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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/24/2009 3:25:08 PM

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I've always played with a safeword, which I feel is needed because I really really enjoy saying no and even begging for him to stop and having it ignored in the context of a consensual situation. A safeword was never there to say "it hurts too much please stop". I can say that in plain English. A safeword is a clear bit of shorthand for, "Hey I know we consented to this play but something is seriously wrong and I need you to see this as a clear stop instead of non-con play so that you can address whatever." Like, I bit the ball gag in half and I am choking to death, I am having an asthma attack, I think the rope slipped too tight as I no longer can feel my fingers, I hear the baby crying, the house is on fire behind you and you haven't noticed because this has been so hot, etc.

I've never needed it but I know we both felt more ok about pushing boundaries and playing harder because we knew that if something really went wrong I had a way to communicate to him.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/24/2009 5:10:23 PM

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I use the Red, Yellow and Green (though me saying green, i feel is...unwarranted, I usually just nod my head and smile) Buy I got lucky and found someone who has the same style of communication as I do. We work really well together and I haven't needed a safeword yet. But really, I feel better knowing I HAVE one. Even if I don't need it.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 1:18:42 AM

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When we had one it was Pineapple. I've attempted to use it recently but it doesn't work as well anymore lol.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 7:17:56 AM

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Butterfly!! I give this word to my sissies because it makes them feel fancy.

Once I had a sub who insisted that her safeword of choice was "eep eep eep"

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 7:45:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I have just found that over time, I have outgrown any need of a safeword when I am with my partner.

I thought so too, right up until the day I had a massive, extremely fast charley horse in my foot. That sucker hurt so bad that if I'd had to say "Daddy, I have a foot cramp and need to be let down", I would have never gotten it out. Yelling out "RED!" was the quickest most efficient way. It's the only time I've used my safe word with him.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 10:58:55 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I have just found that over time, I have outgrown any need of a safeword when I am with my partner.
I thought so too, right up until the day I had a massive, extremely fast charley horse in my foot. That sucker hurt so bad that if I'd had to say "Daddy, I have a foot cramp and need to be let down", I would have never gotten it out. Yelling out "RED!" was the quickest most efficient way. It's the only time I've used my safe word with him.

I could see something like this happening with us. He certainly has never revoked it. I know I could use it if I had to, but so far as trusting him in play to monitor things well, I just don't need it for that. It is there for the truly unexpected, I guess and I know he would respect it, just as he did when I dropped that object at the club. I was talking more about strictly play related need. Any crazy thing can happen with anyone any time. The bottom line is having a good partner that will honor your need however it is stated.

lovingpet

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 11:08:06 AM

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"Yellow light" and "Red light"
He reminds me it is ok to use them and if he isn't sure where I am at, he will ask if it is yellow light time.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 11:13:07 AM

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I can see having a special word if you routinely resist, tell them to stop (and don't mean it), etc. But most people I have seen play in public (and no, we're not talking thousands), don't do that sort of thing on a regular basis. I certainly don't say "stop it" when I don't mean it.

So if you're not saying STOP when you don't mean it, why can't you just say... STOP?

Cali

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 12:46:24 PM

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~ Fast Reply ~

I'm always amazed at the versatility of the universal safe-word - 'RED!'

Look as some of the examples provided in this thread. Play partners have the ability to read the mind of the person saying it and know (instinctual?) not only that it can represent an asthma attack, tight bindings, chewed ball gag, or a cramp; but somehow, they know where the cramp is located!

Another reason why I'm sure as hell not qualified to use one. You know, somebody shouts our red to me, I'm so dense I'm liable to go get a paint brush.

The other tricky part of mind melding, especially when playing with new partners, or even trying a new thing with a familiar partner, is diving with the thought that they'll keep you safe.

Say, for instance, were together and we're both real exciting about trying out my new 25 foot bull whip. I swing that sucker through the air. It hits you across the shoulder blades and cuts you down to the bone. Assuming you have passed out, am I still a "good dom" in your eyes if I honored 'RED!', and stopped, (checking first for cramps), even if it requires 200 stitches to close the wound? This coming from having a partner who, if given the standard magic words, MAYBE would consider saying 'yellow' if I pull started a chain-saw while she was tied to a St. Andrew's Cross with a tourniquet around her bicep.

Seriously, I've witnessed, in my limited experience, many more problems at public play scenes especially between people using 'safe-words' than have occurred when people don't and just read their partner or provide ongoing feedback. Not only does it, marginally or completely, allow the 'dom' to abdicate responsibility it requires a part of the submissive's sensation process to never completely surrender to what they are feeling. Whatever mental capacity is determining if what they are feeling qualifies as 'green', 'yellow', or 'red' is un-surrendered control.

Look, many don't want to surrender all control, or from the dominant side of the equation - don't want the reponsibility of total control, but thats not the point. However by their very nature, once you use a 'RED!' the damage is done; and if you get someone as non-psychic as me, I'm likely to ask "What part of you do you want red-er??"

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 8/25/2009 1:32:34 PM >

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 12:52:21 PM

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for me and my mistress, we use the colors red, yellow, and green =]

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 6:20:29 PM

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Good evening,
Long time ago, when we first started Daddy told me my safe word was "purple". Now that I have no limits, it takes on the sense that like if I have a pinched nerve or charley horse or once while having the clothespins on my nipples, Daddy told me to turn on my tummy. Well yeah the pins got twisted and after a minute I started crying "purple please Daddy." And he fixed the pins and went on. So it's more about physical pain rather than discomfort or endurance. Otherwise I just hang on and try to get to that plateau where I can deal with pain. Leftovers of Lamaze class that teach "the pain will not last forever, it WILL end." lol eventually. Good luck.
Love,
Zechriel

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 6:38:57 PM

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I continue to offer safe words and use the standard yellow light and red light. I do not bother with green, if it is not one of the other two, it is obviously green.

The funniest time was when a young man came over for a spanking. I told him about the safe words, he wanted the long, drawn out spanking, where I start with him fully dressed and slowly strip him as I spank. I had just gotten him bare ass naked and was at level 4 of 8 intensity, had swatted him about five times when he hollowed "RED LIGHT". I stopped, let him up. He looked at me and said "by gosh, you did stop". I said, of course, you said "Red Light". He said, "Okay, well, I was just testing you to see if you would stop, you can start again now"

I looked at him with a sad expression and said "Sorry, you are done for today. Red Light means coming to a full stop, yellow is give me a break. If you had said yellow, we could start again, but red ends the session." He begged, apologized, said he did not mean it. But as I explained to him, if I start again, then Red Light has NO meaning.

Two weeks later he came back to finish the spanking and he did not test me again, he used yellow once near the end, but he had learned his lesson.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 7:11:58 PM

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my last owner did not believe in safe words, He felt like I could be crying wolf a lil to much. He also said who is really in control if I had a word I could say that would just stop everything to a halt. Besides with a ball gag in who can hear any ways. Eye contact is very important to me, to go slow and really pay attention to the body language and what the eyes are saying.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 8:52:10 PM

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FR,

its pickles, but its more of a joke.. I have never used a safe word before now, and it was mostly because we didnt have the very in depth convo of limits, since it was a *"vanilla" hookup* more than anything at the time that pickles was born.

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 8/25/2009 8:53:31 PM >

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/25/2009 9:32:38 PM

susie

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When we first met I had heard all about the importance of having a safeword. So when he said he did not use them I was a bit concerned but his view is that giving a sub a safeword tends to leave the Dom open to being able to go at things "full swing" without having to "read" the sub. He knows that when the sub has reached their limit they will safeword. Only once with him would I have used a safeword if I had had one and it was at that point that he stopped. When I told him later that I had got to my limit he said "yes I know that's why I stopped, I was watching you carefully"

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/26/2009 4:36:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TearsofLove92

Just curious to know of everybody's safe word of choice?

Ouch!

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/26/2009 11:54:50 AM

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I always remember the scene in Eurotrip where the guy wonders into a BDSM place they give him a piece of paper that says FLÜGGĂЭNK∂€ČHIŒβØL∫ÊN (I looked it up so I could cut paste lol)
the Mistress tells him to remember that word it's his "safeword" and to say it if he wants them to stop, he's totally confused and before he knows it he is striped and getting tortured by her and some big guy and he has no idea how to say his safeword lol. funny stuff.
Red, and Orange are the 2 most common safewords I know of. I've never used one myself but then again I never play with strangers either and there is usually constent comunication going on at all times.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/28/2009 9:49:47 AM

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I have my slaves use, "Antidisestablishmentarianism" if I am feeling truly cruel I make them use it in a sentence.

So really I've been one of those red light, yellow light people, but usually only early on while I am getting to know the sub and her body cue's. When gagged I tell them to loudly hum the wedding march. It's only a couple bars and cannot be mistaken.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/28/2009 4:41:05 PM

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I don't use safewords. I communicate when there is a problem and it is dealt with. I either say what the problem is, or say problem, or help. If I am unable to speak coherently, I have an automatic hand motion I make only when there is a problem and that's as close to any kind of safeword as I get.

There are many who have the mistaken belief that a word will protect them. A safeword is only good if the top/dom honors it. I have known people who have blindly put trust in a word and honestly believed saying it would protect them.

It's so much simpler for me to just say there's a problem than remember a specific word, plus those I play with watch me carefully and incorporate getting feedback throughout as part of the play.

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RE: What is your safe word? - 8/28/2009 6:56:46 PM

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When things get really intense I've forgotten my safeword at least three times in the past. Now I just use the word 'safeword'. It's easy to remember...

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