so I tell him "your off your mark - the wing is gonna scrape."  He hits the brakes to stop, pausing the turn, and turns in his seat to glare at me for Interupting him during this very simple, very basic ground manuver which is one of the first things ya learn how to do... and informs me that he's been flying since before I was born, and he's an FAA examiner and has probably Forgotten more about aircraft and flying than I'll learn in my lifetime - and that I'm to keep my mouth shut until he tells me otherwise.  So I smiled and nodded, and he proceeded with the turn... and with scraping 3 feet of the wingtip off that side of the plane.  I dutifully kept my mouth shut and said nothing.... did the shut down, and the post flight checklist, and got out.... and we headed to the main terminal building, where my instructor, the aircraft owner, and the Mechanic who did all the work on that plane (a friend of the owner, and another instructor who used the same plane for primary training purposes with students) were all waiting to see how I'd done on my test.  About half way through the walk from Hanger to Terminal, I finally spoke up and asked the Examiner "So... did I pass my flight test?"   He colored to about the shade of a coke can, and said "Yes" rather abrupty...... I waited a few more feet and then said "by the way.... you get to explain to Wilbur (the mechanic)..... why you broke his airplane."

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 7:30:47 AM   
RapierFugue


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quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

We knew. A good 20 minutes before we actually landed, a flight attendant came and pulled an emergency procedures manual out of a seat, then went to the back with all the other attendants. They stood there and whispered together for about 5 minutes. As the lead attendant went back to the cockpit, I asked what was wrong (we could see we were circling the runway) and she said the pilot would talk to us soon.

Once the pilot explained that we had to land, they got us all into the brace position. I just so happened to be sitting next to a 3 year old who belonged to the family across the aisle. So there I am helping this tiny tot assume the brace position (her family was busy with the baby the mother had in her lap). We were all ready to kiss our asses goodbye when the gear came down. I have to say for the most part everyone followed directions and tried not to panic.



That's a really good point - I've seen people make more of a fuss about a suddenly height drop (can't recall the term for it - when the aircraft hits an air pocket and just drops) than they did when told "we'd like you to assume the brace position because ..." ... when I said we didn't know, I meant the aircrew told us what was going on, but we couldn't see the emergency vehicles or suchlike out of the window - we couldn't see our hands in front of our sodding faces, the storm was that bad

Interesting psychological point though; if people can see how big a fuss is being made of "their" landing, do they panic more? Logically, you'd think one would think "oh that's good, they're taking safety precautions", but in actuality I reckon I'd have shit myself if I'd seen shedloads of emergency crews waiting for us.

I’m also fairly sure they deliberately waited until the last possible moment to tell us too … I’m fairly sure they’re supposed to tell you ASAP, but after the strikes (2 really, REALLY loud bangs, one after the other, which did cause a bit of screaming) they must have waited maybe 15 mins, and were well into final approach, before saying “ladies and gentlemen …” … OTOH, maybe they didn’t know anything was amiss until the pilot tried to lower the undercarriage and something beeped at him?

I’ve also been in a DC-3 that’s had an engine fail, but that doesn’t count coz … well, coz it’s a DC-3, and they’ll stay airborne if both engines fail, so long as the passengers all flap their arms hard enough It was on an internal, mickey-mouse (actually Speedy Gonzales would have been more like it) flight in Mexico. The plane wasn’t exactly full of people carrying chickens and goats, but you got the impression they wouldn't have minded. I swear the pilot was flying low enough that you could see the smiles on people’s faces below.

So that’s one evasive manoeuvre, 2 emergency landings, and one “thee plane, she no fly so good, I theenk we better land, Pedro” in 28 years of flying, where during my 20s and early 30s I was flying long-haul at least twice a week. I don’t think that’s bad going. Especially when you consider the number of miles travelled.

I’d still rather drive somewhere though … if I had the money, I’d do a John Madden and just go everywhere by luxury coach, if I could drive it myself

OTOH, a mate of mine used to do a lot of engineering work in more dodgy places (those serviced by Aeroflot, for example), and he's got a barrel-load of stories, including the time an entire engine fell off, or the time they landed, were taxiing at low speed, and crashed into another aircraft that was heading for the same docking bay Ooops.


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 7:39:07 AM   
stella41b


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 7:53:27 AM   
daintydimples


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There were a few people freaking, really it wasn't that bad, considering the flight attendants looked as scared as the rest of us, which was not reassuring.

But that wasn't my worst flight. I once flew into WV in the winter. Which basically means landing on top of a mountain. The flight was out of Pittsburgh, and the plane was so small there were 6 of us on board, including the pilot. There was room for maybe 12. It was small cargo plane. Bad winter weather kept us on the runway for 2 hours; we kept getting our wings iced. Finally we took off and immediately encountered major turbulence. It was clear the plane was getting batted around by the wind. People were freaking. Really the pilot and I were the only ones who were calm, but I figured if I go down in a plant in this weather with these mountains, I'm dead. It's not like I'm going to suffer. I think that was around the time I truly understood what a fear junkie I am . . .

We finally landed a good hundred miles from where we were supposed to. The airlines put me in a cab, it took all night to get where I was going (did I mention WV, winter, mountains ?).  My mother was freaked.




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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 9:22:08 AM   
GreedyTop


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I was on a flight that tried landing on a runway that was under construction once. After the plane suddenly went into full throttle a banked up and hard right the pilot came on, chuckled a bit and said

"Oops, how about we try that one again?"

At least it was smooth once he found the right runway...


Wow!! that musta been a fun landing!! 

(of course, I am the type that loves the heavy turbulence drops....)


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 9:50:15 AM   
RapierFugue


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quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

There were a few people freaking, really it wasn't that bad, considering the flight attendants looked as scared as the rest of us, which was not reassuring.

But that wasn't my worst flight. I once flew into WV in the winter. Which basically means landing on top of a mountain. The flight was out of Pittsburgh, and the plane was so small there were 6 of us on board, including the pilot. There was room for maybe 12. It was small cargo plane. Bad winter weather kept us on the runway for 2 hours; we kept getting our wings iced. Finally we took off and immediately encountered major turbulence. It was clear the plane was getting batted around by the wind. People were freaking. Really the pilot and I were the only ones who were calm, but I figured if I go down in a plant in this weather with these mountains, I'm dead. It's not like I'm going to suffer. I think that was around the time I truly understood what a fear junkie I am . . .

We finally landed a good hundred miles from where we were supposed to. The airlines put me in a cab, it took all night to get where I was going (did I mention WV, winter, mountains ?).  My mother was freaked.




Strewth, what a nightmare! In all my years flying, the worst I've ever had was a 4 hour delay in Carcassonne, which is nothing really.

I think cabin staff looking worried would tend to make me worried too.

Not as worried as if I saw the pilot run to the back of the plane while putting on a parachute, but a close second.



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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 9:53:07 AM   
SpielMitMir


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

Attention Passengers: Would anyone happen to have some duct tape with them. We need to seal up some cracks in the cockpit windshield.


I am a flight attendant .. I have seen that done before. Have the picture to prove it

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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 9:57:00 AM   
GreedyTop


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ok, now thats just scary...LOL

Although/.... to be honest..

Ithink what WOULD scare the daylights outta me would have been that flight that landed on the HUdson.  (God love Skully!! and the crew!!!!)


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 10:41:36 AM   
Marc2b


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RE: Things you don't want to hear over the plane's pa - 8/24/2009 10:42:59 AM   
GreedyTop


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wait.. I know that I'm supposed to use my hands for one set of controls, and my feet for another...  how does it go?

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